Jew York City

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The quaint, prototypical Bronx setting. Truly a paradise!
Tetris—Manhattan edition.
The news finally got the name right.
Somewhere in there is a person from Los Angeles who just realized that his city AND state sucks.
Notice the very few stations and lines in the Bronx, Queens, Brooklyn. To unlock those areas you must purchase the Safari tour.
Mayor Kike Bloomberg meeting with the city council

Do you enjoy being a cock-sucking slave forever to the de facto rulers of the entire world? Do you like getting shot at by Gangsters and/or Gangstas? Do you enjoy paying $5,000 a month for a roach-infested, one-room apartment, miles from downtown? Do you want to live in a place where nobody speaks English, even White Americans? Does having to constantly watch out for muggers and beggars when walking the streets appeal to you? If so, then Noo Yawk Fuckin' City is definitely the place for you!

Featuring a completely corrupt government ruled by psychotic con artists and equally-psychotic gangsters, rampant homelessness of epidemic proportions, and the highest AIDS rate in the country, Kiketown[1] is known far and wide as America's Asshole just after Detroit (though, at least Detroit is only populated by niggers—New York has Jews and Italians who are much smarter and can troll you out of your money). Like all assholes, New York City continually emits gargantuan quantities of waste; it can be seen from over 300 miles away by the seething, grayish cloud of filth that continually rises up from the city. The dust cloud from Ground Zero was a walk in the park for New Yorkers.

In New York City, everyone hates everyone else, and yet New Yorkers are 500% confident that they are living "in da best fuckin' place on Oith!!!!1!!" Having no real virtues or accomplishments of their own, New Yorkers pride themselves on being New Yorkers in the same way that toothless, weeks-unwashed Ku Klux Klan hillbillies pride themselves on being members of the Master Race.

They also believe that their crude, incomprehensible accent is an indelible badge of superiority, and that New York's crime rate, which is higher than many parts of Sub-Saharan Africa, is actually a testament to the resilience of its people. However, everyone knows that New Yorkers are a confused mix of obese, alcoholic, ignorant, sub-human, violent brutes that prove that Darwin was really, really, REALLY fucking stupid. Hordes of mongrel races flock in its streets and work collectively to make each others' lives as miserable as possible. New York is living proof that Richard Spencer and his ilk aren't as retarded as they seem to be. Even the lucky ones that manage to squeeze a positive gain out of their misery get assfucked by exorbitantly high living costs and taxes.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Big Apple, the Empire State, the City That Never Sleeps, the Melting Pot, the Modern Gomorrah, the City the Titanic Sank Towards, the Floating Toxic Garbage Island. Welcome to New York.


A typical day for Mayor Bloomberg.
A common sight on the streets

New York City was originally hilly forests inhabited by the indigenous species, Indians. However, when the Dutch settled the island they used a variety of original and innovative methods to remove the Indians, which were: a.) genocide; b.) genocide; c.) bribery; and d.) relocation genocide. Upon completion, the Dutch named their prize New Amsterdam.

Not long after, the Dutch began pimping out their own children to the British, a deeply respected Dutch trade. This didn't satisfy the British, who then conquered the city, killed most of the Dutch, and began planning in detail how to make the most vile, disgusting, and hate-filled metropolis possible since London all for the lulz. In hindsight, New York City is the shithole that it is today precisely because the British drew inspiration from London when constructing it.

Per tradition, the British decided that Usury would form the basis of New York City's economy and would also be a convenient place to relocate all of Europe's Jews, since Palestine was still ruled by the Kebab Empire. Of course, the most overtly criminal hive of scum and villainy attracted other criminals looking for profit and drugs, which is why New York is so full of hippity hoppers and Italians. Pizza only became popular when Italians invented a way to make the already-fat Amerijews even more obese, while Bronx niggers invented "Hip hop" and "Rap" and wished to capitalize on New York's obscenely criminal way of life and sell it as their "culture." Soon the Jews exported all these wonderful cultural achievements to the rest of the world in enormous quantities, and thus grew New York's infamy.

New Yorkers eventually developed a life-threatening case of unwarranted self-importance as the "Capital of the World," especially after the establishment of the Jewnited Nations (despite living in a city dedicated to the worst possible forms of human depravity and excess, a quality that they retain to this very day).

In recent times, New York has been hit by increasingly weird and violent weather, but New Yorkers being New Yorkers, they still believe it was caused by UFOs instead of global warming or religious extremists.


Human decency does not exist in New York City, for it is entirely inhabited by sociopaths, criminals, humanoid beasts, lazy immigrants, and obese white trash. All of these various groups believe themselves to be superior to everyone else, and yet all of them are equally repulsive and vile. Because of this, the city has one of the highest interracial crime rates in the country. Things are so bad that John Carpenter made a documentary on New York in 1981 starring Kurt Russell.

Whites are routinely murdered and raped by niggers, Niggers/Italians/Spics routinely deal drugs and are inevitably murdered in gang warfare or by the police, and Asians are routinely deported to hell-holes in Southeast Asia (even if they are American citizens). And of course, the Wall Street Jews at the top profit from all the epic social disharmony and lulz, stealing monies from all races, even from other Jews.

All the government functionaries in New York City, including police, are either too obese to walk, too stupid to communicate using basic verbal language, or too jacked up on coke and/or booze. Therefore, they all rely on guns for their efforts at communication, murdering bystanders as a matter of course. However, none of them are ever punished in any way, due to the complete corruption of the New York City justice system.

New York's mayor, Kike Bloomberg, has enough money to solve all of New York's problems forever (over 34 BILLION dollars), but has thus far refused to donate a single penny toward the well-being of his "beloved" city. And yet, New Yorkers elected him by a landslide for three consecutive terms because they love their hate-filled, violent city just the way it is.

The Boroughs[edit]

New York is the melting pot of the world where hundreds of different ethnicities cluster and form distinctively repulsive neighborhoods, where crime, corruption, and civil unrest are facets of day-to-day life. These neighborhoods are part of even larger county-level districts, or boroughs. For those who wish to know, here are those boroughs:

  • Manhattan - AKA New Jerusalem. The world capital of criminal finance. This borough is populated by two kinds of people: the upper class, consisting of extremely rich, extremely sophisticated, and extremely sociopathic Wall Street Jews, and the lower class, consisting of Italians who alternate between baking pizza, shooting each other in mafia wars, collaborating with the aforementioned Jews to screw unfortunate victims (e.g. niggers, taconiggers, and You) for Profit, and driving taxis to lure drunk women to rape. As you know, Jews and Italians were responsible for torturing and killing Jesus, which makes Manhattan one of Satan's official capitals on Earth. These amoral cunts will pretend to be refined, intelligent douchebags (à la Hannibal Lecter) to tempt you and earn your trust, all the while convincing you to fork over your life savings by investing in some hideously overpriced piece of rubbish, or signing a contract wholly to their advantage that puts you, your family, and your children's grandchildren into a life of Debt Slavery. For some reason comic books always depict Manhattan with its Art Deco skyscrapers as the hub for superheroes; Metropolis and Gotham City are basically Manhattan renamed. In reality, Superman would probably agree to incinerate the entire island due to the amount of IRL supervillains and mobster kingpins who are so evil they put Lex Luthor to shame.
  • The Bronx - The birthplace of the degenerate, Paleolithic pseudo-culture known as Hip Hop (the politically correct term being black culture). The exact opposite of rich-and-sophisticated Manhattan, just further north is this sprawling third-world ghetto populated by thousands of vicious gangs of wild animals that rape, murder, and steal whenever they feel like it (8-9 times a day, 24/7). If you value your life, don't come within five miles of this hellhole. If you wonder why kids today listen to that horrible trash that's proven to cause total brain death, just come to The Bronx and you will be first-hand witness to what a total anarchist shithole this ghetto is (though its title of "New Somalia" has recently been claimed by Detroit, thankfully).
  • Harlem - Essentially a smaller-scale Bronx, full of subhumans so conscienceless that they instinctively crowd around, rape, and murder any white person who dares to set foot in Harlem within five minutes of their arrival. Individuals who have more than 7 grams of jewellery on their person will be hunted down within three minutes. The autistic Harlem Shake dance actually originates from the barbaric human sacrifice rituals that Harlem natives perform on captured foreigners.
  • Chelsea - otherwise known as the Gay Capital of New York, is populated by pretentious, narcissistic, flaming homosexual men, each of whom believes himself to be the only important person in all of existence. Not surprisingly, one out of twenty-four people living in Chelsea has HIV/AIDS; it has been scientifically proven that people can become infected with HIV by merely by looking at anyone from Chelsea. The incendiary level of Chelsea's faggotry is only second to that of San Francisco's.
  • Staten Island - This borough has more landfills than actual people, and is therefore known as the Garbage Capital of the World. Other than having landfills big enough to be small countries, Staten Island is remarkable for having absolutely nothing of value within its borders. Yet the average house here costs upwards of a million dollars. Why anyone would put down 5k a month to live in this pestilent wasteland is beyond reason. There are no good places to eat, no places of any cultural or historical significance, and no places with any aesthetic beauty whatsoever. It is populated by ignorant nonpersons so forgettable that they have never been counted in any local or national census. Despite being nothing but a sea of generic suburban houses, the median real estate has managed to hit over 900,000 fucking dollars.
  • Brooklyn - AKA Kings County, Brooklyn is home to arrogant, belligerent Guidos who spend their entire lives tanning, smoking pot, sleeping around, and speaking with a hilariously unintelligible accent. They are extremely proud of their Italian heritage, and incessantly babble about how Italians are the greatest people ever to exist. If you point out that this is racist, they will take great offense, and may bitch-slap you across the face for "insulting their heritage". Recently, Brooklynites have converted to a new monotheistic religion dedicated to the worship of their deity Snooki. It is rumored that in order to join this religion, you have to be baptized with home-made tomato sauce, spray-on tan, and the fecal-smelling perfumes that Guidos douse over themselves. Brooklyn is also slowly being colonized by an extremely virulent race of alien invaders known as hipsters. These strange invaders bring with them lots of their daddy's trust fund money, which they use to slowly take over the entire borough block by block, gentrifying and skyrocketing the real estate.
  • Queens - Also known as Queens County, Queens is basically a collage of all the aforementioned boroughs, rolled up into one big ball of interracial hatred and epic fail. Half of all Queens residents are foreign-born, (of which a third are illegal). These immigrants have formed communities of their own that are almost completely segregated in terms of ethnicity. As a result, Queens is basically a collection of dozens of tiny countries that all hate one another. The resulting drama is so intense that it can be scientifically measured via the detection of radio waves. Another result of these warring ethnic enclaves is the complete inability for any Queens resident to speak English. If you go to Queens, you must be fluent in Russian, Swahili, Hindi, Polish, Italian, Ebonics, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Arabic, Spanish, Portuguese, Thai, Greek, Bulgarian, Albanian, Vietnamese, Burmese, Farsi, Turkish, Zulu, Berber, Malagasy, Mongolian, and Kazakh. Otherwise, you will find yourself stranded there, unable to travel or even order food, mired in the AIDS and fail that is Queens County. On the bright side, the New York Mets are native to Queens; given their history of epic failure, this should surprise no one.


9/11 is the source of many internet lulz

The phone number for emergency services. Best police response time to date: 18 days, 6 hours, 42 minutes, and 12 seconds. It is quite plausible that New York authorities would rather let the citizenry kill each other off before intervening, to save energy and avoid lengthy court procedures and whatnot.

New Yorkers subconsciously love the fact that 9/11 happened; suiciding planes into buildings is, after all, the ultimate dream of every New York taxi driver. Plus it gives them an excuse vent their road rage and support the cluster bombing of every mud-walled village in the Middle East.


Upstate New York comes in two varieties: the urban areas, which are populated with murderous niggers and spics, and the rural parts, which are populated by fat, greasy, ignorant, gun-toting hillbillies indistinguishable from Georgian hicks.

Albany is filled with slick, manipulative lobbyists and other bureaucratic scum; Syracuse and Rochester are two of the vilest slums in all of America; and Buffalo is a city that nobody will ever care about. Rochester is a fake city, this is why you have never heard of it. Anybody claiming to be from Rochester NY is full of shit. In short, there's a very good reason why the speed limit of the New York State Thruway is 90 miles an hour; nobody in his right mind would ever want to linger there even for a moment.

Long Island[edit]

NYC's former governor-elect Elliot SPITTER is secretly a venomous reptilian, which explains why he's ugly as fuck and wants to drive all constitution-defending true Christians child molesters off rural and suburban Long Island.

FUN FACT: Long Island and the entire state of NY is owned and operated by globalists from various Marxist states in the world, like Cuba, China, Puerto Rico, Vietnam, and North Korea. All of them are definitely plotting to destroy America, but they're starting out with the Northeast and the West Coast. Our scientists estimate that by 2023 New York will become its own independent communist state. And they're winning, so get your fat arse off your chinese-made recliner and take some serious action NOW! (Although how the Jews and niggers will survive in such a system is a mystery to all).

Home to The Hamptons, Long Island is one of the richest areas in the nation. It is also the 13th most populated island in the world. These two factors combine to create the most fascist micro-capital of the world, with the most mind-control-slaves per capita and per square mile in an island smaller than Iceland.

These pale rich kids, even the kids of billionaires, pretend to be permanently depressed over the fact that their daddies weren't home enough because they were slaving away at their globalist jobs to provide enough money to live on Long Island, or that some muslim/buddhist/etc. tartlet was mean to them once in 6th grade, or because their lives that serve the Worldwide Technological Oligarchy and mass-slavery-social-media-corporations don't have any meaning.

When these emos graduate globalist, multi-cultural, liberal arts at a tech oligarch-owned college in HellyWood, of course, they become Wall Street sociopaths in Manhattan that say and do everything they pretended to oppose as teenagers. Long Island is also home to endless drones of pedophilic honkies for whom dishonesty the servitude of socialist oligarchs is a whole way of life; they will smile at you when you're around, and then say every terrible thing possible about you when you're absent (just before they ruthlessly huff your privates and empty your wallets near a Suffolk County beach).


Observe the classy New York sensibilities

Joey Boots meets generic Noo Yahker

Generic kike here


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Famous Jew Yorkers[edit]

The official mascot of Lower Manhattan and cherished New York icon

People Who Have Never Been To New York[edit]

See Also[edit]

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Featured article September 11, 2005
Preceded by
George Bush doesn't care about black people
Jew York City Succeeded by
Featured article September 11 & 12, 2017
Preceded by
Title IX
Jew York City Succeeded by
Steve Bannon