Jade Goody

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DATE OF BIRTH: 5th June 1981
DATE OF DEATH: March 22, 2009 (Happy Mothers Day!)


Jade Goody was a British reality show non-celebrity whose undeserved fame came from appearing on the third season of Big Brother in 2002, and being as thick as shit. After that, she became the British equivalent of Anna Nicole Smith or one of those sluts from The Hills. In other words, a dumb slut doing dumb slutty things on TV, to entertain Dumbfuckistan and disgust America, or in this case, England.

In 2007, she had gained enough XP to enter the Celebrity Big Brother dungeon, from which the mods B& her for being a racist cunt to some Bollywood actress. However, her IRL B& and tearful apologies weren't enough, because Karma pwnd her skanky ass with a case of crotch rot. And then she got pwned by cancer and the nation of Great Britain rejoiced. That's what you get for fucking with Hindus

This also means she bore a startling resemblance to Al Murray, Boy George or Uncle Fester in her final days.

The dumb fucks funeral took place on April 4 2009, with Sky News dedicating FOUR HOURS to the crotch rotten racist; like people give a fuck. Is she really dead??? Stay tuned...



A Lifetime of Unachievement[edit]

Before Jade Goody died, she was "famous" for being at least as retarded as Anna Nicole Smith. Not to mention, she looked like Uncle Fester even before her chemo.

Big Brother 3[edit]

During her first stay in the Big Brother house, viewers were treated to these nuggets of wisdom from Ms. Goody, along with an evening of drunk, naked fun:

 
 
Do they speak Portuganese in Portugal? I thought Portugal was in Spain.
 

 

—Jade Goody, the U.K.'s Jessica Simpson, just more fat and annoying.

 
 
Rio de Janeiro, ain't that a person?
 

 

—No, not exactly.

 
 
They do speak English there don't they?
 

 

—Sometimes.

 
 
How comes Eskimos haven't turned into icy-cubes? Like, ice people? ...When they die where do they go? They can't get buried under the grass like we do...It's a whole new world this Eskimo world, it really is.
 

 

lolwut

 
 
Margaret Thatcher - ain't she a prostitute?
 

 

—C'mon, everybody's worked that one out by now.

 
 
Your Mum- Was a bitch, then she died. That's about it. Oh and she was retarded too.
 

 

Jade Goody grinds cocks for XP[edit]

Dying of cancer rocks!

After being a dimwit on Big Brother, Jade polluted television and the marketplace with her own "reality" TV shows, appearances in gossip magazines like as Heat and OK!. She also signed up for the 2006 London Marathon, describing her preparations as "eating curry, Chinese and drinking."

Unsurprisingly, she collapsed 21 miles out of 26.2 miles, but somehow managed to raise 550 British Jewgolds for some charity.

 
 
I don't really understand miles. I didn't actually know how far it was going to be. I'll be honest, I didn't take it seriously which is really bad of me because there's people out there who actually want to do the marathon. I didn't realise how much commitment the marathon was. I had four training sessions, that's all I did. At most I could run half an hour on a treadmill.
 

 

—Jade tries to justify her failure.

In 2006, she published her autobiography, creatively entitled Jade: My Autobiography, put out a fragrance for other fat whores and contributed a weekly column to some worthless waste of paper calling itself a magazine. In one of her columns, she admitted having the Burberry nova check pattern tattooed on her left buttock.

She also put out a bunch of fitness DVDs, which makes total sense for someone who passed out during a marathon.

Big Brother, Round 2[edit]

The groom.

In the winter of our discontent 2004-2005, Jade appeared on Big Brother Panto, a special version of Big Brother that brought cast members of previous seasons together for more Jewgolds.

Too bad nobody watched it, so we don't know what kind of idiotic things she did on that program.

Big Brother, Round 3[edit]

In 2007, Jade appeared on Celebrity Big Brother, along with her mother and boyfriend. On the show, as mentioned before, she was a racist cunt to Shilpa Shetty, an Indian actress also famous for causing a shitstorm when Richard Gere kissed her on the cheek. A few of Jade's witty remarks included:

   
 
Shilpa Poppadom...Shilpa Fuckawala.
 

 
 

—LOL ALL INDIAN NAMES SOUND THE SAME, AMIRITE.

   
 
I've eaten OVER 9000 poppadoms, and I want MORE
 

 
 

— Something Jade Goody would NEVER SAY, COS SHE'S NOT RACIST LOLOLOLOL1111!!!on!e

   
 
You're a fucking loser and a liar. Go back to the slums.
 

 
 

—(But she was already on Big Brother!)

   
 
Your head's so far up your arse you can smell your own shit.
 

 
 

—Jade gets confused and starts talking to herself.

These resulted in her getting kicked out of the house after a shit-ton of bawwwwing from the public.

Big Brother, Round 4: Attack of the Cancer[edit]

This is what Jade Goody looked like before her vagina started mutating.

After her Celebrity Big Brother B&, she put out a Christmas cookbook, bought a brand new Bentley, and got into a "vicious fight with a female partygoer at an Essex nightclub before turning her rage onto a security guard". She also announced that she would be releasing another perfume range, but it never came out. According to the tabloids, she was the most hated person in the UK by the British public, who angered for blood and wished she got cancer.

In an attempt to save face in the aftermath of her racist outburst, she appeared on Bigg Boss, the Indian version of Big Brother, with the victim of her racist douchebaggery, Shilpa Shpetty. However, two days into the show, she was diagnosed with cervical cancer, and immediately left the show in order to deal with her health release a new autobiography, perform in a stage production of Snow White, be the subject of Living With Jade Goody (part of the Living With... series, and open a beauty salon for men.

Big Brother, Round 6 : Heaven[edit]

"It's Day 2 in heaven, Jade is up for eviction..."

Good Night, Sweet Princess[edit]

On Valentine's Day of 2009, doctors told her that her cancer was terminal, and she had only weeks to live. So, she did what any sane person would do upon receiving that kind of news: marry another nobody in a $4.6 million dollar ceremony, which included a performance by The Spice Girls Girls Aloud The Sugababes, proving once again beggars cant be choosers but they can die of cancer.

Seeing an opportunity of gaining shit loads of money for hookers and blow her sort of boyfriend, Jack Tweedy decided to shove the pig disgusting Jade Goody in a dress and declared their marriage date. Since then Jade Goody has died which has apparently shocked the British public, even though we've been hearing about this shit for the past 3 months.

Tweedy was on an 18-month jail sentence for beating the shit out of a 16-year-old boy with a golf club two weeks after she found out she had cancer, and had to get special permission to have his 7 p.m. curfew lifted on his wedding night. It has already been foreseen that Tweedy will use his marriage golds to bail out of jail time, which he gained in his master plan, making the public realise that nobody actually gave a shit about Jade Goody.

 
 
If that's the end of my career then I only have myself to blame.
 

 

—Jade realizes, far too late, that being an underageb& slut can have consequences.

Previously, on LOST, Perez Hilton had bashed Goody for her racist remarks and general cuntiness. Upon hearing of Jade's cancer, Perez developed a severe case of Troll's Remorse and began to obsessively blog about every little update the British media forced on the public, only more cancerous and AIDS-infested. Of course, her death won't stop him from posting over 9000 more times about the British Anna Nicole Smith, starting with a very special Public Service Announcement for cumdumpsters about how to avoid cunt cancer, which is probably the first time he has ever posted anything with any redeeming quality or valuable educational content whatsoever. Days later, he published a headline which would make any reasonable person facepalm: "Jade Goody movie in talks". And then resumed the endless flood of posts bawwing about her.

In her final days, Jade declared that she would not make any more public appearances or statements. Despite this being a lie, she was able to get around it by having things happen to and around her. And it's not like Perez Hilton wasn't going to quit posting about her in his sad sad sad category. So, she and her kids got baptized, a woman with a hammer showed up in her hospital room and babbled weirdly, but was released by the police (orchestrated publicity stunt much?), and she got a phone call from Michael Jackson.

No, really. Jacko called to tell her he was giving her, her husband, and her kids VIP tickets to see him perform in July. It is unknown at this time whether Jacko was too stupid to realize there's no way she he would live until then, or if he was pulling off a very subtle trolling maneuver. If the latter is the case, well played, sir.

 
 
It gave her a real boost and hope that she’ll be alive to watch him perform in the summer.
 

 

—Some douchebag friend of hers, providing more evidence that this is all a publicity stunt.

 
 
He was wishing them both the best and asked if there was anything he could do for them or the family. Jade and Jack were touched.
 

 

— Jackson claims another two victims.


One, Two, Three, Four, I Declare A Facebook War[edit]

From Anon, with love.

On Captain Picard Uncle Fester Billy Corgan Matt Lucas Bruce Willis Jade Goody's wedding day, eBaumsworld spread the cancer from Jade Goody's axewound to her Facebook wall and fan picture gallery. The gallery was filled with goatse, guro and cp, and the Facebook wall triggered plenty of lulzy responses from butthurt moralfags. Two Irishfags bombarded the photos section with photos of Uncle Fester and Voldemort ensuring it was taken down early in the morning. This resulted in an Admin apology being added to the notes section which became a further battleground. Great care was taken to ensure maximum damage and playing off the fears of lower class Brits. Examples being:

-The Anon who claimed to be an immigrant single mother on welfare with 9 kids. -The Anon who spammed the thread with multiple Madeleine McCann jokes. (They received multiple death threats for this) -The Anon who responded to everything with "NO U" ensuring maximum butthurt. -The Anon who photoshopped a penis next to BabyP.

In short, the entire thread caused maximum frustration to many Goody fans. Many hatemail was sent and much lulz ensued. After two days of being pummeled by Anonymous's artillery, the wall fell.

Anonymous then targeted a bebo and a fan site, thus ensuring Jade's immediate dying of shame.

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Stop! Hammer Time![edit]

On Sunday, March 8, some crazy French MILF attempted to put an end to it already while Jade's husband was out for tea, and brought a hammer into her hospital room, presumably to smash her pumpkin. Unfortunately, she was a christfag and, and Jade woke up to find the woman muttering prayers over her, so she failed the mission.
delicious sauce

 
 
It's very distressing, particularly when you are so weak and so vulnerable. It has made her even keener to try and get home as soon as possible.
 

 

Max Clifford, Head Baldy's publicist or whatever.




Error 404 - Jade Goody either does not exist or the person has been removed[edit]

<video type="dailymotion" id="14685821" width="540" height="540" desc="PARTY HARD!!!" frame="true" position="center"/>
<video type="youtube" id="Mak8ZkLG58k" width="440" height="310" desc="Celebration of death" frame="true" position="center"/>
<video type="youtube" id="00dMi_n0rZ4" width="440" height="310" desc="Tribute To Egg" frame="true" position="center"/>




Jade gets sage-bombed onto IRL page 10.

On February 27, 2009, Jade Goody was checked into a hospital because she was having hallucinations. While having cameras follow her around 24/7 to satisfy her ever-hungry ego, Jade Goody collapsed and died last Thursday. And nothing of value was lost. Leading us all to believe that this is too Goody to be true.

Jade Goody's last words to her husband were reported to be concerning pineapples.


NOTE: Jade Goody died on Mothers Day. Fucking LOL.


One Year Later, In Memoriam[edit]

To commemorate the one-year anniversary of Captain PicardJade Goody's death, her mother did cocaine. This is the classiest part of anything related to Jade Goody.

Jade Goody jokes[edit]

Q: What does Jade Goody have in common with an egg?
A: They'll both be in boxes in time for Easter!

Q: What are Jade Goody's kids getting for Christmas this year?
A: A new mommy!

Q: What's the difference between Jade Goody and an elephant?
A: Cancer.

Q: What's the difference between Jade Goody and a car battery?
A: I get annoyed when my car battery dies.

Q: What do you call Jade Goody in a wedding dress?
A: A shuttlecock.

Q: What's the difference between cervical cancer and Jack Tweed?
A: One eats out Jade Goody's cunt and the other's Jack Tweed.

Q: Jade Goody Has Had One Piece of Good News This Week.
A: She Fetched 10 Quid for her Hair Dryer on Ebay

Q: Jade Goody said that she was worried about losing her hair because it might ruin her good looks.
A: At least she hasn't lost her sense of humour.

Q: What's the difference between Jade Goody and a moped?
A: A moped can reach 30

Q: What's round and cold?
A: The pancakes Jade Goody's kids made for Mother's day

Jade Goody's Death Video (OH EXPLOITABLE!)[edit]

Backup of this Legendary Video

Jade Goody Song[edit]

[-+]Jade Goody Anthem[edit]


Many years ago today something grew
inside of your mother...
That thing was you


YOU

YOU YOU YOU YOU

Did she scream did she cry
Only those that are born are the ones that
Get to die


One more year closer to dying
Rotting organs ripping grinding
Biological discordance
Birthday equals self abhorrence


Years keep passing aging always
Mutate into vapid slugs
Doctor gives a new perscription
Bullet in a fucking gun


One more year closer to dying
Plastic surgeons fuel the lying
You forget why you came in here
Your mind rots with every New Year


RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life


Happy Birthday
You're gonna die


Now you're old and full of hatred
Take a pill to masturbatred
Children point to you and scream
Because they will become that thing


One more year of further suffering
There's no point of fucking bluffing
Open up your DETHDAY present
It's a box of fucking nothing


RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life


DIE DIE
DETHDAY
BIRTHDAY
DETHDAY
DIE DIE
DETHDAY
BIRTHDAY
DETHDAY


RSVP PLEASE
For the DETH of thee
You have little time
And you're running out of life


Happy Birthday
You're gonna die

Jade Goody: The musical[edit]

Jade Goody's publicist Max Mosley just confirmed that he has sold the rights to a musical. Early reports indicate that Matt Lucas will play her and Shilpa Shetty will be played by David Walliams, all be it heavily black person.

This picture must be faked, Obviously alot more than 634 facebook users like this

The cancer lives on[edit]

Despite the death of Jade Cerisa Lorraine Goody on the 22nd of March 2009, the cancer lives on in the form of her publicist, Max Clifford.

Another Jade Goody Song[edit]





M. Bison's Opinion on her death[edit]







 
 
She was revolting because she was racist scum.
 

 

JadeGoodyIsDead


 
 
yeah and your racist to everyone who has lost someone to cancer
 

 

al1980123


Gordon Brown updates the public[edit]



The Hairless Slag Of Essex[edit]

In South East England born n raised,
on reality tv i spent most of my days,
bein all racist an actin a fool,
was disgusting destroyed all of the gene pool,
when a couple of cells that were up to no good,
startin makin trouble in my VAGINAlhood,
i got one bit of cancer an my doc got scared he said 'were puttin you on chemo say goodbye to your hair!'
I pulled up in a hearse around seven or 8 n' yelled to my family im in hell smell ya later,
looked at my tombstone i was finally there,
to lie in my grave as the tit without hair.'"

Jade Goody Gallery[edit]

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