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Grammar Nazi

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Grammar Nazi Flag.png


The common Grammar Nazi, found primarily in France.
Not to be confused with Grandma Nasty.

The standard response of the functionally illiterate when taken to task for their sins against the mother tongue is to label the offending party a Grammar Nazi. Some go as far as to ban users from forums for using bad grammar. "Heil Grammatik" is a common saying for Grammar Nazi's. Everyone hates Grammar Nazis because they are the ultimate lulz killers. We should all feel sorry for Grammar Nazis however, because they fail so much at life that correcting grammar is the only way for them to feel a sense of unwarranted self importance which prevents them from ending their miserable lives.

I Dream of Genitives

As a young boy, Adolf Hitler had a dream: a dream of a world free of the stain of dangling participles and the Jew menace of misplaced modifiers. It was a good dream...

The Worst Kind of Nazi

I SEE NOTHING!
Grammar nazi cat.jpg

As stated previously, Grammar Nazi is a term given to one who incessantly corrects the spelling/grammar/usage of others. While the label is certainly an apt one, it is rarely, if ever, effective in its intended role as a sort of mini-invocation of Godwin's Law, because true Grammar Nazis, like their Teutonic forebears, have absolutely no qualms about their dedication to their fascist cause, nor their obsession with purity and order. "If the proper use of 'who' and 'whom' makes me a Nazi," thinks the Grammar Nazi, "then it is a fair price to pay for the cause—and, if a few half-assed constructions and poorly structured interrogatives need to die in the gas chambers for that same cause, then so be it, for it is a good cause."

Ironically enough, the epithet is all too often rendered "Grammer Nazi" by its oblivious user, further fueling the fires of the devotee of linguistic purity so labeled.

Perhaps the most well known and influential post modern grammar Nazi ever to troll the land of face-space is Porpy. Nobody knows his origins or his intentions. Only that he single handedly annoys the living shit out of every teeny-bopping, word-abbreviating, English-language-maiming user of Facebook. He has the ability to strike anywhere at anytime. mAd Repz y0!

Nazi cat.jpg

Historical Linguistics

Giving murky and unwholesome depth to the phrase "Grammar Nazi" are the actual origins of many of the grammatical conventions they wield as "law." Many of them were invented by self-appointed grammarian twats of the 18th century who decided certain things were mistakes because they thought English should work more like Latin because they hated how common and Blue Color English was having its origins in the German Language and wanted a more "perfect" language, or they were just anal control freaks who one day "thought up a job" that made use of their over bearing faggotry.

From a linguistic and historical standpoint, these "mistakes" are completely artificial, having very little to do with how language is actually understood by normal people and having everything to do with egocentric aspies trying to systematize the English language, which is nigh-on impossible because English is a dirty, sloppy, schizophrenic whore of a language that's more akin to a California spiratulist that takes only what they like from a religion.

The very label "Grammar Nazi," which implies that there is even such a thing as a legitimate, totalitarian standard for English, is antithetical. If someone is proud to be a "Grammar Nazi," he or she is ignorant of the English language's history, is parroting grade school textbooks, and has very little claim to intellectual superiority.

A Grammar Nazi particularly goes into a retard divide-by-zero-mode when they are confronted with the reality of constructs they hate. For example, the commonly used "singular they", made famous by scholarly writers whose ghey literature makes them wet their fursuits with adulation.

The Grammar Nazi Flame War

...mother! An Idiot.

Grammar Nazis are prone to a curious form of geek cat fighting wherein they try to outdo one another by finding and correcting increasingly more obscure errors in each other's comments. Whoever identifies the final and most obscure error (preferably the one that requires a consultation with a resident linguist at Cambridge to understand) wins, and evidently has the bigger e-penis. Should you ever encounter a Grammar Nazi flame war, it is highly recommended that you do not attempt to drive or operate heavy machinery for several hours afterwards as there is no experience on earth quite as mind-crushingly boring, except perhaps two anime fangirl Grammar Nazis debating the fine points of Japanese grammar.

As a Drama-Generating Technique

The tendency towards Grammar Nazism can be exploited as a drama-generating technique in several ways:

The Wild Hunt

Grammar Nazis and sex do not combine. (Spot the typo, go on)

After a particularly pretentious Grammar Nazi (such as Hardvice) has posted something entirely tl;dr, a simple comment that states "grammatical errors: 5" will induce abject hysteria as the author attempts to locate and justify the alleged errors. This will invariably bring the author's Grammar Nazi friends and enemies into the fracas, and many long hours will be spent on overly grandiloquent name-calling and heated arguments about what's merely a non-standard but acceptable usage and what's just fucking wrong. Eventually, at least two of the Nazis will declare an e-Jihad, and unfriendly drama will ensue over the highly contentious split infinitive question, followed by each side signing the other up for bestiality porn newsletters to which each will later masturbate in secret.

The split infinitive question

The idea that split infinitives are not OK was invented by pretentious Britfags who had Latin molested into them when they were schoolboys, right along with the Oxford comma.

The Grammar Trap

Another variant requires the trolling party to lay a grammatical trap, so to speak, by intentionally raping the language and lying in wait for the Nazis to spring. The troll then responds with either the image macro above, or perhaps a Fifty Hitler Post combining marqueed Hitlers with marqueed text to the effect of "LOL, GRAMMAR NAZI!!!!" Naturally, this is most effective in communities of, say, Holocaust survivors, or alternately the overly sensitive (such as anything with "liberal", "conservative", or "feminism" in the name).
Typical Grammar Trap

The Grammar Smackdown

Simple Grammar Nazism is rarely enough to cause the terminally stupid much stress; however, correcting the entire post using strikethrough tags and red font tags and then assigning it a big fat F will almost invariably cause the victim to do just about everything short of posting scans of their grade school report cards to prove that they are not in fact retarded. Since the subsequent comments will without exception contain new errors to correct, the troll can keep this one up indefinitely.

For extra credit, you can print the original post, make all the marks using a red pen, write "Please see me after class" or "Unacceptable" near the grade in loopy, teacher-esque handwriting, and scan the whole thing in as an image. Or just use Photoshop.

The HTML markup required for the Smackdown is:

<del>grammer</del> <ins>grammar</ins> 
     grammer            grammar

WORTH THE EFFORT

Notes

Common Grammatical Errors

  • Doctor Whom is not Doctor Who.
  • Also, "Doctor Who?" is grammatically correct because, as a question in the show, it is usually being asked in reference to the person who is the subject of the sentence.
  • The ones in My Immortal by Tara Gilesbie. [1]
  • Pink Floyd claiming that "We don't need no education" in Another Brick in the Wall Part 2.
  • Every time Mick Jagger says "I can't get no satisfaction."
  • James Joyce completely ignoring the existence of punctuation in Ulysses. Next time your English teacher bitches because you misused a comma, hand her this book. Quoting passages from this book on the internet has been known to make Grammar Nazi's heads explode.

1: Quote the book.
2: Wait for a Grammar Nazi to correct you.
3: Tell them you quoted it as it was exactly published.
4: Wait for them to get all superior and go on how your choice of literature in no better than pulp fiction novels from the past.
5: Tell them that this is James Joyce. A well respected writer from the cannon of English literature that avoided punction for the sake of ambiguity and bringing about multiple meanings from passages.
6: When they suddenly quit posting revel in the knowledge that they are kicking their dog or yelling at their mom.

  • For a little more fun with the Grammar Nazi remember to play the conspiracy angle with the fact that standerdized grammar, spelling and punctuation are a dark Orwellian method of thought control conceived by the Illuminati to get everyone thinking the same that has its roots somewhere after the invention of the printing press because cheap as shit printers didn't want to publish Bible's in all the thousands of dialects, spellings and syntactic rules that existed in the English Language at that time.

Another fun angle to this argument is to remind the Grammar Nazi that the Stanardization of English and its rules also has beginings with religion because priests and ministers wanted to be sure that everyone took away the same lesson or meaning from their sermons. For instance, "I am a jealous God," not "I am a God with jealousies."

  • For one last slap in the face, say to the Grammar Nazi, "Now, let's talk about English's fucked up phonetics and how Bernard Shaw showed that fish could be spelled Ghoti."

Grammar Communities

Grammar Police

People who protect and serve the community by taking the time and effort out of their day to correcting simple spelling errors online.

What most Grammar Police are trying to be like.

Wanted Level:
___________________

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___________________

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Mall Cop


Videos

A Grammar Nazi suspects that a man is hiding Jews in his home.
People on YouTube arguing over grammar.

Gallery

Quotes

"The purity of the english language? The english language has been known to follow other languages down alleys and mug them for vocabulary, and occasionally even syntax."

See Also

Grammar Nazi is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand
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Grammar Nazi
is part of a series on serious business
Serious Concepts

Free SpeechIdentity theftIronyInternet assholeInternet CelebritiesInternet diseaseInternet dramaInternet humanitariansInternet LawInternet lawsuitInternet lawyerInternet stalkingInternet tough guyInternet Vigilante GroupOperation Falcon PunchSwattingTitle IXWorld Wide Web Consortium

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