The Gaza War is a mating ritual where Muzzie terrorist fanbois shoot combustible dildos over Israel, signaling to the IDF that its time to jam their delicious, rock hard, cut kosher manmeat up their collective asses. Since last Thursday the Arabs in the Gaza Strip have been shooting rockets into Israel because the Jews have been blockading the region to stop the Arabs A) from shooting said rockets and/or B) getting food. It all came to a head when the Jews got bored of a temporary cease fire and decided to surprise buttsecks the Arabs and violated the region, killing about everyone. Seizing the opportunity, the Hamas camelfucker brigade decided to shoot their shitty fireworks, putting on a show for their muslim brothas so they placate them as anheroes. In return, they would keep receiving handouts from the richer Ay-rab oil countries, so they wouldn't have to get off their lazy sandnigger asses to do something remotely productive, Allah forbid. Much butthurt and BAWWWWWWW ensued and like with every tragic event in the news lately, as did the lulz.
How it all began
If you attend public school, you may not be aware why the joooz and the Chickpea people are fighting over such a shitty sandbox in the first place. Well, towards the end of WWII, Churchill, Stalin, Hitler and Satan were all thinking "OMGWTFBBW what are we going to do with all of these Jews?" Rather than say, intergrate them into their societies, they decided to dump them all in their "ancestral homeland" or something. Well it turns out that when you do not live in a location for over a thousand years, other people have a tendency to mosey on down and squat indefinitely. But seeing as these "other people" who setup shop were Muslims as well as dirty sandniggers, nobody really gave a damn as they'd probably only use the land to manufacture hummus and goat shit.
Since the only thing more annoying than living with Jews is looking at Arabs, the Allies helped the Jews establish a state with as little input from the people currently living there as possible! And so commenced the 20th century's greatest trolling attempt, Israel.
Israel explaining why they must finish off the Palestinians. Ironically in this apparently very detailed and precise video, they forgot to mention the fact that they imposed a blockade on Gaza which left the Arabs starving and dying of a shitload of diseases. How cute!
Why so hilarious?
In its efforts to spread peace and democracy throughout the Middle East, the United States thought it would be a good idea to let people who uniformly despise Israel hold elections to choose who should lead them. This resulted in Epic Fail as the Palestinians overwhelmingly elected the evildoers of Hamas in a landslide victory. As democracy and freedom rang throughout the West Bank and Gaza, Bush and Israel initiated a desperate effort to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING, and when this too failed, began to BAWW about how bad the future for the Palestinians will be under Hamas.
For awhile, all was calm until 2007 when Hamas decided to rape the Palestinian Authority's Fatah party and kicked them out of Gaza. It then proceeded to troll Israel with bottle rockets and blockade breaking, which is pretty weak ass shit as these rockets were about as dangerous as dongcopters. When asked why they were continuing to spam Israel with ineffectual rocket attacks, Hamas leaders simply stated that they were doing it for the lulz. Unfortunately for Hamas though, Israel likes lulz too, and bombed Gaza back. Eventually, Jimmy Carter went over and met with Ham-ass terrorists, and tried to negotiate a cease-fire with Israel. Hamas pretended to keep their end of the deal while secretly digging tunnels into Israel in order to capture a soldier and exchange him for terrorists in Israeli rapehouses. Too bad for them, Israel found out all about it. First, it sent some infantry and tanks and bulldozers to launch a surprise raid into Gaza, where they destroyed a tunnel and pwnt a terrorist. Hamas was not too happy, so they launched some mortars at the Jew invaders, but then Israeli jets bombed the mortar positions and blew up five more terrorists. Bawwww.
Hamas then began firing rockets into Israel again, which Israel responded to by bombing Gaza and killing one, that's right, just one pesky Shitslamist. Then, Hamas tried to raid Israel again, but IDF soldiers caught them trying to blow up the Israel-Gaza border fence, and killed three of them. But those pesky rockets would not stop, and since Israel's mission is to make Jews safe, it decided to attack Gaza and just finish them off.
And the shit began to roll
Israeli planes, gunboats, and artillery guns began pounding Gaza, killing hundreds of Hamas fighters and human shields. Hamas stole all the aid Israel sent into Gaza for themselves, and did not help civilians or even let them flee, choosing instead to record civvie suffering for world sympathy. All of the carnage and destruction was replayed over and over again, as Jews who also died did not deserve attention anyway. The Israeli Navy also used their advanced missile boats to sink the entire Hamas navy (just a couple of rustbucket boats, no achievement there). Hamas reacted to the bombings by lobbing off more of their rockets and mortars, forgetting that they were the cause of this shit in the first place. They killed three civilians and a soldier, and hoped that Israel would now be scared out of invading Gaza. Iran tried to join in on the fun and get more weapons into Gaza by organizing a convoy to head from Sudan to Gaza filled with all kinds of fun toys for Hamas, but surprise surprise! Israel knew all about it, and sent a bunch of planes to bomb the fuck out of it, destroying all the weapons and killing everyone in it, including some Iranian Revolutionary Guards, causing major bawwwing in Sudan. Awesome.
Gaza gets raeped
Concerned that they were not killing the Muslims fast enough, the Jews decided that they should deploy infantry after turning Gaza into a smoking crater. They zerg rushed Hamas, leaving behind a pile of jizz stained corpses. Tragically, the IDF lost four soldiers to friendly fire, in a way very similar to what US troops liberating
Kuwait and Iraq oil experienced. In fact, many Hamas faggots from their super-special Qassam Brigades ran the fuck away as IDF tanks rumbled in.
This caused all the liberals in Europe to BAWW about the humanitarian crisis in Gaza brought on by the war. All the while the Americunts entered a state of pure bliss as more and more Palestinians got permabanned. Upon hearing of the outbreak of war, the entire American nation immediately grabbed their 3 liter bottles of soda, an extra large bag of Flamin' Hot Cheetos and sat down in front of the TV to watch the Jews kill Arabs. Heeding the will of its people, the US Government once more provided cover for Israel at the UN in the hopes that the Jews will be able to push the body count even higher.
The Arab world reacted with its usual calm approach to things. France immediately demanded that both sides surrender, and when it became clear they would not, offered to do it themselves. France formalized its surrender to Israel both Israel and Hamas just to be on the safe side, and the French president visited Jerusalem and Gaza City to negotiate the final terms. The UN immediately failed to pass a resolution demanding immediate talks aimed at passing a resolution to discuss the crisis. This was, of course, accompanied by a non-stop barrage of liberal Hamas fantards on CNN and MSNBC begging the Jews to crawl back into the ovens.
Jews do a terrorist truck.
Israel has declared a unilateral cease-fire in the fighting in Gaza beginning at 2 a.m. Sunday (7 p.m. ET Saturday), Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert said.
Disregard that, it lasted about a week before the war was back on, and remains so to this day.
—Israeli Prime Minister Ehud Olmert ,speaking from the Hamas Leader's bed.
Israel said that it won because of the massive assrape it gave to Gaza, because it advanced deep into Gaza and Hamas couldn't do shit about it, and because only 13 Jews died, 4 of them accidentally killed by other Jews. Hamas said it won because it still could shoot off some rustbucket rockets at Israel by the end of the war, because not every one of them was killed and not everything was destroyed, and because people who already hated Jews now hated Jews more. Those are funny kinds of victory, don't you think?
A long time ago Jesus conquered Israel using his army of idiots. Skip 5 years and God kills most of the Jews in what was later dubbed the lolocaust. Following this near triumph, the "West" decided to implement a better solution and dump all the Jews in a country surrounded by other people nobody cares about who hate their guts more than us. This plan backfired when some of the dirty rats infiltrated America and started selling the Jews 1337 h4x that made the Arab hate you. This all generated many lulz such as 9/11 but also many anti-lulz such as the continued existence of those backstabbing assfucks.
So to summarize, you just lost the game.
Front Row Seats
Not content with just watching CNN and reading news articles about this little lovers quarrel? Want a little something MOAR? Well how about a front row seat to the action? Well that would be stupid, you would get hit by a rocket or some other Jew/Arab shit. Even better, now you can get all the violence of war right from you comfort and safety of your own home. Here are a bunch of links to various cameras streaming footage of the sandbox everyone seems so concerned with:
Although by now all the fun is far from over.
Gaza has been decimated. The lives of many Islamic terrorists have been lost. But don't worry. There is still ample opportunity for double-standards and satire to be applied widely.
Awww, shucks, Gaza, you're welcome.
In an odd twist of fate some towelheads will be thanking Israel for this one. Not publicly, of course:
The Palestinain kids
HAMAS teaches the Palestinian children about peace only.
Israeli soldiers are so cruel! They dance the Palestinians to death:
Now you too can partake in the lulz of perpetuating warcrimes!
- Gaza Flotilla
- Collateral damage
- South Ossetia Another lulzy conflict
- Richard Al'Gaza, leader of Hamas in the Gaza Strip.
- Israel & Palestine