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Maddox

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Maddox, King of the neckbeards
Being a writer, Maddox appreciates good humor.
   
 
No girl thinks I'm cute. I'm repulsive. I'm hideous.
 

 
 

—The only truthful thing he has ever said.

Maddox (powerword George Ouzounian) is one of the pioneers of internet trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance. At least he was this person four eight NINETEEN years ago. Despite his shtick being so yesterday, he is still a pioneer of lulz. Noobs should read some of his early articles to learn how to flame, but not anything post-2005, because that is when he started to take himself seriously and his writing really went to shit.

Most non-retards will notice much of what Maddox has to say is unfunny in the way that it points out obvious things Internets users already know. He is also a pirate. He makes that very clear. A little too clear. In fact, his many claims of being a pirate, coupled with a trend of no longer updating his site have worn pretty thin. He also wrote a shitty book recently, and an even shittier comic.

Some (including Maddox himself) claim that he is indeed a STRAIGHT pirate by throwing in exaggerated claims of his sexual ability. This is known as "trying too hard" and it isn't fooling anyone. His failure to come off as a badass is best revealed from pictures of himself. Everybody has learned that he is nothing more than a neckbeard-wearing, basement-dwelling, shell script programming, raging nerd.

Contents

Early Life

Young Maddox vacationing with his parents in England.
One of Maddox's childhood heroes.

For the majority of his childhood, Maddox lived in poverty, sleeping only in a dilapidated house of mud. It was during these harsh years that Maddox developed his tough personality and his love of manliness. Maddox likes beef jerky, vinegar, lumberjacks, eating babies, and headbutting pussies. He also has extremely high self esteem and is in love with himself. He has a terrible taste in movies and video games and defends it by calling people fags.

"Adult" Life

ALL YOUR BASE! LOL SO RANDUMB ALERT:
This section reads like copypasta from Uncyclopedia. You can help purge the GRIDS by cuntpasting moar.

In college, Maddox had a brief but passionate affair with getting a math degree. He claims to of only been one test away from passing, but despite redoing the test 3 times. Apparently "suck my micro-penis I'm awesome, you're stupid and meat is delicious" is not a correct answer in academia. He decided it was better to peruse attention on the internet rather than gainful employment, but because it was the right move and totally not because putting effort into something was too hard for the middle aged failure who half asses everything then pretends it's gods gift to humanity

Maddox claims to be a pirate, but since he lives in the landlocked state of Utah, it's more likely he means an ass pirate. Eventually Maddox would move to LA, where he would begin dating a nigger tranny.

Maddox may be a software programmer, and he may be into everything else associated with basement dwellers, but that doesn't necessarily make him one. He was finally able to vacate mom's basement after selling over 9000 books last year, now he lives in luxury, on the money he conned out of stupid people like you. You may be thinking with Computer Science III skills he must be very valuble and highly employable. Nope. Maddox is the equivalent of the friend who learns how to go into browser settings and recover all saved passwords in the browser and tells everyone he is an elite hacker. Maddox has no server admin skills that have been useful since the late 90's (before anyone knew anything about computers and before anyone secured anything online). Maddox's [1337] hacking skills are not even script kiddy level stuff. Just basic trolling any retard online can do now a days.

Additionally, Maddox is also a camera whore as evidenced by his numerous pictures of himself on his website and the image to the right.

Maddox hasn't worked at a real job since 2004. That Job (which is the only real job he ever had) was in telemarketing, a field that hires anyone with a pulse and pays above minimum wage because turn over is so high. All his money used to be selling merchandise [1] and beating off on drunk hobos for cash, however now that Maddox has tried to turn fleeting e-fame into IRL money, he's spread his ass hole wide and is letting everyone from scam kickstarter Kendall and Hyde, to AI wrong think skynet beta test Candid nut inside his asshole.

Unfortunately, when those companies realize it's not the early 2000's and no one gives a shit about Maddox anymore and pulled all their ads. Maddox has now been reduced to begging for people to log in to his Madcast media website with their facebook so he can scrape pennies selling their data.

Examples of his work

Maddox poses with some fag.


   
 
How is it possible that a guy with a small penis and a hairy back is more powerful than Pepsi on the Internet?
 

 
 

—An article from mid-2003

Maddox's Formula to a Successful Article

  1. When thinking of ideas for topics, the first things that should come to mind are minor and meaningless things that make you get your panties in a bunch. Examples of this include people who use hashtags on Twitter, people who only prefer cheese on their pizza, or people who listen to ska. If it bugs you to the point of insomnia, then you're doing it right.
  2. Begin writing over 9000 paragraphs worth of ranting crap where every other sentence must contain juvenile insults directed at the subject, such as shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc. Also, be sure to throw in plenty of slang for male and female genitalia. It cancels out any attempt at sounding witty and clever, but don't tell Maddox that! He thinks he's funny and smart!
  3. Draw some shitty MS Paint pictures to illustrate the inane, psychotic rant people quit reading 2 paragraphs in anyway.
  4. Pretend what every shitty half-assed argument you made is God's gift to humanity. Remember, it doesn't actually have to be good, you just have to act like it is.
  5. Slap your e-mail address at the bottom of each page, ignoring the fact that you've pissed and moaned endlessly about your idiot fan base who won't quit e-mailing you.
  6. Insert a counter at the bottom of each page, implying people beyond 1999 still give a shit about how many views a page received.
  7. ???
  8. PROFIT! Now you can give it away for free on the Internet and pay for you rent and groceries with likes and shares. Now to go fail at other projects, like books that are shitty rehashes of articles you wrote a decade ago, tanking pitches, failed TV pilots that are only made because they are tax write-offs for entertainment companies, and a poorly-produced YouTube show.

IMPORTANT: In your writing, don't try to come off like a normal, respectable human being. Keep reminding your readers that you rule the world, your opinions are right, and everyone who disagrees is wrong. This is to compensate for your ugly physique and small penis while you sulk on IRC with your naive friends who are convinced you're a manly pirate in your mom's basement. Additionally, remember that this is your outlet to being a crybaby bitch instead of working out your problems the proper way, such as seeing a counselor/therapist/psychiatrist, going outside, finding a girlfriend, winning a fight with someone bigger than you at a bar, or just plain quit being a fucking pussy!

Fan Sites

As with all retarded things in the world, they usually have a fan site. Maddox is no different, having two of the gayest fan sites ever. Maddox Mania and The Best Fan Page In the Universe are where intelligence goes to die.

The Best Fanpage: Poster Child For Failure

Recently, an ED insider did an in-depth investigation of "The Best Fanpage," revealing some disturbing yet unsurprising things about Maddox fans:

Also, Something Awful's Weekend Web did a segment about the site, causing the members to BAWWWW. Whine-One-One was dialed, and waaambulances were dispatched immediately to handle the epidemic of butthurt.

After the original forum got shut down, another one popped up under the name of Maddox Militia, courtesy of AngryJerk (a blatant Maddox wannabe, as evidenced by his shitstain of a website). Since he's also imitating Maddox's style of never finishing anything, the actual "fanpage" remains incomplete. The new forum failed hard, only garnering about 30 members (which is pathetic even when compared to the old one). On June 13th 2014 the whole forum got spammed to hell by a group of newfag trolls nobody's ever heard of calling themselves Neo-HC. Rather than actually doing something about it, AngryJerk decided to join in the fun. Then he made a post explaining how he was going to DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING and didn't even bother to ban any of them proving that he, like the real Maddox, doesn't have a fucking clue how to run anything.

Books

The Alphabet of Manliness

Maddox puts a man into a choker hold for some homosexual rape.


   
 
Why should people buy anything I sell? I don't know why anyone should buy anything
 

 
 

—Maddox

Maddox has released a book, "The Alphabet of Manliness". As a skinny, old and balding Armenian computer programmer from Utah, Maddox is an authority on manliness. The book was published in an effort to cover the cost of the huge quantities of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on the NY Times Bestseller list, an embarrassment to all parties involved. Covering a variety of subjects ranging from how stupid women are, to how great men are, to specific instructions for cooking meth, "The Alphabet Of Manliness" is a prime forerunner of everything that was never funny, even through shock value. The book also mentions Chuck Norris, making him as funny and edgy as the average shirt in Hot Topic.

When approached by Amazon.com inquiring as to what price his book should be sold at, Maddox replied, "About a million dollars, srsly." Amazon did not think this was funny and initially refused to stock the book. Since then though Amazon now sells new copies of the book for $10.85. With each book sale, he makes no money. Not only has Maddox failed at convincing people about how manly he is, he also fails miserably at the game of capitalism.

Since Maddox is a pirate, he has no problems with people pirating his book. Get your copy here.

Despite the book being to humor what Zoe Quinn is to videogame creation, it sold very well. It made number 2 on the NYT best sellers, which proves how simple minded people were in 2005. However, this is a victory no one saw coming and something Maddox can always look back on and be proud of. It is an immortal moment where he transcended seeking attention on the internet and made a legit career for him self on his terms. Definitely something everyone can at least respect. No one can take that from him. NO ONE!

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS, MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!

When Maddox moved to LA and began opening his mind to the ways of polyamory and being a cuckhold, he realized he needed to ditch and disavow his business partner Dick Masterson for being a fucking white male. Why? Dick Masterson was banging Maddox's ex from 3 years ago behind his back and not letting him watch. Despite that Maddox was already in a relationship with some nigger bitch who may or may not have herpes according to internet rumors, Maddox rage quit having a career and went full SJW In order to smear his business partner. He accused him of being responsible of a rape list on some 8chan board, which got all of Maddox's buddies at the cult of UCB to disavow Dick Masterson, however what Maddox forgot is he spent is entire life before this moment writing articles on his website like "why Elizabeth Smart is a stupid bitch who deserved to get raped and kidnapped" and an entire chapter called "C is for Copping a feel" where he gives tips on how to commit sexual assault without getting caught.

Because Maddox didn't think things through he was left with 2 options; Realize he was being petty trying to virtue signal in order to shit on a business partner who in all reality is doing him a favor by eating his sloppy seconds so Maddox doesn't waste his time digging in the trash bin to avoid being with his new transexual nigger bitch, or disavow the only mark of success in his career that proved he was more than just another internet shit poster making him a failure as a human being all over again.

Maddox chose the later

Like a woman, Maddox overreacts and feigns outrage for attention

I am better than your Kids

How do you follow up a successful book that was a break from the mold of your normal writing and gave fans something fresh, yet still familiar? How do you follow up charting #2 on the New York Times Best Sellers List?

If you're Maddox, by copying and pasting a joke you wrote over 10 years ago and gave away for free then acting shocked when no one buys it.

Mystery 3rd book that will probably be called 'The Best Book in the Universe'

Since the failure of his 2nd book, Maddox's entire carreer as an e-celeb is hanging on this book doing as good as the recently disavowed Alphabet of Manliness. He attempted his hand at a Podcast with Dick Masterson banking on the success of the podcast would grow his brand and guarentee a base that would buy his book while providing him income while he stalls writing it to do more important things like play video games. He has been writing at a pace that makes George R.R. Martin look punctual.

Unfortunately due to the said story of Maddox getting butt hurt that his ex from 3 years ago prefers penises she can feel and non hairy backs, Dick trolling Maddox everytime Maddox let his autism speak, and his fans telling him what an autistic faggot he is, he rage quit the podcast. He attempted to launch a podcast network of which he sunk $30,000.00 into the Website alone (which is odd that a computer programer would pay $30k for a website he could of easily coded himself). Since then people have been fleeing from Maddox and tuning him out, with the only people he is close to anymore being the SJW cunts of LA he used to make fun of 10 years ago.

But there's no way copy and pasting the old style that has not aged well over time wouldn't sell like hotcakes and be a safe bet. I'm sure this book won't be the nail in the coffin that has been long overdue.

"Shows"

On December 9th, 2008, Maddox announced that all of the time he spent not updating his website was not only devoted to jacking it to hentai and being a basement-dwelling loser, but also spent on developing his own show, dubbed uncreatively The Best Show in the Universe. News of the show, which is set to air on YouTube, came via an update on his site, in an article where he heavily criticized YouTube for being full of shit, coming in only 3 years behind everyone else on the Internet in this endeavor.

Finally, after almost two years, Maddox finally managed to do what 13-year-old boys, retards, faggots, and Chris-Chan managed to do in a matter of days, if not hours: post a poorly-made video to YouTube.

The "show" is basically a redux of his article criticizing children's artwork from almost 10 years ago. This article is Maddox's main claim to Internet fame and he clings to it as the foundation of his manly personality. This time, he focuses on criticizing children singing on YouTube. Maddox is significantly less humorous when you can see his receding hairline and AIDS-patient physique on camera. The fact that it took him two years to shit out this steaming pile of unfunny just goes to show everyone exactly how far beyond the shark Maddox has jumped. PROTIP: Claiming to be a manly pirate lumberjack only works when people can't see that you're actually a scrawny, balding computer programmer in real life. It's a pathetic compensation.

The Biggest Problem In The Universe

After the failure of his 2nd book, Maddox needed a win. In an act of desperation Maddox began sucking internet troll Dick Masterson's dick to do something with him to keep him from having to go back to the hell of having to work a real job where he was a productive member of society.

The Podcast

Dick and Maddox began the podcast version of this show, and it was actually pretty Awwright at the beginning. Dick as usual played the heel to Maddox's moral faggotry and need to be right, this is what Maddox thought the setup of the podcast was. In reality, it was Dick trolling an autist.

The podcast is a gold mind of quotable autistic moments.

   
 
Pedophilia is considered a psychiatric disorder, not a moral failure. I was talking to a friend awhile back, who I said…I asked him
 

 
 

—Maddox defending pedophiles on episode 30

   
 
Should we demonize these people to the extent that we are?
 

 
 

—Maddox on being nicer to child rapists

   
 
Send me on MARS ONE! I'll go right now
 

 
 

—Maddox on the Mars one scam

   
 
I wouldn't not date a girl with herpes
 

 
 

—Maddox on his current relationship

Previous Quote | Next Quote
A 30 MINUTE TL;DR OF 107 EPISODES OF PODCAST DRAMA

The Podcast was successful, but Maddox rage quit because Dick Masterson dated an ex he had been broken up with 3 years. I know this has been said multiple times; this is to emphasize despite how pathetic and hillarious this is, it isn't a joke. This is a fact. As funny as it may be a 40 year old who is going broke, needs room mates to pay his bills would throw away his only cash cow over pussy he hasn't been tapping for over 3 years while dating someone else it needs to be emphasised this is not a punchline to a joke, this is real. The only joke this is a punchline to is Maddox's life.

The T.V. show The Youtube Show

Maddox had been working on a REAL T.V. show with a live audience, however since Maddox is an Autistic manchild and torpedoed every pitch meeting he had, he began work on a Youtube channel show with a a live audience.

His first guest was a SJW that insulted the whole 'gamer culture'. What a start to a good show. The live show sucked and the first episode was an indicator of the direction of failure Maddox was heading. The show is a waste of your time.


Reddit AMA

At the end of January 2010, Maddox decided to reach out to all the arrogant nerds on reddit, due to his fanbase completely forgetting about him for not updating his website often to their liking. The members of reddit came all over the post, asking him all kinds of stupid questions that have been answered over 9000 times and pretending to give a shit about what he's up to as his excuse for not updating his website. There were also many other jealous nerds who wish people gave a shit about their opinions more than Maddox's, so they decided to try their luck in flaming him, but failed miserably.

Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette

On July 29th, 2010, Maddox stumbled into what will no doubt be a self-publicized 15 minutes he'll milk for the rest of his life (an actual 15 minutes, not a fake 15 minutes) when he was spotted on an episode of Penn and Teller's: Bullshit! during a segment they did on "Old People". (YouTube Favicon.png partial vid only) don't bother, it's set to private. Go torrent it

It's unclear how this happened. But, seeing as the show's research department was probably busy lighting their farts that week, some retard on the staff (who probably thinks they're internet saavy because of it) thought it would be a good idea to irl troll a slew of unfunny internet bloggers, who whine about anything and everything they're butthurt about, to posit a possible geratric holocaust.

   
 
When I hear the word's "old people" I think of smells, uh I think of laziness, I think of bitterness...


 


 
 

—Maddox, talking about...old people?

   
 
When I think of old people having sex I imagine a lot of loose skin...sweat...


 


 
 

—Maddox, you sure think about this a lot.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Penn's Response
Penn's response.

During his screen-time (a whole 1 1/2 minutes!), Maddox's eagerness to somehow achieve God-tier status from P&T's fanbois seems to have been a bit of a footbullet. The overt lulz of all of it seems to have flown over Maddox's (bald) head altogether, but wasn't lost on Penn, seeing as Maddox is, himself, clearly in denial about being...just fucking old. Penn proceeded to counter-troll his ass, describing him as a blogger who is "no spring chicken and spouts predictable, angry, middle-aged manrants on just about everything", along with some other lulzy shit before they literally told him to "GTFO".


   
 
...so you DO imagine old people having sex...and you jack off to it too, dontcha?
 

 
 

—Penn Jillette, brofist

TL;DR: Go blog about it faggot.

Madcast Media: How Maddox became a cuck

Many argued over Maddox no longer being funny being funny after 2005. After 2016, there was no more argument. Maddox was a full blown cuck supporting SJW faggot.

"There is nothing inherently wrong with being a cuck"-Maddox defending his life choices

Maddox began the Indian Jones leather purse shilling network. On this network that he hyped up and actually dropped $30,000.00 on a website for you can listen to numerous and diverse podcasts such as:

  • The Best Debate in the Universe- Did you like Biggest problem in the universe but thought it was too funny? Good news! Maddox and Wigger co host Ruck Ruck "I look and act like a 12 year old" Ali watch Maddox argue both sides of a boring pre selected topic that he brought in himself while he shills man purses and tries to kiss the ass of relevant e-celebs so his book doesn't tank when it drops and end his entertainment career for good.
  • PodAwful- Was Rucka not edgy and childlike enough to satisfy your craving for pedophilia? Was Maddox being completely unfunny to much comedy for you. Then you need the ultimate void of comedy where unfunny meets edgy manchild. Welcome to podawful. A 2 hour long show where nothing is funny and everything is edgy. Wanna hear some top quality comedy content? Of course you don't, your watching Podawful. The only funnny thing that ever came from this show is it lost Maddox all of his sponsorship because Jesse called a mutual friend of Dick and Maddox a nigger for starting his own podcast and not doing it with Madcast and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue. It's okay though because Maddoxes girlfriend specified she likes when people call her a nigger and it is okay for people to call her a nigger.
  • Cringe Vs. Cringe- How do you treat the person in your media organization who caused you to lose all of your sponsors? Why you give them a 2nd show and let them mod your official reddit page of course. Cringe vs Cringe is Podawful 2 electric boogaloo. That's it.

Other Maddoxes

"El otro día demostré lo increíble que soy con un chanta argentino" translates to "The other day I demonstrated how incredible I am..." (Nitpicking anyone? lulz). He writes video game guides for those idiots that cannot access or are too fucktarded to use Google, but his work has been stolen for other magazines. SRSLY. He could be a troll for the win, but he thought that, being not so retarded as those who read his site, falls in the fail category. Si usted habla español, hágale una visita. Dross is also a douchebag of epic proportions, as is shown in this article where he brags how better he is and how true he is to his internet persona in comparison of Maddox and Toobis based on his muscles: http://www.dross.com.ar/Competencia.htm. *UPDATE* Dross has publicly declared interest in having anal sex with Maddox (srsly) and cannot longer be considered a ripoff since he has declared his Internet persona is a character and is doing the whole thing for the lulz. SRSLY.

  • Daniel Isaac: Another clone of Maddox with the same Modus Operandi. It would be nice to write something lulzly about him, but it would be repeating Maddox history, but without so much space. Yes, he is that lame. Daniel Isaac's.

Fun Facts

Maddox with Thai IRL transsexuals (when he had hair) Proof.
Post-op or pre-op?
  • Maddox claims Something Awful is a shitty site. No argument there.
  • Maddox likes FF7, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof.
  • Maddox admits to being a huge fan of teh cawk, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof
  • Maddox likes buttsecks with small boys, so that means he's a homosexual. Proof
  • B3ta interviewed Maddox, proving their faggotry.
  • Maddox is Armenian, and therefore a terrorist.
  • Maddox likes Pantera. Which is gayer than AIDS. Maddox loves Pantera's early history as a glam band.
  • Maddox's frontpage links to Ebaumsworld, College humor, and CTRL ALT Delete. No further comment necessary.
  • Maddox likes transsexual Thai boys, Proof.
  • As is well known, Maddox is a homosexual. But a lesser known fact is that he is also gay. This means he is in fact a fag².
  • Is probably Jewish IRL. Would explain a lot.

See Also

External Link

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