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George Carlin

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NEVAR!!!! This old fuck was willing to die for the lulz... and did.


George CarlinFedora icon.png was a prophetic comedian and probably the oldest and most prominent troll in existence whose original and powerful insights about his country and about humanity made him an hero in the eyes of angsty Americans, raging atheists, decrepit old hippies, and every other creature God ever created. In other words, he's only famous for bashing conservatives. Being a raging atheist himself, he liked to troll his audience by asking God to "strike them dead." One of his most famous acts, "Seven Dirty Words," cemented itself in American popular culture as a masterpiece, likely due to the fact that 'Murikans have a very limited vocabulary, and clapped like retarded seals when Carlin said a no-no. Nonetheless, Carlin provided at least 5 generations with the lulziest of lulz and managed to piss off a lot intellectual elitist faggots by being a bigger intellectual elitist faggot, and that's all a guy could ever hope to accomplish. Amongst his insanely convoluted mindfucking anecdotes and pieces of hilarity, he became one of the last arbiters of Truth and the one to expose the bullshitters for the faggots that they were. Hail the oldest oldfag.



George Carlin, a die-hard atheist, was smitten by the angry hand of God on June 22, 2008.

Carlin's act: Controversy and effect on censorship

Note: Some argue that The Seven Dirty Words bit is frighteningly similar to a lot of Lenny Bruce's material in the mid-1960s (primarily due to the fact that they both used naughtynaughtynaughty words.), back when people thought Bruce wearing a bathrobe onstage was batshit insane.

After Bruce died, when suspected of borrowing someone's act, Carlin would say he was "carrying on the tradition" or "carrying the torch" which was his way of saying "Fuck him, finders keepers!".

George on teen suicide.
George Carlin discusses teen suicide.

He continued on this warpath until the federal government stepped in to decide whether or not his foul-mouthed brand of truth should be legal, thus, setting the bar for all comedians and trolls in future generations. In keeping with the rest of Carlin's acts, his enlightened views on the environment are particularly good for the lulz - on account of they would cause every filthy, piece of shit liberal douche in the audience to spontaneously combust.

Life

Even though he was born and raised in New York, he was actually Irish-American, which made all of his race commentary completely racist. He attended a Catholic school, but later became an outspoken atheist, after reaching the age of reason, which made him a lot more angry, prone to drug use, and explosively violent.

George wasn't aware of his own power

Despite his anger and cynicism towards society, he always considered himself a "personal optimist," i.e. a happy family man. However, his wife died rather early, making him an eligible bachelor. Since then he has put out 10 or more HBO specials and had more heart attacks than Cheney (drugs fuck you up) and still couldn't become a more modern version of Lenny Bruce or Richard Pryor because, well, he did way too many HBO specials.

Mindfucks

George Carlin was the master of mindfucking, a practice dating back to the earliest annals of human history. His brand is a very placid form of trolling.

   
 
People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think.
 

 
 

—Carlin MINDFUCK

   
 
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
 

 
 

—Carlin, skullfucking you

   
 
Why do croutons come in airtight packages? It's just stale bread to begin with.
 

 
 

—Carlin

   
 
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
 

 
 

—Carlin

   
 
You can’t fight City Hall, but you can goddamn sure blow it up.
 

 
 

—Carlin, doing the right thing.

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Concerned about The White Man


In seeming contradiction to most of his material regarding white people, when asked via a telephone interview how he felt about bad things happening around the world, he said he wished he could witness three indisputable facts often parroted by right-wing pundits, such as the rise of Russia and China, the Muslimization of Europe, and in his own words, "the decline of the white race." Note he said white race and not just white people, leading to the inescapable conclusion that George was telling whites to stop dancing like blacks because he realized it'd lead them to chucking spears and living in huts.


Other Potent Quotables

(More trollworthy comments)

   
 
Yeah, you do that for me... Say a prayer for my asshole.
 

 
 

—George Carlin, talking to his priest, srsly.

   
 
When you're born into this world, you're given a ticket to the freak show. If you're born in America, you get a front row seat.
 

 
 

—Carlin knew about juggalos

   
 
People who go to Las Vegas, you've got to question their fucking intellect to start with. Traveling hundreds and thousands of miles to essentially give your money to a large corporation is kind of fucking moronic. That's what I'm always getting here is these kind of fucking people with very limited intellects.
 

 
 

—Carlin, reacting to a poor audience reaction at a show in Las Vegas, again, srsly.

   
 
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
 

 
 

—Carlin, spreading fear like a pro.

   
 
If you live long enough, sooner or later everybody you know has cancer.
 

 
 

—Carlin, predicting the spread of the internet.

   
 
Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place?
 

 
 

—Carlin explaining that there is balance in nature.

   
 
"When Will Jesus Bring the Pork Chops?" This title offends all three major religions, and even vegetarians!
 

 
 

—Carlin, being the fucking best IRL troll ever.

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Death

And may God strike me down if HNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG.

On June 22nd 2008, after a long career filled with hookers and blow, Carlin died of a heart attack. Even on his deathbed, the old fuck was willing to give it all up in the name of lulz [1].

God Hates George Carlin

Evangelical fucktard Fred Phelps of Westboro Baptist Church shares his deep Biblical insight.

Ironically, this secretly gay motherfucker is old as shit and will soon be joining George Carlin in hell, where George will spend all eternity making fun of Phelps and sodomizing his wife. This modern day prophet and genius of religion has since gone to the VIP section of heaven as befitting his station, where he looks down on Carlin in Hell, while sharing in a round of Heaven-golf with White Jesus.

Fun Facts

  • Carlin's last words were "cooter sandwich."
  • Despite being an old white man, George Carlin used the word "nigger" as prolifically as Richard Pryor. (They're all niggers!)
  • Carlin smoked 131 pounds of weed in his lifetime suffered from glaucoma since birth.

Gallery

See also

George Carlin
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