Le Parkour

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This is what they want you to believe. Isn't mental retardation cool?
Sadly, the truth is horrible pain.
Proof that Parkour was smeared upon unsuspecting locales in Medieval times as well.

Le Parkour, also called Parkour, PK, l'art du déplacement and free-running, is more commonly known as the French martial art of running away.

According to the Oxford Dictionary of English Language, parkour is defined as:

Parkour n. (masc.)

  1. The single action of running away really fucking fast in an urban area, in accordance with the French tradition of running away really fucking fast on the battlefield.

In addition to being the most popular sport at the moment in France, it is also a source of immense French pride after being featured in an American movie for almost 90 seconds. Filled with more pride than a bullfrog's throat after being shown in a movie, France has since made its own movies based on parkour, all of which consist of footage of nothing but Frenchmen running away. However, these movies have been somewhat controversial, as the similiarity of these videos to standard French combat protocol has led to them triggering PTSD symptoms in thousands of French war veterans.

All who partake of parkour have a death wish, think they're hot shit or are a combination of both. Thanks to the internets, many young, impressionable minds are converted to this "discipline" and subsequently make retards of themselves on YouTube and other video sharing services. Although common sense suggests that repeatedly jumping from dangerous heights and grinding down the cartilage in one's joints might be a bad idea, all but the most vanilla parkour enthusiasts suffer from one or more mental disorders that suppress the logic center of their brains.

The Purist[edit]

Purists are the self-designated Prophets of Parkour. They use parkour for what its meant for: finding a quick path and following it to escape and trying to be UBER 1337 and beating everyone else whist still claiming that parkour is not about competition. These people are both very respected and hated within the parkour community. These purists refer to themselves as "traceurs" and will go to great lengths to distinguish themselves from "freerunners" who do basically the same shit. The act of using Parkour maneuvers to travel from one point to another is known as "smearing" parkour on that place.

David Belle of Fécamp is the central figure of Parkour, revered by most traceurs as the living incarnation of God.

The Teenagers[edit]

The Teenagers are the kids who do parkour in a pathetic attempt to impress their bitches n'bros. They spend hours in the mirror convincing themselves that they're cool, then jump off 4 meter tall buildings and usually end up hurting themselves. They then put it all on YouTube Favicon.png YouTube accompanied by a hardcore soundtrack of EXXX-TREME TUNES.

These kids are hated within the parkour community for being full of themselves. Although they are as much of noob as you can find without dropping a ten year old boy in an urban environment with a Catholic priest on his tail, it is surprisingly funny watching these skater-wannabes blowing out their knees trying to do things the purists can. They will often name their videos something undescriptive yet "elegant" like Le Parkour, as if doing so makes them pros.

The "Normals"[edit]

The Normals are people who do parkour as an additional activity in their already action-packed lives. These people vary greatly in skill. Normal as they are, this group of people is the most diverse in their parkouring. They may do parkour seriously at times but other times use it to generate lulz for themselves and even the public at large. For example, they might YouTube Favicon.png run around in Santa outfits during Christmas or dress up as ninjas and threateningly run and jump around in their respective cities. As a result, it is possible to see a normal parkourfag in his or her natural habitat by regularly watching the TV show COPS.

The "Mimics"[edit]

The Mimics are people who copy the teenagers in an attempt to squeeze some lulz out of these empty husks of teens. Sometimes they succeed and other times they fail profoundly. One such mimic is the Drop38Xtreemist, who mimics the teenager group "drop38".

Eon's Death[edit]

On October 19, 2008, two parkour practitioners released a fake YouTube video tribute in memory of a traceur named Eon, who supposedly fell to his death while jumping over shit on a rooftop, in an attempt to troll their local parkour community. The project generated moderate lulz, but gained unexpected popularity when it started being hosted on parkour sites worldwide. Soon enough, the video received many comments mourning Eon's death, and some communities went so far as to start donations in order to plant trees in his name.

It wasn't long before people found out it was a hoax, after which the majority of parkour-practitioners felt offended and started making death threats towards Eon, on the grounds that death is not funny as well as Karma.

Shortly afterward, Eon explained his actions on various international Parkour forums through a series of well-written posts, instead of just telling the truth.

Retards still offered condolences for years to come.

On May 27, 2013, Eon's face was blurred out of the video after his request, in an attempt to obscure his identity. That didn't prove to be enough, though, so Eon reported the video to YouTube and it was taken down.

A mirror exists here.

Around the world[edit]

Just for the lulz, the Porkn'cheese community of Parkour rulled by, a faggot lover and anuslicker nicknamed, "Zeric" , collects the finest fails from their small country and create a movie called "Malhos e Tralhos" which means "falls and falls", just two synonymous words, (which reveals a drastic attempt to gather some lulz from the title, but even in Portuguese, still fails!!!111!!)


See Also[edit]

Le Parkour
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