Jackson Jawbreaker

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File:JacksonJawbreaker2.jpg
Before scene plague.
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His photoshoopin' looks so cute here..

Jackson Jawbreaker is an 18 year-old, self-proclaimed internet celebrity, and attention whore from Ohio. On the surface, he's just another MySpace-faggot, organic vegetarian. Most of what is seen on the Internets was conjured by means of Satan's own copy of Adobe Photoshop. He is down right FUGLY without his shoopskillz and make up on, as seen here.

He claims to have "brought originality to the scene" for absolutely no reason. The sad truth is that he is one of the least original people in the pathetic scene. Everything about Jackson is very lulzy due to the fact that he considers himself and his fake 'perfection' to be very serious business. His weight is especially serious business, since anyone who mentions it is obviously super jealous of his crazy good fame. After all, Jackson has been interwebinz for at least 100 years according to him (or maybe 2-3 years according to reality). Though, in recent interwebs chatter, it has been revealed that Jackson's hideous self may never have actually existed until 2008, but he swears he was a crucial part in forming the scene. This statement may in fact be the truth, considering he coincidentally has only one picture of himself before 2008, in-which he didn't look scene, but more like a fat weebo. Any trolling of Jackson on this subject will probably ensue with many a lulz-worthy comment from the King of Scene.

Jackson has no IRL friends, which is typical of most internet celebrities. Legend has it that his ego devours all subjects of friendship before he can develop any social bond with them. He also believes that The Man, the government, the FBI, and about every other fucking person on the face of the Earth is out to get him and bring him down. Of course he probably would be right if he were a minority, but nay, he's a white bitch from the 'burbs who talks in poor slang in an attempt to become the next Kiki Kannibal. His h8rs are obviously obsessed with her, even though most of them simply know that hating on him will be hilarious. Most of them have come to realize that just one comment or post that doubts Jackson's amazing-ness will always end in BAW and then it's just a matter of kicking back with some popcorn and watching the butthurt commence.

The other side of Jackson[edit]

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Under the photoshop and makeup
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One of his ADORING fans.

At one time, Jackson Jawbreaker was actually a human being. Photographic proof can be found only if you look hard enough, because Jackson will not reveal the mysteries of his past to anyone. However, he was still an ugly little boy, so any hopes of his future should have been (and indeed were) dull. Speculation about his aversion to sunlight and predilection for nights filled with mass consumption of lead paint chips has recently come to light. Opponents of these rumors point to his extremely wide-set fish-eyes as proof of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. Regardless, he is clearly a retard and should be mocked at every turn. The pragmatic observer approves the likelihood of both scenarios being concurrently applicable, and the opportunity for near-endless lulzy banter remains at an all-time high.

Frosting Attire[edit]

After huffin' jenkem one time too many, Jackson decided to make profit from the stupidity of his fantards by getting a shitty print on American Apparel shirts, so as to attract the retards that call themselves his fans. He then called it a clothing line, made a Myspace/Twitter for it, and tried to sell it for shitloads of cash.


Vegetarianism[edit]

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He spreads the scene disease like his aids.
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You look fucking gross.


In addition to being pro-faggot, Jackson is also an outspoken vegetarian, and preaches about how cruel we are to the animals. Unfortunately, he has not realized yet that all of his fans are either retarded or too busy fapping to care about what he has to say. That, and animals are delicious, and taste far better than tofu. His position is directly at odds with his own personal history, as his first Oreo-bortion was performed after he was impregnated by a furry, who coincidentally also gifted him with the herpes which are responsible for the sores often seen on his pasty, mirror-shattering, fat face. The coat hanger used to save the world from having to accommodate another Zombaby currently resides in the Smithsonian Museum of Artifacts next to Hitler's frozen head and MJ's porn collection. Fortunately, since his fans aren't really paying attention to what he's saying, they haven't yet realized that he himself is a closet furry with a case of unwarranted self-importance.

As posted on his Myspace profile, which nobody reads:


   
 
People need to stop hurting animals. There are only three MAIN categories on this earth scientifically:


Plant, Animal, Mineral

Guess what guys, we're in the animal section. We need to stop hurting our OWN kind. We are not in the STONE AGES ANYMORE. STOP EATING MEAT. ANIMAL RIGHTS. It's 2007! There's sooo many ways to get our protein in a healthier less heart ache way. Organic vegetarian since the age of 14 years old all by choice baby!!!

 


 
 

—Fuck your preachy bullshit, veggie-fag

Jackson doesn't think the ultra-luxurious sheep skin Ugg boots, and leather Neon Nike Dunks make him a vegetarian hypocrite, but that's okay, it just amounts to more lulz for EDiots. It's still technically up for debate the way in which he is more of an ironic champion of hypocrisy: claiming to be a 'lover not a fighter' while calling himself JACKSON FUCKING JAWBREAKER, or being pro-ana yet also being a fatass. Also a contender for biggest Jackson hypocrisy is his discussion on ex-boyfriends! LOL, vegetarian or no, Jackson still loves at least one kind of meat.

How To Get Fuqqed By /b/[edit]

Back in early 2008, when we all think Jackson started his conquest for internet fame, he started posting pictures of himself on the internet anonymouse known as /b/ (4chan). Being at the time (before the cancer) /b/ was a vicious place for such faggotry, he was haxed and ruined. His Myspace account with over 9000 friends and his Stickam Account with over 9000 friends were destroyed. At the time, both sites were still relevant. Jackson posted a blog about the attack on his Buzznet..but who really uses that site?

Fortunately for Mr. Jawbreaker, it only helped to propel his fame. Known on /b/ (mostly by oldfags) as Jackson Jawbreaker Scene Kween the meme faggot. Since the attack Jackson has acquired almost 25,000 Myspace friends, but his fame stops there. He is on almost all social networking sites, yet he has less than 1,000 friends/subscribes/followers on all of them. (Actual follower count on his Tumblr is unknown as Tumblr doesn't display the number of followers a person has. Because he gets 'notes' on most of what he posts it can be assumed that he actually does have a considerable following on the blogging site.)

Audrey Kitching Drama[edit]

Although his fame isn't even existent, he does have a way of pushing buttons. In early 2010 he got into a Twitter fight with notable Scene Queen Audrey Kitching (Kitchen?), one of the seemingly most level-headed and most successful people in the scene. This fight lasted over an hour and Jackson Jawbreaker did seem to come out on top. He has also been in cat-fights with Brandon Hilton (Pointing out his copying of other E-celebs), Kris Kidd, Stacy Spunk, Cori Shea, and other scene failures.

Scene Affiliation[edit]

Jackson has many friends in the scene (to make up for the ones he doesn't have IRL). He's been a mod in Kiki Kannibal's stickam room since 2007, and the two seem to be quite chummy due to the fact that they are identical in their inflated super-egos. Other 'friends' include Lexi Bee (Lexi Lu$h) & Cheyenne Cannibal (Modeling for his clothing 'line'), Plastic Martyr, Petey Plastic, Mandy CottonCandy and others.

See Also[edit]

External links[edit]


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