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Patrick Hamm and Lena Chen
| Breaking news!|
DATELINE: Berlin 8 August 2016 ... PornWhore and Eurotrash Escort ELLE PERIL has been OUTED as none other than failure at life Harvard slut LENA CHEN ... STAY TUNED!!1
In 2005, Lena Chen was admitted to Harvard. Ten years later, her life had sunk to full fuckup status, with Lena leading a shitty, shiftless life of posing for cheap porn, sucking off her Nazi "boyfriend" for spending money, and straight-out Eurotrash prostitution.
Two words: Attention. Whoring.
Lena Chen's long, skid-marked swirl down the shitter fell into three main phases:
- 1 2005-2010 Lena Chen Fucks Up At Harvard
- 2 2011-2013 Lena Chen plays the victim
- 3 2014-2016 Lena Chen tries to STFU...But can't resist the attention whore itch
- 3.1 2014 Lena Chen: "I'M NEVER attention whoring AGainnnn...no, wait...lol, nm"
- 3.2 2014-2015 This ED page hits 100,000 views! No, wait, 125,000!! OMG, 150,000!!!
- 3.3 2015 RIP LenaChen.com, TheChicktionary.com, SexAndTheIvy.com
- 3.4 2016: The Elle Peril Experiment: Lena Chen MuffDives into Porn and Sucking Eurotrash Schlong for Cash
- 3.5 Elle Peril Lena Chen Berlin Pr0nGallery
- 3.6 Old Gallery
- 3.7 See Also
- 3.8 External Links
2005-2010 Lena Chen Fucks Up At Harvard
In theory, you gotta hand props to Harvard grad student Patrick Hamm. The 28-year-old dude saw his chance to pwn some 20-year-old Asian cunnus and took it. Unfortunately for him, Patrick disobeyed the Prime Directive of Co-ed Cunnus Sexploitation... "If'n you're gonna be a perv, don't be a fucktard about it!"
As this clusterfuck makes clangingly obvious, Patrick violated three rules for surviving the Sexploitation of Co-Ed Cunnus:
Of course, the girl Patrick decided to fuck had to be none other than Lena Chen, a sex-craved blogger whose blog focuses entirely on sex and, in particular, her sexual experiences. Prior to the Patrick Hamm Scandal, Lena Chen was best known for having her nude pics leaked to the internets (See Gallery, below.) Needless to say, Patrick was promptly booted from his swanky teaching position at Harvard University and had his ass deported back to Germany.
Rule One: Low-Hanging Fruit is Verboten
If you're gonna nail a student, make sure she never was your student! In the old days, sexing a former student would be shrugged off. But in the age of such petting-zoos as Autoadmit, you're just asking for an online fisting.
Rule Two: Make Sure She's Worth It
If you're gonna plug some 20-year-old cunnus, make sure that cunnus doesn't belong to a fat drama queen: you're just asking to get pwned when the cunnus of your eye is a sex blogger. Before you know it, she'll be:
- posting about the time you throttled her until she let you sex her (a.k.a. "rape/aggressive/surprise sex").
- posting photos the time Lena Chen's tiny tit on Facebook drunkenly dryhumped her and squeezed
- posting a pic of the results of your splooging on her face...and adding the endearing tidbit that you "kissed her with tongue afterwards." Ew.
- posting about that time you were high together and how he scored a Fake ID for you (see scroll box below).
Rule Three: Tough It Out
Think about it: you fucked a loudmouth, talky, drama queen sex-blogger. Did you actually think it would remain on the q.t.? If you did, kill self and leave Harvard, because you're obviously too much of a fucktard to flourish there. Then again, he is German...
Lena Chen Gets Assbooted by Harvard (2008-2009)
After the Patrick Clusterfuck, teh lulz continued to tumble fast and thick--just like the cum dripping from Lena Chen's lips. Little Lena was unable to suck off her profs with sufficient finesse to avert Harvard's asskicking her from the university for shitty grades.
So Lena Chen needed a job to supplement the income she received for the "services" she "rendered" Patrick. Happily, she found a dumbfuck company which had never heard of Google, a shitstain conjob called MyCollegeOptions. In addition to Lena's office talents, Lena counseled college-bound students on the importance of sucking one's way to non-sucky grades, fake IDs, and hallucinogens. Of course, the company's pisspoor wages weren't enough to cover Lena Chen's jetsetting through Europe, or even the gourmet food she habitually shovels (between bites of cock) into her massive maw. For this, Lena continued to rely on her Daddy's Platinum Card.
After an aimless year gobbling jetset food and cock, Lena threw herself at the mercy of Harvard's review board and begged them to take her back. The Dean obliged, shortly after Lena treated the campus to the most fetid gangbang in Ivy League history.
Patrick Hamm tries to hide his crimes
By 2010, mommy and daddy told Patrick Hamm to stop sucking on the family tit and GET A JOB!! So Patrick Hamm started sending out his resume...Hilarity ensued
Problem: Most employers are kinda squeamish about hiring a guy who drugged his 10-years-younger student (as Patrick Hamm did), scored her a fake ID (as Patrick Hamm did), choked said student until she spread her legs (as Patrick Hamm did), then posted a picture of his conquest's face covered with his jizz (as Patrick Hamm did).
What to do? BURY TEH EVIDENCE!! So Patrick Hamm, who's even dumb for a Nazi, bought a bunch of internet addresses and tried to spam google by swamping teh internet with fake websites which neglected to mention Patrick Hamm's weakness for fucking azn girls in his classes...
Result?? EPIC FAIL Unfortunately for Patrick Hamm, google only seems to care about NEWS websites (like this one documenting Patrick's mad sexploitation skillz) and not the ream of SPAM sites he'd begged his rich mommy and daddy to buy, like these ones:
patrickhamm.multiply.com patrickhamm.org www.123people.com/s/patrick+hamm www.bigsight.org/patrick_hamm www.patrickhamm.net patrickhamm.businesscard2.com www.peoplepond.com/patrickhamm www.connectture.com/pp-Patrick_Hamm.aspx aboutpatrickhamm.net www.patrickhamm.net/gs.htm aboutpatrickhamm.org aboutpatrickhamm.com patrickhamm.wordpress.com
Tsk-tsk, Patrick...wouldn't it have been easier to pwn some NON-student azn cunnus??
After granting sufficient sexual favors to various professors, Lena Chen managed to graduate (magna "cum-on-my-face" laude) in 2010. But this dubious achievement left Lena high and dry: after all, what does a brain-dead talentless whore do after getting out of college?
Fuck, NOW What??
Lena tried writing (LOL). Talentless hack she is, Lena ended up making less (MUCH LESS) than $20K/year. This meant that her sugar daddy Patrick Hamm had to swallow the bills for her never-ending shopping sprees (as well as a month-long European vacation from 2010-2011)--in exchange, for Lena's swallowing Patrick's cum on a daily basis, naturally.
At this point, Lena decided to try to make a career out in the Victim Industry!
2011-2013 Lena Chen plays the victim
Lena Chen, whoring for publicity, reveals her "number" is 30
By 2011, Lena Chen's hopes for fame had gone the way of her college career: down the toilet with a swirl of fail. Famewhore Lena was desperate to reclaim any semblance of a spotlight.
So, ever eager to spread her legs in public, Lena Chen made a desperate grope for publicity in February 2011. She revealed (in the female fuckrag Marie Claire) that her cunt has been plugged by (at least) 30 different corks. (SRSly.) "I keep scrupulous records of the cocks that invade my gash--at least the ones I can remember," babbled Lena Chen to the skankmag, "so I can track down the most likely culprit when I get another STD."
We have to say "at least," since Lena's "cunt count" fails to include the numerous times she's been DP'd. Also, Lena's count neglects to tally the gangbang assaults on her orifices while she was blackout-drunk and sprawled spreadeagled on the lawn of Harvard Yard.
Yet, unfortunately for Lena's pathological need for attention, her Grand Announcement fell as flat as Lena's muffintop-shaped tits. This could have been predicted: after all, Lena Chen is no longer one of those hawt College Sex Bloggers; she's just another dime-a-dozen EPIC FAIL freelance "writer" (who relies on her fuckbuddy Patrick Hamm's money for living expenses).
Shortly after revealing the number of cocks that have plugged her, Lena Chen also revealed the number of STDs infecting her gaping gash.
In a desperate gamble, Lena begged her tiny cluster of whore-readers to submit bukkake pix JUST LIKE the one Lena once poasted of her face covered with her teacher Patrick Hamm's jizz. With a nod to Paris Hilton, Lena oh-so-cleverly dubbed it the Lena Chen Bukkake Team!!1 The effort was total fail, but fraternities got plenty of LULZ from the dumbcunt Lolcows whose photos were poasted on Lena's site.
2012: Patrick Hamm (Harvard Sociology) gets pwned AGAIN
You'd think, after getting butthurt by spreading pix of Patrick Hamm jizzing on her face, and blogging about how Patrick Hamm chokefucked her, that Lena Chen might have learned not to be such an Attention Whore. Unluckily for Patrick, Lena's attention whoring got him assraped again in 2012, compliments of a few drunken-party snapshots which :
The lulz just got thicker when someone discovered the Facebook page for his course (with the Douchebag Title: Sociology 149: Inequality, Poverty, and Wealth in Comparative Perspective) and found that he mass-invited a shitload of whores with asian names: Gracye Cheng, Lisa Jing, Vivien Wu (Asian Community Development Corporation), Serena Yuet Ching May, Abby P. Sun, Rachel Leow...you get the idea. So much for dispelling those stories of Patrick Hamm dipping his wick into the Yellow student body!
Meanwhile, after TWO AND A HALF YEARS of joblessness, Lena Chen's only source of money for food, rent and jetsetting remains her diligent sucking of richboy Patrick Hamm's cock. Lately, she's pretending to "write a book"...and she has the crappy juvenile UNPUBLISHABLE short stories to prove it!
2013: Lena Chen dials Waaaambulance: "I'M LEAVING AMERICA!"
In 2013, after getting repeatedly butthurt for spreading her legs online, Lena Chen decided it was time to get the miserable FUCK out of this slut-shaming society! (Then again, maybe the fact that Lena's bill-paying Nazi meal-ticket, Patrick Hamm, was set to flee America might have had a little something to do with it, too...)
So on March 10th, Lena hopped a flight to Berlin-Friedrichshain (ticket paid for by dumbass Patrick, naturally....) Once there, Lena took a deep breath, buried her grateful mouth in Patrick's cock, and vowed to enjoy herself in Germany. To which those fun-loving Nazis at Stormfront lol'ed, "Don't let the door hit your raped ass on the way out, gook!"
No such luck. Before too long, Patrick Hamm's parents figured out that their son's new yellow fuckslut had some rather unsociable habits....
- "Ach!" bellowed daddy Moritz Hamm, "Dis Americanner skanken does nicht but Foodgobbelen, Clitjerken, and Cuntervibrator!"
- "Achtung, Patrick!" wailed sister Susanne Hamm-Leitl, "Der USA skank keeps runnermouthen about 'blowjob'...but still not worken! And why der skanken demanding Valtrex??"
Meanwhile, Lena's escape from America (and bill collectors for Amex, MasterCard, Visa, DiscoverCard...) was met with a collective yawn. Not a single fuck was given for the 9 months Lena hid out in her Nazi-funded digs.
2014-2016 Lena Chen tries to STFU...But can't resist the attention whore itch
2014 Lena Chen: "I'M NEVER attention whoring AGainnnn...no, wait...lol, nm"
[Image:Lenachenpornhub2014b.jpg|thumb|ED welcomes the NEWEST members of the Lena Chen PornHub 2014! Ned Monahan Stephanie Pickman Monahan Ned Monahan Jimmy Kent Christopher Fabian Sacchi Patel, Henderson Parker Nancy Schwartzman Chuck Radda Amadea Faye Evan Kaufman Cheryl Adam Ian Alexander Griffiths Will Galang Michele Elaine Hannon Michele Hannon film Weily Lang Antoinette Herrera Samantha Masunaga Chloe Gordon Jane C. Hu Abigail Collazo, Frances Reed (Washington DC), Aries Indenbaum, Jamia Wilson, Erica Brandt, Paul M Otarsus , Anna Guest-Jelley, Melanie Klein, Gwendolyn Beetham, Lyka Boss, Olivia Benowitz, Daniel Bregman, Noel Biderman, Matthew Kopydlowski]]
Attention is oxygen to an attention whore like Lena Chen. So before long, Lena begged Patrick for pocket-money to jetset and attention whore in New York, where she jerked her clit over being featured in some shitfilm by artcunt Therese Shechter. The film was called..."How to Lose Your Virginity" YES, SRSLY!
In the cheap, kickstarter-funded piece of shit, Lena cheerfully re-enacted the losses of her anal virginity, her oral virginity...AND the loss of her lulz-free google-search results. (As always, narcissist-Lena placed the blame for her butthurt on haters, rather than take some responsibility for the clusterfuck her worthless life has become. And why not, when you've got a Nazi paying your way through life?)
After her February-April jetsetting tour of the USA, it's unknown whether Lena will have the good sense to STFU and GTFO of America as she did in 2013. Hopefully not, since Lena Chen is a hilarious lol-cow, whose slutty stupidity can forever be milked for lulz.
UPDATE: Nope, the Attention Whore Lena Chen keeps going, so until further notice, we'll need this:
Timeline of Lena Chen's Attention Whoring since December 12, 2013
December 12, 2013--Lena Chen whines to the clit-cutting Muslims at Al-Jazeera. In the piece, Lena Chen takes the hypocritical stance that a) she's been 'traumatized' into 'silence' by the online consequences of her attention whoring, while at the same time b) she's still milking the 'trauma' for attention 5 YEARS later.
March 4-8, 2014--In a turn reminiscent of Chen's incessant Shopping Sprees (while pretending to be a 'working class' Harvard student), Lena somehow sucks enough money from her Nazi sugar-daddy Patrick Hamm to make a ROAD TRIP thru the USA, drunkenly landing at the SXSW convention.
March 31, 2014--Lena Chen jerks her clit while whining about a fakerape reported by the Harvard Crimson. Sadly for Lena, only succeeded in generating the approval of two cunts: Abigail Collazo and Frances Reed
April 6, 2014--Lena jerks her clit about returning to Germany with her Nazi, [Patrick Hamm]:
May 2, 2014--Lena Chen attention whores about jetsetting to London (on Patrick's dime), but alas, only a tiny cluster of STDskanks (Lyka Walton (London), Olivia Benowitz) and AsianFetishFags (Daniel Bregman, Noel Biderman , Matthew Kopydlowski) give a shit.
Hypocrite level: MELTDOWN!
September 3, 2014--Lena Chen posts a whiny blog about how having a guy leak nude photos of her "Changed me forever!!1", somehow forgetting how:
- In 2012, She posted a public YouTube video highlighting her "lopsided boobs"
- In 2011, Lena Chen gleefully dubbed herself the "Harvard Harlot" on Salon.com, and gushed to Marie Claire magazine that she'd been plugged by 30 cocks (the ones she could remember, anyway...)
- In 2008, Chen publicly posted a pic of her jizz-covered face. Oh, and some NUDE PHOTOS OF HERSELF, too:
2014-2015 This ED page hits 100,000 views! No, wait, 125,000!! OMG, 150,000!!!
September 15, 2015--ED page reaches 125,000 satisfied customers!
July 12, 2016--Holy shit! ED page reaches 150,000 LULZ-views!
August 8, 2016--HOLY FUCKING SHIT! LENA CHEN WENT FULL PSYCHO-SULKOWICZ, OUTED AS EUROWHORE ELLE PERIL!!
2015 RIP LenaChen.com, TheChicktionary.com, SexAndTheIvy.com
And her life is still a pile of shit.
Bulldog Agenda Productions
Meanwhile, Patrick Hamm learned that the odds against student-fucking sociologists gaining legitimate work is akin to dividing by zero. So Patrick (along with slut Camilla Hall) hauled off to Naziland and started Bulldog Agenda Productions, which (as the name implies) produces films for fans of bestiality.
Their first porno, "Freedom For The Wolf," is a documentary feature film about freedom struggles to legalize bestiality around the world. It is set for release in 2016. Complaints about Patrick Hamm's "casting couch" have already begun to roll in.
2016: The Elle Peril Experiment: Lena Chen MuffDives into Porn and Sucking Eurotrash Schlong for Cash
But what could Lena do? Her writing was pure suck-ass suckage. She'd gained no skillz in college but spreading her legs, wrapping her mouth around cock-shafts, and attention whoring. So Lena soon resorted to the only job she qualified for...
Hiding behind the stage name "Elle Peril," skank Lena posed for audition snapshots for her Nazi fuckbuddy. Patrick donned the fake name "Patrick Wolf" for the disgusting task (which makes no sense, since everyone already KNOWS Patrick Hamm is a perv anyway).
The irony was delicious: In the beginning, Lena Chen was warned that her attention whoring would lead to a humiliating end. And now, gobbling jizz as a cum dumpster for eurotrash, Lena's humiliation was complete.
- Attention Whores
- Cassidy Dawn Graves
- Charlotte E. Smith
- Other Chens
- College Sex Bloggers
- Emma Sulkowicz
- Jackie Coakley
- People Article
- Revenge porn
- Victim Complex
- Yellow fever
- Zoe Quinn
- Zoe Yang
The New Shit
- Lena's latest.
- attention whore without a twitter! Becoz you can't be an
- MOAR Attention!
- Elle Peril AMAA page "Question for Lena Chen: How does it feel to have totally FUCKED UP your life?
- Nazi's You can find Lena's "modelling" pic here...it's right above the hairy fatass
- Elle Peril Lena Chen's ModelMayhem page.
- Elle Peril Lena Chen's "modelling" profile on some Nazi site]
- Go here to ask her out for a date. She puts out as long as you pay for the drinks.
- Patrick Hamm's Harvard biography (at Archive.org)
- Bulldog Agenda Productions complaint
- Lena Chen on Couchsurfing? LOL!
- Lena Chen finds new fans on MyEx
- Lena Chen Blogger BUSTED: In 2014, Lena Chen blogged about the evils of "revenge porn" on Time.com. Funny thing: she seemed to have no problems "revenge porning" HERSELF back in 2008
Lena Chen's whore HQDown (Sept '15) Lena Chen's sex blogDown (Sept '15) The Ch!cktionaryDown (Sept '15)
- Lena Chen Harvard Nude Photos
- Lena Chen Nude Pics, Part Deux!
- *****IN THIS THREAD: NUDE PICS OF LENA CHEN*****
- STORMFRONT Nazis vs. Lena Chen
- Lena Chen's OTHER job
- Lena Chen Lies and Hypocrisy (covers 2006-2010)
- Johanna Hamm ChokefuckingSite
- Patrick Hamm Shitting On Harvard Sociology's reputation
- lol, YTMND
- i love the taste of semen after Patrick Hamm jizzes on my face
- lol, Patrick Hamm realizes fucking students =/= good idea
- Sucking on Lena Chen's Yellow Titties right now. Taking ?s lol, those AutoAdmit guys...
- Lena Chen gets FAT, but her tits stay tiny WHY?
- lol, Patrick Hamm is just another fuckbuddy, sez Lena Chen Patrick must REALLY have the asian fetish BAD to put up with that...
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