Jim Bunning

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The face of a true American Hero
Mowing down Senators just like he used to mow down hitters.
   
 
For too long, both Republicans and Democrats have treated the taxpayers' money as a slush fund that does not ever end. At some point, the madness has to stop.
 

 
 

—Jim Bunning, both man AND legend.

It is very rare to meet a sports hero or a political hero in this modern insulated age. Our elected officials and sports stars are far too protected from the masses to be common on the streets. However, if you are lucky enough to meet Jim Bunning and shake his glowingly warm hand, you will have accomplished meeting both types of hero in one go. Bunning, who was once a 7 time All Star while he pitched in major leagues, is now one of the two United States Senators from the state of Kentucky. This guy is already elected to baseball’s Hall of Fame, and will certainly be a shoe-in first round entrant for Kentucky’s political Hall of Fame as well.

Career[edit]

Note to whoever uploaded this: Bunning was a PITCHER not a catcher.

After graduating with a degree in economics, Bunning decided to try playing Major League Baseball.

Baseball[edit]

In 1955, Jim Bunning got his big league break when he pitched at the highest level of baseball competition in the United States. He would go on to be a Major League pitcher for four different teams over the course of 17 seasons. During that time, he was elected to the National League All Star team 7 times, and pitched a perfect game against the New York Mets on June 21, 1964. While some might argue that pitching a perfect game against the Mets is on par with pitching a perfect game against a Little League team, it must also be noted that he did it while playing for the Philadelphia Phillies, the only team in Major League baseball with 10,000 losses on their all time record.

Just how amazing Jim Bunning is:

  • Pitched a perfect game which was the first perfect game in the National League in 84 years.
  • Also pitched a no-hitter (one of only six pitchers who have thrown both a no-hitter and a perfect game ever.)
  • One of only 10 pitchers ever to record a 9 pitch three strikeout half inning.
  • Retired in 1971 with 2,855 career strikeouts. This placed him second all time at the time of his retirement.
  • Elected to the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1996. The Phillies retired his number 14 jersey that same year.

Politics[edit]

Mitch McConnell's penis is this big.
While my massive shlong casts a shadow over Asia.

How do you follow up and surpass a Hall of Fame baseball career? If you are as cool as Jim Bunning, you go into politics as a republican and you kick some major ass. Jim Bunning was first elected to the office of city council for Fort Thomas, Kentucky in 1977 and then went on to win a seat in his state’s senate where he was given minority leader status by the Republican party. This is akin to winning Rookie of the Year honors in politics. While some may argue that the state of Kentucky is a backwater haven for rednecks and wife beating inbred hicks, it must also be noted that West Virginia is far worse.


   
 
Bunning, was so mean-spirited that he repulsed even his fellow know-nothings. I tried to work with him a couple times, he just sent shivers up my spine....I know you're a baseball fan and everything, and you don't like to hear it, but this guy is beyond the pale.
 

 
 

—Former U.S. President Bill Clinton. If you are pissing this guy off, you are doing something right.

Just how amazing Jim Bunning is:

  • House of Representatives member elected five times straight.
  • Served on the House Ways and Means Subcommittee on Social Security, where he was undoubtedly busy denying Social Security leeches from defrauding the government.
  • Entered the 1998 Political season by being elected to the United States Senate. He has been one of Kentucky’s two Senators for 12 years.
  • Described Democrats as looking “Like one of Saddam Hussein’s sons.”
  • Calling liberals “Limp Wristed.”
  • Wants illegal immigrants to be immediately deported.
  • Called “one of the five worst Senators” by far left rag Time magazine. Again, he must be doing something right…
  • Trolled Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg by joking about her pancreatic cancer.
  • Stopped the unanimous consent proposal by Congress by objecting to the federal program with a long filibuster.
  • Threatened to sue the National Republican Senatorial Committee for being a bunch of limp wristed pussies and faggots.
  • Called Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell a control freak.
  • Told ABC News reporter Jonathan Karl to GTFO his elevator as it was "A Senator-only elevator!”

Crowning Achievement[edit]

You would think that the best thing Bunning had done was play baseball, but you'd be wrong.
   
 
If we cannot pay for a bill that all 100 senators support, how can we tell the American people with a straight face that we will ever pay for anything?
 

 
 

—Jim Bunning is God.

In February 2010, Bunning launched a one man crusade to keep the United States Congress in line when he blocked the extension of the unemployment and COBRA insurance benefits package. Originally, this package was lumped into the Federal Stimulus fund and was supposed to be “Pay as you go.” However, slimy politicians figured that since they had all ready wasted over 900 billion dollars on stimulus, a few extra billion would go unnoticed. Jim Bunning would not have any of this and vowed to let the bill expire unless Congress gets its head out of its ass and start listening to the American people concerning out of control pork barrel spending. Bunning stood his ground even against his own political party because they were nothing more than Obama-sycophants and fence riding moderates who believe the American public is nothing more than a bottomless checking account.


   
 
Of course, we can have a vote on it, and, of course, it can be defeated, and then, of course, we can pass the bill without the money. I am not willing to risk that $10 billion being added to the deficit. I was not ready to risk voting on a bill I knew would not get the amount of votes necessary to pay for it. If the Majority Leader would have included it in his UC, I would have had no problems.
 

 
 

—Bunning throwing Nancy Pelosi under the bus


   
 
This whole Senate health care bill is a joke and I don't blame him for walking out.
 

 
 

—From "The Hill" blog.

What Bunning accomplished:

  • 1.1 million bums will have to get off their asses and go get a job in March 2010.
  • Made 80 million liberals cry.
  • Forced Americans to take a closer look at how the Stimulus Package is being mis-managed.

PAYGO[edit]

   
 
All of the programs that you have talked about could have been extended and for much longer periods if Senator Reid, your leader, had not blown up the bipartisan job bill.
 

 
 

—Bunning telling the moderates and liberals to use the money the American people more wisely.

PAYGO is, simply put, paying for things with money you already have as opposed to paying for stuff you can't afford on credit. While there are certain parts of the PAYGO bill that provide for using money we don't have in emergency situations, the current situation where 1.1 million shiftless welfare recipients will be forced to go back to work is not, by the wording of the law, "an emergency."

This hasn't seemed to bother much of Congress since the passing of the Economic Stimulus Act of 2008, because they routinely miss-use funds from that Act to the detriment of our grandchildren. Oh well, who gives a shit about them anyways?

Jim Bunning Foundation[edit]

The Jim Bunning Foundation that has recently received a lot of slander by noted Democratic mud slingers such as:

  • The McClatchy Company which is a nationally syndicated news conglomerate that owns several communist newspapers like The Sacramento Bee, and (gasp) the Lexington Herald-Leader, a newspaper devoted to stopping the re-election of Bunning in 2012.

Anybody believing the statistics that these muckrakers sling out, should have their heads checked, or better yet, go write for TOW.

Quotes[edit]

   
 
No, I’d rather not.
 

 
 

—When asked if he would like to discuss things.

   
 
Tough shit
 

 
 

—Bunning replying to a request from Senator Jeff Merkley

   
 
show me how we're going to pay for it
 

 
 

—Bunning makes demands on the pork

   
 
Senator Bunning's views do not represent a majority of the caucus. It's important that the American people understand that there is bipartisan support for extending these vital programs.
 

 
 

—Susan Collins of Maine...who is lying.

   
 
He's blocking the extension of unemployment insurance, which means if he succeeds, 1 million people, 1 million people next month will be thrown off the unemployment rolls. One million people will thrown into nothing but what I would call despair
 

 
 

—Dipshit Joe Biden, who usually isn't allowed to speak.

   
 
Rather than making management, shareholders, and debt holders feel the consequences of their risk-taking, you bailed them out. In short, you are the definition of moral hazard.
 

 
 

—Bunning on the StimPack

   
 
Hey there. I'm Jim Bunning. Don't mind me, just pitchin' perfect games and savin' America. Doin' the lord's work over here.
 

 
 

—A good summary of this man's life

Videos[edit]

Senator Jim Bunning has his own YouTube page. Here are some of the awesome videos his staff have uploaded:


<center>We should be darn sure we know what we're doing.</center>

<center>The Democrats were pussies and wouldn't face THE MAN Jim Bunning.</center>

<center>Bunning tells us that our great-grandchildren will feel Obama's taxes.</center>

Baseball Cards[edit]

Just because it will make most internet nerds RAGE and will cause severely crazy butthurt amongst most Encyclopedia Dramatica users (who can be heard screaming "BASEBALL SUCKS BASEBALL IS BORING" from some far off forgotten corner of the internet), here is a gallery of Jim Bunning baseball cards that will showcase his superior athletic ability that no reader of this website will ever have:

See Also[edit]

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