Instagram

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Instagram updated its logo to appeal to all the hip funky fresh millennials who use it.

Instagram is Twitter for people who can't read. It is a terrible app, powered by fail and AIDS that takes pictures and runs them through shitty filters and then posts them on the Internet. Because of these filters, Instagram is mainly used by people who want to mask how ugly their faces are, as well as cock-sucking hipsters who feel that they must photograph and share all of the stupid shit that they do throughout their day to everyone they know. Instagram is also its own defunct social network where people can share their worthless and ugly images to other users.

You can't even use it on the real Internets, it was only available through their shitty iPhone app at first, and then later on Android. Facebook bought this pile of shit for a billion dollars.


Ew poor people[edit]

The extreme depths of the vile term "Rich Kids Of Instagram" are indescribable. Starting around 2010-2011 IG became the "go-to" network for the self-glory of arrogant trust-fund shitweeds everywhere. Posting endless carefully-staged photos of their swimming pools and yachts (with swimming pools) and helicopters and Chanel/Prada gold-plated junk and Lamborghinis and muscular boyfriends shoving bottles of Dom Perignon up their asses. RKOI started out as a mocking IG account, which was eventually deleted because it was "degrading". Code for "daddy's lawyer made them take it down". Still the general concept became so pervasive there is now an underclass of websites documenting the turd-ocean. Millions of broke-ass IG users love this stuff and aspire to become "rich and thin and idle", thus providing plenty of fuel for the hellfire. Instagram's narcissistic egomaniacs will make even the most dedicated MAGAhead hate the beautiful rich. Get a barf bag before perusing these links.

Sometime in 2012 Instagram opened their network, which was previously iPhone exclusive, to poor Android lusers. Much butthurt was heard from the iPhags who claimed that having Android phones on their network was akin to having AIDS in the pool.

Types of Basement Dwellers on Instagram[edit]

  • There is these copyrighted weeb couple trash where no one gives a fuck about. If you seen one, you have pretty much seen all.
  • Instagram school age (mostly) girls. They can be the real classmates or relative of yours that you don't care about. Their shit is generic as fuck and just like the anime assoholic cunts above, they are pretty much the same.
  • Instagram guys are probably having the same cringe level as the girls or even worse.
  • The artists are the 'original' group of basement dwellers in this shitty app. They submit artwork, but who the fuck cares unless your shit fan fucking reposts the same shit without creditting. They are the REAL FUCKING ARTISTS of those weeb couple shit as well. Poor people.
  • Celebrities are another group of cunts or prostitutes that would not shut the fuck up about their stupid fame or their dumb vlogs. Seriously, Jewtube isn't enough for these cunts.
  • Fucking everyone else. Including your 50 year old male teacher who has a gay obsession over Justin Bieber.
  • Mock him if you wish but Michael Rapaport has 1.5 million followers. He got there just by being a foulmouthed smartass Jew from the Upper East Side (and an actor of some prominence). He runs a podcast of distinction. And he posts utter shit on Instagram, often mocking the culture thereof. He reached the peak of IG whiny bullshit accidentally: his video of an ugly cat in his backyard was a smash hit. So smashing, Instagram banned it. Because it was "degrading to the cat".

Before Instagram was cool[edit]

IT'S A PICTURE OF AN OLD CAMERA ON AN APP THAT USES FILTERS TO MAKE PICTURES LOOK OLD, GEDDIT?!?!?!

Ask any hipster about Instagram, and they'll recall Instagram before it was cool in the style of war vets - that's possibly because they wear the same shoes. But the hipster with the highest hipsterism will recall an app which existed around 100 years before Instagram - called Hipstamatic. A biased and unreferenced source says that over 100 years ago, the Hipstamatic was some crappy wannabe-avant garde camera which epically failed during the 90's. It's creators were so bummed about this they just sat there and waited. And waited. Twenty years passed - until the perfect technology came along in the form of the iPhone - the handset aspiration of every self-respecting hipster.

So an app was created in 2009, and was so seldom used it passed unnoticed - but knowing the track record of observation by the creators of Hipstamatic, and the love of Facebook credit of Instagram, it's likely that Instagram was probably a ripped-off idea of Hipstamatic, the creators of whom are just sitting there, waiting, and waiting, and waiting - for the Facebook credit they probably won't receive - the obvious resulting lawsuit 'for the lullz' could be some time in the making...

It's fair to say that hipstermatic was so old it was probably instigated by beatniks - as they put in more effort than hipsters, and don't necessarily see profit as a dirty word.

Instagate[edit]

Last Thursday, Instagram added fully functional profiles to their site, and before anybody noticed, Instagram hoped to force people to their site by turning off integration with Twitter. This change was received with open arms by the Instagram community. Riding high on the wave of fail, they decided that it was also a dandy fine time to change their TOS to permit them to use user's images in advertisement without their knowledge or consent, for reasons unknown. This led many hipsters to leave Instagram forever. Instagram's jewry was also noticed by many NORPs, who proceeded to bitch about it on a massive scale on Facebook and Twitter. Shortly thereafter, Instagram gave up (for now). Which is rather insignificant, as the heartless back-stabbing jews in charge of Instagram will surely slip it into another TOS update without anyone noticing.

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Featured article January 7 & 8, 2013
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