| Breaking news!|
2019: MACHINIMA IS SUCH A MONEY-GRUBBING FILTHY KIKE THAT THEY DELETED ALL OF THEIR VIDEOS (WHICH WERE MOSTLY OR EXCLUSIVELY USER GENERATED) TO FIT WITH THEIR NEW BRAND IMAGE AND RECENT ACQUISITION BY ANOTHER COMPANY!!!
Machinima is the term (and even gayer website) for shitty gaming videos with poor quality and terrible voice acting, as well as a storyline that could make even Matt Groening become an hero. First conceived in the 1980's by hackers, it came by modding games for personal use and ended up making fanboys want to create storylines with their horrible hacking skills. The end result was a poorly-written, terribly hacked piece of shit that for the most part reflected on Hollywood films, also making it just an animated version of a perfect film turned into bullshit by 13-year-old boys. Somehow moar fanboys got in and started making even shittier films, nowadays reflecting around Halo 3 and WoW, but anyone with a life doesn't really give a shit and watches these vids for the lulz.
Originally Machinima (moar liek MaSHITima, amirite?) was made with modding techniques that were only known by Anonymous, but were stolen by the church of Scientology, one reason for Anon's hate of it. They were so baffled by the powers bestowed that the pussed out and threw the secrets away, which just happened to be thrown next to some hacker, causing more fail and AIDS to be spread upon the secrets. The hackers then used their super hacking skills to take control of it and ended up being able to hack into any game's system that they wanted to, but for the most part just Halo. Many newfags heard about the power and, being the generous hackers they were, gave out the secret to the rest of the gaming world so that more fail could be spread across the planet. Then one day, some genius got the idea that, with his newfound skills, could make videos using the game they desired's system and editing to create a motion picture starring 3D characters.
How to make Machinima
- Become a hacking expert
- Tape a trial of ur gaming
- Add shitty dialogue
- Edit film to look "realistic"
- Post it on Internets
The Truth About Machinima
Machinima Kissing MeganSpeaks' Ass
Red vs. Blue
Around the time Machinima struck Jew gold, fags from the website Rooster Teeth decided to get in on the action, creating a series from the game Halo, calling it Red vs. Blue, named from the popular game type in Gaylo. Fanboys pissed their pants like girls when they saw this, calling it "original" and "the best thing on the internets", though it is know by all that use teh internets that it, in fact, is not and that MySpace actually is.
After going on for five horrendous seasons of unfunnyness, the producers ended it realizing that the series sucked major cock and needed to be destroyed. Later on they created a couple of vids showing off the Halo 3 beta and the new maps for DLC, but failed more than the entire series, making the series officially eliminated.
To pull a last ditch failure, Rooster Teeth was chosen by Bill Gates to have an Easter Egg put in Halo 3 featuring the characters' voices from the show, .
The show actually has been continued and has currently ran for 9 seasons. The tenth season is currently in production. Seasons 8 and 9 used an abundance of motion capture animation, because apparently the moronic fuckbags at rooster teeth forgot what "machinima" means. The show has now turned into an "action adventure/drama" of sorts (using the loosest sense of the terms), although calling it anything other then a pile of poorly written bullshit is being incredibly generous.
After Machinima launched its own retarded YouTube channel, thousands of fanboys submitted their own shitty Machinima pieces hoping to gain internet fame. One such lucky person was a Canadian named DigitalPh33r (moar liek Digitalqu33r, amirite?), who created a series called Arby n' the Chief after his own video, Master Chief sucks at Halo, .
Now at this point there are too many reasons why this is not Machinima, like the fact that MACHINIMA IS DONE WITH FUCKING HACKING YOUR GAME AND SHIT, but Gaylo fans loved it so much that they wanted Machinima to help establish him as a creator. After much complaining and boo-hoos, Machinima finally gave up and gave in to their demands, causing DigitalPh33r to make his own series of the same shit called Arby n' the Chief, which talks about how aliens are better at video games and have better manners and common sense than humans, which we all know is a lie. .
He ended up making a real Machinima series titled fame from his crap. The premise of the show is essentially saying that all his fans are retards (as if he expected the people who watched movies with endless dick jokes and unfunny bullshit to be smart), that everyone hates him just because he got Recon Armor, and that people on Xbox Live are morons (something the world's known since last Thursday). In general he's just being a whiny cunt about how famous he's become., and gained
Ph33r has made several Gaylo shorts also.
Road to Voi: Mastar Ch33f and the Arbidur get lost and both get butthurt when they try to fuck each other all the way to Voi.
Playin' with the Chief: 3 guys are on a losing streak because they all were jacking off when the "real" Mastur Ch3ef joins the game and is a complete fucking idiot.
Final Moments: 4 Spartans try to find porn for the UNSC but unleash the Flood, who promptly assrape them to death. Even the one with the scottish accent.
Deus (More like Desu amirite?) Ex Machina: Rip off shit of Spiderman, Ironman, Hancock and other superheroes you can think about.
Hard Justice: No joke, the series is gay and stupid with toilet humor.
Last Thursday, someone thought it would be a good idea to create a forum that would bring the machinima community back to its glory days. Said forum was created by 13-year-old boys and a 22 year machinima celebrity who went by the name of "Mik3 WB". Since the majority of the admins felt that it was their duty to suck Mik3's cock whenever given the opportunity, many users were promptly b& over petty disagreements revolving around which internet celebrity was deserving of the most blowjobs.
A coalition referring to themselves as the Gay Nigger Association of America was formed, and much lulz was had, as the forums were relentlessly spammed with Nazi imagery. Unfortunately, for the admins, the spammers had discovered an exploit which allowed them to spam hundreds of threads in a matter of minutes. And since the forum was built on a template, they had no real way of patching said exploit. A multitude of moderators were hired on the spot, as the thousands of threads that had been spammed required a manual clean-up. To make matters worse, one of the admins themselves was working with the spammers, and managed to change the banner on the homepage.
Following the raid, the main admin released his official statement, and eventually left the forum to a team of equally as incompetent teenagers, thus ending a short lived saga in an obscure internet community that no one has ever heard of.
Other notable faggotry
Some argue that the reason machinima sucks so hard is because all the machinima producers aren't trying to make original films or screenplays, but instead either copy Red vs. Blow or take some popular internet phenomena and ride on its coattails until either one or both have become old meme.
Take, for instance, the shitty JewTube sensation, 'Pork and Beans.' Some aspiring machinima producer watched it and had the clever idea of applying it to machinima celebrities. This quickly proved to be a bad idea since the only people who know about these hacks are socially awkward preteens, so no one would know who half the fucking cast was. Undaunted, they forded on and eventually pinched off this loaf of shit:
PROTIP: If you have to have a caption with your name for people to know who you are, you aren't a celebrity.
Machinima is part of a series on
Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage.
Machinima is part of a series on YouTube.