- Not to be confused with the Cyberpolice
Internet police are a self-inflated governing body heartset on making the Internets a good, moral, upstanding, and unfortunately all too often Jewish place. Fortunately, they are generally just causeheads with little power. The Internet Police is a branch of the Internet military, and not to be confused with the IRL police, whose contribution to society is broader and whose tactics include the random administering of a lot more beatings and tazings.
The Internet Police are seen in two main forms:
- Soccer Moms: Self-descriptive title. Generally overbearing undersexed housewives with nothing better to do than see if little Timmy is "experimenting" with www.hotforhorses.com
- Institutional: As seen in public schools, universities, and literacy institutions across America. Strict, "CyberWatch" style cock-blocking of today's youth has increased teenage obesity 633% in recent years.*
* Medical experts attribute the sudden spike in teenage obesity to lack of adequate masturbation stimulus. Doctors felt since the flooding of video games into homes in the early 1990's, the only exercise performed by most teens was a little of the ol' 'squirt squirt.' We can all be thankful CyberPatrol software can alleviate the strict responsibilities of being a parent. Sorry kids -- go jerk off to your dad's porno mags.
Police are people who break the law while wearing a uniform. Sometimes they are in plain clothes and break the law in these. The police's best allies are other criminals, with which they have a natural affinity and mutual agreement to enable their preying on the normal, decent, law-abiding citizens.
They also used to beat people up in meat wagons in Blackhill in the 1960's, and THOMAS MCGRAW, Glasgow's biggest criminal,
is still in league with all the police got the IRL banhammer.
The duties of IRL police officers are manifold. They include:
- Laughing at the public.
- Laughing at and/or ignoring ethnic victims of violence.
- Creating ethnic victims of violence.
- Drawing their pay.
- Letting off other cops when they break the law (particularly traffic regulations).
- Claiming to be civilians while being allowed to carry weapons where no one else can and being allowed to have machine guns and other military grade weapons (i.e. SWAT teams) and also shooting people dead and getting away with it when any other civilian would have been convicted of murder or manslaughter.
- Nobly supporting the War on Drugs by taking the drugs they confiscate.
- Kissing the ass of political leaders and affluent society.
- Lying and being general assholes.
- Keeping you down (in conjunction with the man).
- Accompanying Child welfare workers when they come to put your child in foster care.
- Mugging people at gunpoint for their iPods.
Although IRL cops once were funded by taxpayer dollars, as pointed out in Neal Stephenson's Snowcrash (one of his many novels that he published and then never finished), the functions of the government can fraction into city-states. This has not happened yet, except for the IRL police who are funded 100% by speeding tickets. Unfortunately, many people complain about the lack of police or the lack of prisons, but do nothing to help. Police need your money-that is why seven lane roads have speed limits of 25MPH and many highways have 55MPH when both should be in the triple digits-so please speed everywhere you can to help them out.
How to not get arrested by IRL cops
- Be white
- Don't fap in public
- Don't go to the Lower Harbor District of Baltimore at all
- Don't Burn down churches
- Don't play with Lite Brites
- One crime at a time, gentlemen.
- Have sex with A Police Officer
IRL Internet Police!?
According to Yahoo News, China has cartoon police officers that patrol illegal websites. They 'patrol' the internets making sure chinks don't download porn or shitting dick nipples. Which is exactly why living in China sucks.
Eugene Kapersky of ghey Kapersky AV fame has called for internet police and passports. This is part of the sen. Rockefeller
conspiracy IRL cancer killing the internets. CEO of a russian company so no one gives a fuck. Proof
The IC3 (aka Internet Crime Complaint Center) are the internet police branch of the FBI that helps crack down on 419 scams, credit card fraud, identity theft and auction fraud. Contrary to popular belief, they don't arrest people for calling you "fatty" on the internet.
- Argent009 - Literally claimed position a "Web Police" officer
- Dangerdan - Moral cop, aspiring FBI agent
- Internet Secret Police
- CircaRigel - Internets Detective
- thedramatube - Unknown
- Sgt. Smith - Very Srsly Officer. Contacted every time you fuck with PixelBee.
- Irish282 - Uses his badge to impress preteen boys.
- Mission: MySpace / Jude's Army with help from RebelChild - the failed MySpazz version of the internet police.
- Jessi Slaughter - Reported you to the Cyber Police
- Big Al - He patrols the net to keep people honest
Internet police is part of a series on
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| Internet police is part of a series on Internet Humanitarianism|
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|Featured article July 1, 2008|
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The Comprehensive Theory of Lulz
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