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Indie

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Nuvola
Moar info: Emo.
1,000 people all the same
Typical indie band. Every member was carefully selected to make you want to punch them in the face.


   
 
"Hi, I'm independent, free and Unique. Now here are the rules you need to conform to to be cool like the rest of us."
 

 
 

Originally short for independent music, the term indie can now, apparently, be applied to several things, like music, film, Morrissey, not washing yourself and even software. Indie is also a subculture characterized by an obsession with indie music or art, the lesser-known the better. The desire to be indie can appear in almost any genre of current music, but most often makes its presence known in emo and punk communities as well as on LJ and other internets sites. 100% of indie music is made by pasty, talentless white guys who think they are revolutionizing the world with their shit.

Indie scenewhores hunt for shitty music that nobody else knows about, because knowing of and listening to music that's completely unheard-of obviously makes them better than you. Most likely they will find this music far away from conservative eyes.

Normally prancing around in the night club, indie scenewhores dress like tramps and grow their hair really long. Please do not be encouraged to give them money. They are not poor or deprived, but merely have a mental disorder. It is best to tell them to contact the Salvation Army or Samaritans for clothing and counseling.

It is often hard to distinguish between a female indie scenewhore and a male indie scenewhore. It is also best to conclude that guys with the medium length layered hair are fags. They have it because it makes them an INDIVIDUAL and because every other indie fag does, because Bright Eyes looks soooo stylish. They also frequently use the word "sellout", as a way to BAWWWWWWWWW! and sound cool as they do it.

PROTIP: Indie can also apply to games.

Indie Is Totally A Genre

In it for the bitchez

Many pretentious fucks would proclaim that indie is not a genre of music but an attitude or some crap like that. This is a lie. The truth is that all indie bands sing about toasters, wear Chuck Taylors, stand around looking "random," make vague historical references in order to seem intelligent, frequently use the term post-modern, and have at least one member playing a fucked-up instrument like an electric accordion so they can be "different." Along with spelling "color" with a "u", realizing that indie is a genre is one of many things British people do to piss Americans off. Another is putting Oasis in said genre (why not? Oasis are shit too).

Indie subgenres include:

Franz Ferdinand being homo-erotic with a sword, "OMG ith like, soooo sharp!"
  • Riotgrrl - Possibly the stupidest name of a genre of all time (Grrl, get it? GET IT???), combines the crappiness of punk with the stupidity of feminism. Also played mostly by girls, and everybody knows that silly girls can't play rock music! So stop it already!
  • Post-punk revival - A revival of a shitty, minimalist genre from the 80's that no one cared about. Examples of post-punk revival bands include, Arctic Monkeys, Franz Ferdinand, Bloc Party, Interpol, ETC. You can usually hear this drivel on the radio, or in a gay porn flick about Thai ass fuckers living in the center of the Earth. Although Bloc Party would like you to believe that their music belongs in various high art indie flicks

Do remember it's not only the music, but it's the people too: indie kids are smugfags who hate everyone who isn't like them; they will embrace any kind of shit music. What a bunch of boring bastards.

Ex-Chav Indie

It is likely that when Chavs grow out of being cuntish urbanites, they become cuntish arrogant indiefags. This is an event that is usually triggered by over exposure to Instagram whores. The transformation is a gradual process that takes place in the following 4 steps.

  • 1 - The Chav transforms from wearing gray pajamas and fake gold chains to wearing slightly baggy jeans and pink and blue stripy smart-casual shirts.
  • 2 - The Chav hides his collection of R&B and Rap CDs under his bed.
  • 3 - The Chav ceases to pointlessly hang around outside McDonald’s on a Saturday night - this is replaced with an indie trip to the cinema to watch a poofy film about a gay bank robber (probably staring Ben Stiller ).
  • 4 - The Chav is no longer a Chav. He is now a qualified Indie.

The reaction from onlookers usually remains the same after the transition.

When the subject is a Chav, the reaction is 'What a Cunt.'

When the subject is an Indie, the reaction is 'What a Cunt.'

Indie Bands

Beth Ditto is indie
  • Animal Collective - boring acid head white bread music that tries to stand out by incorporating vaguely jungle nigra sounds so they can claim to have "African influences".
  • MGMT - see above, but worse. Also, they were nominated for a Grammy, so they suck now.
  • Arcade Fire - A Canadian septet known for having numerous members. The band originally consisted of between 14 - 21 Asspie's. After the release of their first album the band's numbers exploded to at least 100. Modern Science is unable to determine the true number of band members, but current estimates range from between 4000 to 5000, with some estimates claiming that the number is over 9000. The local government in Montreal Canada, the natural habitat of The Arcade Fire, has implemented extermination programs to control the rapidly growing AF population, who are a vermin and pose health risks to the public. This infestation of over 9000 rotating members were obviously trolled in high-school. Their gimmick is to prove that they are musically virtuous by swapping instruments (the tambourine-player sometimes plays the triangle, the male who plays drums becomes the lead singer and the guy who was playing the "My First Casio" vintage keyboard maniacally strums the four remaining acoustic guitars while the others (Jesus Christ, there are at least 100 people onstage) furiously dance Quaker-style to the at least 100 violins). As a result, you can't hear a goddamn thing. Their excuse for making shitty music is having recorded one of their albums, Neon Bible, in a chapel. They refuse to sing in English. Like Arctic Monkeys, they should've stopped after their one good song, and like Pavement, they made their career by ripping off an earlier band (The Polyphonic Spree: there are so many of them onstage and they all dress the same, so they're more like a cult than a band).
  • The Arctic Monkeys - since their arrival on the music scene they have done nothing but fuck up the minds of every child that was before noted as musically retarded. As once this charming, overly indie band arrived, all of a sudden these once confused and lost children felt they had found God's gift to their ears. Henceforth, the Arctic Monkeys became their saviors, and (of course) the 'best band in the world' leaving the indiekids to walk around the world like they owned it in their sexy pointy shoes. Arctic Monkeys are a prime example of a band that just won't fuck off. Also, their record company tries to take their albums down when they are placed on the internets.
  • The Automatic - They call their music style 'Electro-Disco-Rock' on their debut. Since their background singer Alex Pennie left and has been replaced by Paul Mullen, they rock even more!
  • The 1975 - One Direction with guitars. Worshiped by 14 year old girls on Tumblr. The cancer killing British music.
  • Beck - Some rich art school kid with the vocal range of a 80 year old chain smoker. Apparently he raps too. Also a second generation $cientologist.
  • Black Moth Super Rainbow - Music made by a an industrialized plant with analog synthesizers and a vocorder. Despite having 4 albums and multiple sideprojects, they haven't strayed a a fucking centimeter from their rudimentary lyrics about colors, melting, gum, and tripping balls in a field. This music is made in a basement and has not been viewed live, because it they played shows there would be more ecstasy fatalities than the electric daisy carnival and the collected 90's of Australia combined. Loved by shroomheads and 16 year old pot smokers for its edgy, psychedelic sounds.
  • Boredoms - Like Sonic Youth only they speak Wapanese. The most overrated Indie band in history. This band is only listened to by weeaboo retirees and Azn indiefucks. Most of it is just a bunch of shitty guitar playing accompanied by stupid noises that sound like monkey's in heat for an attempt at being original. AND OMG THEY LYKE HAVE TWO DRUMMERS! Therapeutic music for those with Asperger's syndrome and the deaf.
  • Bright Eyes - Remember that time where you got bullied on the playground? Conor Oberst got bullied more. Remember that time where you tried to hang yourself in the shower stall of your dormitory? Conor Oberst tried that and failed - twice. Remember when your uncle made you give him a blow job while you were going through a car wash? Nobody could hear Conor Oberst either, but he cried longer and harder. Bright Eyes exemplifies all there is to hate about indie and emo music. But, if you dare question his "aptitude as an artist" to anybody between the ages of 15 and 30 be prepared for a stroll through living hell. We all know sounding like you have cerebral palsy when you sing is deep AND hip, as Bright Eyes has sculpted the woeful, pissy singer facade quite well. To quote another indie band, (NO WAI) Cursive, Bright Eyes can be summed up in simple lyrics, "Well here we go again, the art of acting weak, fall in love to fail to boost your CD sales". Strange, the two bands come from the same label, Saddle Creek, which is about the most obnoxious thing to come out of Nebraska since... oh wait, it's the only thing to come out of fucking Nebraska. Ever. Jesus fuck.
  • Candle - Some whiny jackoff who has a band name but is really only one guy. His music sounds like a cross between the sound of one taking a shit and vomiting at the exact same time. You may think that sounds cool, but in reality being subjected to this shit may qualify as torture...or baby fuck.
  • The Cribs - Notable for stealing the master indiefuck Johnny Marr from Modest Mouse, and also singing predominantly about how scensters suck, therefore alienating their own fanbase.
  • Death Cab for Cutie - If you've ever wondered what your friend's fat little brother would sound like if you gave him a record contract and a recording booth, this could be it. Take a look at lead singer Ben Gibbard and tell me he does not look like Corey Feldman from when he was in that movie Stand By Me. He is in competition with Conor Oberst for the worst childhood prize. As for the actual music, they have better things than the ultimate sap song "I Will Follow You Into The Dark", which is apparently about some fat kid's girlfriend becoming an hero. However, Death Cab for Cutie (moar like Death Camp for Jewie, amirite?) signed to Atlantic Records-- so they're no longer indie.
  • Deafheaven - What happens when a thousand Shop-Vacs being turned on at Home Depot while kittens being tossed in a blender for a whole day being passed on as black metal. Their fanbase will repeatedly try to convince you that their music is shoegaze, screamo, and post-rock while the black metal purists are filled with immense butthurt from music critics labeling the band as black metal.
  • The Decemberists - While their lead guitarist was in a guitar off with Stephen Colbert, this does not keep from the fact that their ultra-literate pretentious douchebags who whip out even the most obscurest of vocab words to impress their fans. Who, in turn, use said vocab words in attempts to impress others, which in turn results with their asses getting beat. And Accordion is the worst instrument of all time.
  • Editors - PROTIP: Editors come from a totally unknown town called Stafford, in the middle of the shittest part of England. If they wanted to be "indie and small-time and obscure" they would've stayed there, surely? No, they pretend to be from one of the biggest and most well known cities in Britainland. The band that one pimply desperate-to-be indie girl you know is always listening to on her Ipod while she sits on the bus (as she looks out the window and wishes she could be more like Juno). The one that only she knows about, and prides herself on that fact (despite the fact that they're not nearly as obscure in England as they are in America). Go to their Facebook and just attempt to argue the fact that all their songs don't sound the same. No srsly, do it.
Singer of Of Montreal performs naked in the name of freedom of expression or is clearly on acid.
  • Elephant 6 - Not a band but a "collective" of bands (indie kids also tend to be communist cunts), Elephant 6 took queues from Pavement by basically producing rip-off bands. Of Montreal are Elephant 6's rip off of The Kinks and The Beach Boys (though more recently with dance music influence because the singer takes it up the ass, and in the album Skeletal Lamping, the lyrics include things like "We can do it softcore if you want, but I can take it both ways" as the singer attempts to claim that it's actually deep lyricism), and they managed to troll millions of indiefags by letting Outback Steakhouse use one of their songs; Apples In Stereo are a very very shitty watered down version of The Beatles in their psychedelic phase (Strawberry Fire is practically the same song as Strawberry Fields); and Neutral Milk Hotel are shitty regurgitated folk music with naff trumpet solos.
  • Fleet Foxes - Remember Napoleon Dynamite's uncle who wanted to go back in time to the 80's? This is a band comprised of people exactly like that, except they want to go back to the 70s because marijuana was cheaper and being a hippie didn't just mean you bought a tie dyed shirt at Target and people were more impressed by unoriginal acoustic jamming (due to the aforementioned abundant cheap marijuana).
  • 'dThe Gossip' - Has a horribly fat bitch as a singer 'Beth Ditto', who once said in an interview she doesn't wear deodorant because punks don't wear deodorant and she is a punk! Then she complained about Hot Topic not stocking clothes in her size. She is horribly obese, stinks, and worse, gets naked at shows. She also sings about feminism. Wat.
  • Hellogoodbye - Sometimes confused between emo and indie, basically they combined the worst of both worlds. They are a lame bunch of gays who think they can make people think they're straight by singing love songs. Forrest Kline is completely and utterly gay! Basically they are a very crappy 'indie' band, they should be banned from touring playing on the radio and television, one of the worst bands of the moment. Also, they stole their name from a hit song byThe Beatles.
  • Interpol - Another one of these highly derivative acts from America, a band which found no fame in the states, came over to England for mercy and sadly got it; these guys are without a doubt one of the most boring and worthless bands out now, but they will soon be gone as there is only so much people can put up with. Prove annoying also when a Joy Division or Editors song comes on the radio and a thick indiefuck says "is this Interpol?".
  • Mac Demarco - A Canadian homeless man who bought a cheap out of tune guitar at a pawn shop and hasn't fixed it since. Rewrote the same song 100 times over the course of 3 albums, and the one song he has that sounds different turned out to be a ripoff of some obscure Japanese new age shit. Music is Jimmy Buffet with an untuned cheap guitar, a couple chorus pedals, and lyrics about smoking cigarettes. Is known for his so randumb xD "goofball" image and doing things like shoving a drumstuck up his ass during shows.
  • The Mars Volta - This piece of shit "progressive rock" excuse for a group of total assholes raping instruments have a talent for pissing people off in ways emo bands have failed at doing for years. They combine shitty riffs with a filter making the guitar sound as if one were getting raped in the ear by Michael Jackson and a sandpaper condom and a singer that may as well be Michael Jackson raping your ear with a sandpaper condom, as his incoherent squealing is comparable to what I imagine would be Jackson jacking off on a microphone trying to record an emergency siren. This predictability goes on for ten minutes per each track on any given album by then. Forget the meaningless, opaque lyrics, you can't understand them (and not just because half the time they're in some random, incomprehensible dialect) and forget the sudden key, tempo, and style changes; you'll be busy burning the record by the time those kick in.
  • Metric/Soft Skeleton - Imagine feeling so fucking low you want to top yourself, manic depression setting in and you're out of prozac/ecstacy; this is a day in the life of singer/songwriter Emily Haines from her two indie bands, the Soft Skeleton and Metric. A typical Tuesday night for Emily is getting alcohol poisoning and masturbating to Clive Owens. This is all related though because her songs are inspired by her oppressed lifestyle. The days she takes heroin she writes for Metric and the days she has a hangover she writes for SS. Got more recognition through some hipster flick that was loved by nostalgiafags and hipsters. Also under a band name that doesn't exist played by another female vocalist
  • The Microphones - White noise with a hint of craptacular ambiance, that supposedly tells a story throughout their entire albums, but fails to keep the listener interested when the first 5 minutes of their album Mount Eerie is static and bongos. Literally. It sounds like you're listening to a scratched CD.
  • Mirah - Super Jewbag (Jew - oy fuckin' GEVAULT, I was not lying.) indie woman creature whose songs are just screaming to be put on a soundtrack for the next big indie film, which will stop being big once the indiefucks who go to see it realize that it's gaining popularity and thus losing it's novelty. At least all her shit doesn't sound similar. Sort of like if you tripped acid and woke up on a steam powered paddleboat being fucked to consciousness by it's captain. That's different too.
  • Modest Mouse - Their only claim to fame is having stolen Johnny Marr from his own personal retarded projects. Their fans are too busy bitching about how they went downhill to realize that they were always shit.
  • The Moldy Peaches - Ever try to record a song on your computer for a band you were in with your high school buddies with horrible results? If so, you may have been in The Moldy Peaches. Famous for having one of their shit songs in a shit movie; they basically capture the whole shitty 'underground indie' movement: horrible songs recorded in a shed. The liner notes of their only album admits it.
  • Mother Mother - Yet another generic indie rock band from Canada. All their lyrics are incomprehensible, and their music videos are overly flashy and elaborate to compensate for the fact that they couldn't write an original song if their lives depended on it. Popular amongst 16-year-old girl hipsterfucks.
  • Muse - Radiohead songs with guitar solos and shitty vocals, so naturally they outsell their superiors. It is known that Matt Bellamy sold his soul to attain his 100 octave falsetto. Sadly has sold out.
  • My Bloody Valentine - A detailed musical sex diary of two ugly gingers in Dublin during the 1980's. Naturally, this makes indiefucks worship them. They pioneered Shoegazing, a genre of music that only /mu/tards enjoy.
  • The National - A piss poor excuse of a band that plays boring, stale Dad-Rock. Their music is about as exciting as watching paint dry or flies fucking. Currently being hyped up by Pitchfork and their flock of retarded hipsters.
  • Naked City - John Zorn's outlet for his various sexual frustrations/S&M fetish.
  • Joanna Newsom - A crazy bitch whose singing voice sounds like an eight year old girl being raped. Her music is excessively long and drawn out, and intentionally inaccessible. Because of this, hipsters worship her like a goddess. Also is married to an unfunny kike from SNL.
  • Pavement - A lame rip-off of a post-punk band called The Fall who taped all their music with shitty equipment. Since Pavement, Indie kids have learnt to basically choose a famous band and rip them off. And also to use shitty equipment. It is seriously seen as beneficial in the indie community to use equipment that produces poor quality recordings, probably to cover up poor-quality music.
  • Pixies - Has a girl bassist. Noisy rants about space and incest from the guy who shot John Lennon. The inspiring force behind Nirvana and Sonic Youth.
...And The Postal Service was born.
  • The Postal Service - An electronically amped version of Death Cab for Cutie. It's pretty much the same fuckin' band with the same singer, except far more coked up. Sort of sounds like if you took a Super Nintendo and forced it to have sex with Death Cab For Cutie. This is EXACTLY what happened: see picture on right. Also, "We Will Be Come Silhouettes" was also in a car commercial, so technically they are no longer indie and fall into the same genre as The Strokes. Also the song "Such Great Heights" was in a USPS commercial. They're a faggot electronic band, ok?
  • Radiohead - A shitty, whining loser band, for people who would really like to think they have good and unique taste in music just because they realize Coldplay sucks, but can't bring themselves to listen to anything that's not pretty and properly pop. The fans are all cunts that believe Radiohead to be "experimental" and "avant-garde".
  • Sigur Rós - Boring as fuck Icelandic babble that indiefucks try to pass off as "deep", despite the fact that most don't understand what the fuck they're saying. They also use a cello bow to play guitar.
  • The Shins - The poster boys for indie rock. The blandest sound that could possibly make it's way through speakers and still be called 'music' since it's got a drum track. It couldn't make up it's mind whether it was folk or rock, so they decided to just call it 'indie rock,' which is a bullshit paradox because that doesn't even describe a sound. The kind of shit that gets featured in Michael Cera and Zach Braff movies. As Zach Braff himself once said, "Listen to this one Shins song. It'll have no impact whatsoever on your life."
  • Slint - Slint's music is called 'math rock' because it uses 'compound time signatures'. Not interested? Neither was most of the rest of the world, but indie kids will repeatedly try to talk to you about Slint's time signatures. If you actually listen to a Slint song you will realize it sounds like Indie's attempt at heavy metal: a lame, watered down, intellectualized version of what was dog turd in the beginning. Slint are also responsible for post-rock in the same way that Trent Reznor is probably in a large way responsible for the dire modern angst-rock fad: thanks a lot, guys.
Even Morrissey facepalms when he sees what he's done to modern music.
Thank you for this insight, Morrissey!!!!!!!
  • The Smiths - The Smiths contain not one but two huge indie fuck-head icons - Johnny Marr and Morrissey. Marr, the guitarist, was praised for writing rhythm guitar parts any retard could come up with (wow chord sequences!!) but then playing them with a hundred guitars so you just get a synth-esque orchestral mush in the background of any Smiths song. Wow, that's talent! Morrissey is basically responsible for making it cool for Indie kids to whine, which allowed emo influence to slowly creep into the genre, which finally resulted in emo/indie shit such as Fallout Boy and My Chemical Romance. The Smiths themselves, while nothing in shittiness compared to these bands, were just samey boring 80s pop music with pretensions towards art and plenty of allusions to homosexuality. Emos don't actually listen to The Smiths; the fat middle-aged mothers of emos do.
  • Snow Patrol- All of their songs sound exactly alike and they all have one of two messages. 1) oh woe is me, I lost my love. 2) OMG I love you so much, never ever leave me! They haven't done shit since 2006.
  • Sonic Youth - Sonic Youth make shitty noise by sticking screwdrivers in their guitars and having a woman singer, and then call it avant-garde so it appeals to art college kids that desparately want to fit in and stand out at the same time. Only heard on college radio by deaf listeners. They also say that they listen to Alice Cooper and Frank Zappa but everyone knows that's a bunch of bullshit. Did I mention they like Noise?, a genre that IS ACTUALLY JUST LOUD, SHITTY NOISE? Also, you can't miss an art faggot who claims they are there biggest admiration/infulence. One lulzy game to play is thus: find an indiefuck that insists that Sonic Youth are better than X for never selling out, then kindly remind them that they are only avant-inspired alt. rock because the record label wouldn't let them perform actual avant-garde music.
  • Sufjan Stevens - Makes songs that sound so compressed and minimalistic they sound more like Mobile phone ringtones than actual songs. Also looks like the retard from Rain Man.
  • The Strokes - The Strokes are not indie. The Strokes are Car Commercial Rock. The music that they play in car commercials.
  • Talking Heads - New Wave/art rock made by a literal aspie who acts like a robot. Songs are about mundane shit only an aspie would find interesting, like calendars or the crinkles on a piece of paper.
  • Talk Talk - Was a shitty synthpop band in the 80s, but then went on to be an even shittier post-rock band. Headed by a guy who went an hero after putting out a godawful album of his own. Godspeed You! Black Emperor may be the worst that post-rock has to offer, but you can blame Talk Talk for bringing that faggotry into existence.
  • Two Door Cinema Club - What your little sister probably listens to with her fag indie friends while being the biscuit in a game of Soggy Biscuit. Hailing from Northern Ireland, these drunken retards (consisting of a CopperCab lead singer) will make your eyeballs fall out and descend down to your asshole and stay there. Forever.
  • Vampire Weekend - Possibly the worst indie band of the moment. Why they are so famous, no one fucking knows. Their music and lyrics are shit, and their music videos are cheesy, convoluted, and predictable. WHAT MAEKS THEM SO GRET IZ THE SPEZIAL SYNTHY SOUNHD TEY USE TO MEKE EVERY SONG SOUND EXACTLY THE SAEM. You can tell a load of rough Chavs are going to go to their gigs for a fight and fuck, probably each other, and some stupid little young teen girl will go there and enjoy the music and be crushed in the mosh pit. A fucking awful band, no one likes them, they should get off the air. Fucking gay indie band.
  • Wavves - A guy in his 30s singing about smoking weed on the beach and literally nothing else. Shitty lo-fi surf punk designed for Tony Hawk games. Loved by teenage girls and skaters.
  • The White Stripes - Some skinny 40-year-old hipster and his wife/sister failed to learn how to tune or play their instruments. They recorded a bunch of cacophonous screaming and indiscriminate drum-bashing to a music video of Legos masturbating and were an overnight success.
  • Xiu Xiu - Gay prostitute yelling about getting raped over some piano. Biggest hit is entitled "Black Dick" (srs).
  • The Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Has a wailing hag as a singer, also a carbon copy of no wave band "Teenage Jesus and the Jerks" which is headed by the most retarded person in American history, Lydia Lunch.

"Indie" can also refer to:

Trolling Indiefucks

An indiefuck is easily trolled by presenting to them some sort of media of whatever shitty fag band on a form of mass media. The proper procedure of trolling an indiefuck is illustrated below.

Aah my indie cred.gif

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