|There are now MORE THAN TEN MILLION retards that are subscribed to this manchild.|
If this is where comedy is going, we are all seriously doomed.
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|This person hails from the absolutely great and totally not shitty country of Ausfailia!|
HowToBasic is an anonymous, psychopathic, egg-wasting fucktard that violently throws and/or smashes food for other people's pleasure on YouTube. If one was stoned out of their mind enough to watch such deplorable and cringe-worthy content, one would discover that in nearly all of his videos, the cameraman is completely naked to presumably attract the homosexuals who dwell in the dark corners of YouTube. HowToBasic utterly proves that only women should be in the kitchen. And if a man dares to enter it, there is no telling what sort of catastrophe will unfold.
This sad excuse for a YouTuber plays with his food in some of the most disgusting ways known to mankind - he has been known to orgasm and moan heavily with his food, smash eggs in a drunken manner, fist his meat down the toilet, piss on food he then proceeds to eat, and concludes by taking a shit on the ground. How Google allows this cunt to be on YouTube and still doesn't allow gay furry porn is a mystery to this very day, but perhaps someone high up at Google goes home and masturbates to this content. HowToBasic shatters all hope for the human race, simply and quite profoundly. HowToBasic is most likely an Australian man named "Christopher Smith". But we will never know since he is so much fucking anonymous that even we over at ED and even the cunts at 4chan can't decode his identity.
HowToBasic proves that the sad pathetic individuals who watch this talentless Youtube channel really will watch anything that is not even remotely amusing. It has been rumored that at one point this massive faggot used to upload videos that somewhat resembled horrendous how-to tutorials for those who were dumb enough not to figure it out for themselves. The only problem? All those who watched said "tutorials" soon developed terminal cancer. Thus, these tutorials have since fallen into the void of obscurity.
In order to reduce the amount of time and effort, these so-called tutorials became increasingly short, uninteresting, and boring, much like your sex life. These 'basic' tutorials included: how to pick up an umbrella, how to open a door, and how to fuck raw food. HowToBasic realized how many idiots there are on the internet, so he decided to make more of this absurd nonsense.
However, he knew that it would get old really fast. So to stay relevant, he became a complete douche and did what he does today: waste tons of food (quite literally) by throwing and/or smashing it, instead of feeding it to teh children in Africunt, perhaps try to compensate for all the times he was raped as a young boy. Or he could just have an intense food-sex fetish. Let's hope we never find out.
HowToBasic's channel has gone through several distinct phases, documented below:
- Stage 1 - Origins: Some of this cretin's earliest videos involve him doing things that actually reflected his channel's name, by which I mean they were incredibly basic household tasks, such as turning off a light or putting your shoes away. Fortunately, these videos were usually less than 10 seconds in length.
- Stage 2 - First Signs of Psychosis: Over time, HowToGaysex realized that his viewers ultimately found him boring, so he decided to shift gears. The changes were subtle. He began introducing strange objects to his videos, and his methods slowly went from informative to nonsensical. For example, in his video "How to Pick a Lock", he pokes a banana up against the keyhole of the door, magically "unlocking" it.
- Stage 3 - Full-blown Psychosis: HowToBasic finally let go all pretense of being informative and helpful, and began making bizarre videos that involved him making huge messes in his house, usually throwing things against the wall or in the toilet. While retarded, the videos were still mildly watchable, and he still wore clothes in some of these videos.
- Stage 4 - How is this shitstain still not in a mental hospital?: Finally, HowToBasic let himself go, introducing some of his worst videos to date. His videos now are 50% jumpcuts, 40% destroying perfectly good food, and 10% animal sounds. The videos are known to cause seizures and migraines in viewers after the first 30 seconds, and can sometimes run upwards of ten minutes. He has also taken to inserting random sounds in his videos, usually farm animals. May God have mercy on us all and kill this jackoff.
- Stage 5 - If it could get worse, it has done so now. Now his fetishes (including Coprophilia, Urolagnia and Emetophilia are shining through. He also seems to have descended further into madness, and is destroying completely usable and undamaged hardware, such as ovens, microwaves, blenders, kitchen tiles and cupboards with a hammer. He is genuinely reaching levels of psychopathy that would send even the most seasoned of psychiatrists running for cover.
- Stage 6 - This is the turning point where the wildlife is plotting to kill him. After putting in even more rapid jumpcuts in his videos, seeing him store corpses in his swimming pool, destroying more expensive items, bringing in more guests to torture(and occasionally make them crossdress for his amusement), and gaining an affinity for using fire more often, wild dogs have taken it upon themselves to try to kill him themselves such as dragging him into a lake and try to drown him. His videos are also growing shorter and his psycho tendencies hold off until past the half way point of the mostly-minute-long not-tutorials.
- Stage 7 - He now travels out to random fields and uses firearms to shoot at random shit while screaming like a special needs kid (proof). At this stage, it is quite likely that HowToBasic will become an hero.
HowToBasic is also notorious for using nearly the same formula and still not being amusing at all. As if he couldn't already make anyone want to shoot themselves repeatedly in the head, he lacks such originality and creativity it makes your drunken grandmother look somewhat attractive.
If you ever happen to watch these despicable smears of feces in the cesspool that is Youtube, please be on the look out for the following:
- An unfathomable amount of eggs being flung violently at anything really.
- Heavy moans, as if during sexual intercourse
- Saying "shhhhhhh", as if he was raping the body of his dead sister
- Using sausage to compensate for his small dick
- Shitting on the floor
- Foot-fucking chicken carcasses by inserting his foot into the neck cavity and sodomizing the squandered meat with it
- Fingering a dead fish
- Likes to watch egg porn, obviously seen in every video of him using the internet(bookmarked, shows up in his url, etc).
- Putting bodily parts into the toilet for no apparent reason
- Slapping food against his knee, feet, or anywhere on his lower body to perhaps make himself get a boner
- Violently patting anything
- Throwing non-foods (i.e. dolls, plushies) into the piles of squandered food
- Destroying objects that are not damaged or outdated, furthering the truth that he wastes money
- Fingering food like he wishes to finger his own anus
- Using insane amounts of jumpcuts in an attempt the shock people into laughing
- Giggling like a fucktard
- Gasping for air and passing out, either because he is piss-ass drunk or because he had a fatal blood clot in his dick
- Giving a thumbs up at the end of his videos, even though the thumbs up is considered a vulgar gesture in Australia and doesn't mean good job
Not surprisingly, the comments are littered with clichés such as "Children in Africa could have eaten the objects you trashed!"
Irrational and Psychopathic Tendencies
HowToBasic on multiple occasions has threatened the well-being of those around him. For example, when the faggot received a million subscribers, he went on an egg-crashing rampage, much to the disgust of the mentally well.
His psychopathic tendencies are evident in his fixation with playing with his own genitalia, raping unsuspecting food, and repeatedly having flirtatious and unwarranted camera angles of dolls. He also enjoys partaking in his bounty of wealth and materialism, knowing perfectly well that the starving niggers in Africa watch all of his Youtube videos with nothing to eat. Perhaps he is a terrible racist as well as one of the most insane Youtubers known to humanity.
No one knows if this twisted individual has ever been to therapy, but if he has, he probably murdered and raped the dead body of his therapist a long time ago.
- Batshit insane
- Sick fuck
- Filthy Frank - Makes YouTube videos together sometimes.
HowToBasic is part of a series on YouTube.
is part of a series on
Food and Drink
[Om Nom Nom]
|Featured article August 16th & 17th, 2014|