Krummlauf

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i do not look jew
 

 
 

krummlauf's mother in a traditional Hebrew rug garb

Originally appearing on the freenode IRC network in 2008, krummlauf instantly proved to be a promising troll. Racially aware and committed to exposing the ways of the Jew and the NWO, he labored around the clock exploring the conspiracies of the Elders of Zion. Claiming to be a green eyed Iranian Aryan from the East, he was welcomed with open arms by the anti-Jewish warriors of the West. And then, like the unexpected blast of a suicide bomber, he was exposed to be what he hated most: a Jew.

Background[edit]

As Iranian half-Jew Muslims, his family subsisted on a diet of camel shit cakes earned from pimping his mother out on rugs to Arab business men on the border between Iran and Iraq during the First Gulf War. After saving up enough money they moved to America by loading themselves into shipping crates, taking their shirts off and pretending to be gorillas.

Upon arriving to the United States, krummlauf became a C- graduate in Philosophy from a state university, and has since been philosophizing about his extended period of unemployment while honing his credentials as an underachiever.

Unemployed as long as he has been chatting on IRC, he blames Jews for his fail at life, the unibrow he shaves biweekly and his renown status as a human roflcopter. In a rage against the world and activated by his handler in Tel-Aviv, he began his mission on freenode's political channel ##politics. His reputation quickly grew as a absolute troll and his infamy spread to other servers as he joined them and users spread his legacy.

Ban from Freenode ##politics[edit]

One fateful morning, channeling his Jewish instincts, krummlauf threatened to molest the Aryan children of a channel op and was promptly banned and never able to return again. At that time he chatted under the nick finkelstein. He moved his freak show to Undernet, EFnet and first made his appearances in #GNAA on hardchats.

The Prophecy[edit]

One particular wise sage on efnet noted krummlauf's strange and absurd obsession with Jews and made an apocalyptic prophecy about krummlauf that users greeted as being utterly ridiculous and ludicrous. Time, however, the destroyer of all things, proved that he was absolutely correct.


   
 

[5:18pm] sonovagun: synaptic: you think krummlauf is a jew?
[5:18pm] synaptic: yeah, obviously
[5:18pm] sonovagun: obviously?
[5:18pm] sonovagun: LOL
[5:18pm] synaptic: he's a self-hating jew

 


 
 

Presence on GNAA IRC[edit]

After clasping his hands together and scheming, he managed to acquire access to K-LULZ radio, and began broadcasting. With a grand total of 2 listeners, the channel quickly became fed up of hearing his whiny proclamations of the greatness of the Koran and defenses of his Arab heritage. They had never before seen such desperation for approval. The channel quickly turned on him and he was subsequently stripped of all broadcast privileges.

   
 
[02:12:20] paz: im all about the bhagavad gita

[02:12:28] paz: unfortunately for krummlauf
[02:12:29] paz: hes an arab
[02:12:32] paz: and hes all about the koran

 


 
 

paz, noting the noble distinctions between Aryan and Arab culture

   
 
[02:22:58] weev: krummlauf is STILL trying to defend his mud blood

[02:23:21] weev: good lord nobodys even listening
 


 
 

weev, noting the cold hard truth

krummlauf now chats on hardchats under the nick asafoetida.

Exposure as a Jew[edit]

After bragging to the channel #freepolitics on EFnet about his adventures tricking and drugging white women into sucking his circumcised Jew-cock, an enterprising user searched okcupid until he found the most Semitic looking user and confronted krummlauf. Quickly admitting it was indeed him, he went silent for nearly an hour. Users were shocked to find out that he was a Jew. Included in his profile was an lol proclamation that he was "Not Jewish, but Persian damnit." Laughter rang out from users on 4 separate networks: freenode, undernet, efnet and hardchats. Krummlauf immediately responded and his okcupid profile Madoff and vanished without a trace, never to be seen again.

Meltdown[edit]

krummlauf's ensuing meltdown was of epic proportions. His friends attempted to counsel him and bring him to grips with the fact that he indeed looked like a Jew. He, however, resisted this attempt.


   
 
[10:46pm] <krummlauf> i do not look jew

[10:46pm] <krummlauf> DO NOT
[10:46pm] <krummlauf> do not call me this.
[10:46pm] <putin> dude. u look like a jew. get over it
[10:46pm] <krummlauf> nope
[10:46pm] <krummlauf> b quite

 


 
 

Other users were in a catatonic state of shock.


   
 
[19:57] <ducken> im so disappointed that he's jewish

[19:57] <ducken> it's like finding out that hitler was sucking black dicks on the weekend
[19:58] <ducken> or the anti-gay christian group leader renting gay prostitutes on rentboy.com
[20:01] <ducken> camel-fucking jew bastard

 


 
 

krummlauf did the only thing one could do in such a situation: ragequit. As suddenly as he left, he returned, and users encouraged him to leave IRC forever and start a new persona since nobody liked him anymore, thereby ensuring continuity to the legacy of the Wandering Jew in the digital age. However, obstinate like a camel on the Highway of Death, he refused to move, even after being brought to awareness bluntly that his IRC career as an anti-Jewish troll has ended:


   
 
[2010-05-28 22::49:05] SxanRR: we pwnt your ass

[2010-05-28 22:49:08] krummlauf: mazel tov jewey
[2010-05-28 22:49:08] SxanRR: and you left crying
[2010-05-28 22:49:10] SxanRR: and came back again
[2010-05-28 22:49:12] SxanRR: like a beaten wife
[2010-05-28 22:49:17] _mre666: krummlauf is an iranian reject

 


 
 

Nevertheless, krummlauf persisted in a generalized troll against different users, accusing them of being Jews, Niggers, Mexicans, and pedophiles of varying degrees. He has since amplified the use of his favorite trolls: scatological (earning finkelstein the coveted nickname fecalstain) and urinatory.

Quotations[edit]

   
 
[09:23] <krummlauf> i told my uncle that i support hitler

[09:23] <krummlauf> my brother told on me
[09:23] <krummlauf> cuz i said i hate jews
[09:23] <krummlauf> now i will never talk to him again
[09:23] <krummlauf> so sad
[09:23] <krummlauf> my other relatives confronted me on my jew hate
[09:23] <krummlauf> i told my uncle that i support hitler

 


 
 

—noting divisions in his brood.

   
 
[21:40] <krummlauf> i await hitler 2.0
 

 
 

—a frank admission that he cannot be the Fuhrer.

   
 
[2009-12-25 23:21:38] s0n-of-a-gun: there are hot jewish women

[23:21:44] krummlauf: ye
[23:21:45] donk: really whree
[23:21:47] donk: where
[23:21:48] krummlauf: on tv

 


 
 

—enjoying the beauty of Jewesses.

   
 
[17:51:23] bats: hey krummlauf u should check out http://www.jdate.com/

[17:59:16] krummlauf: cool
[17:59:24] krummlauf: id rape more jewesses

 


 
 

—exhibiting his exclusive preferences for endogamous sexual relations with fellow Jewesses, a consummate Hebeophile.

   
 
[02:23am] krummlauf: if I had a Jewish son I just wouldn't tell him
 

 
 

—indicating his intentions to bury the family secret

   
 
[23:22:57] krummlauf: i wish to bathe in the blood of fresh jew slaughter
 

 
 

—admitting his conviction as a reform Jew that sexual relations during menses do not violate ritual purity.

   
 
[23:09:10] krummlauf: im the boss, u rule only with my permission
 

 
 

—talking down to users prior to being exposed as a Mossad agent and summarily stripped of his flags and permissions.

   
 
[03:44am] krummlauf: ive done things

[03:44am] krummlauf: today i installed
[03:44am] krummlauf: ubutnu
[03:44am] ducken: ...
[03:44am] ducken: that has nothing to do with anything productive
[03:44am] sonovagun: listening to alex jones and periodically jacking off, inviting some 18 year old whore with self esteem issues from the internet to suck his circumcised dick
[03:44am] ducken: unless he's got 7 figures in his trust fund, his years are numbered
[03:45am] krummlauf: dont worry about my plans
[03:45am] sonovagun: his months, more like
[03:45am] krummlauf: they are not for you to know
[03:45am] ducken: you don't have shit for plans krummy
[03:45am] ducken: you're a punk
[03:45am] krummlauf: i will be fine
[03:45am] ducken: unskilled who can't survive without the trust fund
[03:45am] krummlauf: im skilled
[03:46am] krummlauf: ive got more wisdom in my fingernail than you'll have in your entire lifetime

 


 
 

—announcing his support for African OS, and acting evasive about the source of his income: Mossad

   
 
[22:55:44] krummlauf: did you know that the main religious book of the jew is NOT the torah or the tanakh?

[22:55:53] krummlauf: it is the babylonian talmud
[22:58:14] krummlauf: the babylonian talmud, the main book of the jews, disparages christianity and the reputation of christ in the most slanderous fashion
[22:58:31] krummlauf: it teaches jews to lie and cheat the gentiles and to steal from them as well
[22:58:40] krummlauf: this is all true and i can quote you word for word

 


 
 

—The rabbi gives a lesson on the Shabbat

   
 
[00:18:35] sonovagun: you look jewish

[00:18:36] krummlauf: I don't look jewish, it's a variety of things, the angle, it was halloween and i was on drugs
[00:18:37] sonovagun: yeah because drugs morph our physical features

 


 
 

—attempting to rationalize his outwardly Judaic appearance

   
 
[7:36pm] kuber: arent you a jew krummlauf

[7:36pm] krummlauf: wrong.
[7:36pm] krummlauf: i will provide exonerating evidence in due time
[7:36pm] kuber: could have sworn you were

 


 
 

—announcement after booking an appointment at Beth Israel Hospital to have his vestigial tail surgically removed to hide all traces of his Jewish heritage

Further Developments[edit]

Preliminary investigations note that he may be receiving instructions from a beacon in the Giv'at Ze'ev settlement through a microchip implanted in his banana nose. Interceptions of the communique indicate that krummlauf was activated as a self-hating Jewish troll to further the case of the absurdity of anti-Semitism as part of ongoing Israeli PsyOps designed to prolong the War on Terror. However, since his cover has been effectively blown, it is widely recognized in the covert community that it has become massive PsyOops.

Interceptions of the beacon communique indicate that krummlauf's codename is Mordekrummlauf ✡, a portmanteau of his birth name and IRC handle badged with the perennial symbol of Jewry.

A team of Scientologists, pedophiles, psychiastrists, behavioral psychologists, researchers and historians remain on vigil to note any further developments.

Since krummlauf's brutal exposure which entered the annals of IRC history, he has since completely disappeared from IRC and not been seen on Skype or his usual net hangouts. Although search parties are currently still looking for him or his remains, it is rumored in some circles that he has since become an hero in the incinerating blast of a MOSSAD sponsored false flag suicide bomb.

Of more important note, however, is that since his departure from IRC, the channels which he used to frequent literally doubled in size almost immediately, no longer taxed by the outrageous cost of his incessant and unremitting idiocy and generalized trolling.

See also[edit]

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