Heatenings

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If your heatenings make you sweat this much, chances are you're also fat.
Heatenings is an internet disease, and one of the only internet diseases that causes symptoms to manifest IRL. It is triggered whenever you view things you don't want to see. However, while being presented with shocking news the most common cause of the condition, it is also possible to contract it if someone calls your deviantART fanfiction shit. It's also a fairly common meme on Ylilauta (known there as kuumotus), usually manifesting itself as a reaction face of Riku Rantala from a Finnish TV show called Madventures. On less mongol-infested parts of the internet, a picture of a man with a towel is used instead.

The meaning of the word itself depends on the context: it can range from anxiety to fear to a more general feeling of intense discomfort. The severity of one's heatenings is measured on the Scoville scale.

The Stages of Heat[edit]

There are three different stages of heatenings. It is strongly recommended you see a doctor if you discover you have heatenings. The tree stages differ in severity, with stage 2 being the most common.

Stage one[edit]

Breivik heatenings.png

Also known as mild heatenings, is nothing serious, but may build up to become type 2 or 3 heatenings, symptoms are:

  • sweating
  • feeling your clothes are itchy/tight/warm
  • chills
  • blushing and/or flushing

Typical causes:

  • when a famous meme reveals his identity
  • when you meet that girl you had a crush on in middle school
  • spiders
  • seeing shock sites
  • being outside while having social anxiety/assburgers
  • eating very spicy food

Stage two[edit]

A person having type 2 heatenings

This is by far the most common type of heatenings and more serious than stage one heatenings. It may be fatal to weaker members of the tubes, who tend to leave the internet forever because of it.

Symptoms:

  • rising body temperature
  • tiredness
  • muscle spasms
  • weakness

Typical causes:

Stage three[edit]

Heatenings.jpg

Few have survived the ultimate heatenings stage, and those who do remain mentally scarred for the rest of their days.

Symptoms:

  • a body temperature of at least 100 degrees celcius
  • HNNNGH
  • terminal fever
  • panic attack

Typical causes:

Giga Heatenings[edit]

Artist's depiction of what Giga heatenings would look like

A medical theory suggests that some internet users will experience this during rangnarok, body temperatures will by far exceed nine thousand degrees.

Gallery[edit]

See also[edit]

External links[edit]

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Heatenings is part of a series on

Memes

Visit the Memes Portal for complete coverage.

Heatenings is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and DialectsGrammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and UsageRhetorical StrategiesPoetryThe Politics of Language and CommunicationMediaVisual Rhetoric
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