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John Travolta

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Travolta in an earlier career as German light entertainer
John Travolta in his role as a fat man with Manboobs

John Travolta, more commonly known as John Revolta, is a Hollywood actor best known by millenials for playing the white guy in the critically-acclaimed Pulp Fiction film, and by old people as Tony Manero in Saturday Night Fever and Danny Zuko in Grease.

Contents

Early Life

John Travolta and his twin brother, actor/comedian Carrot Top, were born at least 100 years ago in New Jersey. Their father was an Irish immigrant who worked in a coal mine and their mother was a concert pianist. By his early teens, Travolta had already shown a certain knack for acting and auditioned for roles all the time, most of which he easily won. In 1976, at the age of at least 100 years old he was trapped inside a bubble to stop his gayness fucking up society and forced to bubble fuck some dowdy bitch and shit. This was later blamed for his succeptibility to scientology headfucking techniques. He has his own themetune, it's all like naaah, nananana nah nah.

He is also known for his famous catch phrase oh mah Gawd, and for this 1976 atrocity called "Let Her In", about his mixed emotions about being a gayfag:

   
 
I got pinched and I felt just like a little girl!
 

 
 

Midlife Crisis (aka joining Scientology)

Travolta became a Scientologist after seeing one of their really persuasive television commercials. He had been looking for direction ever since his movies Grease and Saturday Night Fever completely flopped and he found it in the form of paying people to rid his body of ancient, evil aliens. It is estimated that Travolta has purchased $1 billion worth of Scientological horse shit.

Shortly after joining, Travolta auditioned for the role of Goatse man but lost out to Rob Schneider. That's why to this day he only performs in movies based on the writings of L. Ron Hubbard, like Battlefield Earth, The Passion of the Christ, and Throw Mamma from the Train.

Because John is a sci-fag and doesn't believe in mental illnesses, he decided not to treat his autistic son as it's against the TOS of Scientology. His son Jett (like a plane geddit?) had seizures and was diagnosed by teachers, psychologists and just about everyone the kid ever met. His brother, Joey Travolta did a documentary about autistic kids and interviewed 65 of them, which was still not enough to convince his brother John to get Jett the help he needed.

In January, 2009, Jett slipped on a bathmat and was cast into a volcano by the great Xenu in the after life, after his father admitted that his kid was autistic, a condition that Scientology doesn't believe exists.

It is theorized that Jett intentionaly commited suicide and framed it as a bathmat fall because he couldn't bear to live with his dad's faggotry, he will be considered an hero to us all. If it was a setup it is quite possible he did this simply for the lulz.

Scientology No More?

Yet because Scientology is so full of AIDS and bullshit, Travolta has apparently had it with their teachings and way of life relied on the unfailing presence of David Miscavige to get him through the loss of his son, Jett. Since they've blamed him for Jett's death, Travolta has become embittered (yet terrified) of Scientology's subsequent retaliation. Those rascally Scientologists sure do like to hold onto their high-profile members..

Read the article here.

Gallery

See also

  • Jett Travolta, dead at the hands of his parents and David Miscavige
  • David Miscavige, keeps a very close eye on John
  • Scientology, the reason for this faggotry
  • Tom Cruise, another closet case who has turned to Scientology to escape the horrors of homosex


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