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Papa John's is an Americunt cardboard company that is known for their shady business practice of slapping tomato sauce on their products and then marketing them as "pizza" in blatant violation of FDA regulations. Aside from selling "pizza" that even the likes of The Noid and John Podesta wouldn't dare touch, Papa John's is perhaps most well known for the fact that their founder and former-CEO is a complete idiot who doesn't know when to shut the fuck up.

Papa John's was founded in 1984 when John H. Schnatter accidentally fucked up a broom closet in his father's tavern, Mick's Lounge in Jeffersonville, Indiana, and then attempted to cover his arse by claiming that he had turned the closet into a pizza joint. Through what can only be described as a Luciferian miracle, John's pizza business somehow succeeded—presumably because their dipping sauce was made from John's highly-addictive Meth-tainted semen—and eventually expanded into a nationwide pizza chain.

While John was known for his numerous PR fuckups over the years, his luck finally ran out on July 11, 2018, when audio surfaced of him accusing Colonel Sanders of calling black people "niggers" while they happily ate his delicious fried chicken. Naturally, one does not insult the God of Fried Chicken without facing significant backlash from the fans of fried chicken, and John was soon forced to resign in disgrace for his indiscretions.




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