You can help by trolling the shit out of them whenever you see them, then laughing at their lulz-inducing theatrics.
|Maddox lost lololololololololololololololololololololololololol!|
—The only truthful thing he has ever said.
George Ouzounian, known by his pen name Maddox, is a pioneer of trolling, flaming, and unwarranted self importance on the Internet. At least he was this person
four eight TWENTY (20) years ago. But despite his shtick being so yesterday, his influence on lulz is nothing short of notable. Noobs should read his earlier articles to learn how to properly flame, but nothing post-2005. That’s when he started to get serious and his writing really went to shit.
Most non-retards will notice much of Maddox's writing is incredibly unfunny, in that it points out obvious things internets users already know. He’s also a pirate. He makes that very clear. A little too clear. His pirate persona, coupled with a trend of
no longer barely updating his site, have worn pretty thin. He's also an author, with one disavowed New York Times Best Selling book and two other books no one bought.
Maddox will try to convince you that he’s a straight pirate by shoving his dick is in your face. This act he does fools absolutely no one. His failure to come off as a badass is best revealed by just looking at him. He's nothing more than a neckbeard, basement dwelling, rage-filled, sexually repressed NEET.
Maddox had a second wind of success with a comedy podcast, The Biggest Problem In The Universe, with former business partner Dick Masterson. This fell apart after 107 episodes, as Maddox became an SJW and threw an autistic tantrum over Dick fucking his ex-girlfriend from over three years ago (all while he was dating someone else already). The actions taken by Maddox after May 31st, 2016 made him go from innovator, to unfunny, to bonafide lol-cow up there with the likes of DarksydePhil and Tom Preston.
- 1 How George became Maddox
- 2 The Best Formula For Funny Article Writing in the Universe™
- 3 Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette
- 4 TL;Don't wanna keep reading?
- 5 “Shows”
- 6 Books
- 7 Other notable literary works
- 8 Ballsack Media Network
- 9 MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND
- 10 You and Maddox’s future
- 11 Maddox doesn’t like this article
- 12 The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe)
- 13 Fun facts
- 14 TL;DR?
- 15 See Also
- 16 External Links
How George became Maddox
Maddox grew up in poverty, raised in mud huts like the ones in Nigeria. It was during these years Maddox became the manly man he is today. It didn't matter his father was a ballsy jackass he never knew. It didn't matter that his mother hates him (and still does to this day). George transformed, but not in the way you'd expect. He found his love for manliness, beef jerky, vinegar, and lumberjacks. Moreover, he realized his hatred for everything else. Emos, McDonald's, iPhones, Cameron Diaz, the works. He had a big stick up his ass, and he wants you to know it. Of course, hating things alone doesn't make you that manly. That's not important. His penis raged with unwarranted self-importance.
"Adult" life and creation of The Best Page in the Universe
As of April 2018, Maddox has had only one real job: in telemarketing, the easiest job to both get and manage. He spent his early-to-mid 20s keysmashing, trying to program whatever those guys program. Though his experience as a 1337 haxxor is one of many Maddox's bragging points, he's not as tech savvy as he'd like you to think. All he can do, programming-wise, is enable no-clip on Team Fortress 2. All his coding skills date back to the 1990s, when everyone was a noob when it came to the Internet. How fucking manly.
By 2004, Maddox quit his job, dropped out of college (even though he was one test away from getting a math degree), and stopped going to the gay bar in his homestate of Utah. Why? He wanted to become a comedy writer. Disregard the fact Maddox is not funny, this seems like a good idea. And so, he put 100% of his focus to some website he made in high school, dubbed The Best Page in the Universe. The rest was history.
Because Maddox's exceptionality makes him prioritize petty shit, The Best Page in the Universe has no ads. If you bring it up, he'll talk all day about the cash he burned from implementing AdBlock on his own fucking website. The user experience matters to him. He can't be much of a moralfag nowadays, though. Maddox has to shill for anyone and anything that'll loan a few bucks. He rarely gets paid from sponsors (for reasons explained below), but still won't put ads on his site. Imagine feeling prideful for being poor. Good fucking grief.
- When thinking of topics, there's one rule of thumb: the more petty, the more funny. Write an article about how much you hate pizza toppings, or how you hate Idaho, or how you hate fast food ad campaigns. The more pointless your topics are, the more funny your writing will be.
- Type a billion paragraphs about this topic. No normal person would write this much about Garfield, right? That's the funny part! It's so petty that it’s funny! But in the 1% chance what you're writing isn't funny, add a shit ton of insults and swear words (shitheads, dipshits, fucking idiots, etc.), and target them at the topic. Fuck shitty ass dip dip idiot fucker! Also, add terms for male and female genitalia. You need to sound like you're better than what you’re writing about, so saying “penis” once per sentence will make you sound mature.
- Draw some pictures with MS Paint (no, seriously) that further illustrate the points in your hilarious rant people are totally still reading.
- Put in some sentences reaffirming how right you are and how badass you are for being right. Everything you’re writing is God’s gift to the herd of sheep that's humanity. You're basically Moses for ranting about cell phones!
- Add a view counter at the bottom of each page. People still care about how many views a website gets, trust me.
- To continue the overflow of traffic nickels, make sure to set up your apartment like a pigsty. It'll boost up productivity, especially for a
stupid fucking basement dwellerawesome genius like you! Look below for an example, provided by (no joke) the real Maddox!
Maddox gets trolled by Penn Jillette
July 29th, 2010: Maddox made it. Oh boy, did he make it.
Much like another infamous lol-cow, Maddox was on the tubes for one whole minute. He was on a show called Penn & Teller: Bullshit! by Penn Jillette and some other faggot. He went on the show to whine about old people and how stinky they are. Watch the clip below or go torrent it.
Here's how this happened: the show's research team were busy smearing their assholes on the printer. While they were doing that, some retard came up with a genius idea: round up bloggers that don't know anything about what they're talking about, have Penn and Teller troll them for an episode. This would make Penn and Teller look e-savvy to normies. It just so happened Maddox fit the criteria of what they were looking for, so he made it on the show.
Maddox's eagerness to get infinite blowjobs from Penn and Teller's fanboys ended up being a shot to his foot. Penn, realizing both the obvious (Maddox is as old as the people he calls gross) and the incredibly obvious (Maddox is too up his own ass to see the irony of him insulting old people), blew him the fuck out and told him to GTFO.
This could've caused Maddox to realize he can only properly play his persona through text and that he should never be in front of a camera. This did not happen.
TL;Don't wanna keep reading?
Maddox's long list of failure & faggotry takes forever to read through because it has been growing exponentially for years. Luckily, some EDiot made a video highlighting the most important stuff. Now you don't have to dig through years of Maddox's shit. You're welcome.
The Best Show in the Universe
December 9th, 2008: Maddox announced all the time he spent not updating his site wasn't just spent on
jacking off to hentai writing his book and being a basement-dwelling loser other productive stuff he's been working on. He was developing a show, uncreatively called The Best Show in the Universe. If you've been paying attention, you'd know that this wasn't a television show. It was a YouTube show! News of this came via an update on his website, where he simultaneously criticizes YouTube for being shit while advertising his YouTube show. He's not just three years late on making a YouTube series, but he's also a hypocrite. Great job, Maddox.
Unsuprisingly, Maddox plagiarises himself in this video. He took the concept of making fun of children's artwork (a dead horse concept in Maddox lore) and rehashed it almost beat by beat. But it's different though. This time, he's making of children singing videos, not drawings. It's not the same idea, but it resembles the concept enough that the results stay the same.
If you watch this video, you'll notice something: Maddox's tough, jimmy rustling shtick is significantly less funny when you can see what he looks like and even less funny once you hear his nasal, whiny-bitch voice. Maddox never understood the difference between video and text and how much a format change can affect the perception of your audience. You'd near feel bad if it weren't for the fact Maddox doesn't deserve to have the talent or self-awareness to make good content.
The Biggest Problem in the Universe
May 20th, 2014: Maddox gets a second chance through The Biggest Problem in the Universe. It was a podcast with Dick Masterson, an infamous IRL troll he met through their mutual book publisher, Simon and Shill-ster. The structure of this podcast was so simple, even someone with Down syndrome could understand: Maddox and Dick would bring in things they deem as problems, debate whether or not it was a real problem, and leave it up to fans to vote which was the bigger problem on some website. Voting would compile a list of the so-called biggest problems in the universe. The problems are listed below.
The show was awwright in the beginning. Dick played the heel of Maddox’s moral faggotry and unwarranted self-importance. As the show went on for 100+ episodes, the voting shifted towards Dick's problems, making Maddox butthurt of Dick's rise in popularity over him. Combine that with Maddox and Dick's obviously not-so-positive relationship (Dick even claimed the only reason he still did the podcast was for fans and money), and you have a lot of unbridled tension build up. The tension peaked when Maddox found out Dick fucked his ex-gf from three years ago. This was the moment that defined the rest of Maddox's career.
After that, he canceled the show. On the last episode, Dick wasn’t there. His absence said more than Maddox will ever admit.
Three months later, Dick and Maddox made separate podcasts. Dick has The Dick Show, an awwright show where Dick, his audio engineer Sean, goons, and guests shoot the shit for two hours. Maddox has The Best Debate In The Universe, a shitty debate show. The Dick Show makes over $20,000 per month through Patreon donations. The Best Debate in the Universe, along with Maddox's "other projects and priorities", makes roughly $200 per month. Any retard will tell you Dick is way better off than Maddox. This made Maddox very, very butthurt. So, he
- Redirected the RSS feed of the old show to his new, awful show.
- Released all the bonus episodes (that you had to pay to listen to) for free without consulting Dick.
- Made a video hit piece against Dick, accusing him of supremely retarded shit.
- Posted this video on his private Facebook account with all of Dick and Maddox's mutual SJW comedian friends, causing Dick's reputation to be ruined in this circle.
- Had his girlfriend,
MetalMental Jess (powerword: Jessica Blum), call and complain to his ex-girlfriend's school to make her lose her teaching job.
- Sued Dick for $20,000,000.00 all because he cucked him.
On The Dick Show, Maddox's schemes and Dick's reactions to them were established as the show's main narrative, with every guest mentioning Maddox at least in passing. The videos below are great clips that resulted from the drama.
The Biggest Problem In The 2niverse: The Quest For More Money And Less Dick The Best Debate in the Universe
Did you not like the old show? Do you like unfunny, unwitty banter? Do you like listening to debates about topics everyone and their mother has already talked about? Do you need something to drown out the sound of your significant other having sex with another person? Look no further than The Best Debate in the Universe!
Listen to Maddox, edgelord and parody musician Rucka Rucka Ali, e-celeb guests, and people no one gives a shit about as they debate on stuff only 9gag users would find funny and controversial! Spend an entire hour listening to Maddox do what he's best at: being annoying!
This podcast is awful. Don't listen to it, you'd be wasting your time.
The Alphabet of Manliness
—Maddox on how capitalism works.
June 6, 2006: Maddox released his first book, The Alphabet of Manliness, in an effort to pay for the huge amount of Nair needed to remove his disgusting back hair. The book skyrocketed on The New York Times Best Sellers List, reaching #2 on the “Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous” category. If there’s anyone libtards consider an authority on manliness, it’s a balding, haggard, middle aged basement dwelling blogger. Imagine our shock.
The Alphabet of Manliness serves as an encyclopedia for men. The book covers many hypermasculine topics from how shitty women are to how great men are. There’s even a chapter in which Maddox teaches you how to cook meth, like he’s the Heisenberg of cucks. The Alphabet of Manliness is the quintessence of everything you thought was funny a couple years ago, like doge images or Chuck Norris memes, the latter of which having a chapter dedicated to. Maddox’s comedic prowess matches him with that of a Hot Topic shirt.
Despite this book being to satire what Zoe Quinn is to game development, it sold very well. This was an unexpected victory for someone like Maddox. This is something he can be proud of look back on in pride. He went beyond trivial blogging and made a career for himself on his own terms. Anyone can think anything about Maddox, but this can be at least respected. Maddox can have everything else in his life taken away from him, but no one can touch the memory of his taste of genuine success.
HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS!! MADDOX DISAVOWED HIS ONLY SUCCESSFUL BOOK!!!!
When Maddox moved to Los Angeles, he slowly but surely became an SJW cuck. During the drama with Dick Masterson over him being a fucking white male, he accused him of being a rape apologist in some shitty expose video. He played a cut, out of context clip of the podcast in which Dick said that if a whore falls asleep at a club, she should expect to get assaulted because people are inherently shitty. Apperantly, he cut that out because it didn’t align with his “values”. This video was eviscerated by all his fans. They specifically cited this book to point out Maddox’s hypocrisy, showing a chapter called “C Is For Copping A Feel” in which he gives tips on how to sexually assault women without getting caught. After that, Maddox posted a Facebook status officially disavowing his only notable claim to fame. It goes to show how much libtards like Maddox will give up just for the moral high ground.
I Am Better Than Your Kids Crappy Children's Art
No one gives a shit about this book. All he does is repeat the "I Am Better Than Your Kids" concept he put out free ten years ago. RiceGum does everything in this book better and for no monetary loss of your own.
The Best Book in the Universe F*ck Whales
After his second book failed, Maddox's “fame” was dependent on this book doing well. For a while, it seemed like he had somewhat of a shot. He was riding the wave of his semi-profitable podcast (more on that below), so he banked on said podcast to build him a customer base. It took him 4 years, 10 months, and 28 days to write this book. All that time was spent on doing more important things, like playing video games, building up hype for the book on other podcasts (including one by fellow baldfag Anthony Fantano), and eating shit.
The chance Maddox had for this book being successful, however, looked a bit faded once all his self-inflicted drama with Dick Masterson (discussed below) came back to bite his flat ass. The book still did well, right?
F*ck Whales was a financial nightmare for everyone involved, including Simon & Schuster, the publishers dumb enough to invest in a burnt out shill like Maddox. The book peaked at #8,998 on Amazon. Compared to his
beloved DISAVOWED #2 ranking on The New York Times Best Sellers list, this is a major setback. Hell, the book may’ve not even sold 100 copies on it’s release date! One thing is for certain: with the way F*ck Whales is selling, it’ll take longer for Maddox to write his taxes than it took to write this book.
There would be a summary of the book here, but no one read it. Based on the 25 page-long preview from Google Books, it’s rehashed material from his site. The one funny thing about F*ck Whales is that Maddox is so creatively bankrupt that he himself subconsciously admits it.
The book was going to be called The Best Book In The Universe, but some dickhead bought the domain name. So, it was renamed to the equally as creative F*ck Whales. Nice asterisk, retard.
Other notable literary works
Like any other writer, Maddox has over 9000 other projects that are unpublished, incomplete, or were released in a limited capacity only a few lucky fans could get their hands on. Such works, that have since circulated, include (but are not limited to):
A Message To 80’s Girl
One day, Maddox's ex-girlfriend and Dick's current girlfriend 80's Girl was going through her bullshit. Packed with all the big, black dildos, perfume, and whatever else girls like, she found an envelope. In this envelope was a very lovely letter written by Maddox. Read it for yourself:
A live reading of this literary masterpiece Critics review A Message To 80's Girl
After The Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, some guy that made music for the show went on a venture to get Maddox and Dick to bury the hatchet. He made a website advocating for them to apologize for all the bullshit they both did. Part of this effort went into him messaging Maddox and trying to get his side of the story. Little did he know, he'd have to go through a ton of Maddox's delusional rants about shit no one cares about. After a while, the guy leaked them on IRC for everyone to laugh at. But, after Dick confronted him and told him they're never coming back together, he DELETED FUCKING EVERYTHING out of respect. That didn't stop Maddox from threatening the poor guy to dox him, though. What a class fucking act.
Things revealed in these chats include, but aren't limited to:
- Maddox feels nothing but contempt towards his fans. This is a strange statement because it implies that Maddox has fans. He feels this way because, in his bald, dumb head, he thinks his fans owe him their gratitude for bringing them shitty content that's not funny.
- Dick has a girlfriend, a house, and a successful podcast because of Maddox. You can see this is bullshit if you were even half as retarded as Maddox is.
- Maddox says Asterios doxxed his girlfriend, while also saying that he accused his girlfriend of doxing him.
- Maddox is very sad and angry over a forum of people harassing him and slandering him and calling him a cuck and faggot every fucking day.
- Maddox is very hypocritical about how wrong harassment and meddling in the lives of others exactly is.
- Maddox claims that his ex is both obsessed with him and was abusive to him while they were in a relationship together. Yes, he is saying that he was abused by a woman. What a tough guy.
- Maddox, above all else, says he wouldn't escalate the tension between him and Dick any further. Irony.
Maddox's list of words that trigger him
Maddox may not have a lot going for him. But
he leeches off of he's "friends" with over 9000 e-celebrities. If you watch any "meme" YouTuber from /r/videos or anyone from the "YouTube skeptic community", it's more than likely they're friends with Maddox. One of them, TJ Kirk (a.k.a: The Amazing Fruit Fucker), let Maddox guest on his podcast, Drunken Peasants. But Maddox couldn't just guest on a live-streamed show where anyone can comment anything. Maddox forced TJ to filter the pay chat, in which audience members, for a bit of money, can write a comment TJ and his co-hosts will read on air. This led to NO ONE'S COMMENT GETTING READ. Only two were read that episode, both being subtle shots at Maddox that flew over everyone else's head. This caused such a shitstorm, TJ was forced to refund everyone who didn't get their comment featured because all his fans were threatened to pull their support from his Patreon.
Dick not only offered to reimburse any losses, but got one of TJ's co-hosts to guest to a live show. On that live show, he read the original memo Maddox sent TJ. This was met with plenty of lulz.
|Banned word||Why it was banned|
|The Dick Show||Maddox is a cuck.|
|thedickshow.com||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Dick Masterson||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Team Dick||Maddox is a cuck.|
|#TeamDick||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Masterson||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Madcucks||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Madcuck||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Madcux||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Rape list||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Rape apologist||Maddox is a cuck|
|8chan||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Dick Masterson||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Cuck||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Sycamore||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Nigger||Maddox is a cuck.|
|8chan.net||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Manpurse||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Asterios||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Dick Team||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Where's Dick?||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Where's Kokkinos?||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Dick Show||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Cuckmas||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Disavowed||Maddox is a cuck.|
|The Best Book In The Universe||Maddox is a cuck.|
|#DickLies||Maddox is a cuck.|
|#DikLies||Maddox is a cuck.|
|30k||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Kendal||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Adam Nash||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Nashville||Maddox is a cuck.|
|D1ck Masterson||Maddox is a cuck.|
|D1ckm4st3rs0n [Many number/letter combos]||Maddox is a cuck.|
|80's girl||Maddox is a cuck.|
|80s girl||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Atease girl||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Dick is the winner||Maddox is a cuck|
|Mental Jess [Many versions of "Mental Jess"]||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Ouzounian||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Peach||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Peach Saliva||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Restraining order||Maddox is a cuck.|
|Job lynch mob||Maddox is a cuck.|
|819||Maddox is a cuck.|
The Biggest Lolsuit in the Universe (AKA: George Ouzounian et al - v. - Dax Herrera et al)
November 6th, 2017: Maddox's bloodthirst peaks. Him, with dog bite lawyer and "recovering" alcoholic Kevin Landau, filed a $20,000,000 USD civil suit against
some people Dax Herrera, Foundation Digital, Llc, Greg Boser, Loren Baker, Cmgrp, Inc. (D/B/A Weber Shandwick), Joshua Kaufman, Asterios Kokkinos, Madcucks Trevor Birt, Patreon, Inc., and Jordan Cope.
Anyone who knows what a lol-cow is knows what a lolsuit is. 99% of any threatened legal action by a lol-cow is never taken, mostly because they're either broke or retarded. This is that 1%. In this suit, Maddox claims that Dick pumped, dumped, and annihilated his reputation with his trolling and importing/exporting of lulz. Apparently, a balding, middle-aged man who feels nothing but contempt for his fans is totally deserving of 20,000,000 dollars. While it's true Dick (rightfully) spanked his flat ass, he's far from responsible for any of Maddox's monetary shortcomings and failures. Any motherfucker with common sense realizes this. Things Maddox has legally admitted to in this lawsuit include:
- Maddox has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder from being called a cuck.
- Maddox has tried to get people fired from their jobs.
- Maddox has coordinated, tried to get Dick's Patreon banned for no reason.
- Maddox says The Biggest Problem In The Universe was a joint venture between him and Dick.
- Maddox admits F*ck Whales was a financial bomb.
- Maddox's girlfriend also has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder because of Dick.
- Maddox admits everyone involved (including himself) don't live in New York, despite the lawsuit being filed in New York.
- Maddox admits his career, his "business", is completely destroyed.
- Maddox states he wanted to fraudulently fire people.
More recent lolsuit updates include:
- Landau, through possible shitty wording, claims Maddox's girlfriend may actually have herpes. Srsly.
- Maddox, legally, by his own definition of the word, is a cuck.
- That, through Landau's shitty wording, Dick and Asterios may/may not be the fathers of Madcucks, making Madcucks the first butt baby.
- Maddox and his girlfriend
want a restraining order against DickDISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.
- Dick apparently hacked Maddox's web server. It consisted of unlisted, unlinked URLs, which as it turned out Maddox had the login information of some of Dick's clients. He wasn't supposed to have those. Chances are, he did some autistic, illegal shit with those. Some stuff that was also found include a creepy photo of a random hot chick that looked as if it was taken without her knowing, pictures of Maddox with hair, and other shit no one cares about.
- Maddox, either purposely or through Landau being unable to write coherently, admits to impersonating a liberal media journalist named Heather. Above all else, this marks the moment Maddox comes out as an Armeni-tran.
So how did such an amazing lawsuit end?
YOU CAN READ THE ENTIRE LOLSUIT, AS WELL AS FOLLOW UP LEGAL ACTIONS ON:
And what did Maddox do after losing? Perhaps some self reflection as the thick skulled retard realize he's thousands upon thousands of dollars in the hole and the ass end of countless jokes on the internet?
Why, double down and file another lawsuit, twice as assmad as before!
Ballsack Media Network
Immediately after The Biggest Problem In The Universe ended, Maddox had to think of how to capitalize on a canceled show. His solution? Start a shitty podcast network. With zero planning whatsoever. If the lolsuit goes the way everyone expects it to go, this'll be Maddox's final failure.
On this network he paid $30,000.00 to get a website for, you can listen to numerous high-quality podcasts, such as:
- The Best Debate in the Universe- Outlined above. TL;DR: you’d be better off listening to BPITU. It’s not only funnier, but you’re not supporting a shill factory of man purses and meme clickbait bullshit.
- Pod Awful- Question: what would happen if the combined power of Rucka Rucka Ali and Maddox was even less funny? You'd get Pod Awful, the worst possible way to kill two hours. This show is only funny if your sense of humor is overblown edgy shit with zero self-awareness. The wittiest thing to come out of host Jesse P-S's mouth is Maddox's micropenis. Pod Awful is the most notable show on the network outside of Biggest Temper Tantrum in the Universe. Why? Not because it's funny, that's for sure. Jesse fucked over Maddox and threw all their sponsorship deals away because he called a mutual friend of Maddox and Dick a nigger for starting his own podcast, not doing it with Madcast Media, and giving Maddox a cut of his revenue (it's fine though because Maddox's girlfriend said she likes when people call her a nigger). Maddox can't fire him for this, however. Jesse is his personal slave and cumslut. He does all his dirty work for him, moderating his bullshit and white knighting him under several sockpuppet accounts. And to make things
worsebetter, he makes zero money from neither his show nor his chivalrous deeds of saving Princess Maddox when he gets in a jam. Oh yeah, Jesse also spends his time editing this page, because Maddox won't give him his juicy, Armenian, vein-covered dick if he doesn't white knight for every single one of his fuck-ups.
- CRINGE VS. CRINGE!!1!111!!!- After months and months of e-mails, YouTube comments, Reddit posts, and Men.com comments (only the manliest of websites can stream content from Maddox), they finally did it. You spoke, they listened. Maddox gave Jesse P-S, the guy who's responsible for their podcasts not making money, ANOTHER FUCKING SHOW!! In all seriousness, CRINGE VS. CRINGE may as well be called Pod Aw-dos: Electric Boogaloo. The only noteworthy thing about this show is that Asterios Kokkinos, established Dick goon, was a guest for one episode. You would think there'd be some questioning by Dick's fans, but CVC is so trivial in the grand scheme of things that no one noticed in the first place. Just goes to show how little people care about anything Jesse makes.
- Game Fart-
A podcast hosted by some unfunny Britbong gamer fags nobody gives a shit about. It's not just us thinking that, though. It appears Jesse from Pod Awful actually agrees with us.HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS. Game Fart died because no one cared it existed. There are some semi-interesting reasons why this show was greenlit in the first place, however: Lord Matthew, the head honcho of a team with no other members, was the guy that created the shitty Madcast Media website (the one that Maddox blew 30k on).
MADDOX GETS CUCKED OUT OF HIS OWN SHOW ON ITUNES AND GIRLFRIEND
After losing his lolsuit, his beautiful Afican American girlfriend left him. While her official reason for leaving Maddox was because he tried (not succedeed, tried) to cheat on her with an annoying cat girl that got thrown out of all Dick Show communities because she was a hideous annoying slag of a hambeast, who he's now let be a moderator for his twitch. Some speculate that it was really due to Maddox's crying while watching other men fuck her was so loud and annoying it was starting to scare away the bulls she's bring over.
What more can Maddox lose? He's lost his pet moneky, his ex gf he is still in love with, 99% of his SadCast media employees, all his money, his sister, his book sales, any future book deals, and all respect any one had for him. Well Dick decided to take another thing from Maddox... HIS OWN ITUNES FEED FOR HIS PODCAST.
Dick wasn't ready for the fun of laughing at Maddox to end and all Maddox wanted to do now was cry in his cuck shed alone and pretend he never was such a retard. So to spice things up after Maddox released his nuclear option that blew up in his own face, Dick decided on Episode 113 of
Biggest Problem in the 2niverse: The search for more money and less Dick Best Debate in Universe to give Maddox, just the Tip of what is looking to be lulzy future series of dickings Maddox's anus was never prepared for:
DICK HAS HAD SOLE OWNERSHIP OF THE ORIGINAL STOLEN BIGGEST PROBLEM IN THE UNIVERSE ITUNES FEED THIS WHOLE TIME AND WAS ALLOWING MADDOX TO USE IT. HE DECIDED TO INFORM MADDOX OF THIS FACT BY SPLICING IN AN AD FOR HIS SHOW AT THE BEGINNING OF EPISODE 113 AS WELL AS A QUICK RUNDOWN OF WHAT HAPPENED FOR ALL THE BIGGEST PROBLEM FANS WHO WONDERED WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED AND WHY IS THIS GAY FAGGY PODCAST SHOWING UP INSTEAD.
To further help Maddox, Dick decided to send his listeners to Maddox's $30,000 website and use his voting system to vote on what new podcast would be allowed on the C.U.N.T network. This caused Maddox to go into a full on autistic rage as he takes voting on his websites super seriously. First attempting to cry to apple to get his iTunes feed that actually has subscribers back. Then getting butthurt and tampering with his own voting to fuck with Dick. To going into such a delusional world of denial he is refusing to address the sickest burn that could possibly happen to Maddox, he is trying to pass off the increase bump in web traffic as legit traffic to his shit shows website.
However, internet Lawsplainer Nick Rekieta explained what the funniest part of all this is (beyond just the lulz of Dick fucking with the feed and using it to shit on Maddox), because Dick was the owner and allowed Maddox to pull his bullshit for over 2 year, Dick can legally and rightfully bill Maddox for all the time he allowed Maddox to use his iTunes feed to upload a shitty podcast.
Dick still owns the iTunes feed because Apple is not going to disregard property law to appease a crying bald faggot who talked shit about them for years, and has said when it comes to his ways to fuck with Maddox, this isn't even his final form.
You and Maddox’s future
A couple days ago, Maddox cried in Twitch debater and incest lover Destiny’s shoulder like the victim he is. Of course, he
fails “forgets” to mention how much of a crybully he is. Maddox’s bar for what passes as harassment is so low, even Anita Sarkeesian would tell him to grow some balls.
So, with that and everything else in this article in mind, what does all of it mean? Maddox is an hero waiting to happen. But he can’t build up the courage to kill himself alone. He needs your help. How can you, an e-urchin, help our dear friend Maddox become an hero? Here are some essential tips and tricks:
- Visit Maddox's Twitch stream with a troll name. This’ll remind him how much of a failure he is.
- Ask him if he has trouble getting it up.
- Ask him if his girlfriend’s pussy is looking a bit spotty.
- Ask him if his girlfriend even has a pussy.
- Ask him if he would go gay if a man got his micropenis hard.
- Ask him why his girlfriend has a restraining order against some bitch named “80’s Girl”.
- Ask him how many copies F*ck Whales has sold.
- Ask him why the only thing he sponsors is his book.
- Ask him why that cool leather store’s website redirects to the merch store of some guy named “Dick”.
- Ask him why his audio is so shitty and where Sean went.
- Ask him if it was his fault his sister killed herself.
- Ask him why he’s always losing followers.
- Call him a cuck.
- Call him an SJW.
- Disagree with him.
- Ask him about how much Patreon money he’s making.
- Ask him why his new, awesome show has the same iTunes feed as the old show.
- Tell him that you work a minimum wage job and still make more money than him.
- Quote anything from the #WAUT3RGATE leaks.
Maddox doesn’t like this article
Maddox, even though his first one was cucked by Asterios, decided to make a second bonus album. The concept of this album is a spicy one: Maddox reacts to this article by having Rucka and Jesse read it to him verbatim. This could’ve been funny, but then again, this is Maddox we’re talking about. We at Encyclopedia Dramatica refuse to support Maddox in any way, so all we can do is go off from people okay with giving the cuck money. Here’s the scoop:
- Maddox responds to everything in this article by yelling profanities.
- As this episode goes on, Rucka sounds increasingly more frustrated with Maddox and his autism.
- Eventually, Rucka tells Maddox what Dick’s tried to tell him this whole time: that he used to be one of the top online badasses, but now he’s a total cuck.
- Maddox pretends to be in on all the jokes saying he should work for NPR.
Unlike Maddox’s first album, he wasn't able to pull off his “chop up my podcast into tracks and pretend they’re bits and that this is a comedy album and not leftover garbage” bullshit. As it turns out, no one buys comedy albums.
This article is also named in the lolsuit as one of the many reasons he’s entitled to
$20 million $380 million every United States treasury note in existence. While the prospect of a satirical writer suing someone for contributing to a satirical article seems like a work of satire, this is a legally documented fact.
Madcucks parodied this album, reading the current version of this article that covers his cuckoldry, the lolsuit, Maddox’s failure of a podcast network, and more. This hit #1 on both iTunes and Jewgle Oy Play’s comedy album charts. Then, Madcucks released a third bonus album to make fun of how Maddox
never made the third bonus album he promised he would make to all five people who bought his cuckold content currency made a third bonus album (which Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, Dick’s audio engineer, has confirmed does exists), but never released it.
The Museum of Maddox (MOM) (alternatively titled The Best Museum in the Universe)
One day, Maddox reached out to all the arrogant nerds on Reddit because his fanbase forgot about him. Redditors came all over the post, asking him questions he's answered numerous times before. You know, the expected behavior from Reddit users. Why is this post important? Maddox harps on "quality" as an excuse for not updating his site or shitting out another book. He also points out that he cares about what his name's tied to, so he won’t just let anyone advertise and control his message. He's not bullshitting at all, and to show this, here's a gallery of high quality Maddox content!
LOOK OUT WORLD: MADDOX IS A GREAT ACTOR TOO! IT'S A WONDER HOW HE DIDN’T GET A T.V. SHOW! Look at how delicious Maddox’s hot sauce is. Clearly Maddox won't slap his valuable, consumer-friendly brand on just anything!
- Maddox thinks Something Awful is a shitty site. No argument there.
- Maddox is a cuck. He argues that he’s polyamorous, that he can rail other snatch while his “girlfriends” fuck other men. Who has such low self-esteem to let Maddox fuck them?
- Maddox's sister became an hero because she couldn't live being related to Maddox.
- Maddox has erectile dysfunction. "Allegedly".
- Maddox, attempting to come out as gay, admitted he likes FF7. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox admits to being a fan of teh cawk. That means he's gay. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox likes buttsecks with young boys. That means he's gay. Here’s the proof.
- Maddox was interviewed by B3ta, proving their faggotry.
- Maddox is Armenian, making him a terrorist.
- Maddox not only loves Pantera, but he loves their early history as a glam band.
- Maddox's frontpage links to Ebaumsworld, CollegeHumor, and Ctrl+Alt+Del. No further comment needed.
- Maddox is not only gay, but he’s also a homosexual, making him a FAG².
- Maddox is probably Jewish. It would explain a lot.
- Kiwi Farms’ thread on Maddox.
- Maddox's website.
- The hidden parts of Maddox’s website.
- Maddox loves him some dickgirls!
- His shitty, unfunny website
- Fashion inspired by Maddox.
is part of The Best Series in the Universe ★ ★ ★
[THERE'S NOTHING REALLY INHERENTLY WRONG WITH BEING A CUCKOLD BECAU]
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| Maddox is part of a series on FAKE NEWS
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|Featured article November 16 & November 17, 2017|
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It's Okay To Be White
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