Buy A Dog

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Buy A Dog is part of a series on final solutions.


[crackersGas the...]


   
 
She installed electronic security, a phone tracing system, and bought a dog. *WOOF*
 

 
 

Phil Shuman, on how Anonymous took steps to protect herself from Anonymous. Oh, the irony!


   
 
If your enemy needs a friend, buy him a dog.
 

 
 

—Anonymous

You might as well ask.

Buy A Dog is a meme that originated some time ago when Faux News ran an investigation on the growing threat of hackers on steroids. The propaganda flick relayed the horrifying tale of a basement dwelling mama's boy named Alex Wuori. His MySpace had been thoroughly hacked and covered with pictures of gay secks, causing his imaginary girlfriend to leave him. He also claimed that messages were left on his mom's answering machine threatening to slit his emo throat. He probably left them himself.

In typical over-the-top fashion, his mother immediately did what any reasonable person would do: she purchased a new security system for her entire house, put a tracer on their phone line, closed the curtains, and finally...she BOUGHT A FUCKING DOG.

This may seem completely fucktarded, but it is well known to IT security experts that /b/ is actually run by cats and that Longcat is the overlord of /b/ and over 9,000 times longer than mrfetch.


Hawt Tips

Stuckdog.jpg
Stonerdog approves of this article.

It should be noted, however, that several very skilled hackers can bypass security machines through use of wire cutters and steroids. Pennies work too. Meanwhile many others are busy dissecting dogs and consulting with Michael Vick Ron Mexico in an attempt to find creative ways around a dog. So far, all efforts have led to failure.

If potential victims cannot buy a dog, then a Dog Curtain is fine too. A cat, however, will actively work against you.

NEWSBREAK: It has recently been confirmed that dogs are weak against CLIFFS.

JEWZ YOU CAN UZE: Some Anons carry chocolate with them due to the myth that it causes a Falcon Punch like effect on dog's hearts. It's baker's chocolate not the normal kind. Go find yourself a cakesmith if there are no cliffs nearby.

OMG THE DOG IS A LIE!!1

Los Angeles The Dogproof Anon receives its first field test, and ABC is there with the cameras.

BREAKING NEWS FROM THE FRONTLINES: Working around the clock to meet the February 10th deadlines, /b/tard scientists have successfully created the prototype for the Dog-Proof Anon. No force in the universe can stop us now. Except for fail caused by newfags in Guy Fawkes masks.

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