Jewbacca

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
Jump to: navigation, search
Jewbacca 2dde3d 157881.jpg

Jewbacca is the internets Moses. This was proved when he took his people to The Promised Land by e-raeping Applemilk1988. This brave act of deliverance brought much needed balance to an otherwise biased world of scum and ever growing threat of self-centered wapanese cam whores.

Etymology[edit]

Jewbacca in leet speak carries the idea of the chosen one, the one who would bring balance to the force and show the true meaning of being born furry.

Jewbacca brought balance to the force

The First Rape of Applemilk[edit]

The Applemilk rape began on the early mornings of August 4th 2007, when anonymous (who would later be remembered as jewbacca) finally cracked the holy grail of what was Applemilk's Youtube password.

Her password LordNishikawa555 is then revealed to all, through 4chan in an epic thread that would forever change the rife of Applemilk. (or so we thought, then... because apparently Miss Applemilk didn't take a hint. How typical!)

Having violated her secret realm, Anonymous (Jewbacca) continued on by having her userpage GOATSED, and finally he in a daring move of over confidence, deleted all her videos and closed her account. More ownage soon followed.

Her Facebook wasn't safe from Jewbacca's wrath either, and at approximately 3:35 A.M. it was compromised. Anonymous (Jewbacca) searched through her mail and references for other accounts. This as we have concluded through the archived 4chan thread, proved fruitful as further ownage were soon to follow. In a turn of events anonymous (4chan) too joined in the action.

The owned Applemilked Facebook was then goatsed into greater justice. Pictures of truth, honor and calculated lulz were uploaded for the namesake. However, due to a certain ebaums fag, her account was left viewable only by accepted friends.

4:29 A.M.: Another email of hers was soon to be owned. This was followed by her MySpace, which also led to the capture of her Japanese Hotmail account. Letters of interest, such as a letter between her and AIDS-filled Jap Boyfriend Daisuke, were found and circulated.

At approximately 6:39 A.M., Jewbacca quickly granted clear access for anonymous of EBaums to deface her Stickam by having it displaying the page with Emiry doing what she does best: weeabooing and handjobs.

Her MIXI and a hell of the other owned stuff were later handed to be safe guarded by anonymous.

Outward Criticism[edit]

There are many who have criticized the sole thought of Jewbacca, being blinded by their hate of furries, This group of people, mainly mini cock yiffers, argue that a furry, namely Jewbacca has little rights, that Jewbacca should be gutted, run over by a 14 wheeler, anally raped (apparently this group of fiends like it in the ass , but that doesn't mean Jewbacca likes it), chopped up, and sold to Japan to have food for the whales. (for the whales? how ghey is that?)

The return of a Mesiah[edit]

May 2008 marked a new dawn, Jewbacca finally returned from the exile in the internets gulags where he was booted out for being a fag. With aid from Nick, Applemilk's disgruntled friend of 5 years whom she broke ties for trivial reasons. Jewbacca showed why he was the messiah by trolling Applemilk for the second time.

Under the illusive cover of CIA Operations against Applemilk, Jewbacca's operation became a classic in a classic. And In a completely faggy style, Jewbacca under the anonymous name of JackRyanPotus manage to get AfureruNamida (Applemilk) to go online on AIM. As the recorded convos shows, it was an epic chat, that is still as yet to bring down the tyrant. However, the exposè by the housecia team brought balance by revealing the identities and safe houses used by Applemilk. Applemilk knowing this, almost cried as she thought about the consequences of anonymous lulz seekers (Jewbacca in disguise) having a go on her (in her own words) mentally frailed mother.

A probable account as to what might happen[edit]

Applemilk's mother, a divorced alcoholic, would under happy circumstances allow Jewbacca into her home. She would have most likely obtained them a six-pack (this is believed true because within the context of the phone convos) and sat on the couch conversing about Emily. What they do next is of little concern to the faith of the internets, so it is baleeted out for safer reading. Having done that, Jewbacca leaves in his 5-year-old Dodge Ram pickup.

Jewbacca and NOW[edit]

It is not known as to where Jewbacca is currently hiding (or is he even hiding?) but rumor has it that he is probably lurking at the far ends of the internets. Calculating and secretly devising a plan. Or maybe as one internet fiends suggested, he has defected to uncyclopedia. What a sore puss!

In an interview about his faggot actions. Jewbacca quoted in complete trolls remorse style on his actions of the epic rape.

   
 

"What do I get from all of this? Nothing. Why shouldn't I just give her passwords back [to her]?"
 


 
 

—Jewbacca, 8/7/07

But don't let this sly quote fool you. Jewbacca was the chosen one. He brought balance, and this was merely his failed attempt on being a humble furfag.

See Also[edit]


ED on Jewbacca[edit]

Jewbacca raped Applemilk1988. Epic.

No one knows who the hell Jewbacca is. It's been suggested that Jewbacca is not a single entity as it were ,after all, but rather an idea. See: Legion


Jewbacca is now believed to be a girl, according to a person signing up under that name at a StarCraft Forum. http://www.scindex.com/forums/member.php?u=6593

LOL BUTTHURT[edit]

< Jewbacca> tell eppigy I said he's still a weeaboo twat and he's hiding behind his sysops, because if it wasn't for him kissing admin ass he'd be nothing

< Jewbacca> tell yiri I said that they probably gave him sysops out of pity for being there so long and not doing anything at all

< Jewbacca> and tell cam he's still a fag and has no sayso whatsoever, even less than I do and I'm g-lined and banned from ED itself

Portal trolls.png

Jewbacca is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.