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Lubbock

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Aliens didn't write this in the fields, Lubbockites did.

Lubbock is a city that is located in the Northwestern part of the state where everything is bigger, including the people. Known as "The Belt Buckle of the Bible Belt", the population consists of bible thumpers and conservative republitards, all of whom have an Anti-Obama bumper sticker on their rusty ass Ford pickup and a gun mounted on a rack within just in case the only Jew in town comes to say hello to them. Lol, just kidding, republicants love jews. Lubbock is extremely infamous for having a church on every fucking street corner in town. It's all flat cotton fields and wind to annoy the shit out of everyone as well as providing a fair chance for some random shit to fly directly into your eye, leaving you blind.


Weather

The weather in Lubbock is unpredictable. There are only two types of weather in Lubbock, hot as hell or cold as fuck. When it's hot as hell, it will be hotter than Arizona and being outside for half a second will get you dehydrated instantly and you'll gotta go fast to the nearest garden house and start sucking it like your mom sucks nigger dick to pay for your internet. Guess what? There is no water due to the decades long drought in this city of shit and the only lake is over 9000 miles outside of town, which by the way is already drying up due to fatasses flushing the shitter over a million times to make their BBQ dinner disappear.


When it's not hotter than Satan's gonorrhea piss burn, it gets colder than an eskimo's asshole. Everybody will be wearing a parka, snow boots and a heat pack in their crotch in case of frostbite. Snow is much more rare than rain. When 1 inch of snow is on the ground, every school is cancelled and everybody goes to Wal-Mart and stock up on supplies for a winter halocaust.


Flat weather.

Funtasticular Locations

Fun? There's no fun in Lubbock, fun is banned in God's Cuntry. Of course there's the amusement park that has fairground rides that were last repaired in 1985, a water park that only has a wave pool and one slide. Don't forget the museums that have material that would be slightly more interesting if mixed into concrete and used to pour a sidewalk. The nearest cities to have fun near this urban desert of nothing are Amarillo and Hobbs. Both are still shitholes, but at least they have something to occupy your attention for at least a day or so.

  • Joyland- The slogan for this amusement park of low quality rides is "Where the fun is". This is total bullshit. All the rides are broken down most all of the time, there's so much rust on the carts that an old whore's gaping kooch would look spotless when compared, and there's barely any fun rides to ride on. It's mostly old rejected rides from a hillbilly country fair from the 50's. Not to mention, low quality and overpriced as hell food and a shitload of trash all over the place it would be considered a landfill.
  • Texas Water Rampage- Noone knows this exists, because it's practically a desert to other shittastic water parks. There's only two things in this wasteland, a wave pool full of pissing whales and a huge ass water slide that only lasts when the sun isn't evaporating all the water in it before closing it before the fat kids get stuck and not having the water lubing them up.
  • Texas Tech University- One of the largest universities in the US, best party university according to Playboy and other awards that doesn't really matter. It's just another typical university that is only known for handegg and almost got [Watson to sleep in one of their dorms].

Police are not made for fucking with

The police in Lubbock are so corrupt and retarded just like all the police forces in the United States, Lubbock is considered one of of the most dangerous cities in America by Forbes. Mexicans stole your TV? Police ain't going to do shit because that Mexican is related to good ol' Deputy Ramirez in the force and he will get asshurt at you. Nigger broke in your car? No time for that, there's a homeless man at Wal-Mart taking a shopping cart for their can collecting needs, better go tase him and lock him up for a year. The police doesn't give a shit about your problems, they care about how much shit they can cause to break out riots and see how many people they can mace before they fall and other little shit that will affect them with lawsuits.

This shit is a no no with the police.


The Chippendales arrest

To show how the police force is so fucked up, back in 2007 a troupe of dancing gay men named The Chippendales were performing an act for a crowd of drunk women during Ladies Night at Jake's Sports Bar, a bar that reeks of cigarette smoke and the dank puke of drunkards all over the floor. The Chippendales do erotic striptease acts that women and other gay faggots find "hot" and "steamy". When the ladies were started to get fucking excited when the men started stripping, uh oh the cops didn't find it Jesus friendly. They wanted to protect the eyes of the children that were watching the performance despite the bar not allowing children watch a group of men simulating having anal with each other. The coppers stopped the show for being "sexually oriented" and arrested the whole group and the owner of the bar. The ladies started getting butthurt by the arrest, so they started confronting the police by telling them that the police suck and that the women are adults. When considering that taxpayers are helping arrest muscular men in tight ass underwear instead of arresting the niggers breaking into their cars, there was an outrage at city hall. The mayor didn't give a shit and proceeded to raise taxes for those that lost their car, possessions and money from the criminals running around the city looking for shit to fuck up.

Steal a beer and go into your house, they'll get the tasers ready.

Church

Christianity is the biggest thing in Lubbock. Here, there and everywhere is a church. There are churches in the middle of a neighborhood, in the middle of a cotton field and even in people's bathrooms. There are 304 churches and still hiking the property taxes up the ass inside Lubbock city limits. Hell, Lubbock has the most churches in the Bible Belt and the population is over 200,000. Atheists are not welcome here or else the pastors will come out with a shotgun and stick it up their ass. So be careful announcing your stance on religion around other people.

Notable People

  • Buddy Holly - or the guy who invented hipster glasses came from Lubbock. He would perform shiggy diggies and play his guitar in the 50's before he died with the music in a plane crash.
  • Conrad Vernon- Voice actor that is notable for doing the Gingerbread Man in all the Shrek movies and the cause of roleplay with couples pretending to be Gingy and the Muffin Man.
  • Natalie Maines- The Dixie Chick that shitted on W and caused a media backlash tirade against them.
  • Mac Davis - A songwriter that wrote some of Elvis' songs and having them ruined by Glee forty years later.

See Also



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Featured article April 5 & 6, 2015
Preceded by
Fiero425
Lubbock Succeeded by
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