IntelMiner

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Shaun Miner, wearing his favorite Sonichu hat

The illustrious Microsoft Windows platform has always been famous for attracting some of the best the computing community has to offer as well as being the focus of some of the most enlightened forums on les tubes. From people who think that installing hex-edited video drivers is the height of l33t hax, to people who viciously attack other platforms because they can't run World of Warcraft, Windows users are truly a light to the world. However, not all of them are fine, upstanding citizens. Such is the case of one furfag Shaun "Intel" Miner, whose identity apparently revolves around a chip which is a knockoff of the 4-bit circuits used today in elevators and calculators. To start, IntelMiner is so far on the wrong side of rules 1 and 2 that he can't even see the line. He also claims that he is the "best IT guy in the fat fur fandom", despite the moniker "IT guy" not really being relevant to real world jobs since 2005 or so. Typical of the /b/tard he claims to be, his online personality is similar to an Adderall-tripping Yorkshire Terrier. He is hyperactive, obsessive and tries to speak in memes to appear as one of the cool kids. He doesn't appear to know jack shit about computers or even Windows, only what you might learn from spending your life trying to repair your Windows install after installing Windows Optimizer. According to his FurAffinity profile, he is 18-years-old, which would explain a lot.

His FurAffinity gallery is full of fail, most of it simply being regurgitation of shitty Photoshops from /b/ and screenshots that have no furry content, in flagrant violation of the TOS of the site. His fursona is allegedly stolen (like much of everything else in IntelMiner's life—see below) from a former friend, the same one whose deviantART he subsequently hacked. He currently lives in Australia, despite being an Americunt. He claims that he makes over 9000 dollars as a server administrator, which is resoundingly similar to Dragoneer's claims that he doesn't sit on his fat ass all day and watch the donations roll in while the FA server burns. If he really is an 18-year-old "server administrator" (a vague job description, and also unlikely, since the wild-west days of IT are a decade or more behind us), then I'm sure his employer will be most interested in what their erstwhile employee has been up to on the Internets. After all, he does still live with his parents.

None of this explains how much fail he is.

IntelMiner the Drama Whore[edit]

   
 
How do I shot Debian?
 

 
 

—Actual rebuttal from IntelMiner

A typical IntelMiner dramabomb transpires thusly:

  1. Shaun attempts (usually clumsily) to pull paper-thin wool over the eyes of the furry fandom, claiming he is doing them a favor.
  2. Most furfags see through his bullshit like a clear summer's day.
  3. Someone is always stupid enough to fall for his ruse.
  4. Said person(s) get their shit ruined.
  5. Drama explodes, IntelMiner denies everything.
  6. Rinse and repeat.

IntelMiner lives in a complex where he never starts anything. His claims will soon be "confirmed" from his many fanboys who flock to his drama-covered journals and take his side.

If IntelMiner starts on you, simply remind him he is a fat fuck and that nobody cares if he installed Gentoo.

Criminal Activities[edit]

   
 
Once again, Im an IT guy, I work at an IT store a lot of our customers bring in their super cheap laptops/netbooks and request Win7 removed and XP stuck in its place, we sell XP cheaper because we reclaim the cost by selling Win7 second hand!
 

 
 

—IntelMiner, IT store employee.

We suspect that IntelMiner may one day be a big deal in the world of computer-related crime, because already, at the tender age of 18, he has shown the world that he has what it takes to screw over people he wants to be his friends. Last Thursday, IntelMiner told everyone that he was going to sell copies of Windows 7 on the cheap, giving away Ultimate editions for only 20 dollars. This was such a hamfisted attempt to sell warez from BitTorrent that even the furfags at FurAffinity were suspicious. However, as is always the case, a number of furries fell for the ruse and to everyone's surprise, multiple reports of the software he sold being infected have surfaced. This loser says that somehow, his Steam and several other instant messaging and e-mail accounts were hacked, and this comment says that at least one other person had the exact same thing happen to them. Whether or not IntelMiner is actually behind the hackings is anyone's guess, because given his incompetence it's entirely possible he just passed along an infected torrent to his unsuspecting marks customers.

The Sting[edit]

When he was caught selling infected pirated infected and pirated copies of Windows 7, several upstanding members of the furry community came forward with stories of Shaun's past attempts at separating innocent furries from their hard-earned money. One furry gullible enough to fork over the $20 to our scammer friend has come forward and confirmed that the key he received was the infamous 22TKD key, which is expected to be blacklisted by Microsoft very soon. When confronted with this fact, IntelMiner resorted to many lulzy (and lame) attempts to defend himself, including the hilarious "IT store" quote above. He also attempted to cite Yahoo! Answers as a source to justify his bullshit, confusing first sale doctrine that allows people to sell used software with Microsoft's special type of product key for computer manufacturers. Nevermind that these keys are property of a IT store computer-manufacturing company, and not his to sell, the key was in fact leaked from Lenovo in a highly-publicized event last year. He baleeted the journal he wrote when it became clear that his attempts to cover his ass were not succeeding.

Other accounts include attempts to sell cracked copies of Windows XP, which can be had for free on BitTorrent, and an attempt to give away infected copies of video games.

Ever since Shaun was caught out trying to pull a basic criminal scam (and not doing it very well), his butthurt has been thinly veiled under a trollish obsession with the person who exposed him. Despite the fact that this occurred months ago, he has not given up, in the great furry tradition of holding Internet grudges for years and even decades. Experts at one time believed that this was because there is so little meaning or activity in his life that the Internet and obsessing over various random people provide an illusion of satisfaction to him, but they have recently concluded based on irrefutable evidence that it is because he is a massive faggot.

Faggots never change[edit]

Info non-talk.png He's still at it!

Recently, he was banned from FurAffinity for hacking, and, as is a furry custom, blogged about it and mentioned this page, and several contributors to the page, even though they had nothing to do with whatever faggotry he managed to get involved with this time. This sort of obvious butthurt which he can't hide is why trolling IntelMiner is so satisfying. He even thinks the fact that he can set up Active Directory on his home network is some kind of accomplishment. Besides the fact that Active Directory is basically designed so that even Windows fanboys (i.e. those that have jobs pretending they're smarter and better than the drones at whatever office they work at) can clean the drool off their keyboards and set it up, and the fact that it's entirely pointless for his little faggoty network of Asus white boxes and Alienware computers (see below), when you spend your days at home, and have a life defined by literally nothing other than drama on FurAffinity, this is an accomplishment.

The Attention Whore[edit]

Even whoring for attention at work
   
 
Actually, judging by our respective friends lists, I have a far more positive fan base than you do
 

 
 

—IntelMiner, USI problems

IntelMiner has a history of hacking people's online accounts, such as deviantART, FurAffinity, and others, and leaving subtle hints that he was to blame. Of course, IntelMiner's idea of a clever hint is most people's idea of a giant honking dump truck. He does things like deleting everyone from a user's friends list, except for himself. He allegedly has wanted an Encyclopedia Dramatica article for some time, and was butthurt when he was removed from the Furfag needed page. This suggests IntelMiner is following in the footsteps of other such epic attention-whore furry failures as Sage Freehaven, and is probably masturbating to this article right now.

You can help put a stop to this shit by using non-retarded passwords on your accounts. It's not as if he's exactly a 1337 h4xx0r, he is simply enabled by the fact that he is only marginally more intelligent than your average furry, which is to say he probably has an I.Q. of around 47. IntelMiner may even be involved with the uber 1337 U413 crew, so BE WARNED.

Honesty is Such a Lonely Word[edit]

Perhaps unlike his furluminati counterparts, who have their faggotry overlooked in the name of furthering the great worldwide furry conspiracy, IntelMiner has acquired something of a reputation among the furfags as someone who is "not to be trusted". He seems aware of this, as evidenced in this journal. Evidence suggests that he has tried to pawn off his warez on others before the pile of Windows 7 drama that earned him this page, and he is generally seen by furries as a two-bit scammer who doesn't so much want friends as he does to make a couple of bucks off of the naive. Of course, being in the furry fandom, he will be a millionaire before the end of this year.

Any furries with information on past dramaclusterfucks caused by IntelMiner are encouraged to contact Encyclopedia Dramatica so that the drama may be properly documented and the lulz dispensed in a safe and professional manner.

IntelMiner And Computer Security[edit]

The man claims to be going to college (actually, he's going to a TAFE school, like a certain other computer security poser), for Security Faggotry (and he's gonna get some MCSE thing too, don't you forget it!), yet, as seems to always be the case with such attention whores, the faggotry of his own computer system is unbounded. He runs an anonymous FTP server that lists the contents of his Windows C:\ drive, and he still has password based logins enabled on his SSH server.

But here's a protip: while our friend here has no qualms about actually hacking someone's password to a web site, or selling copyrighted software with malicious code injected into it, he will BAWWW like hell and report you to the party van if you dare to log into this FTP server (which has no password, so it's not being hacked). Because just like every other Security Faggot on this planet, it's no problem when you're ruining other people's shit, but when your own idiocy is pointed out, well, it's butthurt time!

His DynDNS domain is intelmineriv.dontexist.com, which he no longer updates. He now publishes his amazing code and essays that make Sarah Palin look like a spelling-bee champion at intelminer.com. His first contribution to the public discourse is a groundbreaking, genre-defining "Linux rant" in which he puts forth the novel and revolutionary opinion that all Lunix distributions suck. Experts are divided as to what is the bigger delusion: that he thinks he has something new to say on this subject that hasn't already been said in over 9000 different Slashdot threads, or that he has such an overinflated sense of self-worth that he thinks anyone actually cares what he has to say on anything at all.

Silicon Ricer[edit]

Info non-talk.png TL;DR: Basically, IntelMiner is like every other suburban teenage faggot to post in /g/, but is too stupid to realize he should become an hero.

There exist a certain class of computer users who see their "rigs" as nothing more than an extension of their e-penis. They don't use these computers as practical tools for accomplishing work as normal people do, but use them to top their online buddies in the "who has the most megahertz" competition. This is exactly like people who install 6ft. fins on their Honda Civic, remove the logo, and think this makes them l33t.

A popular pastime among this crowd is to install Mac OS X on their shitty "capacitor popper" PC rigs. As they think Macs are just glorified PCs because they have x86 processors in them, this seems like a good idea. So they download hacked versions of OS X that are adorned with names like "Kalyway" and street art and shout-outs to their homies. Somehow, these people manage to make Mac OS even shittier than the real version from Apple. Experts have recently discovered that this is because they are massive faggots.

After they install and get a simple 640x480 screen, they have to install hacked graphics drivers written by experts trained at ITT Tech in the fine art of Visual Basic and Computer Science III. These geniuses have no conception of what a pointer is or how to do threading, and things go downhill from there, if you can imagine that. It's important to remember, the fact that their AMD-powered rig crashes every time they open YouTube isn't what's important. It's that they have something no one else has! But don't mention to these people that Linux is nowadays more useful, stable, and has better drivers for more hardware, because then you're just a whiny open-source faggot who is too much of a n00b to do a lot of fucking about to be a cheap Macfag, amirite?

It should surprise no one that IntelMiner's favorite Lunix distribution is Gentoo. Recently, when trying to imply that Gentoo users were better than Debian users, he was butthurt enough to make yet another journal about getting trolled, and then, when he was unsure if he had tried hard enough, he posted this graphic of his computers to the Internet. Basically, instead of farting out his mom's basement playing TF2 and failing at trolling, he spent 45 minutes in MS Paint trying to show a world that doesn't care how big his e-peen is. Of course, much lulz were then had when it was revealed that, as suspected, he owns an Alienware computer, like every other live-at-home teenage video-game tool ever. There was also a conspicuous lack of anything Cisco, leading some to question the judgment of a Computer Science III major who uses a router from a third-rate Taiwanese maker of pirated computer chips.

IntelMiner Fails At Everything[edit]

In a turn of events that surprises no one, he decided to stop posting his lame single-digit-comment-count journals to FurAffinity and set up his own server to host his blog about drama. This was done, experts believe, to ensure no one would ever read or care about his blog ever again. He even invokes fellow drama douche and purposeless failure at life SilverAutomatic as a model of his new drama blog, which ensures that IntelMiner will keep his standards low and fail to meet even those.

As of last Thursday however, he hasn't even been able to fail, since he's failed at failing.

He can't even set up Wordpress, so he can run a blog that no one will read. Even your mom can set up Wordpress. In fact, his server has nothing on it, which is an appropriate analogy for what IntelMiner has to offer the world.

Sockpuppetry[edit]

In a now deleted journal, the FurAffinity user specopsbear accused Shaun of impersonating him on ED so that he could edit his own article and not be noticed. Until it's deleted, IntelMiner's reply denying everything (see Modus Operandi above) can be viewed here. After it's deleted a screencap will be posted, of course.

When looking at the edits made by this account, it becomes pretty obvious that it's IntelMiner, talking about himself in the third person like a fucktard. It also explains why that account was trying to get shit (such as this) taken out of the article. IntelMiner even tried to remove the dox of his virtual boyfriend Zareth from his original article.

You can tell if a sock is one of IntelMiner's - he will edit this page, get his shit reverted then spam the talk page with terribly hidden white knighting. Don't take him seriously.

More evidence of the faggotry can be seen on |his talk page.

Sockpuppets so far:

We've replaced IntelMiner's brain, that should have told him that this is a war he can't win, with a rotting cabbage. Let's see if anyone notices!

Nope, Not Obsessed[edit]

User KlikKlak claims he's not IntelMiner, but he sure seems to have the same writing style and the same obsessions as our faggy friend from down under, doesn't he?

YOU BE THE JUDGE

IntelMiner getting trolled on #ozfurs[edit]

Note: Panzerdraco here actually already knows about Linux.

<Panzerdraco> what /is/ Gentoo?
<IntelMiner> Gentoo is a distribution of Linux
<Panzerdraco> linux?
<IntelMiner> Operating System
<IntelMiner> Like Mac or Windows
<Panzerdraco> oh, huh
<Electra> But with awsome!
<Elfasi> You never heard of Linux? o.O
<Talu_Foxtrot> and made of win
<IntelMiner> Few people have =P
<Talu_Foxtrot> 9.10 ftw ppl! *dances*
<Tursiae> You people talk so much shit.
<Fiskie> I know
<IntelMiner> Arch Linux or gtfo :v
<Elfasi> O.o
<Panzerdraco> so where do you buy a linux?
<Fiskie> I only need Linux on a VM
<IntelMiner> You dont
<IntelMiner> Linux is free
<Panzerdraco> wait
<Panzerdraco> so like, i can go into a store and just take a linux?
<IntelMiner> Nope
<Talu_Foxtrot> interwebs
<IntelMiner> Yeah
<IntelMiner> Linux and everything that runs on it, is free
<Fiskie> Ubuntu One
<Fiskie> lolololololo
<Spikeda> Depending on the view of that you take.
<IntelMiner> The most itll cost you is one CD
<IntelMiner> Free as in free beer
<IntelMiner> Not free as in that FOSS baww that Debian does
<Panzerdraco> how does it run if you have to download it? don't you need the box with the tech stuff in it?
<IntelMiner> Panzerdraco, you ever installed Windows?
<Panzerdraco> no, i just bought a windows at the store
<Talu_Foxtrot> http://www.ubuntu.com/
<IntelMiner> Panzerdraco, Then how'd you get it from the box it came in to your computer? :P
<Panzerdraco> it is a computer. o_o
<IntelMiner> Panzerdraco, then you bought a computer, WITH Windows :p
<Panzerdraco> ...oh.
<Mezerian> Psi: I know!
<Fiskie> I just downloaded Windows 7 and didn't update it
<Psi> i bought a computer with linux windows edition
<Psi> its a really cool OS
<IntelMiner> I just bought Windows 7 because I had no choice
<IntelMiner> And XP makes me want to eat puppies
<Fiskie> Yeah well I bought a computer with mac windows linux bsd edition
<Navras> i upgraded from xp to win7 not long ago, it's very nice
* ShivalWolf has kicked IntelMiner from #Ozfurs (it has been decided you dont need to be in ozfurs anymore)
* ShivalWolf sets ban on *!*IntelMine@*.ip.adam.com.au


   
 
<IntelMiner> I hate mine, I fix Windows Server 2000 and stick pencils in my nose while pretending to be a walrus
 

 
 

—IntelMiner, Talking about his "job" and forgetting that Microsoft didn't start calling it "Windows Server" until version 2003.

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