Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
You know what they say about journalism... If it bleeds, it leads... right? Unfortunately for distinguished press outlets worldwide, March of 2014 has turned out to be a pretty dry month in the annals of human affairs. In the absence of a lulzy school shooting or Tsarnaev copycat for like, another goddamned month, shit-eating hack journalists had to scrape by on what little they could salvage. Enter the sudden international panic and saturation coverage over the disappearance of Malaysia Airlines Flight 370, a fucking jumbo jet full of chinks, gooks, spics, and spooks. Most of them probably didn't even speak English—seems like no great loss, right?
As always, the evil liberal Jew media would have you believe otherwise. This is Cuban Missile Crisis, Iran Hostage-level shit going on right now.
The flight in a nutshell
City Wok Airlines went up into the sky, where it was promptly eaten by the sky, causing it to disappear from radar. The sky, not having an appetite for Chinese that particular day, spit (some sources say shit) the plane back out, sending it spiraling into the ocean.
Orientals who were lucky enough to have survived the tsunamis were now competing in the Asian Olympics for underwater airplane swimming. This would be the last time they ever competed, and the entire flight was posthumously awarded a gold medal in the sport for their brave efforts.
A search was conducted, where a large number of people applied arm floaties and took to giant rafts to search for bodies or burning plane parts, but nothing was ever found. After a few hours of fishing, they called it off and came to the conclusion that it had become the latest sunken treasure in Davey Jones' locker.
Plausible theories on what happened
- The leading theory among self-proclaimed experts is that one pilot was in an heroic mood and going for the MS Flight Simulator High Score but proved too pussy to pull off a 9/11 so he just kamikazeed 200+ passengers into the fucking ocean. To his credit, he may have earned second place: a noble effort.
- Can't rule out good old fashioned Jihad! Keep in mind - this is deep shitskin territory we're talking here.
- The USA did it.
- Catastrophic Mechanical Failure.
- Putin did it.
- The Aussies did it.
- Controlled-Flight-Into-Terrain (CFIT), unintentionally or otherwise.
- Ball Lightning.
- Aliens did it.
- Meteor Impact.
- Najib Razak did it.
- Tony Abbott did it.
- Kim Jong-un did it.
- The Twilight Zone.
- SpongeBob did it.
- The Jews did it. (Just like WTC)
- Bermuda Triangle.
- Rothschild did it.
- IN SOVIET RUSSIA, THEORIES PLAUSE YOU!
- HAARP weather and mind control efforts proved successful - as always.
- The pilots somehow discovered warp speed, or some kind of Stargate, and the plane's crew is currently being gangraped by aliens way past Andromeda right now.
- Iran did it.
- Obama did it - not as in, had covert agents plant undetectable C4 on luggage - no, our alleged "president" actually literally boarded the plane and hijacked it Rambo-style. He then diverted the plane into the sun and bailed out in the only parachute right before impact. For the lulz. Still second to Osama on the high score table, though.
- The Chinese did it.
- W did it.
- The American military seized the plane and has it held on some island.
- The plane really landed in China. All those concerned family and loved ones you see on television? They're paid Crisis Actor shills, and this is all a ruse to keep the press silent from the NWO False Flag Attacks in Crimea that will trigger WW3 and a Russian Invasion of the US. Quick, you know the drill! Grab SKS, Go Innawoods. Who Dares Wins. Buy our exclusive gold investor's kit today!
- CIA did it.
- A giant shark took it.
- YOU did it!
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370 is part of a series on
Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage.
Malaysia Airlines Flight 370
is part of a series on
[Go Live One]