- 1 The Meme
- 2 The Undying
- 3 The Hairy
- 4 The Holy Book Of Lasers
- 5 The Commandments of Lasers
- 6 The Disciples of Lasers
- 7 The Demi-Gods
- 8 THE ORACLES
- 9 See Also
- 10 Gallery
Lurking in a cam-whore's tinychat, he found his inspiration to take up arms against the female species. All going to tinychat intending to see tits were instead greeted by a half naked man playing an accordion singing 'Crocodile Rock'. Instantly his asian viewer began to dance and 4chan was notified of the impending win. There was a major flood of newfags all coming to see this mysterious man. Camwhores would appear in video sessions along side him and be shunned away! All of a sudden newfags did not care for tits! They were mesmerized by the heartfelt words massaging their ears.
Oh yeah and he also has a cast iron black cock AND HE'S AN ASTRONAUT
One of the longest threads to ever be on /b/ started 08/25/10(Wed)21:32:32, ended 08/26/10(Thurs)03:43:00.
After the tinychat overlords decided to ruin the world and cancel this man's amazing performance, a new room was opened just for him to once again give happy fuzzy feelings. Intruders into his spotlight were given a strict banhammer unless tits or comedy was offered. He continued to perform even when starting to be distracted by his own manly juices and tits *put hat over eyes to not further excite the femanon folk of the room ass the flood of tits was unmanageable even by the best of the sport of fap the globe had to offer every internet superstars was there every btard was witness to such glory only a few had been chosent o sread his word.unto us.. Further proof to the existence of God. A God named Lasers. Fucking Lasers.
YEAH. Lasers possessed a tinychat that lasted over four hours with only the occasional tits. He's pretty fucking awesome.
LASERS TIT GETTING POWER LEVEL SHOWED TO BE OVER 9000 IN THE USTREAM ROOM . CAMUP26 TITS WHERE PASSED AROUND AT THE WHIM OF LASER FOR REJUVENATION NOODLES then abides numerous times.(16) as did faithful follower AVU (4) tits where to be have by all as brix where to be shat by all as the allmighty power of his gREAT mushstash was shown to be well OVER 9000.
BEEFRAVE elder scroll.
The HairyJust look at that damn moustache! He has fucking mutton chops too!
Here he is, what the fuss is all about:
The Holy Book Of Lasers
Begun by Meepsheep, the Book of Lasers was the retelling of the epic night from his own perspective. This book soon grew quite quickly, despite Anony being B& from the room once for talking like Sean Connery too much. Anony learned his lesson, however, and continued to scribe for the Book of Lasers, telling others to do so as well in order to more fully flesh out the finished readings. Below is the compilation of those readings.
Lasers be with you, and always with you. MAY MEEPSHEEP BLESS YOUR JOURNEY AND LALALALASERS ALWAYS PROTECT YOU .
The Book of Lasers, according to Meepsheep
"And Laser did showeth up to thine camwhore's sultry performance, with tactless displays of unwanton breasts and defiling of character. He did showeth and say He, "HALT. I bring unto ye zee gift of ACCORDIAN!
And it was so. Amen."
"Lasers did bring His ACCORDIAN unto those unknowing of His grace, and His light shone with the brightness of a thousand suns, blocking out the vision of the unsultry camwhore. Lasers had blessed the Internet with His arrival, and forevermore the days and ages would be known as Before and After Lasers.
BL and AL. Praise be to Lasers, Amen."
"The ACCORDIAN of Lasers deafened the ears of those watching upon His gracefulness with its sheer power of epic. That sound, which words cannot describe for its purity, droned out the camwhore and she was summarily removed, never to be seen again.
The people rejoiced! For the first time, tits were not of what they yearned, for their hearts were now filled with Lasers. And unto this Lasers did say, "Take this, all of you, and listen of it. These are the sounds of my ACCORDIAN, the songs of God, and I share this with all of you, in memory of me."
"The presence of Lasers was warming to the heart of all who basked in it. But, to those whom acted out against His presence, or to those of whom believing was not possible, another state of existence was awaiting them.
Hell was at once bestowed name and meaning in accordance with Lasers upon his entry into the Internet. A land of the great B&, for those not worthy of Him. I did see such a land for a short period of time, and it was not a thing of which I wish to repeat.
Hell was isolation. It was divine bleakness and everlasting darkness shrouding the souls of mankind. For those whom could not be with Lasers in presence nor in spirit, this place awaited them eternally, a suffering felt throughout time and the ages.
And upon redemption I vowed not to return to such a place ever again, for even a soul such as mine would not survive a second damning."
"And thus Lasers did speak of His homeland, high atop Mount Laserus. And upon this perch, in a city of Golden Luminescence, sat the throne of our God, Laseropolis.
Upon this throne, such a matter of brilliance, that no mere mortal could ever envision it. But to those of Earthen descent, there was HOPE.
For upon their day of eternal rest, for those close to Lasers, and those of his good grace, did a spot exist for their souls, to eternally listen to his ACCORDIAN in the twilight of eternity."
"Many rejoicing voices could be heard throughout the land of Lasers as His ACCORDIAN brought happiness and strength to many a man and woman. But not all words were to be seen as joyful.
The prayers sent to Lasers were many and diversive, but unto these prayers were some of such low esteem and caliber that even Lasers could not present them in good Faith.
And so said Lasers, "Pokémon sucks and I'm not playing the theme," and it was so."
"Lasers did confer unto us through His time with us, and we were in his brilliance of a presence and all was good. Of his conference was that tits would replenish his incredible stamina, that which no man could hope to endure himself.
These tits were then brought upon Lasers one at a time in blessing and in health, and Lasers was happy. From these tits did his stamina grow three sizes, and his ACCORDIAN played louder and clearer still, and all was well."
"At once and with great pride did Lasers bring unto us visions of the Holy Relics of Laseropolis, such visions as could only be comprehended in earnest by His most coveted of followers.
To His disciples He displayed first, and of great stature, the Cast Iron Cock of Blackest Night.
To His disciples He displayed second, and of incredible detail, the Holy Doodling of Mount Laserus.
To His disciples He displayed third, and of powerful perfection, the Laser Scanner of the Heavens.
To these relics the disciples stood in awe, understanding now that Lasers was truly the proof of the existence of God. A God named Lasers. Fucking Lasers."
"Upon Mount Laserus did He proclaim that a perch did exist for the Disciple Niggles, forever here-to-forward to be known as Niggles the Oracle. Upon her masterful designs did Lasers view, and He deemed it good.
Upon the newcomers to the Church of Lasers did all welcome, but it was not all well. For from these heathens did call a beckoning for the Oracle Niggles to display herself in all her beauty to the world. But Lasers would have nothing of it, for her body was of a design superior to any mortal comprehension. Still they clamored for her until, disheartened, Lasers receded from the mortal plane. Niggles was scorned, and through her scorning too was He.
The mortal realm was alight with cries of redemption and the return of Lasers, but His away was not to be broken. And thus did the true followers of Lasers proclaim their sins, their repentance, and their acceptance of the Truth, the Light, and the Lasers. Upon this revelation of humility did Lasers finally return upon the mortal plane, again with His ACCORDIAN to continue spreading His Faith."
The Book of Lasers, as Written by Unknown
"And ye, the vile false promise of womanflesh, once remove-ed, was as a veil lifted from the hearts and minds of those apostles privy to the teaching of Lasers. Their voices rising as one, they proclaimed their newfound faith, not in the jiggling idol, but the one true god, Lasers. Now, please stand and follow me in the Laser's prayer. lalalalalalalalalalalalala..."
"Upon seeing our one true God Lasers, I was awestruck and frightened. Bricks were shat when I first did gaze upon his heavenly mustache of pure laser. Lasers spoke of many things. Of accordions, and his might black cock and of a sultry woman named Jennifer of whom we are unaware of anything about.
The god Lasers also spoke of a heavenly phrase. He spoke of the phrase "shakalak" and demanded that it be uttered by mortals everyday in conversation. And it was so.
There were also several creatures whom provided our lord Lasers with much need energy. The great siren Noodles provided our lord with endless tits to feast upon. And the master artist Beefinator provided our king with a crown and various angelic wings of pure white, which continued to dissipate and reappear.
It was also spoke of that all who are named Henry would be scorned and fall into the depths of hell to be feasted upon by demons.
The Book of Lasers, as Written by Praisebelasers
"As our heavenly father, blessed be he, showed his Holy relics to his loyal disciples, he bestowed to us the Holy Doodling of Mount Laserus. Upon seeing his lords holy depictions, Praisebelasers Proclaimed that as his holiness loyal disciples, we must spread his holiness's depictions. By placing them for all those who wish to see. Praisebelasers soon began to work furiously for our lord lasers, printing hundreds of copies. With the help of the 43, His word shall be spoken through us, his disciples. Praise be his holiness, our heavenly father. Laaaaalala. AMEN"
The Book of Lasers, as Written by Sppork
Praise be to lala. For lala, is win. Amen.
The Commandments of Lasers
Upon their God's utterance of the phrase Replenishment, so shall the Disciples of Lasers bare their breasts for their God to revitalize.
All shall floss as often as possible in the name of Lasers, so sayeth the God Lasers.
The 7th day of the 8th Month of the Gregorian Calender shall be forevermore known as the Semi-Equinox of Some Importance.
Every day of existence shall be conferred to as a Mustache Day, for no day can afford a greater mustache than any other.
So sayeth Lasers, personal freedoms are not to be trifled with by any means. It is a mortals right to choose.
The Disciples of Lasers
- AnonD (aka the Sexorcist)
- Anony (aka Sean Connery and Anonyscribe) the Scribe
- Bro (aka Broham and Broseph) the Generous
- Fucktard(aka TheThatDude)
- Imnotreallyhere the Silent
- Milwocky (Captain obvious)[21:22] lalalalasers: and you shall be known as the disciple with an eye in the sky
- Praisebelasers the Preacher
- sadfgh the Lazy one
- Slinko (aka guest-9520)
- Trig (originally person407)
Not much is known about Jake. Other than the fact that he hails from Mount Laserus and he enjoys hanging out with Lasers on the weekend. Also, he calls a lot.
Tittiecat Of Lauren
The bro-cat is part of the Tittie Cause. He (She) will stop at nothing to show his (her) owners titties. Tittycat has succeeded before in his(her) great endeavor for Lauren's titties.
Niggles is Lasers personal femanon. She draws cool shit. Pretty fuckin' sweet. And she has a sexxy voice.And beautiful eyes.
NIGGLES IS FACELESS AND NOT TO BE FUCKED WITH OR YOU WILL FACE THE WRATH OF OUR LORD LASERS!!
Niggles has illustrated many of our lords various forms. She hast created images of him in his octopus form and she hast produced an illustration of his glorious accordion.
This is the octopus I drew for Lasers, I fixed it all up for him, colored it in better and stuff because I got to a scanner. - Niggles
Noodles THE ORACLE OF REPLENISHMENT
Noodle is a beast of tits and love. She is the designated rejuvenatory of Lasers. Noodles is also an artist, she has illustrated a picture of our god as well, which he was pleased with.
She is also incredibly adorable. I would totally go lesbian for her.
Jennifer (aka Spade_ink)
A resident of Laseropolis that Lasers knows of. Original inspiration for Lasers.
The oracle with the irresistible Scottish accent. The one who made a sammich which even the almighty Lasers yearned for. The only Oracle to have dined on a sammich with only a bra on. A beautiful serenade for God himself was heard from the goddess herself(The Mariners Revenge) Protip:She is a boss. She also collects Pokemon cards and is a separatist.
The latest initiated oracle to have replenished Lasers. Also the proud owner of legion, the Titty cat
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