Lens flare

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Everything shitty in this world can be improved upon; but the main dilemma here is that improvement takes time and effort. Sometimes things are so goddamn awful that you could waste your life trying, and still get no results. For those who have lost hope, there is a gleaming light at the end of the dark tunnel: lens flare.

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J. J. has a refreshing beverage

Yes, whether it be video games, comics, poetry, books, people, places, goths, furries or even Nathanr, lens flares can make ANYTHING instantly awesome. With the magic of lens flare, no turd need go unpolished.

Origins[edit]

All matter in space is comprised of lens flare.
An exquisite, fresh take on Goatse made possible entirely by LENS FLARE.

In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. And the earth was without form, and void; and darkness was upon the face of the deep. And the Spirit of God moved upon the face of the waters. And God said, Let there be lensflare: and there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good: and God divided the light from the darkness. And you basically know the rest

Up until the beginning of the nineties, the sacred lensflare belonged only to the gods. In 1997 the software company Adobe released Photoshop 1.0, which like a modern Prometheus, stole the lensflare from the gods. From this day forth, lensflares became as important as fire, water, and electricity to modern civilization.

Modern filmmakers have come to employ the lensflare in current cinematographic ventures, including Michael Bay's Lens Flare Meets The Eye and J.J. Abrams Intergalactic Lens Flare.

Technical jibberjabber[edit]

When you take a picture with your camera, the shutter will open just long enough to suck in sufficient light for a decently exposed picture. However, when you take a picture that includes a bright light source such as camera flash or the Sun, light from that source will bounce off of the film or sensor, back to the lens, then back to the sensor again, over and over until the light gets diffused or escapes back out through the lens. The appearance of the flare depends on the angle and position of attack, intensity, and size of the light source.

Stars in our galaxy tend to be round, and they usually don't have 4 sharp points protruding from them. That's just flare created when light bounces off telescope reflector support rods.

All other lens flare is created by Photoshop. So remember, next time you make "art", open it up with Photoshop and use Filter> Render> Lens Flare at least 100 times, for great justice.

The lens flare test[edit]

Take any art piece and count the number of lens flares, if you are able see more than 0, then your are sure its author is a skilled and gifted artist and thus, deserves your respect.

I passed the lens-flare-test!!!

How to Lens Flare:

  1. Fire up Photoshop or GIMP
  2. Choose Filters
  3. Roll over Light and Shadow
  4. Choose Lens flare
  5.  ????
  6. PROFIT!

Lens flare gallery[edit]

See also[edit]

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Lens flare is part of a series on

SCIENCE!

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