Imperial Stars is a shitty hip-hop/rock band known for being rock stars living on the edge (in oh so edgy Orange County, CA) getting wild, hanging out and partying with their friends...all 152 of them from Facebook and MySpace.
On October 12, 2010, these three thirty-year-old manchildren drove a big truck decked out with 1337 Hannah Montana graphics of their band down the 101 Freeway and suddenly pulled across three southbound lanes and stopped to (traffic) jam at the busy Sunset Boulevard off-ramp, right in the heart of Hollywood. They then hopped onto the roof of the truck (dubbed the "Star Wagon") to start the performance and sing their hit single, "Traffic Jam 101", whilst annoying the already hot and bothered commuters with their horribad "music". It was so earsplitting that numerous calls to 911 had the California Highway Patrol, the L.A.P.D., and the L.A. Fire Department swarming down upon the makeshift gig/twenty mile-long two-hour traffic jam to make it stop.
After getting these fucktards down, the L.A.F.D. handed the perps over to the L.A.P.D. who promptly cuffed them and v& them off to Downtown L.A., where they were booked for suspiscion of malicious and willful disturbance by loud noise, willful obstruction of public officers or emergency medical personnel, committing an act injuring the public health, and unlawful assembly. The driver of the truck drove away from the scene in another vehicle, taking the keys to the truck with him, but it didn't take long for the cops to track him down and charge him too. All four were later each released on $10,000 bail. Their magic bus was eventually towed and impounded (along with the speakers) by the po-po.
Although some "fans" were dancing to the music, those people are delusional faggots with bad meth habits. While this may seem like a hilarious case of trolling IRL, it isn't, as they were doing it for homeless children and not for the lulz. You can help by shitting up their Last.fm page here. Also, their powerwords are Christopher Roy Wright (32), David Paul Hale aka Paul Arabella (30), and Keith Richard Yackey (31).
The band claims their mission is purely unselfish and about raising awareness to the plight of all the 1.5 million homeless children across the USA, but are not actually affiliated with any of the organizations that currently advocate for runaways. Regardless, the band claims that half the money they make off sales of "Traffic Jam 101" will be donated to charity. This is generous of the lads, since 50% of nothing = nothing, which also equals the projected lifetime net profit of Imperial Stars' entire career. However, considering they are about to get pwnt by the Los Angeles District Attorney and handed a bill for wasting the resources and time of the L.A.P.D. and the L.A.F.D., they will probably be out panhandling alongside the homeless to raise funds for their defense fees and fines. Plus, causing traffic jams that could get people fired for being four hours late for work does the exact opposite. They are facing several misdemeanor charges, including disturbing the peace, and have booked a date with the courts on November 3, 2010.
The band has since apologized, but band member Keith Yackley said he was glad he did it, and wouldn't hesitate to do it again.
This lame attempt at attention whoring pissed off a lot of people, including all the overworked and underpaid Cops and fire fighters who had to respond to the SigAlert that was issued by the California Highway Patrol. Anything to do with the already fucked-up freeway system in Los Angeles is SERIOUS FUCKING BUSINESS, so clogging up a major artery that runs through the heart of Hollywood and Downtown L.A. like the 101 will create havoc throughout the whole system, backing up traffic for hours and creating major butthurt and road rage like if you were actually having a stroke. And for a cash-strapped city like L.A., the cost of dealing with the whole mess will create even more butthurt and rage. We here at ED eagerly await the outcome of the charges that Imperial Stars face in the aftermath of the whole shebangebang. The bill that will surely be presented to these alleged rock stars for all the police and fire department resources and manhours is going to be X Box hueg.
—These guys suck! ~L.A. Weekly
Speaking of which...
Lol Guess Who's Pressing Charges
—GO, CARMEN, GO!
Traffic Jam 101
The last one in this series is a song about sex.
You know, for the homeless kids.
Making this story even lulzier, Keith Yackey, the band's guitarist, was once an associate pastor at the "Calvary Chapel Saving Grace" in Yorba Linda, Orange County, then moved to Montana to open another Calvary Chapel church. After failing it there (and subsequently not being acquitted for raping and murdering a homeless young black girl in Tulsa due to lack of evidence), he decided to become a Las Vegas real estate mogul, which of course logically led to his creating a crap band backed by Hannah Montana-esque graphic design.
—dirtbaghippie @OC Register
Keith Yackey On Keith Yackey
—Few things are more painful than hearing idiots talking about themselves.
The name "Imperial Stars" is a rip-off of a crap science fiction book by some hack writer who also ripped off the idea from a sci-fi novella by the prolific E. E. "Doc" Smith. In the book, the year is 2447 and the Empire of Earth comprises more than a thousand inhabited systems. A threat to the Empire has developed and the Imperial secret service "SOTE" has been unable to foil it. In desperation they turn to the Family D'Alembert for assistance. The Family D'Alembert are natives of a high gravity planet, giving them unusual strength and speed. Traveling the galaxy under the cover of their famous circus, they are the Emperor's super secret force. Before that, they were called "Imperial Assassins", a name also ripped off from a crap game, Warhammer by way of Star Wars. TL;DR: Imperial Stars are a bunch of basement-dwelling stoner nerds.
They also appear to have tried their hand at entertaining other captive audiences in the past.
—Maman @OC Register
Gallery Jam 101
- Shameless self promotion, and HOW!
- Attention whores
- Party Van
- Buck Bumble
- Insane Clown Posse
- Shit bands
- IRL trolling
- Or trying too hard, you decide!
- Their official site
- YouTube channel: note the subscriber count lol
- Last.fm, ripe for vandalism
- KTLA.com news story
- Traffic Jam 101 music video, make sure to downrate it
- ImperialStarFan @ YouTube. Their #1 (and only) fan. w/ remix vidya.
- Their Twitter
- Facebook profile. Note they have dropped the "homeless children" pretense and are now a stoner band.
Keith Richard Yackey
Paul Arabella aka David Paul Hale
Christopher Roy Wright
- email@example.com (SEND THEM GOATSE)
- (562) 746-7470 (booking number)
Imperial Stars is part of a series on
Visit the Music Portal for complete coverage.
Imperial Stars is part of a series on
Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.
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