Lindsey Graham

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So confused as to his gender, Senator Graham has to have soldiers find his penis for him.

Lindsey Graham is a Republican senator from the American state of South Carolina, known for not being able to make up his damn mind about anything, including whether or not his name is actually a girl's, or even if he likes being a Republican at all. As such, he is living proof that the state of South Carolina has managed to produce almost everything wrong with the Republican Party as of 2009.

He is famous for being the only senator that can be scientifically noted as being cute as a button, a result of being the most obvious bootybandit still serving in the United States Senate -- even if, unlike his colleagues he's never been caught in the act.

Appearing on FauxNews every thirty minutes to remind America that he is the first gay man seriously running for president, he recently married Greta van Susteren in a failed attempt to convince everyone he was straight, apparently remembering at the very last minute that Republicans despise homosexuals even if they are homosexual themselves. She divorced him, however, as she was too busy furiously masturbating over and over to pictures of Michael Jackson's funeral.

Graham participated in the 2016 Presidential, in which he survived an admirable 30 seconds against our God Emperor. All praise be upon Him.

Poor Lindsey doesn't even know where he is half the time, or what party he likes:

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