How To Wash Your Hands

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search


Everytime you eat with your decal covered hands, this is what's seasoning your food.

You probably have just gotten done taking a Shit, Jerking Off, playing with your asshole or making turd sculptures for your mom, according to the CDC (Center For Disease Control) in Georgia, odds are that you are too stupid to know how to wash your hands, hell you probably don't even know how to properly wipe your ass and go back to front - covering the underside of your balls with a thick paste of shit residue or you just say, "Fuck It" and skip that step entirely..

Outside of reminding you that you can't keep tossing your spunk socks under the bed or wiping your fingers on your pillow case when you get done fingering with your ass, we here at ED have a Government obligation to teach fucktards like you how to properly wash their hands because odds are that you are taking your dirty, germ covered hands to your job at McDonalds and contaminating the fry station you work at.


The Process[edit]

It really flavors your food

You are the reason why we, as a society haven't evolved past needing instructions on the back of a shampoo bottle or why we can't have a Batm as n movie without a 20 minute origin, so listen good.

  • Step 1: Wet your hands. I know it sounds simple but the reason there are instructions on the back of combs and brushes is because of you. You'd think something as obvious as model glue wouldn't need directions on how to use it or have a warning label but then we have people like you huffing away at it as the reason why we have to get it from the cashier at a hobby store.
  • Step 2: Leave the water running and apply the soap. The water stays on depending how much you were playing with your ass because you might have to go through the wet, soap and rinse steps multiple times.
  • Step 3: Lather hands by rubbing the soap in between them. When fully lathered, lather the backs of the hand and finger.
  • step 4: With a hand brush, scrub those dirty ass hands for at least 30 seconds, getting, especially the fingers you stick up your ass. Dont forget the finger tips and under the finger nails you sick fuck.
  • step 5: Rinse and repeat steps 1 through 5 2 more times sicko. In the case of blood, you might have to do it 4 or 5 more timee.
  • step 6: use a clean towel to dry your hands and not your pants or shirt.

Norovirus[edit]

A minor symptom of the Norovirus

Norovirus, or what fuck wits like you call the 24 hour flu is most commonly transmitted because morons like you dont wash your hands before eating or before preparing/serving food.

It's a fun virus to have because for 24 to 48 hours you will be trapped in the bathroom with

  1. diarrhea
  2. throwing up
  3. nausea
  4. stomach pain

The fun part of this is, every time you take a drink to keep from dehydrsting it will quickly be expelled from your ass as the squirts.

External Links[edit]

CDC Norovirus

CDC How to wash your hands

See Also[edit]

How the author of this page washes his hands
[Click to CollapseClick to Expand]
How To Wash Your Hands is part of a series on Body and Health
Body.jpg Body Parts:

AssAssholeBallsBodybuildingBoobsBrainCameltoeClitorisCockCumFatFeetFinger BoxGuntHand of ClodHand of DiosIron penisManginaMoobsNeckbeardPissPussyShitSkeletonVagooWash Your Hands

Diseases and Illnesses:

AcneAddictionAIDSAlzheimer'sBeing a GingerCancer (and The Cancer That Is Killing /b/) • Comcast diseaseDiabeetusDiseaseDSMDuckfaceDwarfismEbolaEpilepsyErectile dysfunctionETDFetal Alcohol SyndromeFibromyalgiaGenital HerpesGRIDS (see also The GRIDS that is killing ED) • Heart AttackHyperbolimiaIRC DiseaseObesityPandemicParkinson's DiseaseSame Face SyndromeSARSSexually Transmitted DiseasesSwine FluThin SkinUser Stress SyndromeVirusVomitingWikipedia's Greatest Hits DiseasesZika

Injuries: 1guy1jarBMECircumcisionCastrationDeathEmo Cutter GirlEunuch ArchiveGuroHangoverHeadshotLJ cutLobotomyPain SeriesPregnancyRectal foreign bodySelf-injurySuicideTattoosTrepanation
City Street.jpg

How To Wash Your Hands
is part of a series on

Life

[BRB HugboxGo Live One]

City Skyline.jpg