Liberal Butthurt Syndrome
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—Don't worry, nobody else got it either.
Over the course of the last five years, many members of Encyclopedia Dramatica have taken it into their pea-sized brains to think that ED itself is a liberal institution. This USI, endemic to the internet in general, is a disease that shows itself in symptoms such as rage at individual articles, vicious attacks on talk pages, questions thrown in accusing manner at the sysop staff, and general butthurt when a user of the site reads something that bruises their delicate, flowery, liberal sensibilities. As foolish as this line of thinking is, these fools should still be pitied. They do not realize that there is nothing safe from ED’s ravenous hunger. No whim, idea, person, or ideology is beyond becoming a target.
It is because of this line of thinking, Encyclopedia Dramatica’s crack scientific team has isolated a common internet malady now known as Liberal Butthurt Syndrome, or “The Wailing and Gnashing Disease,” all of which are not to be confused with Literal Butthurt Syndrome.
—Helldvr attempting to tell somebody that its a joke.
Sure, it’s fun to laugh at somebody who likes to fuck dogs or partakes of German shit-sex. Everybody can agree with this…but what about the people who like to fuck dogs or the people who get off on having a steaming pile of turds laid out on their chest like a string of dominoes just as they are in the final throes of a mind boggling blow job? You don't see them wailing or gnashing because they realize they have a problem...unlike liberals who suffer from Liberal Butthurt Syndrome, who actually think they are right and are important. Prime example you are told you cannot ever judge anyone for anything no matter what or you will be known as the biggest douche of your state. Then you back sass that faggot in return it is in the rights of your first amendment to verbally tear down anything wrong in this fucked up world of ours. Thug rights matter over our lives.
Nobody thinks twice at making fun of the latest meme tossed out on 4chan or milking a lolcow on deviantART, but when a user’s own ideologies are challenged, even in a wry or sarcastic manner, sufferers of The Wailing and Gnashing Disease will not only explode with rage and begin typing shit nobody cares about, they will probably also explode in IRL fits of apoplexy, destroying their basement and their Pokemon cards in the process.
This process is called Liberal Rage. Liberal Rage is the first stage of Liberal Butthurt Syndrome and occurs whenever they read or see something that offends them. These symptoms are usually exacerbated by such normal brain patterns like common sense, honor, personal responsibility, and truthfulness. Whenever you confront a sufferer of this malady and appear to have any shred of the above mentioned decencies, you will be mocked as either a Christian, a red neck, a NASCAR fan, or all of the above, coupled with a sprinkling of the word "stupid" as well.
Spotting Liberal Butthurt Syndrome Sufferers
—What? You think you're safe or something?
Nobody questions the evidence that such practices as furryism and shit-sex are massive lolcows just waiting to happen. The average 12-year old can understand that they are abnormalities that do not require any further understanding other than the fact that they are “gross” and “acts perpetrated by faulty people.” So why is it so hard to understand that a liberal can be lumped into the same prime category of “lolcow?” Why is it that liberals do not understand that their malady is just as disgusting and loathsome as the above mentioned deviations?
Actually, it isn’t hard to understand at all. Liberals actually think that they are right. They are blind to facts, truths, and personal responsibility. These shortsighted drones are the reason by sticking completely with to these virtues they allow the gaggangrapebangers plentiful time for getting away unnoticed from the poorly operated searches that require proof to continue going than be willing to find more leads like actual proper professional investigators should act. Ironically those who see through the deception in protest against these flaws are the smarts one while these debaucherizing lunatic politicians of the left continue tolerating the acid trippy value of Liberalism is magic with death and abuse a minor inconvenience to where the jew gold comes in to spoil it's lower class and degenerative asspies. Everybody knows that liberals and leftists are usually the loudest retards in the bunch. It takes almost no time at all for the average person to pick out the tree hugging, anti-gun, pro-communist idiots on almost any website or gathering in real life just by the very fact that they can’t keep their mouths shut about their politics for even one second. These boneheaded cretins just can’t wait to rage at some new topic as if they themselves can change the world. Which is quite a laugh in itself when you realize that this minority is just tossing out meaningless aspersions from the protection of an anonymous, cum-crusted keyboard many hundreds of miles away. But yes, they sure told you!
Arguments with Liberals
—Thanks for trying, but remember, you are arguing with a liberal.
There is no way to intellectually checkmate a liberal on the internet. First off, they don’t have an intellect to actually checkmate and second off, the second you raise a point with one, they resort to straw man arguments, ad hominem attacks, and they try to deny the correlative…meaning they attempt to change the subject when there are no new subjects to change to. These tactics are the kind of thing you could expect a 2nd year journalism student to pull if you were stupid enough to ever chat with one…oh wait, any 2nd year journalism student is a fucking liberal anyways.
If, for some reason, you actually manage to get a liberal to fumble his slow thought process through your common sense, and then you manage to weather the screaming insults and the normal rigmarole of fallacies, you then have to contend with the massive amounts of other liberals that will “spring to the rescue” of their idiotic ideas like a roving pack of mindless zombies. When you take on one liberal, you take them all on, regardless of the topic being discussed. These Kool-aid drinkers will march lockstep to almost anything; usually chanting some invective like “Bush Lied People Died!” or “Go Green!” It is a well-known fact that these types of people are the first to die when confronted with real danger or a threatening obstacle, so you must remember this when you attempt to talk with such people.
Sufferers of The Wailing and Gnashing Disease will latch on to whatever the latest political fad is and attempt to destroy anyone who thinks with an open mind about that subject. If it is an open discussion concerning Health Care reform, their voice will raise itself a few octaves and a few decibels as they attempt to crush their opposition with insults and mindless screaming of faulty information that they have labeled as FACT.
Other symptoms may include:
- An extremely unwarranted sense of superiority. This symptom will manifest itself in loud bragging concerning carbon footprints, hybrid cars, and lots of bumper stickers on that same car.
- Being a dirty hippy.
- Wearing a Che Guevara t-shirt.
- Thinking that anything done in Europe is immediately better than anything done in the western hemisphere. (Despite hating everything about Western Culture)
- Being from Europe.
- Living in California, Portland, Seattle, Houston, Austin or Minnesota.
- Going to college on the 6-year plan while living with your hard working parents.
- Having White guilt.
- Allowing a woman out of the kitchen...because, you know, her opinion counts!
- Having the words fascist, racist, misogynist, Islamophobe & xenophobe make up of 90% of their vocabulary, despite having no idea what they actually mean
- Believing everything Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, John Oliver, Trevor Noah, Bill Maher, and Samantha Bee say while claiming to be against corporate media. Even more Ironic, and at the same time sad, they literally believe Comedy Central and Adult Swim are actual news sources.
- Posting on social media about how they learned more about science from free market television shows ( ex. The Magic School Bus or Bill Nye the Science Guy) then support the Department of Education.
- Being unable to comprehend outside of race, gender, and sexuality
- Blaming every mass shooting on the NRA. Even when a registered democrat, passes all the gun regulations, and shoots up a bunch of fags at a night club in the name of Islam it's still the NRA's fault
- Blaming W for eight years of failed Obama policies and then calling anyone who points it out racists.
- Wanting the name of shity sports teams removed because it will erase the Indian genocide that the group they're supporting was responsible for.
- Wanting free college and health care but never joining the military to get them.
- Calling everything they don't like fascism, and everything they do, socialism while not knowing what either one is.
- Calling Trump Hitler 24/7
- Bragging about how the Confederacy & Nazis are losers. But still following the ideology that got their ass raped back in 1989.
- Holding a grudge against white men because your dad wouldn't let you become a coal burner. Or even risk letting unstable towelheads in your country just to get black cock
- Bragging about how intelligent you are because you believed every word limousine liberal George Carlin said a long time ago.
- Still believing that Nazism is a threat, while saying all the casualties of communism was misguided.
- Talking about how America is hell on earth and praising communist shitholes but never leaving and continuing to live in America
—While it may not mean you are five, it does mean that nobody gives a fuck about your opinion.
You would think that any disease that harbored abortion as a solution to pregnancy would eventually work itself out of the human species and become extinct. Recent studies have found that this disease is a cultural phenomena, not a genetic affliction.
There are many specialists who conjecture that there is no known cure for this dread disability. However, recent breakthroughs in both neuroscience and in neocortex (the portion of your brain that is responsible for logic) scanning have isolated Liberal Butthurt Syndrome to a single dirty little thought neuron that is responsible for almost all incursions of this disease. While initial lobotomies showed some small decrease in symptoms, it was later noted that these people were just moderates acting like they had any sense of responsibility. Later tests, using .44 caliber bullets were shown to erase all manifestations of the disease and would even erase future episodic attacks of the symptoms.
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