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iTunes

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iTunes panders to all subcultures: teh gays, furries, and basement dwellers

iTunes, also known as the new RealPlayer or Quicktime 2: Electric Boogaloo, iTunes is what makes all the Mac fanbois cream their panties at night. Originally made when Apple assraped the makers of the better mac mp3 player: SoundJam MP. Able to play all their Gorillaz, Radiohead, Sigur Ros, Linkin Park, and My Chemical Romance songs, it's no wonder why every art student and emo kid has this as their main music player. Plus, now that iTunes has Final Fantasy music for you to download (only $0.99 or £00.79 for the 30 second 8-bit opening of Final Fantasy II OMG), every basement dweller on the block will be selling that one-way bus ticket their mom bought them to go visit the 13 year old boy they met online for some great tunez!11! A new version of iTunes is released every second, because the people over at Apple just can't get anything right. And when they do, here comes the next generation of iPods! Lulz!

Contents

Why iTunes Is A Scam

Even though some Faggot at Apples says that he hates DRM, he doesn't. The reason he doesn't is because when someone buys some music off itunes and then a year later his or her ipod breaks, because it is made of pure shit, when he or she goes to buy another mp3 player and plugs it in to the computer, he or she can no longer use any of his or her music that they bought off Itunes. So the logical thing to do is to return the higher quality competitor mp3 player and to go buy another ipod. Thus, Apple becomes a rich Jew who jews you into continually buying their new product. They make money and you get fucked. This is one of two reasons why anyone who can think logically doesn't like Apple. Do the world a favor and don't support this bullshit, download for free or buy off of amazon mp3 which sells DRM free files only.

(Psssst: Apple lets you burn your playlists to CD minus DRM. You can then rip them back in DRM-free MP3s. THERE GOES THE SYSTEM!!!!)

OMG VIDEOS111!!

Typical itunes user's playlist. Notice all of the cp titles.

With the release of the new video iPod, iTunes lets you download Golden Girls and That's So Raven, plus you get Madonna music videos! Unfortunately, they don't have pr0n available yet :(. But if you're like this winner right here, you'll find a way to get your smut onto your iPod.

Billionth iTune

About 100 years ago, Alex Ostrovsky bought the billionth iTune, "Speed of Sound" by Coldplay. After receiving lots of new iPods and lots of iTunes money he promptly escaped into his own rectum.

Installation and Maintenance

In keeping of Apple software tradition, every year iTunes becomes obsolete and no longer works. Remedy: Reinstall (1 hr), and if using a Windows computer, prepare for a Dramapocalypse. Sautee. Serves 6-10 (or two, if you're fat. (You are.) )

Fun Facts About iTunes

  • Only pretentious fags use it, despite the fact that Apple force iPod owners to use it, meaning they turn pretty much every music lover into a pretentious fag.
  • It is now the top music retailer (even bigger than Wal-Mart), so it's not quite as hip and indie as fanboys think it is.
  • People who still think that Winamp is the greatest player evar hate iTunes, but it's okay, because they probably only have Lunix.
  • U2 engages in the biggest shameless self promotion ever seen with iTunes.
  • iTunes sucks the RIAA's cock by putting DRM on every file they sell, because even though you've paid for the music, you're still a dirty file-sharing thief.
  • Don't have an iPod? Just give me your zip code!!!1
  • If you see a black guy using iTunes, he probably stole that Powerbook he's running it on. Everyone knows that they use DOS.
  • Copies and "organizes" every one of your Mp3's into 500 separate folders within your OSX system folder; leaving you wondering where the hell all your hard drive space went.
  • You can buy music on a huge klunky iPhone wirelessly from Starbucks.
  • AirTunes. What is the point of this feature?
  • Profits from the epic fail of the US dollar by not adjusting what they charge for songs in Europe and Australia.
  • iTunes uses more memory then your grandma trying to remember what she had for breakfast so have fun running MS Paint at the same time.
  • Despite Apple using the constant updating of Windows as a negative selling point, iTunes updates itself with about 100mb of inexplicable shit every 4 minutes, not to mention that YOU MUST UPDATE QUICKTIME WITH IT EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T FUCKING USE IT.
  • iTunes own (and only) visualiser lags on some Mac books.
  • It is known as The Newfags Limewire (TNL); Limewire, incidentally is also for newfags who like the feeling of being raped by viruses.

See Also


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iTunes is part of a series on

Softwarez

Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.

iTunes
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Digital Media

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iTunes is a part of a series on Apple Inc.
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