- Hatreon (Donate)
- Web IRC
Liberia ("Land of Freedom"; real original, guys) is a colony of Americanized negroes in Africa, who had the bright idea to go back to Africa and make USA 2: Electric Boogaloo. Ironically Liberia may be the most explicitly racist country in the world, being the only one whose constitution denies citizenship based on skin color. If you go there you will die, either from killing yourself upon arrival for being so stupid to go there in the first place, or from being beheaded and turned into sporting goods, assraeped to death by a warlord, catching full-blown AIDS from breathing the air, cannibalized alive or infected with Ebola, which simultaneously does not exist/was created by the USA.
Some argue it is the worst place on the planet. Liberia is dead last on every list compiled by the World Health Organization in recent years, except for being first on the world ranking list of shitholes.
Liberia was founded in the 19th century when a runaway black person called Tyrone-Jenkins-Jamal-Montel III got funding from some stupid rich white men to buy land in Africa. This was (and still is) known by fucktards as "returning to the motherland," as if the fact that the people in Africa are also black made it a good idea, even though this makes about as much sense as going up to a random man in Japan and saying "hey, we've both got cocks; let's be BFF!!!11. Shockingly, these retarded founders found themselves surrounded by totally unrelated breeds of black person who wanted to boil them in oil. The Liberians, being partly white due to rape and thus marginally more intelligent, repeatedly pwned the natives in many glorious victories to advance the cause of freedom.
They named their capital Monrovia after President James Monroe, because he was very eager to see them GTFO. Other U.S. politicians were also keen on the idea, so Mississippi-in-Africa and the Republic of Maryland were established next door to Liberia. Liberia wasn't having any of dat shit so they stole their land and probably re-enslaved their citizens because of their extensive work experience.
The USA was so embarrassed by the shithole that Liberia was in the 1900s that it became a big welfare state, and they got all kinds of free shit, like an airport.
For some unknown reason, a ton of people from Lebanon showed up in the 19th and 20th centuries. They are the Asians of Liberia, owning all the supermarkets and other successful businesses and actually teaching their children to read. Naturally they are denied citizenship because of Liberia's hilarious citizenship law, which says if you ain't black and you ain't from Africa, you cannot be a citizen of this exclusive country, so don't even aks.
The more you know
To prepare yourself for your visit to Liberia, it's helpful to learn about the country and its local customs.
- They speak a bastardized version of English called Liberian Kreyol that nobody can fucking understand. It was developed based on Tyrone's extensive vocabulary and grammar knowledge.
- Liberia's main export is AIDS and its main imports are T-shirts of Tupac Shakur.
- The area they settled was previously called "Negroland" (look that shit up).
- Liberia's GDP is $12 dollars per year. Their currency consists of grains of sand.
- Their national motto is Ubi Est Albus Mulieribus? (Latin for "Where All Da White Women At?")
- There are at least 32 different ethnic groups and tribes, all of which are required to kill the others on sight.
- Polygamy is legal but men can't have more than four wives, because that's just pimpin'.
- The main food staples of the Liberian diet are rice, bananas, feces and children's hearts.
- Soccer or football, which they call headball, is the national sport.
- Their topography consists of layers and layers of dense garbage and corpses.
Claims to Fame
Liberia's name does actually translate to "Land of the Free" in Latin. As a result, Liberia has been the proud holder of the record for biggest nation-wide irony. If you are a white person who goes there, you will be promptly imprisoned until you come up with enough cash to bribe your way out of the jail. Start the bidding at $20.
More recent shenanigans
Liberia has had two civil wars in the past two decades, for a total of 11 years of war since 1989, as a result of which they now have many lovely creatures like the one at right, an average life expectancy of 40, an 85 percent unemployment rate. General Butt Naked, the cannibal general and soccer innovator, was Warlord of the Year for six consecutive years. His enemies were known as the Tupac Army. Then he found Jeebus and clothes and is now a minister.
Their latest former president Charles "TayTay" Taylor is on trial for 650 counts of war crimes during the latter war, but it could have just been some guy who looked like him.
In 2014, a woman from Liberia crossed the border to Guinea to attend the funeral of an Ebola victim, and to touch and rub herself repeatedly against the recently deceased person's rotting corpse as tradition dictates. She then came back to Liberia where she infected her whole village.
Ebola has now reached the capital, Monrovia, where people have taken to believe that the virus doesn't exist, just another lie of the White Man. Even though there are shit-and-blood covered corpses putrefying in the streets, some Liberians refuse to believe that Ebola is real and that it's all a big hoax. This has resulted in quarantined persons being "liberated" by angry mobs and the outbreak to reach previously unthinkable proportions for an urban center. These are the same people who used to believe that nakedness made them bulletproof.
Many are also convinced that if you die of Ebola, you can rise from the dead, because they heard it on the street. The UN put up over 9000 signs declaring "EBOLA IS REAL YOU FUCKERS!" but since only the Lebanese can read, it was fail.
Liberia also accused the United States government of creating Ebola for the lulz, showing their total lack of gratitude for that airport.