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Jew York City
Do you enjoy being a cock-sucking slave forever to the de facto rulers of the entire world? Do you like getting shot at by Gangsters and/or Gangstas? Do you enjoy paying $5,000 a month for a roach-infested, one-room apartment, miles from downtown? Do you want to live in a place where nobody speaks English, including White Americans? Does having to constantly watch out for muggers and pickpockets when walking the streets appeal to you? If so, then Noo Yawk Fuckin' City is definitely the place for you!
Featuring a completely corrupt government ruled by psychotic con artists and equally-psychotic gangsters, a severe problem of homelessness of epidemic proportions, and the highest AIDS rate in the country, New York City is known far and wide as America's Asshole just behind Detroit (though, at least Detroit is only populated by niggers. Jew York have Jews and Italians who have the intelligence to troll you out of your money). Like all assholes, New York City continually emits gargantuan quantities of waste; it can be seen from over 300 miles away by the seething, grayish butt of filth that continually rises up from the city.
In New York City, everyone hates everyone else, and yet New Yorkers are 500% sure that they are living "in da best fuckin' place on Oith!!!!!11111". Having no real virtues or accomplishments of their own, New Yorkers pride themselves on being New Yorkers in the same way that toothless, weeks-unwashed Ku Klux Klan hillbillies pride themselves on being members of the Master Race.
They also believe that their crude, incomprehensible accent is an indelible badge of superiority, and that New York's crime rate, which is higher than many parts of Sub-Saharan Africa, is actually a tribute to the toughness of the people of New York City. However, everyone knows that New Yorkers are a collection of obese, alcoholic, ignorant, sub-human, violent brutes that prove that Darwin was really, really, REALLY fucking stupid.
New York City was originally hilly forests inhabited by Indians. However, when the Dutch settled the island, they used a variety of original and creative tactics to get rid of the Indians: a.) genocide; b.) genocide; c.) bribery; and d.) genocide.
After this had happened, the Dutch began pimping out their own children to the British, one of their deepest and most respected cultural traditions. This wasn't satisfactory for the British, who conquered New York City, killed most of the Dutch, and began planning in detail how to make the most vile, disgusting, and hate-filled metropolis possible (since London), all for the lulz.
Hence, the British decided that Usury would form the basis of New York City's economy, and a convenient place to relocate all of Europe's Jews since Palestine was still ruled by the Ottoman Kebab empire. Of course, the most overtly criminal hive of scum and villainy attracted other criminal groups looking for profit and drugs, which is why New York is so full of hippity hoppers and Italians. Pizza only became popular when Italians invented a way to make the already-fat Amerijews even more obese, while Hip Hop and its musical branch "Rap" was invented by Bronx niggers who wanted to spread New York's obscene crime rate pretending that it is "culture". As all these things were exported to the rest of the world in enormous quantities, New York's infamy grew.
Eventually, New Yorkers, especially after the establishment of the Jewnited Nations, developed a life-threatening case of unwarranted self-importance as the "Capital of the World" despite living in a city dedicated to the worst possible forms of depravity and viciousness, a quality that they retain to this very day.
Recently, New York City has been hit by increasingly weird and violent weather, but New Yorkers being New Yorkers, they still believe it was caused by UFOs instead of global warming.
Human decency does not exist in New York City, for it is entirely inhabited by sociopaths, criminals, wild animals, lazy immigrants and obese white trash. All of these various ethnic groups believe themselves to be superior to everyone else, and yet all of them are equally repulsive and vile. Because of this, Noo Yawk City has one of the highest interracial crime rates in the country.
Whites are routinely murdered and raped by niggers, Niggers/Italians/Spics routinely deal drugs and inevitably murdered in gang warfare or by the police, and Asians are routinely deported to hell-holes in Southeast Asia (even if they are American citizens). And of course, the Wall Street Jews at the top profit from all the epic interracial lulz, stealing monies from all races, including each other.
All the government functionaries in New York City, including the police, are far too obese to walk, and far too stupid to communicate via human language. Therefore, all of them rely on their guns for their efforts at communication, murdering civilians as a matter of course. However, none of them are ever punished in any way, due to the complete corruption of New York City's government.
New York's mayor, Mike Bloomberg, has enough money to solve all of New York's problems forever (over 34 BILLION dollars), but has thus far refused to donate even a penny toward the well-being of his "beloved" city. And yet, New Yorkers continue to elect him by a landslide, over and over again, because they love their hate-filled, violent city just the way it is.
For those who wish to know, here are the boroughs:
- Manhattan - AKA New Israel, and is the world capital of criminal finance. This borough is populated by two kinds of people: the upper class consisting of extremely rich, extremely sophisticated and extremely sociopathic Jews, and the lower class consisting of Italians who alternate between making pizza, shooting each other in mafia wars, collaborating with the aformentioned Jews to screw unfortunate victims (e.g. niggers and You) for Profit, and driving taxis to lure drunk women to rape. As you know the Jews and Romans were responsible for torturing and killing Jesus which makes Manhattan one of Satan's major capitals on Earth. These amoral assholes will pretend to be cultured intelligent douchebags (ala Hannibal Lecters) to lure you and make you like them, all the while attempting to convince you to fork over your life savings to them by purchasing some hideously overpriced piece of garbage, or by signing a contract wholly to their advantage causing you, your family and your sons' grandchildren into a life of Debt Slavery. These honkies also enjoy amassing huge fortunes off of the suffering, starvation and death of Third World peoples (e.g., the Wall Street Jews). For some reason comic books always portray Manhattan and its Art Deco skyscrapers as the capital of superheroes (Metropolis and Gotham are basically this in another name) even though in real life Superman would probably agree to nuke this island due to the amount of IRL supervillains and mobster criminals who put Lex Luthor to shame.
- The Bronx - The birth place of the savage animal pseudo-culture known as Hip Hop, and the exact opposite of rich-and-sophisticated Manhattan, this is a massive ghetto entirely populated by hundreds of gangs of wild animals so vicious that rape, murder and steal whenever they feel like it. If you value your life, don't come within five miles of this shit-hole. If you, a conservative parent wonders why kids today lisen to horrible trash that is proven to cause total brain death, just go here and you will be first-hand witness to what a total anarchist shithole this ghetto is (though recently its title as America's Somalia has been claimed by Detroit).
- Harlem - Exactly like the Bronx on a smaller scale, full of niggers so conscienceless that they kill any white person who dares to set foot in Harlem within five minutes of their arrival.
- Chelsea, otherwise known as the Gay Capital of New York, is populated by pretentious, narcissistic, flaming homosexual men, each of whom believes himself to be the only important person in all of existence. Not surprisingly, one out of twenty-four people living in Chelsea has HIV/AIDS; it has been scientifically proven that people can become infected with HIV by merely by looking at anyone living in this hell-hole.
- Staten Island - This borough has more landfills than actual people, and is therefore known as the Garbage Capital of the World. Other than having landfills big enough to be small countries, Staten Island is remarkable for having absolutely nothing of value within its borders. Yet the average house here costs upwards of a million dollars. Why anyone would put down 5k a month to live in this shithole is beyond comprehension.
There are no good places to eat, no places of any cultural significance, and no places with any aesthetic beauty whatsoever. It is populated by ignorant nobodies so forgettable that they have never been counted in any local or national census. Despite being nothing but a sea of generic suburban houses, the median real estate has managed to hit over 900000 fucking dollars.
- Brooklyn - Also known as Kings County, Brooklyn is home to arrogant, belligerent Guidos who spend their entire lives tanning, smoking pot, sleeping around, and speaking with a hilariously unintelligible accent. They are extremely proud of their Italian heritage, and incessantly babble about how Italians are the greatest people ever to exist. If you point out that this is racist, they will take great offense, and may bitch-slap you across the face for "insulting their heritage".
Recently, Brooklynites have converted to a new monotheistic religion dedicated to the worship of Snookie. It is rumored that in order to join this religion, you have to be baptized with home-made tomato sauce, spray-on tan, and the fecal-smelling perfumes that Guidos always wear.
Brooklyn is also slowly being colonized by an extremely virulent race of alien invaders known as hipsters. These strange invaders bring with them lots of money, which they are slowly using to take over the entire borough block by block, gentrifying and skyrocketing the real estate.
- Queens - Also known as Queens County, Queens is basically a collage of all the aforementioned boroughs, rolled up into one big ball of interracial hatred and epic fail. Fully half of all Queens residents are foreign-born, about a third of which are illegal. These immigrants have formed communities of their own that are almost completely segregated in terms of ethnicity. As a result, Queens is basically a collection of dozens of tiny countries that all hate one another like the Nazis hated the Jews.
The resulting butthurt and drama is so intense that it can be scientifically measured via the detection of radio waves. Another result of these warring ethnic enclaves is the complete inability for any Queens resident to speak English. If you go to Queens, you must be fluent in Russian, Swahili, Hindi, Polish, Italian, Ebonics, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Arabic, Spanish, Portuguese, Thai, Greek, Bulgarian, Albanian, Vietnamese, Burmese, Farsi, Turkish, Zulu, Berber, Malagasy, Mongolian, and Kazakh.
Otherwise, you will find yourself stranded there, unable to travel or even order food, mired in the AIDS and fail that is Queens County. On the bright side, the New York Mets are native to Queens; given their history of failure, this should surprise nobody.
The phone number for emergency services.
Best response time to date: 28 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds.
Fun Fact: New Yorkers subconsciously love the fact that 9/11 happened; it gives them an excuse to vent their rage via cluster bombs dropped on every mud-walled village in the Middle East, the kind filled with starving, unarmed civilians.
Upstate New York comes in two varieties: the urban areas, which are populated with murderous niggers and spics, and the rural parts, which are populated by fat, greasy, ignorant, gun-toting hillbillies indistinguishable from Southern rednecks.
Albany is filled with slick, manipulative lobbyists and other bureaucratic scum; Syracuse and Rochester are two of the vilest slums in all of America; and Buffalo is a city that nobody will ever care about. Rochester is a fake city, this is why you have never heard of it. Anybody claiming to be from Rochester NY is full of shit. In short, there's a very good reason why the speed limit of the New York State Thruway is 90 miles an hour; nobody in his right mind would ever want to linger there even for a moment.
Home to The Hamptons, Long Island is one of the richest areas in the nation. It is also the 13th most populated island in the world. These two factors combine to create the Emo Capital of the World, the place with the most emos both per capita and per square mile.
These emo rich kids pretend to be permanently depressed over the fact that their daddies weren't home enough (because they were slaving away at their jobs to provide the necessary money to live on Long Island), or that someone was mean to them once in 6th grade, or because life doesn't have any meaning, blah blah blah fucking blah.
When these emos graduate college, of course, they become Wall Street sociopaths that say and do everything they pretended to oppose when they were teenagers. Long Island is also home to endless hordes of honkies for whom dishonesty is a whole way of life; they will smile at you when you're around, and then say every terrible thing possible about you when you're not present.
They are also so intolerant and tight up the ass that they will ostracize you for having a shoelace come undone, or for having less than perfect hair. Who would want to live in a place like this? The answer is easy: New Yorkers.
Famous Jew Yorkers
- Rudy Giuliani
- Al Sharpton
- Andy Warhol
- Hillary Clinton
- Bernie Madoff
- Lena Dunham
- Anthony 'A-Log' LoGatto
- Mohammed Atta
- Woody Allen
- Happy Negro
- Jerry Seinfeld
- Howard Stern
- George Carlin
- 2,603 Stinking Corpses
- Eliot Spitzer
- Andy Kaufman
- Biggie Smalls
- Kinto, 7chan moderator
- Queen Kong
People Who Have Never Been To New York
- New York Yankees
- Unwarranted Self-Importance
- Michael Bloomberg
|Featured article September 11, 2005|
| Preceded by
George Bush doesn't care about black people
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