James Fagan

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This is the look Fagan always gets when he thinks about ruining molestees.

James Fagan (more like Fag-an, amirite?) is a liberal Democrat, naturally from Massachusetts, who gained fame recently for his angry rant in favor of the complete ruination of the victims of pedophiles. This has gone on to create instant drama anywhere it has gone, including the internet.

The setup[edit]

The Massachusetts Legislature was working on passing a law that imposed a 25 year mandatory minimum goatseation in the ass by Bubba for convicted pedophiles. Most people don't care what happens to disgusting pedos, but Fagan is a Jew, and spurred on by his good friends Irish282 and DynaCatlovesme, Fagan went on to give a lulz-ridden diatribe on the floor of the legislature about what he would do to child victims who go to their parents:


   
 
Let me tell you why it's so wrong...It's so wrong because in these situations . . . that 6-year-old is going to sit in front of me, or somebody far worse than me and I'm going to rip them apart. I'm going to make sure that the rest of their life is ruined. That when they're 8 years old they throw up; when they're 12 years old, they won't sleep. When they're 19 years old they'll have nightmares and they'll never have a relationship with anybody. And that's not because I'm a nice guy. That's because when you're in court, and you're defending somebody's liberty, and you're facing a mandatory sentence of those draconian proportions, you have to do every single thing you can do on behalf of your client. That is your obligation as a trial lawyer.
 

 
 

—James Fagan

Fagan's point, which was made in possibly the most hilarious way possible, was that if the mandatory minimum law was passed, defense attorneys would be more likely to do anything, including emotionally scar children who are testifying, in order to get their clients off. While not an invalid point necessarily, it is still retarded, for a few reasons. First of all, most defense attorneys agree that harassing children on the witness stand is not something that will make juries like you or your client, but rather has the effect of making you look worse than Hitler. The 25 year minimum sentence was created so that if the pedos actually survived prison, they would be too old for rape. And for some reason, the legislature actually found it to be appropriate for a guy with a direct interest in the legislation to actually talk about and vote on it, the very highlight of ethical standing in a representative democracy.

On the other hand, Fagan could have just said the entire thing for the lulz, and could come out with a statement that simply says "lol jk."

Reaction on the internet[edit]

Reaction on the internet was understandably mixed. Fox News and conservatives issued a fatwa on Fagan; most Democrats condemned the remarks while acknowledging the point he was trying to make; the most hardcore liberal pussies and the ACLJew agreed with Fagan and started fapping to Mumia and Che.

Perhaps most hilariously, Fagan's dox were dropped nearly everywhere he was even mentioned. During the process of discovering his docs, however, it was noticed that nearly every single one of his community activites involved children in some way and would provide excellent opportunities for grooming. There were some who speculated that Fagan was not just a pedophile enabler, but a full blown pedo himself.

To add fuel to the fire, after the controversy erupted, a letter to the editor was printed in the Boston Herald entitled "In Defense of Fagan" written by a certain Joel Pentlarge, who called himself the head of the "Criminal Justice Policy Coalition." It was summarily pointed out that Joel Pentlarge was actually a convicted pedophile himself who had been caught fondling young boys.

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