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Hillary Clinton (b. October 26, 1947: Age 70) known in the Banjo-Belt as "Hilldawg", is former President "Rapin'" Bill Clinton's dominatrix since 1975, outgoing President Barack Obama's bottom bitch, shiksa shabbos goy to George Soros✡, and a lampshade-looking kike. Much like the Devil, Hillary goes by many names. Crooked Hillary. Rotten Hillary. Sick Hillary. Shillary. Hitlery. Killary Rotten Clittin. With a middle name that cannot possibly be any more sexually suggestive, she ran for the first woman president of the United States, but lost to the God emperor of mankind, Donald J. Trump. Hillary cried a lot when she got pwned by Donald in 2016, she also cried after being pwned by Barack Obama in 2008. In full defiance of Section 1 of the Twenty-second Amendment to the U.S. Constitution, she tried running again for Obama's third term in office. De-fucking-stroyed...twice.
Hillary's influences include Margaret Sanger, a eugenicist behind Planned Parenthood who gave speeches to the Ku Klux Klan and who referred to black people as "weeds", and Angela Merkel, an old crone whose open borders policy is responsible for thousands of sexual assaults on women in Germany by rapefugees, made possible by Secretary of State Clinton's decisions on Syria and Libya leading to the European Rapefugee Crisis. But Hillary is totally for black people and women u guise! Just think of how much Hillary has done for her hometown of Chicago. The Cubs won.
Whatever shitlord losers made this are each a virgin basement dweller with a tiny penis who will never satisfy a woman. You will never be half the
man rapist Bill Clinton is, or even half the woman criminal Hillary is! Any attack on Hillary is a pathetic misogynistic attack on every woman! You should all be ashamed of yourselves! Hillary can drink all you lightweight pussies under the table! Cry more. I drink male tears.
After Hillary's loss to The Donald despite over 2 million more illegal immigrants voting for her, she went into hiding in a spider hole, much like Saddam Hussein. She was also surprised in the woods by a former staffer while her dogs were helping her find Vince Foster's shallow grave so she could relocate the body.
- 1 Early life
- 2 Political Aspirations
- 3 2008 Elections
- 4 2016 Election
- 5 Videos
- 6 Spirit Cooking
- 7 Hillary Clinton on the Issues (subject to change for money)
- 8 How to be Hillary Clinton in Grand Theft Auto V
- 9 Gallery
- 10 See also
- 11 External links
Fun Fact: If Hillary had been born with a peepee, she would have been drafted into the Vietnam War as a meatshield, since she was born between 1944 and 1950, and October 26 was a winning birthday in the lottery. Fucking male privilege, winning lotteries and shit. Boys always get to do the fun stuff. Although some argue she would have just weaseled out of the draft like Bill Clinton, who "joined" the ROTC at the University of Arkanas after meeting with Colonel Eugene J. Holmes at his home in 1969, then promptly GTFO to England, after Holmes was contacted by a guy Bubba interned for, Arkansas Senator and segregationist and friend of the KKK James William Fulbright. Fulbright was also against Brown v. Board of Education in 1954 (which ended segration in public schools) and also filibustered the Civil Rights Act of 1964 (which outlawed discrimination based on race, color, religion, sex, or national origin). In May 1993, President Bill Clinton gave Fulbright the Presidential Medal of Freedom.
Thank God that neither Fortunate Son Bill nor Fortunate Daughter Hillary died in Vietnam, and could bless America with their years of service. And thank God that a woman who never faced the draft and protested the Vietnam War but voted for the Iraq War could one day be Commander-In-Chief and lead the US military and send them off to war. God Bless America!
Bill Clinton's bigamist daddy William Jefferson Blythe Jr. died 3 months before he was born. At age 15, Billy Blythe the 3rd formally took the last name of his violent abusive alcoholic gambler stepdad, Roger Clinton Sr. Appropriately, Hillary gets her last name from a violent alcoholic. If not for that, Hillary Clinton would be known as Hillary Rodham Blythe, or Hillary Blythe, or First Lady Blythe, or Senator Blythe, or Secretary of State Blythe,
or President Blythe. Blythe means "joyous, kind, cheerful, pleasant." Wouldn't you be too, if you were too big to jail?
As campaign ads have reminded us, Hillary Clinton speaks for all women. Every win or loss for her is a win or loss for all women. Just like every win or loss for a sports team is a win or loss for all of its fans.
Lifelong Chicago Cubs fan Hillary knows how to win, as the firing of Donna Brazile by CNN after Wikileaks showed. She's a winner, just like Chicago Illinois's championship Cubbies, who brought home the W after over a century of being denied it by men and their balls. When Hillary becomes president, it will be like electing every woman president! Hillary is a Proxy Woman. Everything she says or does is as if every woman is saying or doing it. In fact, women don't even need to speak any more, because they have Hillary to do that for them! Each woman who runs for president in the US in the future will happily defend everything Hillary has said or done. Thank you, Hillary. Thank you for not divorcing a rapist until after you become president ever. That was nice of you, sweetheart. Oddly enough, the Clinton Foundation has gotten millions of dollars from Saudi Arabia, where Islam was made.
Some argue that Hillary's favorite song is "Stand By Your Man" by the "First Lady of Country Music" Tammy Wynette, a song attacked by feminists in the 60s and 70s. However, before Hillary became First Lady, during a January 1992 60 Minutes interview where Slick Willy lied about fucking Gennifer Flowers, Hillary said she "wasn't some little woman standing by my man like Tammy Wynette." Duh. When did Wynette's five husbands ever become president and allow her to sleep her way to the White House multiple times?
Hillary ran against Barack Obama in the 2008 primaries for the Democratic nomination. Voting for the Iraq War and against gay marriage helped her to lose to Obama, causing great butthurt to her and those who wished she would break through the "glass ceiling" of sexism imposed on all women by the shitlord population of the USA. As a consolation prize, Obama appointed her as Secretary of State. Her incompetence manifested itself in numerous ways, among them was the destabilization of Libya which gave rise to The Islamic State of Iraq and Syria, and the Benghazi disaster which led to an American ambassador being tortured to death. These events proved that she was ready to continue the legacy of Barack Obama and his administration.
When Hillary Began her bid for the 2016 presidency she transcended into a lolcowhood when losing more votes in newest polls to a socialist. She began producing lolmilk at the triggering from white privileged reporters who asked her why she deleted 3 months of emails during the time of the Benghazi US embassy attacks in a time of bad decision making leading to 2 dead CIA and 2 dead high level ambassadors. As former Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton explained she doesn't know how it works digitally at all. Then a bunch of mean cis-het shitlord Republican man-boys asked if she wiped the emails from her server. Lulz ensued when she implied they were wiped with a magical cloth that makes scandals disappear.
Having lost the primaries in 2008 to a magical negro, Hillary decided to court the "black vote" that was so instrumental to getting Obama elected, and the female demographic desperate to believe that Clinton was competent enough to shatter that glass ceiling constructed by the cishet patriarchy. Fortunately for America, the glass ceiling was installed by men who had witnessed shattered glass and knew the damage that broken glass can cause. She also attempted to get the KKK on her side, but they only contributed $20,000 which was peanuts compared with the multimillion dollars that she raised from despotic governments and Wall Street donors via the corrupt Clinton Foundation.
Clinton overestimated the power of having the old media in her pocket. NEETs and basement dwellers were still waiting for a pro-Hillary argument instead of an anti-Trump argument, so they turned to Breitbart, InfoWars and other alternative media. Of course, this was a perfect time for Wikileaks to drop over 9000 pages of her missing emails and the rest is history (along with her dream of becoming the first woman president).
In the months leading up to the November 2016 election, many people questioned Hillary Clinton's health at 68-years-old. Those fears were unfounded conspiracy theories however, as Hillary maintains her youthful vigor by bathing in the blood of aborted African-American fetuses, which negresses living in Democrat-controlled cities produce at nearly 2,000 a day to meet her demand. While appearing on Dr. Oz, Hillary Clinton informed the Turkish TV doctor who resembles Count Dracula that she uses a mortar and pestle to make her own homemade baby salsa that she rubs all over her withered naked body as a flying ointment.
Before her loss to The Donald, Hillary planned to rename Air Force One to Broom Force One, and vibrating Harry Potter toy brooms were to be distributed to all preschools, K-12 schools, universities, and all restrooms upon the direct orders of Attorney General Loretta Lynch. Anita Sarkeesian was tapped to rewrite the Pledge of Allegiance. Future President Clinton II Electric Boogaloo planned to replace the national anthem with a backwards version of a Romanian Orthodox Divine Liturgy, because the only "religious freedom" that exists in America, which was "discovered" by secret Jew Christopher "Cristobal Colon" Columbus, is Satanism. Hail Lucifer.
A successful trolling operation conducted by 4chan's /pol/, to trick the media into believing Hillary wanting to draft females (of age) to the military, presumably for the upcoming WW3 with Russia. Thousands of professional trolls made these excellent decoy images, which tricked millions:
On October 13, 2015, the first Democratic debate was held. Sadly, Clinton had to deal with standing next to fucking crazy old socialist Larry David. Hillary spent most of her time blaming Republicans, dodging questions, flip-flopping on issues, and of course lying.
Meanwhile during the debate, Donald Trump spent his evening tweeting about how pathetic the debate was, which surprisingly got a lot more attention than the debate itself.
As is the norm, several debates conducted against the rivaling presidential candidates took place in the months leading up to the election. To save you several hours, we can quickly summarize them:
The first debate took place at Hofstra University in New York, pitting Donald Trump against Hillary. The moderator was Lester Holt of NBC, a generic leftist ZOG TV syndicate. TL;DR Trump talks over Hillary, acts like a jackass, literally spewing shit from his mouth. Hillary spazzes out from her medical conditions, whilst trying to remain as calm and polite as possible, whilst also spewing out shit from her mouth. After the debate was concluded, the media rigged the votes in Hillary's favor, whilst retards from /pol/ worked hard to zerg rush and rig votes online.
Clinton's loss resulted in many tears from her followers and from the old media, who thought they were still relevant enough to sway an election in 2016. All of old media's well paid cronies are on suicide watch following The Donald's victory.
Last Thursday, Wikileaks released some moar emails, like they do. On June 28, 2015, Serbian "performance artist" Marina Abramovic told John Podesta's brother Tony "I am so looking forward to the Spirit Cooking dinner at my place. Do you think you will be able to let me know if your brother is joining?" Chicago's own John Podesta is the chairman of Hillary's 2016 presidential campaign, was previously counselor to President Obama, and previously Bill Clinton's Chief of Staff. At Podesta's home in the Lake Barcroft neighborhood of Falls Church, Virginia, at least one bedroom has hanging several color pictures by Katy Grannan, a photographer who takes pictures of naked teens in their parents' homes in the suburbs. Anyway, in some video, Abramovic paints a recipe for "spirit dinners", apparently using blood. The "recipe" said "mix fresh breast milk with fresh sperm, drink on earthquake nights."
Days before the 2016 election in Amerilard, Hillary's mouthpiece The Washington Post, who said The Donald is sexist for referring to Hillary with the English feminine pronoun "she", helpfully explained to everyone that "No, John Podesta didn't drink bodily fluids at a secret Satanist dinner." Thanks for clearing that up, WaPo!
In addition to spawning #SpiritCooking, the Podesta emails also led to #Pizzagate.
Literally a Witch
In the current year, Chicago's own Hillary Rodham Clinton made Americunt history by becoming the first person nominated by a major US political party who is also a witch. The Hildebeast finally broke through the glass ceiling of witch discrimination in America, going back to the execution of 20 women practicing the Devil's magic in Salem, Massachusetts in the early 1690s. In hacked emails, Colin Powell said Bohemian Grove attendees will vote against The Donald, since they obviously favor Hillary Clinton as the country's future High Priestess of Darkness, to follow Amerifat's first Prince of Darkness, President Blacky. Hillary released her grimoire for America on her website, outlining how she planned to restore the American Dream through the use of magical talismans, amulets, charms, spells, summonings, invocations, and a circle of protection to ward off Semitic terrorists, like the Jew who burned down the mosque attended by the Muslim shooter of the fag nightclub Pulse in Orlando. Hillary's economic development plan focused on America increasing production of poison apples to improve the trade deficit. She also announced plans to create jobs and rebuild America's crumbling infrastructure with the construction of millions of affordable gingerbread houses.
After seven Harry Potter books, eight Harry Potter films, the support of Hermione herself, and Frozen, Amerilard was primed to elect the first witch president in the modern era. Disregard that. South Korea's first female president and former symbolic first lady Park Geun-Hye, who won the election through military interference, is under investigation for conducting occult rituals and being linked to fortune teller Choi Soon-sil, her "shaman adviser" and rumored lesbian confidante who has been in Park's inner circle since 1994. Park denied that exorcisms took place in the palace.
After becoming the leader of the free world and finally selecting her coven, in her first hundred days in office Hillary Clinton vowed to hex one hundred world leaders with various spells and potions. Hillary planned to turn The Donald into a toad, but he is already a frog, and Hillary's campaign said green frogs are a symbol of white supremacy (white magic being the natural enemy of black magic, which President Obongo filled the White House with). Fun Fact: Cubans in Florida call Hillary "bruja mentirosa", which means "lying witch."
Hillary Clinton on the Issues (subject to change for money)
Hillary's platform is composed mainly of positions are subject to change given the right amount of money. She will do anything if the price is right.
- American principles: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Civil rights: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE, I'LL KEEP SCARY NIGRAS OUT OF OFFICE, 2016 Revision: I'M BLACK Y'ALL
- Disabilities: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- 2008 Mortgage Crisis: FUCK YOU HOME BUYERS YOU BORROWED TOO MUCH AND CAN'T PAY, 2016 Revision: I TOLD WALL STREET TO CUT THAT OUT
- Keystone Pipeline: WE CAN GIVE SPEECHES TO PEOPLE THAT FUND THE PIPELINE FOR MONEY, 2016 Revision: I NEVER TOOK A POSITION ON KEYSTONE
- Education: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Energy & Environment: I WILL TAKE MONEY FROM OIL COMPANIES, 2016 Revision: I AM SO SICK OF BERNIE SANDERS' LIES ABOUT ME TAKING MONEY FROM BIG OIL
- Coal: COAL IS BAD I WILL GET RID OF IT, 2016 Revision: CLEAN COAL IS GOOD MORE COAL JOBS
- Ethics: I'M A WOMAN!!!!11oneone
- Family: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Fiscal: IMA TAKE ALL YOUR GUNS
- Gun Control: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Health care: I SUPPORT UNIVERSAL HEALTH CARE, 2016 Revision: UNIVERSAL HEALTHCARE IS NOT POSSIBLE
- Homeland Security: BENGHAZI
- Immigration: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Iraq: LETS GO BOMB THE SANDNIGGERS,
- Political Experience : MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Poverty: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Prostitution: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Rural: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Service: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Seniors & Social Security: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- Technology: HEY LOOK EVERYBODY I AM HOSTING MY OWN SERVER WITHOUT ANTIVIRUS
- Veterans: MY HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT, AND I'M WHITE
- TPP Trade: TPP IS THE GOLD STANDARD, 2016 Revision: I NEVER SUPPORTED TPP
- Gay Marriage: NO HOMOS, 2016 Revision: I LOVE YOU HOMOS NOW GIMME MONEY
- Prison: PUT ALL THEM SUPER PREDATOR NIGGERS IN JAIL, 2016 Revision: WE CAN'T PUT PEOPLE IN JAIL
- Alignment: I FIGHT FOR PROGRESSIVE VALUES LIBTARDS, 2016 Revision: I AM GUILTY OF BEING MODERATE CENTER
- Trade with Colombia and Panama: NO THEY KILL PEOPLE, 2016 Revision: THEY GAVE ME MONEY GOOD FOR THE ECONOMY
- The Donald:THE DONALD IS A COOL GUY HE GAVE ME MONEY TO ATTEND HIS WEDDING, 2016 Revision: DONALD TRUMP IS BAD
- Ann Coulter (Used to.....but now endorses The Donald because his clit is bigger)
- Clinton News Network
- Bill Clinton, but only because he's afraid she'll make good on her threat of chewing off his cock with her toothy vagina.
- Jack Thompson
- La Pequeña
- Crystal Shinkle
- A whole bunch of other crypto-conservatives that know she can't beat BERN! in the general election.
- Gloria Steinem, age 81,
- Madeleine Albright, notorious warmonger
- One or two ass-orted people nobody gives a shit about.
- Your Mom
- Wall Street
- Vagina holders
- Pussy grabbers
- Lolita Express frequent-flier, disbarred lawyer, impeached president, and sexual predator Bill "Bubba The Rapist" Clinton
- Khizr Khan
- People who love partial birth abortion
- Women over 80 who want a female president before they die
- Chris Chan (Proof)
- Emma Watson
- CopperCab (he whined like a fucking child about it too)
- Social Justice Warriors
- TV Tropes, who censored any criticism of Hillary during the 2016 election
- Nu Males
- Lady Gaga
- Tara Strong
- Former crack dealer Jay Z
- Chicago's own Barack Obama, even though he spent all his time 8 years ago saying why Hillary should not be president
- Rape apologists
- That child rapist who raped Kathy Shelton that lawyer Hillary got only one year in prison
- Republican FBI Director James Comey (who helped cover up the Whitewater scandal)
- Pansexual icon Miley Cyrus
- Katy "Nasty Woman" Perry
- Tenth cousin of Hillary, self-described "Israelite" and Kabbalah follower Madonna, who started Blowjobs For Hillary
- Sex addict and unfunny David Letterman
- That black lady Attorney General that Bill Clinton gave a job to in 1999 and Bill spoke to on a plane
- Louis CK, who endorsed Hillary as America's "tough bitch mother"
- Robert DeNiro
- Michael Moore, who thinks it's "badass" if Hillary murdered Vince Foster
- Bill Maher, who said he doesn't care if Hillary has JonBenet Ramsey in her basement
- The Rothschild family
- Muslim regimes that kill women and gays like Saudi Arabia, United Arab Emirates, Qatar and Oman
- Oprah, even though she spent all her time 8 years ago saying why Hillary should not be president
- Michelle Obama, even though she spent all her time 8 years ago saying why Hillary should not be president
- Bernie Sanders, a "socialist" whose third house is a $600,000 beachfront home in North Hero, Vermont, who spent a year saying why Hillary should not be president
- Every late night talk show host, writer, director, and producer
- Bruce Springsteen
- Colin Powell
- Morgan Freeman
- Bon Jovi
YankeesCleveland Indians fan LeBron James
- Former Bernie Sanders supporter Sarah Silverman
- Amy Schumer, second-cousin-once-removed of friend-of-Wall Street Chuck Schumer, and who Black Lives Matter cofounder Alicia Garza said is racist
- Anakin, you're breaking my heart!
- Amateur sister-gynecologist and "mumblecore" filmmaker, spoiled sick fuck fatty Lena Dunham, who wrote "anything a sexual predator might do to woo a small suburban girl I was trying", who slept with her parents until she was 12, and who supports the "extinction of white men" along with her father Carroll, who paints neon-pink labias and who Dunham told people would stick a fork in her vagina when she misbehaved. You can't make this up.
- Jennifer Lopez
- Dave Chappelle, who voted for Hillary in Ohio but "didn't feel good about it", saying Hillary will probably be on a coin some day, even though she's not "coin-worthy"
- James Franco
- Hit Girl/Fridge Girl
- Madame-for-pedos Ghislaine Maxwell, who was at Hillary's daughter's wedding
- Seddique Mateen, the father of Omar Mateen who murdered 50 faggots in Orlando
- Arms dealers
- Glenn Beck
- The Google
- Drone makers/investors
- The Media
- Grand Theft Auto V
- Arcan Cetin, perpetrator of the Cascade Mall shooting
- Neocons, who coincidentally were Bush voters too
- Huma Abedin, who was Hillary's right-hand woman until she got exposed in October 2016 and deleted most of her tweets on Twitter
- Useful pro-choice idiots who still think Planned Parenthood is about woman's rights and not a eugenics lab that begs the federal government for money
Making her the obvious best choice to be the democratic nominee.
How to be Hillary Clinton in Grand Theft Auto V
|For the full gallery, click here.|
- 2016 Presidential Election
- Barack Obama
- Bernie Sanders
- Bill Clinton
- Chelsea Clinton
- Correct the Record
- Democratic Party
- Grand Theft Auto
- John McCain
- Roseanne Barr Claims Hillary is destroying America
- The Current Year
- The Donald and Donald Drumpf
- How Clinton put the DNC in a financial headlock and committed it to funding her campaign before she'd even been nominated (Archived: )
- ""100 Most Damaging Wikileaks" - list assembled in 2016 providing anti-Clinton dirt at your fingertips (n.b., treat site author's claims with caution and check against content)
- Official campaign site
- How Clinton started the birther movement
- The reason why Hillary went to jail
- A partial list of those who crossed the Clintons and died mysteriously
- A more complete list of the Clinton body count
is part of a series on Donald Trump.
You're gonna love this article, believe me.
|Featured article November 12 & November 13, 2016|
| Preceded by
President Donald Trump
|Hillary Clinton|| Succeeded by|
2016 Presidential Election
|Featured article September 19 & 20, 2016|
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ED is slow
|Hillary Clinton|| Succeeded by|