Hetalia

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Axis Powers Hetalia (literally "Useless Italy") is a webcomic - turned - manga - turned - anime - turned - psychotic fandom that gets more attention than it deserves. The series takes twentieth century history and turns it DESU by personifying every country as a bishie (if they're male) or an attention whore (female). Hetalia is written by Hidekaz Himaruya, a 14-year-old landwhale pretending to be a man. Reverse Teruchan, basically.

Being geared toward educating the Japanese, Hetalia does of course have to follow the conventions of anime in order not to scare the target demographic. For this reason, most of the show's history lessons are taught using incest, barely-concealed racism and implied buttsex between anime pretty boys.

Since the typical APH fan has the attention span of a four year old, each episode is only 5 minutes long. That gives the average fangirl just enough time to fuel up with ideas for their next Germany/Italy fanfiction.

TL;DR: It's Lucky Star with fags instead of lesbians.

Hetalia is Mein Kampf for hambeasts

"Plot"[edit]

Hetalia begins with Germany exploring the woods of WWI, looking for some forgotten asshole who conquered the whole world. Unfortunately, he finds Rome's mentally retarded genius virgin grandson Italy in a tomato box instead.

They get together with Kawaii desu Japan and end up doing roughly five comics about "WWII" before they just focus on having gay sex with every other nation. This is Hetalia, every yaoi fangirl's dream, where hot animu boys fuck for "historical" reasons.

The rest of the comics are about France getting ass, England bitching at America, Spain spending time with children, and Canada being forever alone.

This shit is DEEP, amirite?

Characters[edit]

America pretends to be as large as Russia
Germany and Italy are faggots
chibi Cuba

Axis Powers[edit]

  • Italy: The main character of the show. All he does is eat and cry because he's retarded. Tries to fuck Germany who's uninterested because he has dogs to do that with. Used to wear dresses and carries a white flag because all Italians suck at war. Basically, a stupid fucking waste of space.
  • Germany: The most repressed and fucked up character. Has fun fucking his dogs, brother, the mentally-retarded Italy and fapping to weird German shit. Gets super pissed at everything, mostly Italy's fucking retarded face. Always has nations fapping to him which he gladly bends over to enjoy.
  • Japan: Japan is the useless otaku creep who spends his time fapping to anything and everything (including America's fat cock) in the bushes, like all Japanese. He wants to be a valuable ally to Germany, but is often rejected because Germany would rather fuck Italy's retarded ass instead. No one cares about him.

Allied Forces[edit]

  • America: A strong nation that does his best to fight for freedom. Yells "I'M THE HERO" and generally spends every episode failing at life or pounding cheeseburgers down his throat. This is generally accurate, only they forgot to make him 500 pounds fatter. Should become an hero.
  • England: Has huge fucking eyebrows and declares "BLIMEY" every 10 goddamn minutes like real English people. Drinks tea and sees unicorns like a homo. He's usually found strangling France for something no one cares the fuck about. Fangirls everywhere wet themselves at the sight of him and proceed to shit out bad fanfiction and art of him. Embodies the stereotypes and cliches of tsundere while having a dick.
  • China: A man/woman/anime-thing who eats a lot. Claims to be a man, but looks and sounds like a chick. Always portrayed as being friendly, supportive and reasonable to Japan, nicely displaying the healthy amount of "LA LA LA DIDN'T HAPPEN DIDN'T HAPPEN" at work in the Japanese psyche. Once pissed everyone off by setting up a Chinatown in the war room, as well as everywhere else on the globe.

The Rest of the United Fag Brigade[edit]

  • Romano: Italy's older, angrier brother. He is also Italy. The fangirls for him mostly consist of, "OMG!11ONE11! SPAIN AND ROMANO ARE LIEK TLLY TEH CUTEST COUPLE EVER EVEN THOUGH SPAIN IS HIS LEGAL GUARDIAN!!!111ONE11!!!"
  • Greece: Sleeps all day, owns many, many cats and seems to fancy Japan. The /b/tard of Hetalia characters, only slightly more alpha because unlike most /b/tards, he's gotten laid before on multiple occasions.
  • Switzerland: A war-hungry dictator that always yells. He wants to shoot Italy. Tries not to catch teh AIDS by raping his "sister", but fails due to his wet dreams about Austria.
  • Austria: A stuck up pussy that is constantly getting beat up and gang banged. The only things he's good at are bitching and playing the piano, baking cakes with Germany, and taking it up the ass from Prussia.
  • Poland: The hick version of Italy. Cannot into space. Gets pwned by everyone, but you knew that already. He is also a flaming faggot, but that is not uncommon in the world of Hetalia. Was originally meant to be a girl, but in the world of Hetalia nobody gave a shit.
  • Sealand: England's troll nation little brother. England tolerates him because he's the only person left in the world that still looks up to him. Probably an excuse by the writer for a token shota that's not Latvia. Was adopted by Sweden, but was soon removed by CPS due to the massive amounts of rape he endured.
  • Norway: Due to her frequent drug binges, she believes she can see magical creatures. Gets fucked daily by Denmark. Likes to complain and bitch.
  • Iceland: Another shota. Is fucked by Denmark if Norway isn't available. Due to his financial crisis, he whores himself out to Russia.
  • Romania: Recently introduced character. All the Twitards love him for being a stinky vampire.
  • Cameroon: Typical ball playing nigger. Hasn't made many appearances yet possibly due to racism.
  • Cuba: If you think about it, Cuba is a lot like most liberals. He's fat, dark skinned, communist, hates America, and loves Canada.

"Girl" Countries No One Gives a Shit About[edit]

Ukraine gets backaches from farming
  • Hungary: She used to have a dick until she got castrated while raping Austria. Instead, she creams for guys in dresses and video tapes men gangraping her husband.
  • Ukraine: Has big tits. Cries all the time, because her younger brother Russia rapes her big tracts of land. Is "shipped" with everyone.
  • Taiwan: Has yet to have a description since she is still sucking Japan's little cock for Lolita outfits.
  • Seychelles: A semi-loli who's supposed to be Creole, but the author colors her as white as possible because niggers aren't kawaii. She was the star of a colonial-themed dating sim with hopes that she work as a self-insert for girls wishing to be banged by France and England, but because Hetalia fangirls only want gay they ended up hating her. Carries around a fish.
  • Sister Sweden: Sweden's tranny moeblob lesbian aspie sister that was also put in this anime to demonstrate the perfect Swedish woman. Likes to have incest orgies with the Nordics and enjoys raping Sweden. Like all 'Swedish women', she is seen whoring herself to Norway and Denmark, or spreading feminist propaganda around the anime. Bitches over everything and everyone.

The Princess Of Hetalia[edit]

Aspergerbenice.gif This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
  • Annabel: The assbaby of butthurt Seychelles fans. Canadian attention whore and another whitewashed nigger Mary Sue insert added in the anime to cover up Seychelles and troll the Hetalia fandom. She is only seen in the episode molesting Estonia, raping the shit out of everyone and attempting to kill Ukraine. She is the most creepiest ever, but makes it up for her hot tits and face. She creams over white guys. Used to be a Deviantart-favicon.png deviantArt princess, but got b& for raping her watchers.
The post that spread lulz thought deviantart.


You better bow down to her or she'll fuck your shit up!

BAWWWWWWWW
Annabutthurt! :(

OMFG, but there's MOARR!!!11hundredandone...[edit]

As if there aren't enough fugly characters running around with their two dimentional copypasta design, giving each other blowjobs every opportunity they can.

There are two major ways to CHANGE a character, so it isn't the same, even if it is. Because it just isn't.

End. Of. Story.

They're basically the same as your gay bishie mofos, except with bewbz, and a vag, in place of a mantool. These fugly transgender characters are the best character inserts you can find in Hetalia, without going trough the trouble of making a Mary Sue.

Blatant transvestites
  • 2p!:

Basically, they're just from the creator's "another color" designs, with ruined personalities by horny fangirls who masturbate to a naked 2P America every night.

Jews[edit]

There is no mention of Jews or the Holocaust in Hetalia. This is because it is a history show, and everybody knows the Holocaust didn't happen.

In an episode the dubbed version of Hetalia, France and England go around spreading "rumors" about Germany. The "rumor" was that Germany sent Jews to concentration camps and had an atom bomb. According to the Japs, the Holocaust is just a rumor.

HISTORY DESU[edit]

Hetalia attempts to explain historical events using comedy to keep you entertained. This causes many fantards to believe they're actually learning something when they watch it, and since the last thing most of them read was chapter 6,283 of Naruto, that's most likely the case. These fangirls probably thought WW2 happened on 9-11. Now they know when it occurred, but think Nazis were having hot kawaii sex every God-given hour. Which is clearly false, unless you're called Ernst Röhm.

Despite the inaccuracies of this anime, you'll still find fangirls willing to argue that you can learn history from it. Yes, there are some classy fangirls who believe being inspired enough to pick up an actual history book without it involving school makes them "cultured individuals." However, most of the fans are yaoi-crazed retards that couldn't tell America from Russia on a map. They'll relentlessly argue that reading this manga is the best way to learn history, but the only thing they care about is buttsex.

Some even take it to a more fucktarded level and declare that Hetalia taught them about politics. After watching the show, a few of these strange hambeast creatures would declare themselves to be Neo-Nazis, Communists, Socialists, etc, because their favorite characters are. Luckily for the fat neckbeards who are actively on the alert for ZOG/Capitalists/whatever in their favorite political forums and/or DA pages, Hetaliatards are easy to spot. Unfortunately for them, they would have to deal with "Kawaii Desu! Germany and Russia should have buttsmex ^___^ <3 Im ttly Prussian and Russian yo" for a few hours until lazy mods finally ban the Hetalia fantard.

Seriously, the fanbase is fucked up. It's like if the shittiest breed of weeaboos were convinced that they were history scholars. Trolling them is easy-just tell them that they don't know shit about history. They will rant about how it is technically an educational anime. Just because it pretends to replace hearing a history lecture from some ugly cunt in front of a chalkboard in school, doesn't mean it succeeds. They also probably don't give a rat's ass about learning history-if there was a show as kawaii desu as hetalia that taught physics, they'd think that they were Albert Fucking Einstein.

Hetalia can unite the world one gay Nazi at a time! Go here for the whole thing.
   
 
Ok, we all know that Hetalia can be pretty educational. Sometimes, too educational, so I wanted to start this thread. Although I loved world history because of my History teachers back in high school, there were some things that he was unable to mention. Not to bash our teachers, but more like a supplement. Write anything, just don't be violent. This is history, it's over and done, so let's be all merry, laugh at our ancestors stupidity and have world peace!
 

 
 

—First post in a thread full of fail.

   
 
I pass my history tests PURELY on what I learn from Hetalia.
 

 
 

In Soviet Russia, school fails YOU.

   
 
...That Japan and Italy were big parts of the World War(s). All I learned was Germany and Russia were bffs and Japan helped by bombing Pearl Harbor...
 

 
 

—Apparently they didn't already know this.

   
 
Axis Powers, Hetalia, A better way to learn History XD
 

 
 

—Rely on the Japanese anime, go right ahead!

   
 
I´m studying to be a historian, and Hetalia has helped me, not only as an study technique (a rather funny one) but also as a way to understand how people felt back then... (something that "serious" historians don´t look at)
 

 
 

QUICK! KILL IT BEFORE IT REPRODUCES!!

   
 
Thanks to Hetalia, I get A's on all my tests in History class, just because I draw fanart instead of taking notes. 8D It's like.. The teacher tells us stuff like "Okay, so the Soviet Union made the Warzaw Pact with several other Eastern European lands" and I just sit there drawing Alfred and Ivan glaring at each other while Ivan is happily smirking and sitting on Feliks.
 

 
 

—An idiot.

   
 
Seriously, I bought a world map thanks to Hetalia. Heck, World News seems like a new show to me now and I get angry when my parents change the channel
 

 
 

—...

   
 
I kinda understand. I wouldn't haved aced last week's history exam if it weren´t for a combination of Hetalia and research, though. I used to fail every test and disregard history 100%. But since Hetalia, every chapter of our book I summarize into a short chibi-comic that has all the facts I need to know and/or enjoy about the chapter. I handed my WWI comic-summary (complete with "Armed Peace" prologue and a "will be continued" section on WWII) in as an extra-credit work and got an 8.5/10. Not bad when I was supposed to write an essay XD.
 

 
 

Who hands their teacher a comic in place of an essay?

   
 
Hetalia made me want to pursue a job at the United Nations...
 

 
 

You are doing it wrong.

   
 
My reasons for liking Hetalia? Well, it's easier for me to link history facts and such with the characters and it sparks lots of serious debates amongst friends.
 

 
 

—You have no friends.

   
 
I love Hetalia!:D For the first time I reopened my history textbooks after 10 years since I graduating high school :D
 

 
 

— Wait...you made it through high school??

   
 
Hetalia is a way of getting smart while laughing xD
 

 
 

No.

   
 
for the first time, i checked out a book about GEOGRAPHY. I now know that Italy is being smogged by gas.
 

 
 

   
 
We just finished WW2 in History, And I got most of my answers right because of it. Hetalia pwns History Channel
 

 
 

No.

   
 
...much people now, looks interesed in worlds history, culture and stuff because of hetalia, that's why is so famous.
 

 
 

English, motherfucker

You can even find a thread on weeaboofox.com with fans discussing what they learned in Hetalia that their teachers failed to teach them. In reality, their teachers probably did teach them, but they were too busy trading Pokemon cards and reading yaoi to pay attention.

Hetalia weeaboos in detail[edit]

All they ever talk about is USUK or GERITA. This is called being a weeaboo. They live and breathe Hetalia which is why all people hate their "kawaii desu~" guts. They find out they're both German and Italian? "OMG GAIZ! IM A GERITA LOVE CHILD!1!1!!111!!!!" All these weeaboos do is talk, think, eat, drink, breath this dumb fandom and are going to live a horrible life doing so. They just have to make stupid ass jokes that arent even funny. They see a flag? "OMG YOU GUYZ! LOOK A FLAG ITS SO KAWAII DESUUU!" They would go to McDonald's and be giggling the whole time about America and his damn burgers. They take everything to the next level. Some Jewish whiny cunts might even get triggered by Holohoax jokes, guise.

When the fanfags find out you don't like Hetalia, they will continue to rape you until you like it. If you show them something not Hetalia, they will reject it, just like males will reject their rotted vagina. Most of them go after yaoi pairings, and then their favorite charaters, making DESU Mary Sues out of countries not represented in Hetalia yet.

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

See Also[edit]

  • Polandball: Hetalia but minus the gay and actually features real satire

External Links[edit]

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