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Greg W Howard

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Greg W. Howard

Greg W. Howard is an elite form of Republican operative, highly trained in Libertarian Philosophy, and his duties today include organizing for the Tea Party. As a resident of Alabama he dwells in the heart of this real American movement. Greg has a glorious history as a United States Marine and he will kick your ass if you question his military career. He has had a few dark episodes over the years, but none of this was his fault, it was all God’s will. It should also be noted that the only people who give a shit about this guy are politically correct Liberals and Conservatives, along with their lackeys.

Marine Corps Career[edit]

Greg likes to claim he was a United States Marine, but he was part of a special subset of Marines known as squids. A real squid has suckers, while a Marine Corp squid is a sucker, requesting shipboard duty knowing full well what will happen. Night after night, locked in the fantail of a Navy supply ship, Greg served both our great nation and the needs of his ship-bound crew mates.

His throat rubbed raw by constant watches, Greg was dishonorably discharged after dishonorably discharging himself in the middle of the mess during breakfast. Later he went home and beat his first wife while pregnant with his second child.

Financial Planning[edit]

Greg is a Christian financial advisor with a 12.5% success rate. That is to say he manages to declare bankrupt only every eight years, instead of the maximum once every seven years allowed by law.

His church, Wiregrass, LLC, is tied to a scammy insurance sales operation.

Massive Fan Club[edit]

Paparazzi caught Greg at play in 2011 in this photo. Note the unsightly, pendulous man-boobs.

As a noted thinker Greg has accumulated over 93,000 followers for his Twitter account, Twitter-favicon.png @GregWHoward, where his brilliant pronouncements drive his insurance business and inform others of important news.

Loved by almost all, there have been a few unfortunate events. Andrew Breitbart once failed to recognize Greg’s native wit and wisdom, resulting in this hurtful exchange.


Such a renowned Expert can’t help but draw a few detractors. One such detractor, the artist formerly known as Obamagician, endangered Greg’s children with this pithy pronouncement.



Greg has also drawn criticism from videographer YouTube Favicon.png Pumpy Beanis.

A Special Vid for Greg W Howard...
The Truth About Greg W Howard

Personal Life[edit]

Greg has two children from a first marriage that he has yet to acknowledge, claiming that aliens were really their father. He claims that anything prior to 1984 never actually happened. His inability to accept any and all responsibility for his actions in life has led to many of the hardships he's encountered in life but he holds on to a unshakable belief that if he prays hard enough he can pray the gay away and eventually he can avoid a sentence in Hell. He also believes that blaming others for his crimes will somehow help him to avoid all blame. His other hobbies include pushing his own mother down the stairs and having extramarital affairs on his wife with wealthy dog breeders. Fun fact: He once attempted suicide with a box of Sudafed :D

Nightly Circle Jerk[edit]

Information icon.png This section has been kept for historical purposes.

The circle of FAP.

Greg hosts a nightly circle jerk on Twitter, so you can experience his penetrating intellect for yourself. He will always be accompanied by one or more of his circle of close friends and this stimulating event is often co-hosted by Patrick_Swift_Read. Attendees may include


See Also[edit]

Greg W Howard
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