George Allen

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George Allen for Senate
"My hobbies include centralized banking and exuding a profound distrust of centralized banking."
Allen fending off a Macaca in an undated photo.

George Felix "Macaca" Allen (formerly R-VA, lol fired) is perhaps best known as the founder of the Council of Confederate Jews, a group which does not really exist. Though George Allen is actually from southern California and was educated somewhere other than the Devry Institute, he thinks that he is a southerner. This all became quite a bit funnier when Allen found out that is actually Jewish. As he put it, "I was raised as a Christian and my mother was raised as a Christian. And I embrace and take great pride in every aspect of my diverse heritage, including my Lumbroso family line’s Jewish heritage, which I learned about from a recent magazine article and my mother confirmed." Ha, ha. Want some lox on those mashed potatoes, Bubba? Oh, wait, you're eating a spring roll, because you're from California. LOL pwned!

The full impact of all this has yet to be seen. Although experts agree that Allen will now have to start referring to blacks as "schwartzes" instead of "niggers" as he'd previously been in the habit of calling them, the prospect of a wannabe-southerner with a Confederate flag fetish finding out that he's a Jew right in the middle of a senate campaign in Virginia is so unprecedented that... that no precedent exists for it.

Allen lost his manhood in the Democratic zerg rush of 2006.

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