Johni Michelle Heuser

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She is the mom that your girl warned you about.
There is so much wrong in this picture.

Johnny Jonny Johanie Johni Michelle Heuser, aka Chellbell is a basement dweller who IRL-permabanned her own infant offspring (christened Harmony Jade Creech, despite being neither harmonious nor azn), and stuffed it into a box of its own diapers in her attic. Apparently she evaded the suspicion of family and neighbors by being "good at deceiving everyone who would ask about Harmony and where she was." In other words, she spent at least 100 hours a day playing Final Fantasy XI and nobody even remembered she lived there, much less that she'd managed to capture a male and spawn. Four times.

Yes, she also has three other children, because she is a whore who has trouble with the concept of birth control. She also has trouble with the concept of cleaning, because it took the police five days to find the kids in the garbage heap of her home. One of them had been surviving on bits of saran wrap and rat feces for months. None of the children spoke english, but only cowered and hissed when approached.

A skeleton in the attic[edit]

Agh! Kill it! Oh, haha, too late...

After a year and a half away, the baby daddy Ronald Creech got back from hunting Arab in Iraq. Chellbell told him the baby was stolen by Gay Niggers from Outerspace. He was gullible enough to believe her, as evidenced by his willingness to copulate with her, and he called the cops. As a result, an Amber Alert was pinged across every television in the state, causing the elderly to mistake it for a tornado warning and head for their bathtubs. Fortunately, many of them drowned - thus easing the burden on social security, welfare, and the aisles at Wal-Mart, and making Ronald Creech an True American Hero.

Teh Law steps in[edit]

Sheriff Rollins lays down teh law. And picks up litter.

Sheriff Rollins showed up to investigate and the stench of decay coming from the attic led him to the body. He kicked Chellbell's ass before hauling her into jail and making her listen to his entire extended rant on the evils of humans and global warming on the way there. The police charged her with Murder One and threw her to the nigras every women's prison in North Carolina keeps just for special raepings.

Death by internets[edit]

A moogle manifesting in physical form. A result of Chellbell's dark (alleged) deed?

An autopsy is being performed to determine how Harmony was killed, but initial findings indicate that Chellbell was most likely experimenting with black magick she learned playing FFXI. Or possibly that she summoned hordes of flesh-eating moogles which stripped the flesh from her offspring's bones to facilitate their transition into the real world. Either way, she apparently forgot to stock up on Phoenix Down. Oops.

On the bright side, it's significantly more difficult to make retard babies when you're in jail for murder.

External links[edit]

Her mom is calling the cops for her while she cries in the background.

chellbell1982 on Myspace

She buys many things, but no phoenix down.

Chellbell destined for Hell?

The story.