I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak, /b/
And girls want to fuck me. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That girl you like who is kinda cute in a weird way, but is totally sweet and you have the biggest crush on? The one who keeps going back to guys who treat her wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who calls you up at 1 am to cry about how her boyfriend hasn't called her in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to her, she'll never think of you as anything other than asexual? The one who will curl up next to you on the couch, hug you close, kiss you on the cheek, and never let you fucking touch her beyond that?
Yeah, I'm fucking her. I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak.
The hot girl who won't even look at you when you nod at them and smile? The one who laughs when you trip in the hallway and drop your stuff? The one who comes up and coyly asks for your help with her homework, and then pretends you don't exist once you finish?
Yeah, I'm fucking her too, even harder, because I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak.
The geeky girl you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She plays Warcraft on your server, and watches anime, and reads comics? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her how you feel about her?
Guess who just sucked me off and told me they'll always love me?
-- Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak. Smell ya later!
I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak, /b/.
And Pokemon want to get captured by Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak. Let it piss you off as much as you want, but you know it's completely true. That Psyduck you want who is kinda powerful in a weird way, but is totally skilled and can kick ass? The one who keeps going back to trainers who treat him wrong for reasons you don't understand? The one who comes crying to you about his trainer who hasn't been home in 3 days, and no matter how long you listen to him, he'll never think of you as anything other than a friend? The one who'll train with you and practice with you when he feels down but will never let you near him with a pokeball?
Yeah, I captured him. I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak.
The hot Charmeleon who won't even look at you when you challenge him? The one who laughs when you drop your pokeballs or send a fire Pokemon against a water Pokemon? The one who comes up and asks for your help with evolving, and then pretends you don't exist once he's finished?
Yeah, I captured him too, even harder, because I'm Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak.
The shy Vulpix you think might be enough like you that you have a chance with her? She trains in your arena, and hangs around with you all the time? She's so incredible and you just love her so much but you still haven't worked up the courage to tell her you want to capture her?
Guess who just dived into my pokeball?
--Gary MOTHERFUCKING Oak. Smell ya later!
Ash and Misty
The sun was shining as Ash reached the town of Vermilion.It had been years since he had returned to the city, haunted by the memories of his almost fatal cruise on the SS Anne. But all the training and traveling had taken its toll and he needed a much needed vacation.
It had also been a while since Ash had seen Misty. He had remained in touch but ever since she returned to her hometown of Cerulean to maintain its gym, he hadn't found time to drop by and say hello. So when Ash won a week stay in the one of Vermilion's fabulous resorts in a Pokemon tournament, he decided to invite Misty and Brock for a reunion.
Memories of his victory over Lt. Surge filled his mind as he passed the Vermilion Gym, the day that solidified him as a legitimate trainer. He was almost tempted to give Surge a rematch but he had sworn off battling for the week.
Pikachu cried out gleefully when it he saw the resort in the distance. It was like something from a dream. It had a perfect view over the ocean and was surrounded with gorgeous palm trees.
"Ash! What's taken you so long?!? We've been waiting for three hours for you to arrive" a familiar voice cried out.
"I don't know, I wasn't sure if was really ready to see your face again Misty," Ash snided sarcastically. "I am delicate you know."
"What did you say?!?" Misty yelled back at him, "If it wasn't for the fact that you won this, I would slug you right now."
"Calm down. Calm down." Brock said,"Its been what 2 years and you guys can't put aside your bickering?"
"She started it," Ash said quietly. He had to admit, Misty had changed in the 2 years since he saw her last. She had let her hair grow and it had now reached down past her shoulders. She had done away with her tomboyish look in favor of one more suiting of a girl, but she'd always be that girl whose bike he accidentally destroyed 4 years ago.
They checked into the hotel and Misty decided to go tanning while Brock and Ash played a game of Poke-golf on resort's course.They talked about Ash's latest adventures and Brock's success as a Pokemon breeder. After they were done, Brock decided to go check if the lady aerobics instructor needed any help with her class so Ash went to go see how Misty has doing.
When he found her on the beach basking in the glow of the sun wearing a white tube-top bikini. He noticed that Misty had changed in more ways then just her hair was growing. Her body had become more curvaceous and her belly had gone tight. For a while, Ash stood staring in silence unable to think of words to say to her.
"Are you ok Ash?" Misty questioned.
"Umm what..uh...i gotta go..." Ash said quickly. For some reason he grown extremely embarrassed and felt a bulge coming from his pants. He was compelled to cover this with his hands and quickly ran away before Misty could see.
"Hmm...I've never seen Ash act like that before, I wonder if he's ok..." Misty wondered to herself out loud.
As Misty returned to her sunbathing, Ash went to find Brock to see if he knew what to do. He found him in a gym where the aerobics class was being taught and went up to him as Brock was giving one of the girls a leg massage to relieve a cramp from stretching, even though it looked like Brock was enjoying giving it more than the girl. He quickly grabbed Brock's arm and rug him out of the gym into a private room!
"WHAT IN THE POKEMON RANGER FOR THE DS DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING ASH?" Brock demanded, "can't you see i was doing something very important!!!"
"I need your help Brock...I saw Misty in her new bikini and for some reason, I felt a bulge in my pants and couldn't say anything," Ash said shyly, "I think there's something wrong with me."
Brock smirked a smirk he never thought he'd smirk before in his life. "Oh Ash, I was wondering when you'd start feeling this way. Its perfectly normal for boys of your age to start having these kind of reactions. Its called puberty."
"Puberty? What kind of Pokemon is that? Wait...ARE YOU SAYING THERE'S A POKEMON IN MY PANTS?!? How did it get in there?!?" Ash yelled...
"No no...puberty is a natural cycle a boy goes through to become a man," Brock explained.
"I thought you became a man by catching lots of Pokemon..." Ash questioned.
"No. If that were the case, you'd be 40 before you even qualified for that," Brock joked as Ash gasped. "Let me explain..boys and girls are different in many ways but more specifically in their pants."
"Oh you mean not everyone has a tiny Caterpie in there?" Ash inquired.
"No Ash, girls have...well more of a Shellder." Brock informed him.
"What about those things on her chest? What are those Brock?" Ask questioned.
"Well those I like to call a girl's Jigglypuffs and if their really big, I call them Wigglytuffs." Brock went on to explain. "If you didn't notice, men like me get very excited by these and then our Caterpies evolve into Metapod. When you please your Metapod, it uses a powerful string shot that leaves you with a very happy feeling. But guys aren't the only ones who need their Pokemon pleased, girls like it when you used your Metapod to please their Shellders."
"Are you saying I should show Misty my Caterpie?" Ash asked.
"No. Girls are creeped out when you do that. First you have to get her to want to see your Caterpie so she can help it evolve." Brock told him.
"So are you saying I should ask Misty out on a date?" Ash asked him.
"If you want her to make your Caterpie evolve, that's the only way Ash." Brock informed him.
"Then I'll do it!" Ash exclaimed cheerfully as he walked towards the door.
Ash ran to the beach but when he couldn't find Misty, he decided to go back to his suite at the resort. When he entered he saw Misty enjoying an ice cream cone with Pikachu. Figuring now would be a great time to ask her out, he sat down next.
"Hey Ash!" Misty smiled while Pikachu let a pika-pika, "What was with you earlier?"
"Oh that..." Ash shrugged, "It was nothing...I..I..just had to go to bathroom really bad.
"Real smooth Ash..." he thought to himself.
"Oh...I thought you were sick or something," Misty sighed in relief as she went back to her ice cream. With every lick, Ash grew more and more desperate to be that cone. As he stared, he could feel his Caterpie starting to learn harden. Soon Misty noticed him staring.
"What are you looking at Ash?" Misty asked with a confused look on her face. "If you want, I can get you some too."
"No its not that..." Ash said, "Misty, I've been thinking..."
"Hold on Ash" Misty interrupted as she pulled out her cell phone. It was one of her sisters calling to check up on her. As she walked around talking about girly things with her sister, Ash couldn't help but smile at how cute Misty had become. Just a few years ago, he barely even realized she was a girl, but now he couldn't think of her any other way.
He loved the way she danced around on her smooth nimble legs as her eyes brightened at the latest rumors of shopping sales. His Caterpie started throbbing as he noticed the way her Jigglypuffs jiggled as she bounced with glee. Suddenly he stood up and walked up to Misty. He grabbed her waist and spun her around as he laid a deep kiss on Misty.
At first, Misty resisted Ash's move but soon brought herself in to return the kiss. She threw her phone down as she wrapped her arms around Ash as he moved her towards the bedroom. Pikachu tried to follow them in but was greeted by the door shutting into his face.
As they continued thrusting their tongues down each other's throats like hungry Lickitungs, Ash moved his hands from Misty's waist up to her Jigglypuffs. He softly caressed them and was surprised to find they felt much like the various Ditto's he had come across in his Pokemon journey.He only stopped for enough time for Misty to pull off her shirt and bra off, exposing her pale Jigglypuffs to Ash's eyes.
Ash proceeded to take his shirt off and then moved his hands down Misty's pants to feel her Shellder. He was greatly confused when he found it because he had never come across a Shellder that was so warm and fuzzy. As he touched it, Misty let out a sigh of pleasure and allowed Ash to remove her shorts and underwear.
She then unbuttoned Ash's pants and did something he would have never expected. At first, it seemed like she was trying to eat his Metapod which panicked Ash but then he felt a great deal of pleasure coming from his Metapod. He never knew his Caterpie could ever feel like this!
Just as soon as he was sure his Metapod would burst, misty seemed to instinctively remove his Metapod from her mouth and motioned for Ash to let it crawl into her Shellder. They both moaned loudly as Ash made his Metapod crawl in and out of Misty's Shellder. Ash had never felt so alive before. As he felt his Metapod readying its string shot, he pulled it out and allowed it to slow Misty's speed.
"Oh Ash....that was amazing." Misty moaned in ecstasy.
"I'm glad I could please your Shellder like that, although my Metapod feels really worn out." Ash said.
"Don't worry about it. I'm sure it will ready for another battle soon," Misty said as she allowed Ash to cuddle her in his arms.
Ash rested his head on her soft Jigglypuffs when he noticed that Misty had a tattoo right next to her Shellder that looked like writing. Curiously he moved his head to see what it said and was horrified to read the words: Gary was here. You just lost the game!
Now this is the story all about how
Your life got flipped, turned upside down
And Id like to take a minute, sit, and be merry.
Ill tell you how I became the motherfucking Gary.
In west of Pallet town, born and raised
On the grass plains where I spent most of my days
Chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
And all catchin' some Pokemon outside of the school
When a couple of trainers, who were up to no good
Started making trouble in my neighborhood
I got in one little fight and I fucked up their shit,
And said "Bitch, I'm Gary Motherfucking Oak, /b/'s next big hit!"
I whistled for my Mercedes and it was shining black, the
License plate said "Bitches" and had a few in the back
If anything I could say that this car was pimpin'
But I thought now forget it, I'm fuckin' these Bitches'
I pulled up to my house about seven or eight
And I yelled to the bitches yo, ho's fuck ya later
Looked at my kingdom I was finally there
To settle my throne as the prince of EVERYWHERE. Mother Fucker.
In that case...
Suppose you meet a really nice girl.
She's charming, cute, a little shy, but easy to talk to. The two of you get to know each other, and you eventually find the courage to ask her out. As you become close, you feel your relationship getting stronger, and that you genuinely care for each other. Finally, the night comes where you think you are going to sleep with her. You are at her house, and after leaving the room for a moment, she calls you into her bedroom. It is there you find her dressed in a full Gardevoir costume, and she shyly reveals to you that she has a fetish for dressing up in Pokemon suits, and wants you to dress in a costume as well. She produces several male Pokemon costumes prepared for this night, and asks if you will choose one.
You ponder for a moment. "For you dear... anything." You hold her hand and walk slowly over to the bed where she's layed down the costumes. You say to her" Darling, do you have any preference?" She shakes her head and smiles. "Whatever one you choose." You pick up the Charmander, kiss your honey on the cheek and say "Then, this one."
Your rival bursts through the bedroom door and shouts
"IN THAT CASE, I'LL CHOOSE SQUIRTLE"
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