Lyndon Johnson

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LBJ supported the idea of animal cruelty, so he wasn't all bad.
OH NOES!

Lyndon Johnson (or LBJ by newfags) was a big crude bastard and a nigger-lover from Texas who rose to power after he had JFK killed. Despite starting the Vietnam war to contain communism he was an avid marxist himself and worked to implement communism in the US with his great society project as well as selling out his southern brothers by pushing for nigger rights. In the 1964 election he won based on saying the kike goldwater would cause war and he would bring peace despite immediately starting one of the biggest wars in US history after he was elected. He died in 1973 of heart failure like a typical lanklet faggot.

OMGWTFLBJ[edit]

Operation Lolling Thunder.jpg

His first and only instance of win ... But what a win it was.

Long story short, LBJ had a friend who was an experienced rifleman and convicted murderer (even though, thanks to LBJ's Texas cronies, he walked off with a suspended sentence for the crime), name of Malcolm (Mac) Wallace, who left his fingerprints on the sniper's nest whence Oswald was meant to have fired at JFK.

This 100 per cent copper-bottom FACT is

1) Guaranteed to explode the heads of conspiracy theorists and Warren Commission apologists alike, since it both confirms and denies both POVs at the same time: Yes, there was a conspiracy and yes, the shots came from the Texas School Book Depository, thus confirming the rear-entry theory. Everyone's a winner!

2) 1,000,000 per cent simpler than either camp's theories, since it pins the blame firmly on the one person who profited most from the assassination, who was then immediately catapulted into a position of power from which he could cover up his wrong-doing.

Simply throw the above fact into any forum discussion about the JFK assassination and watch all interested parties get more and more wound up until they go absolutely spastic trying to argue their way past it. Refuse to expand on the basic assertion of LBJ's guilt in any way whatsoever, and in particular refuse to explain precisely how this conspiracy is meant to have worked in practice ...

  • Intellectual checkmate: Someone bothers to google the LBJ dunnit theory and finds out that the FBI said the fingerprints didn't match.

Your rebuttal: Mandy Rice-Davies applies: "The FBI is implicated in the cover-up, due to LBJ's close personal friend and fellow freemason J Edgar Hoover playing an instrumental role in framing Oswald."

Your rebuttal: Mandy Rice-Davies applies: The History Channel caved in after former president and renowned flid Gerald Ford objected. "Ford is implicated in the JFK cover-up because he was on the god-damned Warren Commission in the first place..." (As well as being a freemason (yah rly), tool of the NWO, member of the Teamsters, Cuban exile, CIA agent, whatever, obv)"... as well as being blackmailed by Hoover over his affair with an East German spy ..." (he got "sloppy seconds" after JFK had finished with her) "... which is possibly the reason that Ford personally altered Warren Commission evidence to support the "Magic Bullet" theory"" (Get out of that then, you fuckers)

... well, you get the idea.

His epic failures[edit]

LBJ givin' you the message
  • Knew that Nixon was sabotaging Vietnam peace talks in order to fuck LBJ's shit right up real good for the '68 election -- but was too pussy to go public with his knowledge ... perhaps because Nixon knew what a naughty boy he had been (see below).
  • Besides killing half of America in 'nam, LBJ decided not to run again for a second term because he knew he was completely fail. It was also found that, like Mark Foley, Johnson enjoyed shota and would search for them hungrily in the slums of Chicago, while JFK just fucked Marilyn Monroe's embalmed pussy that he had had pickled in a jar after her autopsy.
fapfapfap
  • One of LBJ's Secret Service men said later: "If he wasn't president he'd be in a mental hospital"

Trooooo confessions[edit]

  • LBJ associate (and convicted fraudster) Billie Sol Estes confessed that LBJ and Mac Wallace were behind ten unsolved murders, including the JFK assassination, ten years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
  • LBJ's alleged mistress Madeleine Brown claims that the night before JFK got whacked, LBJ promised that "those damn Kennedys will never embarrass me again." Madeleine Brown may have been a lying whore on some matters, but she did name Mac Wallace as the hitman years before the fingerprint evidence came to light. Then she was shot by Jack Ruby.
  • In a shitty book, Barr McClellan (former partner in LBJ's retained legal firm) claimed that Mac Wallace was the gunman, and that LBJ and long-time crony Ed Clark planned the assassination and cover-up together. Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.
  • Another CIA agent named by Hunt as a co-conspirator was David Morales, who during the 1970s had drunkenly boasted to two witnesses about the Agency's role in the JFK assassination, saying: "Well, we took care of that Son-Of-A-Bitch, didn't we?" Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

Did you know?[edit]

Sabotaging and brainwashing niggers to vote Democrat
  • Under oath in November 1963, long-time LBJ crony Don B. Reynolds told a courtroom of seeing a suitcase full of money, described as a "$100,000 payoff to Johnson for his role in securing the Fort Worth TFX contract", a reference to a corruption scandal in which LBJ had handed a $7bn defence contract to his Texas chums. Reynolds's testimony was abruptly terminated when news arrived that JFK had been assassinated, and the investigation into the contract was not resumed until after Johnson had left office.
  • JFK was planning to ditch LBJ as vice-president for the 1964 election, and RFK was working with TIME Magazine (or was it "Life"? Srsly who gives a shit) on an exposé of LBJ's defence contract corruption and another scandal involving LBJ crony Bobby Baker, scheduled for publication the week after JFK got shot. LBJ was going to be ditched and disgraced, and quite probably end up being buttfucked ten ways till Tuesday in jail. But for obvious reasons, TIME's LBJ article (or was it "Life's?") never appeared. Ain't life sweet sometimes?
  • Even though there was no need, LBJ arranged to take the oath of office while JFK's meatsack was still warm. JFK aide Ken O'Donnell later said: "There's no question in [my] mind, that Lyndon Johnson wanted to be sworn in by Judge Sarah T. Hughes, an old family friend, and he was afraid somebody was going to take the thing away from him if he didn't get it quick."
  • According to Nixon Jack Ruby had been an informant of his, on the recommendation of LBJ himself and when Oswald got shot Nixon knew, telling an aide that he had "immediately recognized that LBJ was using one his operatives to do ‘clean up’ work on the murder of John Kennedy." Then he was shot by Jack Ruby.

The quotable LBJ[edit]

   
 
It's probably better to have him inside the tent pissing out, than outside the tent pissing in.
 

 
 

—On FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, as quoted in The New York Times (31 October 1971)

   
 
Making a speech on economics is a lot like pissing down your leg. It seems hot to you, but it never does to anyone else.
 

 
 

—Private comment, as quoted in Name-Dropping (1999) by John Kenneth Galbraith, p. 149

   
 
Fuck your parliament and your constitution. America is an elephant. Cyprus is a flea. Greece is a flea. If these two fleas continue itching the elephant, they may just get whacked good ...We pay a lot of good American dollars to the Greeks, Mr. Ambassador. If your Prime Minister gives me talk about democracy, parliament and constitution, he, his parliament and his constitution may not last long...
 

 
 

Comment Threat issued to the Greek ambassador to Washington, Alexander Matsas, over the Cyprus issue in June 1964. Quoted in I Should Have Died (1977) by Philip Deane, pp. 113-114

   
 
You two sons of bitches, look at this. This is raw. You gotta cook the meat on my airplane. Don't you serve my people raw meat. Goddamn, if you two boys serve raw meat on my airplane again, you'll both end up in Vietnam.
 

 
 

—To two secret service agents that served his advisor rare beef. He then slammed the tray of meat onto the floor. What a gentleman!

   
 
If the circumstances make it such that you can't fuck a man in the ass, then just peckerslap him.
 

 
 

—Private comment, found in White House Tapes: Eavesdropping on the President (2003) edited by John Prados

Sauce plox.

LBJ's legacy[edit]

Well, he has a walk-on part in Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater and another in Call of Duty: Black Ops (in which you get the chance to hack into his private emails), and you can't get much more famous than that. Did we mention that he was a freemason?

Plz to be seeing also[edit]

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