| BREAKING NEWS!!|
LOL Joshua Conner Moon is white knighting Chris and insulted New Zealand.
Run by Null, the Kiwi Farms is quite the lovely internet forum board consisting of a user base that was so frustrated that their favorite show on Nickelodeon got cancelled that they decided to seclude themselves from the outside world and create a sprite-and-semen cocktail known as the CWCki. Each user had evolved from being those who were simply curious about Chris Chan to being a top internet sleuth, using the formidable power of Google's engines to bring terror in the form of elite cyberhacking and serious consequences for rousing their fury to all who oppose their mighty keyboards. They were known for being as equally talented as their stalk victims, posting endless threads about "lolcows", and using the forum as their personal Wordpress due to not having anyone else to talk to about getting fired from Pizza Hut. Many users were noted to have some kind of mental illness, so please do not attempt to approach them without taking proper precautions.
Eventually, someone threatened Null's family and he ran off like the pussy he is. Enemies of Null, such as Vordrak and Oliver D. Smith cheered and claimed to be responsible for the "victory," when suddenly the site came back online, and their vengeful rage was felt all around the world.
- 1 A Prequel to Epic Failure
- 2 How the Average Kiwi Farms User Spent Their Day
- 3 Play Nice
- 4 Gallery of Gorgeous People
- 5 Quotes from the Underground
- 6 Summary of the Subforums
- 7 Reviews
- 8 Well-thought out Videos Created By Kiwi Farms
- 9 Kiwi Farms Shut Down Using This One Neat Trick, Trolls Hate Him!
- 10 Gallery
- 11 See Also
- 12 External links
A Prequel to Epic Failure
The users of the CWCki forums eventually realized that their object of affection was not the only person on the internet who could provide them with the lulz they so desperately crave, so they followed the path of their beloved senpai once more and expanded the forums to include other special individuals. This proved to be mildly confusing to the users, who cried out in one voice, "I DO NOT LIKE CHANGE" and nervously clutched their Life Alert buttons. The forum was then renamed to "Kiwi Farms", a very rough phonetic approximation with a dash of imagination of "CWCki Forums", in February 2015 by someone.
Null gradually took over Kiwi Farms' forum as other people with were arrested by the FBI and moved on to long prison terms to get ass-raped. He spends all his time making sure that there is no fun to be had on the forums as well as helping everyone on his site lose weight by drinking no less than 37 Coke Zeros a day.
How the Average Kiwi Farms User Spent Their Day
Everyone on the KF website had sob stories about being molested, so you can guarantee some of their internal wiring has come loose. They stalked and cataloged people they repetitively refered to as lolcows and autists, rarely using any other vernacular and exploding in impotent fury at those who didn't conform to their comforting language. Their completely healthy main hobby was sending people with autism money, then discussing how giving someone a source of income that is not required to be reported to the IRS completely trolled the recipient due to "tax evasion" reasons.
Ironically enough these 1337 IRL-h4x0rs didn't realize that prepaid cards and cash counted as gifts due to no commercial services or goods being exchanged, and are therefore not necessary to declare on any tax form in the United States unless income was generated from the gift afterwards. Since Chris-Chan never follows through on producing more comic updates on time and no one in their sound mind would see him as a business owner, they basically end up giving him money for nothing except to autistically follow his actions when he spends it.
Along with CWCki, they had another partner site where you can read about lowlifes called the Lolcow Wiki, which was Null's pathetic attempt to find meaning in his life after Chris Chan finally had sex. It was in incredibly half-assed, with numerous articles being unfinished and many prominent cows lacking articles, before being all but shut down following the Farm's upgrade.
That was the day the mass of gentlemen at Kiwi Farms all found themselves less socially adept than a retarded manchild who drank his own cum.
Despite being a forum dedicated to trolling, members of Kiwi Farms were very delicate themselves and required a strict set of rules devised by an authoritarian leader to protect them from being bullied. Failure to comply with these rules would result in an immediate ban and the admins poking through all your private messages in an attempt to stamp out the root cause of your insubordination.
We, at Encyclopedia Dramatica, are kind enough to provide an accurate translation of these rules in the universally accepted language of English, without being a giant floppy vagina.
- Be civil: Disagreeing with another poster is only acceptable when addressing them with the honorific titles of "Sir" or "Ma'am" and ending all posts with a polite "Thank you" or "Cordially Yours"
- Write descriptive topic titles: Admins were too busy reading your private messages to rename threads, so please assist in optimizing their SEO.
- Hide your powerlevel: Forum users need to be reminded not to self-dox, as they tend to get excited and post personal information about themselves on a website dedicated to exploiting people's personal information.
- Don't White Knight: Unless of course someone is exposing Null, in which case you'll become a moderator.
- No trolling plans: Please keep trolling plans in private messages because the admins might shit a brick if they ever caught a lolsuit.
- Do not create topics about forum members: Because members are not able to cope with bullying.
The users who frequented Kiwi Farms were exceptionally beautiful and full of creativity.
For more pictures and stories of how none of Kiwi Farms' user-base can operate normally in society or hold down a job, click here.
Quotes from the Underground
Summary of the Subforums
- Lolcows - A haven for Personal Army requests and people obsessing about searching for the next CWC.
- Proving Grounds - To ensure all new threads aren't on cows the mods like.
- Christian Weston Chandler - Discuss in extreme detail every single thing CWC posts on Facebook and deeply observe each word he types. You may even become CWC's own white knight.
- Amberlynn Reid - Obsessively documenting 550lb. landwhale.
- Brianna Wu - Everyone's favorite nutty and delusional lolcow tranny Brianna Wu now has his own section after thousands of pages discussing about his goal of being a congresswoman and being the center attention of GamerGate 24/7.
The Entersphere- A subforum so unfunny that it is often to be considered to be the worst subforum on Kiwi Farms. This subforum was full of weens, A-Logs, and cartoon watching manbabies. The man who was responsible for Mr. Enter's ED page was also responsible for various site and off-site drama that led to creation of the Entersphere. He was later doxxed for his bad behavior leaving behind a funny thread about a man who fucks duckies for a living. This user was forever mocked and ridiculed on the Internet causing him to disappear forever. This subforum triggered the admins more than any other thread within the Spergatory.
- Beauty Parlour - Hambeasts and trannies insult other hambeasts, cosplaying trannies, and Onision.
- Darksydephil - Sons of Kojima rejects and former members circlejerk about how bad DSP is at videogames, and get themselves doxed by other kiwis for being infested with internet AIDS.
Loveshy Therapy Center- Hahahahahaha.
- Animal Control - Trollshielding furry orgy.
- Community Watch - Clusters of lolcows.
- Rat King - A-logging trannies.
- Tumblr (◡‿◡✿) - Obsess over social justice warriors and fight for men's rights.
True Capitalist Radio - True Capitalist Radio? That shit was so 2011.Now dead due to no one caring.
- Off-Topic - Mostly consists of members whining about their own personal issues. Only
handpickedhandicapped users are allowed in.
- Forum Discussion - Used for complaining about Likeicare.
- Spergatory - Locked threads that triggered the admins.
- Wiki Discussion - Discuss the mind blistering walls of text Null writes as articles for his horrendous attempt at creating the New ED.
- Top Secret Inner Circle - Despite trolling being banned since KF's inception, this used to be a secret subforum where an elite caste of users could troll an autistic manchild by pulling the same fake girlfriend shit that they publicly decried as unfunny and old. After its exposure it has been used purely for shitposts.
- Deagle Nation - Talk about one of the biggest hugboxs in the entire website. Jace showed up and he told everyone "look at me guyz. I am an epic lolcow." Tryce who is Jace's best friend and leader of the Skullz proclaimed himself to be an "anarchist men's rights group". Months later after catching up to the events of Jace's and Tryce's actions, the hugbox was born. Tyce was caught by Kiwi Farms users using Jan Rankowski's Steam account, which led to the revelation that ParkourDude91 was a fictional character. Kiwi Farms users spotted a Steam account in a live stream linked to Jan Rankowski, a member of Million Dollar Extreme which led to the suspicion that Jace is a hoax causing, the words "Jace Connors is a hoax" were placed in big red letters at the top of the Kiwi Farms during or before 23 February 2015. It was found to be members of the Farms noticed a similarity between the faces of Rankowski and early Jace videos. It took a while for the sub-forum to die afterwords, until August 13th 2015 the forum was archived.
- Weeb Wars: The Kiwis try and document a controversy Null admitted to knowing nothing aboutabout. No fucking joke!
They are known for... well, actually, they are not known to many outside their forum other than to the people they search out in professional and cordial ways in order to attempt to gain growth of understanding of the human condition.
Apparently they are listed as a safe place for people with autism: WOT We believe this is due to the large amount of caring individuals with empathy for those who are afflicted with mental illness on Kiwi Farms.
Well-thought out Videos Created By Kiwi Farms
Kiwi Farms Shut Down Using This One Neat Trick, Trolls Hate Him!
In mid-January 2017, Null's mom grounded him from the TV and Diet Coke because someone informed her job about Kiwi Farms' existence, which lead her to be fired. Null, a veteran of over 420 e-battles, remained ever calm. He wiped the sweat from his brow, murmured to himself, 'I'll show those dirty trolls', then took control of the situation by removing the Kiwi Farms site from the servers without informing the user base.
This selfless act was not enough to save him from consequence, as his family was literally murdered to death afterwards. It is uncertain as to whether the murder took place over DSL or dial-up, but according to our local FBI experts, it is impossible to survive a claw hammer attack through the internet, no matter how many proxies you hide behind. Afterwards, the heinous killers requested a non-redacted copy of the user and private messages tables, and a photo of Null's penis.
Sadly, Kiwifarms is back. Null is trying to jew his userbase for even more shekels after the IRL drama.
Having his ass handed to him earlier this year when his mother got fired and she made him shut down KIWI Farms, owner of the site Null has become afraid of his own shadow and ordered users to remove all references to Doopie DoOver that doesn't show her in a good light or kisses her ass because Doopie has started crying and threatening suicide in drama whore fashion.
Since they all fall under the description of omega male and will readily obey anyone that remotely resembles a girl, they quickly obeyed their Trailor Park Princess and removed all Chris Chan sagas referencing Doopie because they both felt bad that they hurt her feelings and hoped that obeying their Meth Head Monarch would get their dicks sucked for being so readily obedient.
A possible alternate theory states that, Unlike Chris Chan, Doopie comes with a large army of horny boys that will defend the honor of their Bath Salt Baroness. Still gunshy from his last Drama where he readily put his ass in the air with a flag planted in his asshole saying, "Dick Goes Here" and shut down KIWI Farms, Null willingly obeyed his new masters of unwashed boys, sent at him by Doopie, when they told him to leave their mistress alone because his mom has already threatened him that if she loses another job he will have to leave his basement and go get one.
Doopie On Kiwi
After the Chris Chan incident Doopie DoOver felt the need to reafirm herself as a pretty girl. Needing a place that had no clue as to what a girl should look like, act like or sound like she parked her flabby pancake ass squarly at Kiwi Farms hoping to get all the little boys there riled up.
Once they figured out, like most people do, that she was only using them and hoping that they would support her at $25 a month for her Shitty art kiwi farms quickly kicked her ass out and he was quickly forgotten about and replaced by another object of worship.
- Autistic Legion of Doom
- Marjan Siklic
- Wrong Planet
- Avery Chicoine
- Doopie DoOver/People
- Eclipse A Darwin Test devised by G-D himself to tempt dumbass potheads like Doopie DoOver and the Short Bus collection of asspies over at Kiwi Farms into melting their eyes right out of their skulls by staring at it.
- Cool Autism! - The best successor forum
Official Kiwi DiscordBANNED LOL
- Kiwi Farms Steam group.
- xzyzzx-xzyzzx - Tumblr account dedicated to doxing Kiwi Farm users (lol)
- A shitty podcast called the Lolcast, which is so unfunny that several people have died from its overall terribleness. Mostly circlejerking.
- Joshua Moon and Personal Agendas - Null's 121 page thread on a fucking lego forum.
- - Null's response to Autism Cool.
- - Autism Cool's thread on Null.
CWCKI- A wiki dedicated to documenting Kiwi Farm users, it don't exist anymore but a copy is archived at the Wayback Machine.
- Lookism's Review - Lookism reviews the site
- - Self diagnosed autists give their opinion on Kiwi Farms.
- locked by Null. - Kiwis discuss this article. Now
- - Kiwi Farm thread responding to their reviews.
- in which Null shows up to defend his honor.
Kiwi Farms ED Project- Some faggot makes a PAR and gets rightfully shot the fuck down.
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|Kiwi Farms is part of a series on Aspies.||[Sperg out]|
|Featured article August 19 & 20, 2015|
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Telephone Ring Ring
|Kiwi Farms|| Succeeded by|
|Featured article January 27 & 28, 2017|
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