Jesus is Savior

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There are times in life when you look at the man babbling on the street corner as he's handing out pamphlets and you think to yourself, "Holy shit, that guy is nuts." Mr. David J. Stewart is like an entire congregation of insane homeless evangelists. No amount of introduction will do this man justice, so let us just continue on to examine him and his website Jesus is Savior.

Bible Fights[edit]

David has an extreme hard on for the King James Bible(KJB), inferring that all others are simply tools of the devil sent to obfuscate those seeking wisdom. The one he most voraciously attacks is the New International Version (NIV), including the relabeling of it as the New International perVersion. Witty.


   
 
The NIV "TAKETH AWAY" 64,576 words!
 

 
 

—A true affront to humanity.

It is claimed that the KJB is the only authoriative bible on the basis that it provides the most accurate representation of the original text. Words that had to be inserted into the text to make the translation make sense are generally italicized in the KJB. In the NIV? They are simply removed. And it is not just archaic words like thine and thou.. no sir. It is a very wide swath of phrases that the editors of the NIV felt were no longer needed for the bible. Dirty sinners twisting the word of God to meet their own agenda. Oh wait.

Catholics[edit]

   
 
Roman Catholic "Celibate" Priesthood is Full of Whoremongers!
 

 
 

Truth.

David has quite the hard on for hating Catholics, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. The major complaint comes from the fact that the Roman Catholic Church is attempting to unite all Christian-oriented religions under the Pope. Our resident Christfag does not believe that this is acceptable being that evangelical Christians are saved by faith alone while Catholics believe in salvation by good works. As a matter of fact, it's downright evil.

File:Notcruc1.jpg
Hung upside and poked with a stick. Torture.
   
 
I do not believe that the Pope is, or will be, the Antichrist; BUT, he is certainly an ANTI-Christ. The Pope will likely be the False Prophet. The Antichrist will be a strong political leader, a member of the occult Illuminati, much like Hitler, or Barack Obama.
 

 
 

—David Stewart - Being a delusional Christfag.

 
 
Suddenly it became unarguable that now during this papacy, the Roman Catholic organization carried a permanent presence of clerics who worshipped Satan and liked it; of bishops and priests who sodomized boys and each other; of nuns who performed the "Black Rites" of Wicca, and who lived in lesbian relationships... every day, including Sundays and Holy Days, acts of heresy and blasphemy and outrage and indifference were committed and permitted at holy Altars by men who had been called to be priests.
 

 

—Sounds fucking hot..

Catholic churches are cited to be havens of evil, orgies, and disgusting rituals laid on the altars of God to blaspheme in the Dark Lord's name. I need to start going to church again. The Vatican itself has become a sanctuary for the devil where he is able to be protected like an endangered animal on a government watch list.

File:Popecnn1.jpg
Clear proof the Pope is the Anti-Christ.

What, you don't want to take my word for it? Well fine, here's some proof for you.

Do you see that shit? From CNN no less! The bent crucifix he is holding was a symbol of Satanists in the 6th century! And we can all clearly see the inverted cross on the throne behind the Pope. And you thought I was full of shit.


   
 
The Great Whore, the Catholic Religion, is drunken with the blood of saints!
 

 
 

—No caption, this is just an awesome quote.


Conspiracy Theories[edit]

David also gets a raging one for the "truth" of Alex Jones and his message. It's almost as though he is paying homage to a false idol. But that would be downright silly coming from a fundamentalist Christfag. Reading his sections on the money system is like watching the movie Zeitgeist except leaving out all that pesky anti-Christian rhetoric. Much of his information is ripped directly from that movie, including the things that are blatantly and completely wrong.


   
 
The Bankers are willing to deliver $1,000,000,000 in money or credit to the Federal Government in exchange for the Government's agreement to pay it back - with interest!
 

 
 

—An argument from Jesus is Savior and Zeitgeist

What the retards fail to mention, or comprehend; is that the interest that is generated is reimbursed to the Federal Government. The Federal Reserve does not profit off of this transaction no matter how much Alex Jones, the Zeitards, and David here would you like you to believe it. The idea that our children will be paying off debt is correct. It's the ENTIRE FUCKING IDEA TO KEEP MONEY CIRCULATING AND THE ECONOMY GOING. If money stops circulating, the economy collapses. The Financial Collapse of the late 2000's is a good example of this. People couldn't pay their mortgages, money slowed down its circulation, housing market and job market subsequently imploded. Repo market significantly boosted.


   
 
9/11 inside job, blah blah blah..
 

 
 

Retards.

This stupid bullshit can be debated endlessly because people are morons and everyone is suddenly an armchair architect when W is set to be crucified and money is to be made. The idea that 9/11 was a false flag operation comes from the fact that retards believe the government perpetrated it to start wars over oil.

  • No plane hit Tower 7! Why did it collapse? It was controlled demolitions because the owner said to "pull" it!

The reason Tower 7 collapsed is not a mystery. A large gouge of about eight floors was missing off of the back corner of the building near the ground floors. The building had been on fire from the time the south tower had been struck. As for pull it? Before 9/11 it was used to refer to the practice of attaching cables to a structure or wall, connect them to cranes and "pull" it as it collapsed in a specific direction. For instance, not on top of the heads of a bunch of rescue crews and traumatized people. Sorry, that's too logical for conspiracy fags.

  • No steel skyscraper has ever come down because of fire before!

None of the WTC buildings were built using traditional methods of erection of steel skyscrapers. They were built to withstand the strike of an errant plane on the off-chance that it occured. They were built to resist fire. They were not built to resist both. The strikes of the planes shook MUCH of the spray-type fire-proofing insulation from the girders it protected. This allowed it to be more susceptible to fires than it normally would have been. The cases that are cited in the past are of fires in buildings, not fires in buildings that had been struck by a commercial airliner..

Nevermind, JEWS DID WTC!

Jesus is Savior is ripe with these as well as shitloads of other conspiracy theories about how the New World Order is striving to pwn us all. If it would get these cocksuckers to shut up I would gladly assist them in their endeavors.

Man of the Year[edit]

File:Stalintime1.jpg
TIME FOR STALIN! Get it?
File:Hitlertime1.jpg
TIME FOR HITLER! Get it?
   
 
In 1942, TIME Magazine chose mass-murdering Communist monster Stalin as Man of the Year. What is going on here?
 

 
 

—On Stalin being Man of the Year

   
 
In the year 2001, TIME wanted to feature suspect terrorist, Osama Bin Laden, as Man of the Year for 2001. Public outcry was so harsh that TIME had little choice but to abandon the idea.
 

 
 

—On bin Laden being nominated for Man of the Year

   
 
I was sickened when I learned that President George W. Bush was chosen as Person of the Year by TIME Magazine for 2004 (also in the year 2000). Why? How could anyone be so heartless?
 

 
 

—On W being named Person of the Year

This argument comes out of fundamentalist camps and hippy camps alike. How can they honor a barbarian and a murderer? How can they honor someone so heartless and cold to sacrifice our children for oil? It's quite easy to understand once you listen to what TIME magazine has said on the subject.

Namely, Man of the Year, is not an award. It is not an honor. It is a statement of the man they felt had the most impact on the world for that year. Being named Man of the Year is neither good, nor bad. There's no prizes, no awards, no nothing. It's not a "kudos good job". It's stating that we feel this person has impacted a great deal of the world for this year. And it's pretty hard to deny that any of those individuals had a huge impact on the world in the listed years. Unless of course you're a psychotic Christfag that can write over 9,000 pages of diatribe but not read a paragraph written by someone else that isn't in the KJB.

The Devil's Music[edit]

Apparently the devil's music has still been going strong even when the rest of society moved past the backwards masked messages in rock and roll songs a couple decades ago. There is no questioning Satan's influence in the music industry. It can easily be seen in the likes of New Kids on the Block, Miley Cyrus, Backstreet Boys, Mariah Carey, and basically all of 1994.

No gentle reader, we come to a much darker segment of the Satanic influence.

File:Bbgoat1.jpg
The goat stands for Satan. Srsly.
   
 
Everyone reading this article needs to be warned about the evil music of Brian Wilson and the Beach Boys. Obviously, Wilson is NOT a born again Christian; but, rather, is a child of Satan (Ephesians 2:2).
 

 
 

It makes perfect sense.

It would appear that the Beach Boys, in league with Church of Satan founder Anton LaVey, Marilyn Manson, REO Speedwagon, the Rolling Stones, Country Music Television, the Dixie Chicks, Elton John, Michael Jackson, Aleister Crowley, Kurt Cobain, Beyoncé Knowles, George Harrison, Aerosmith, Willie Nelson, Elvis, the Beatles, Madonna, Led Zeppelin, Dolly Parton, Johnny Cash, Danzig, AND all Christfag rock groups.. are puppets of the devil. Srsly. No... srsly. I had to read it a couple of times as well.

A Woman's Place[edit]

Good news ladies. There is extensive documentation on how you can quit being a Satan-worshipping harlot and be more submissive to a good Christian man without ever having to bother with pesky things like thinking. Awesome, no?


   
 
Proverb 11:22, “As a jewel of gold in a swine's snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion."
 

 
 

—Uh, yeah. Where the fuck is my NIV so I can decipher this shit?

Alright ladies, get me a beer, sit down, shut up, and lets go over a few things so you can be a good God-fearing Christfaggotess.

Abusive relationships are your fault. That's right. You were created by God to serve man. Says so right here in my KJB. Oh wait, you're not using a NIV are you? Heretic. If you do not submit to your husband and obey, then you deserve whatever you get.


   
 
Ephesians 5:22 commands a wife to obey her husband as unto Jesus Christ, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord."
 

 
 

—Ephesians has spoken, bitches.

If your husband does abuse you, and you do leave. Well, it is a dirty sin to get a divorce and try to find happiness elsewhere. If you leave, you must remain single and not divorce. That is the way of the Bible. Who would have thought that the guy beating his wife saying, "I only do this because I love you!" would be the guy that was right? David J. Stewart and Jesus. That's who. Jesus suffered for your sins cunt, now shut the fuck up and do the same.

File:Eveevil1.jpg
There's a skull right the fuck on it bitch! Can't even make dinner right.

According to the book of Timothy, there is just four things a woman needs to do to stay in good graces.

  • Get married.
  • Have children.
  • Guide the house.
  • Stay out of trouble.

And if you don't, you're Satan's whore and will be servicing the demons of the pits in short order for an eternity. Though if you're into that sort of thing I guess it isn't really much of a punishment. Where else will all those Japs get their hentai ideas from? God doesn't want you to have financial security or a spine. He wants you to be plopping out more babies to add to the world's overpopulation and drag this overflowing toilet of shit deeper into the cesspool. So get your ankles in the air and shut the fuck up. Oh, and be chaste, discreet, and dignified while doing it. Skank. Be thankful for that rib man gave you and do your fucking Biblical duty.

The American Holocaust[edit]

No, we are not discussing how the Jews in league with the bin Ladens and Bushes are striving to unite the world to depopulate it by about 80%. We are talking about abortion. That's right. Since 1973 50,000,000 fetuses have been aborted. This is a disappointing number. Fetuses can't even fight back, that number should be two or three times higher easily. Hopefully there is some pending legislation in the Americunt congress that will help push this agenda forward.

File:Abortterror1.gif
GO AMERICA! SHOW THOSE TOWELHEADS HOW TO DO IT!
File:Weakbabies1.jpg
That's discrimination. We want weak adults killed too.
 
 
Young girls today, they want to have fun. Young girls today just wanna party. Today young girls wanna go to a nightclub and have open sex on the floor of the nightclub, and then put it on YouTube, and if they should get pregnant they want to throw the baby into a dumpster. That's the new America! No morals. No self-respect. No nation. No borders. No language. No culture. No responsibility. Now that's America today!
 

 

Cool story, bro.


   
 
If you really believe in pro-choice, then why don't you keep your pants up and be a responsible human being?
 

 
 

—Because I'm a dirty sinner according to the KJB. And all I have to do is ask your Lord for forgiveness.

I was quite excited to read that they were constructing Auschwitz in America. It seemed like the plan our forefathers set down so many years ago to finally get rid of the Jews was going to be furthered. But no, what is this crap? One planned Parenthood Center speculated to perform 2400 abortions in it's first year? Rudolf Hoess would be turning in his grave. One would think with the actual amount of time that has passed between Auschwitz v1.0 and Auschwitz v2.0 they would have found ways to make it more efficient, not less efficient.

Alleged Sodomy Circle with AFA[edit]

It is speculated that David J. Stewart is the butch daddy of Tim and Donald Wildmon of the American Family Association. He calls on and supports the AFA as well as decrying some of their failures in picking up the banner to lead the crusade on a couple of issues. It is believed that his constant reminders and chiding of the AFA are only a hint at the deep, deep sodomy that will come as punishment thus further fueling the fires of the Wildmons' indignations to keep the good fight going.

Troll's Remorse[edit]

Is there anything that can be remotely salvagable about this retard and his webpage? Anything at all to give him any sort of positive light whatsoever? Yes. This batshit insane fundamentalist has a stark principle. He does not sell ad space and has paid for his website out of pocket for years. Does that mean much in the major scheme of things? No. It does mean that the man believes in what he's saying and doing while making an actual sacrifice to spread his message. There are brief moments when he seems to genuinely care about his message and spreading the love of his God and how awesome the KJB is. He also decries religious websites that beg for donation to keep running. Credit has been given where due, and this faggot should be trolled into oblivion like anyone else.

Trolling this Christfag is of course, for great justice.

See Also[edit]

External Links[edit]

  • Jesus is Savior
    • EDiot's note: Brace yourself before entering. Pick any category. It's all lulz.
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