JavaScript

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JavaScript is not Java. If you were looking for Java, you might want to look here, you ignorant fuck.


Typical JavaScript programmer

JavaScript (also known as Java) is a scripting language developed by Brendan Eich Netscape in 1995. Instead of just calling it ECMAScript as it is now officially known, Eich decided to confuse the shit out of everyone and call it JavaScript, riding on the coattails of Java which was already so popular at the time.

Like all languages without strong typing or the need to declare your variables (such as Perl), JavaScript attracts bad programmers. JavaScript is built into all browsers, even cell phones. JavaScript, while meant to improve webpages, is used by bad web designers to ruin them. The worse you are at JavaScript, the more likely you are to be hired by a big company to design their webpage. If you make simple links so they won't work unless JavaScript is enabled, then you fail at web design and if you can make sure those links that only work in JavaScript go to mostly broken links then you're guaranteed to be the web designer for a large corporation's website. JavaScript code can also be saved as a .js file and run not in your browser (see 4chan.js).

Examples of JavaScript hacking your computer[edit]

  • JavaScript controlling your right mouse button saying "Don't steal my images," when you really just wanted to open a link in a new tab. Those sites deserve all their images stolen. (PROTIP: Use noscript dumbass; Anarchists - 1, JavaScript - 0).
  • The same for JavaScript that controls your keyboard (like control, alt, etc. keys).
  • Pop-up windows, especially javabombs
  • Sites that require JavaScript for use. They're only doing it so they can hack you.

Typical JavaScript code[edit]

document.body.style.background='#000000';
document.body.style.color='#FF0000';

window.setInterval(function(){
    document.body.innerHTML+='PENIS ';
},1);

If you use Firefox (or SeaMonkey lol) you can have fun with JavaScript too by pasting this into your location bar and pressing enter.

javascript:var x="var y=document.createElement('script');y.innerHTML=x;document.getElementsByTagName('head')[0].appendChild(y);eval(x);";eval(x);

DO IT FAGGOT

JavaScript's use in games[edit]

JavaScript is just recently starting to catch on in the online gaming market as Apple is attempting to replace Flash. This shouldn't, and hopefully will never happen, but in the meantime technologies are being produced like crazy to rival Flash's capabilities. Chrome's JavaScript engine is very fast and doesn't lag or hiccup, Apple developed <canvas>, and there are all the fancy CSS things that come out every day.

Some argue that one should provide their content as Flash and have pure JavaScript fallback. Instead it's not uncommon to see a system that uses BOTH.

Use on conventional web pages[edit]

Because JavaScript is so much fun, every web site in the world depends on it to do the simplest things like opening a webpage and positioning content. If you don't have JavaScript enabled, you're screwed! Thankfully, JavaScript is common in almost every web browser and is not going away, so you don't have to worry about this unless you're living in 1947. Some examples of websites using JavaScript are:

Greasemonkey[edit]

Because most web designers suck or they want to present their webpage in a different way than you'd like it, you can use Greasemonkey to inject your own JavaScript into web pages so it can improve them. If you're having trouble spamming your favorite new forced meme on Reddit, fear not. Greasemonkey can do all the voting for you so you can spend your precious time signing up new accounts and looking for more proxies. here is a script to downvote Ron Paul spam. If you're not a total retard then you can adapt it to do whatever you want. You can use Javascript obfuscator to transform your javascript source code into a harder-to-understand to protect it.

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