Keep your email private
In November 2013, Microsoft took a bite out of an Apple and decided since blow-jobs had been stuck in the ground for some time, that they were to become newest 1337 faggots. To be as 1337 as Apple however, you need to identify a whippin' boi.
Microsoft decided to target their angst at Google - instead of doing some actual work like taking the point that the windows 8 start menu is horribly verbose for the job it serves. So to hit two sales targets with one cock, they setup their very own conspiracy website - because even Micro$oft knows that hipsters will follow anything a conspiracy website says without any fucking question, ever - by constantly reminding the world that anybody using gmail is having their email looked at by some nerds in the Google office - which is shit conspiracy theorists have been saying for the past 100 years.
Microsoft decided to use this age-old maxim, and create a bullshit viral advertising campaign, by setting up a 'conspiracy website', originally called 'Keep your email private' which totally isn't advertising Outlook, which you can visit here, which they then proceeded to advertise using Google ad rev, who dropped them like da bomb after 10 seconds, so they now advertise the Microsoft Conspiracy 8.0 on dailymotion and other sites nobody cares about - just like Microsoft Outlook, which everybody left in 2002 because it was slow as fuck, in the true spirit of Microsoft's company motto: "Inconveniencing the rest of the world".
Of course, selling Outlook is much easier than Microsoft's 'viral e-campaign' which smacks of trying too hard - anybody with half a braincell would have taken the easy road - release a video with a pair of retards singing: "My Outlook brings all the bois to the yard and they're all like...DUH HUH HUH HUH!"
AND THUS - THE APPLE 2.0 TRAINING SHOES WERE WORN!
—Bill Cox, understatement of the decade
What the fuck is pig latin?
Microsoft, still butthurt that nobody uses C++ since there are zillions of free and vastly more practical coding languages have come up with yet another incomprehensible coding language called Pig Latin. It's the 2.0 of pointless shit - which means hipsters will love it, and is a marketing gimmick to break into the Apple market.
Many are debating whether Pig
Latin Shit is the best means of attracting hipsters to Microsoft with new shiny things, because as everybody knows hipsters can be attracted with some old retro shite which never worked properly to begin with - just like Microsoft Outlook.
- Google reads all emails, Microsoft warns
- Email snoops get a kick in the Googlies
- How Google snoops on your email: Microsoft accuses rival internet giant of using private details to sell adverts without users' knowledge
- How Google Snoops on Your Email
Keep your email private is part of a series on
Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.
| Keep your email private
is part of a series on