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A Womyn's Guide to Males

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For a less vaginahurt article, go here

Men in Pain.gif

If she can do it, so can you.

Throughout the ages, females have had to deal with the weaker sex's deluding themselves into thinking they control the world. Previously, females have had to resort to using their breasts and other regions in order to curry favor from these knuckle-dragging troglodytes. Luckily today, there are alternatives when it comes to controlling these males. Let this article—A Womyn's Guide To Males—serve as your personal reference tool as you navigate your way through a world filled with the mindless masses of flesh we call men.

Even in a relationship, you must keep them on a short leash.

The Key to Understanding Men[edit]

A male's ultimate goal in life.
The male brain in a nutshell nutsack.

Men love their cocks. Literally everything they do can be traced back to a desperate need to get their dicks wet. Penises can be tamed using sounding, docking, and other methods. Men who enjoy these practices will beg for more, in which case treatment should be withheld. Men who do not enjoy such practices should be treated until they do.

Remember: If you control the penis, you control the man.

Trolling Men[edit]

Accordingly, trolling men is incredibly easy—simply suggest that there is something wrong with their penis. Too small, too big, too circumcised, too soft—the list goes on and on. To fully exploit the power of male penile insecurity, simply cut them off. Other ways to exploit males include:

Training Males[edit]

With the correct training, men will be willing to slice off their own dicks to prove how manly they are.

Males have two primary functions: going to war, and fucking. Here is how to correctly train males to try and fail slightly less.


Males are naturally violent. While little boys enjoy playing war games, once they grow into men and play IRL war games they suddenly complain about being traumatized. Therefore, the solution is to toughen them up while they are still young.

Some argue men should only take jobs in the White House or in Iraq; otherwise, they are known as faggots for doing what women are socially permitted to do; a woman who kills ragheaded terrorists is considered normal and treated as a war veteran, but a man foolish enough to become a hairdresser will be considered a faggot by all sane men (and rightfully so).


There is a myth when it comes to males and fucking; men believe that the more sex they have, the more manly they are. This is only partially true; while men follow their dicks around blindly, once they are actually in the company of a willing female, they suddenly become coy because they know full well they cannot perform properly.

On exceptionally rare occasions, women will want to have sex while the man does not. Instead of spending money on a hooker, the woman should simply force-feed him Viagra and mount. Men think they cannot be raped because they have complete control over their erection (O RLY?). This also means that should a man fail to perform (even if he claims he does not want to), this is his own fault, and it makes him completely worthless. The solution is simple.

Far more often, however, a man will want to mate when a woman has more important things to do. Withholding sex is a great way to make men do what you wish. However, this is only a temporary solution—if the man cannot get sex for a long period of time (or even if he can), he is likely to have an affair. At this point the only solution is castration.

Defective Sexual Behaviour[edit]

The three most common form of defective sexual behavior in males are: latent homosexuality, pedophilia, and excessive masturbation.

Many males will ask a female for anal sex, or to preform oral sex. Any man who asks for such are highly likely to be a homosexual: as real men only like pussy.

Another frequent deviation among men is that they only like very young females, presumably because these girls are too young to know how to keep males in their place. To correct this behavior, traps must be employed. Not only will this shock the naturally homophobic male, the trap will learn that men should not be trusted.

Due to their over-dramatic homophobic tendancies and lack of use in human reproduction (see below) men are secretly homosexual, and will gladly suck their own cocks if they could. But, because the Goddess actually had a sense of humor and gave them small dongs and two many ribs, men had to use their limited intelligence to come up with inventions that would benefit them.

UPDATE: Men are No Longer Needed to Make Babies[edit]

Parthenogenesis means conceiving without sperm, meaning men have no practical purpose when it comes to mating but should be used as sex toys and discarded when they become unsanitary. Some women still like to keep males around for sexual purposes—because science has not yet created a dildo that can make you breakfast.

So-called Men's Rights[edit]

If only.
A Womyn's Guide to Male: "The Young Girl's Edition"


Masculinists are the male equivalent of feminists, and like everyone else who has been oppressed by The Man Women, they are under the impression that their rights are being taken away from them.

Over the course of history, men—especially white men—have been oppressed by women to a far greater degree than women have been oppressed by men. While women throughout the world have to face only minor inconveniences such as:

Men have to suffer genuine horror such as:

  • Paying for child support

Others say that men, unlike women, face war, even while it has such a destabilizing effect on their minds. This is 99.9% bullshit because joining the army is voluntary; women do it without complaint and men like to claim they make better leaders, anyway. One may attempt to counter this is by saying that drafts have always targeted men and still exist in certain places, but those drafts are being initiated, controlled, perpetuated, or enabled by men, so they only have themselves to blame.

Defective Males[edit]

Some males like tits a little too much.
How homosexuals see other males.

Chauvinists AKA "Alpha Males"[edit]

All males are chauvinists, but some are more chauvinistic than others. If you have attempted to train your male and he is still under the impression that man and women should be equal (or worse, that men are superior to women), then he will have to be forced to undergo sensitivity training. If that does not work, simply redirect him here.


Instead of craving tight wet vagina, these males are sexually aroused by other males: some cases being worse than others. Some homosexuals act in a very feminine manner and even take it up the ass in a pathetic attempt to better themselves. Other homosexuals believe females are obsolete and the world would be better off without them. Luckily, such a world would not last long—while females can breed with other females (see above)—males cannot be bred with each other.


Ex-men have excellent disguises.

All transsexuals are mentally ill and evil people. While female-to-male (FTM) transsexuals simply have low self-esteem, male-to-female (MTF) transexuals, AKA "shemales", are under the impression that they can somehow better themselves by becoming women. Sadly, a man without a penis is not a woman: just a male with no reason to live. MTF transsexuals should be euthanized as quickly as possible.

Other Common Problems[edit]

Videos of Typical Masculine Behaviour[edit]

Men are pigs.
Some All men actually enjoy these.

Man robs sex toy store by driving through it.

Trolling Men[edit]

Cutting off a man's cock in his sleep is awwwright! Post this everywhere to troll men.

Trolling men is as easy as cutting their penises off or kicking them in the balls.

Thousands of men were butthurt over this video

On July 12th, 2011, an Azn womyn named Catherine Kieu Becker was distraught over her husband's plan of divorcing her, and decided to do what any strong, angry woman would do—drug him, tie him to his bed, then CUT HIS FUCKING DICK OFF AND PUT IT IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. Afterwards she immediately called the cops claiming she did it for the lulz. Even though the man lost his cock, many still believe she should undergo therapy instead of spending life in prison.

Delicious Copypasta[edit]

For Men Who Think Their Girlfriends Are So In Love With Them[edit]

Sex is not part of a relationship: on the contrary, it is a solitary experience, non-creative, a gross waste of time. The female can easily -- far more easily than she may think -- condition away her sex drive, leaving her completely cool and cerebral and free to pursue truly worthy relationships and activities; but the male, who seems to dig women sexually and who seeks out constantly to arouse them, stimulates the highly sexed female to frenzies of lust, throwing her into a sex bag from which few women ever escape. The lecherous male excited the lustful female; he has to -- when the female transcends her body, rises above animalism, the male, whose ego consists of his cock, will disappear.

Sex is the refuge of the mindless. And the more mindless the woman, the more deeply embedded in the male `culture', in short, the nicer she is, the more sexual she is. The nicest women in our `society' are raving sex maniacs. But, being just awfully, awfully nice, they don't, of course descend to fucking -- that's uncouth -- rather they make love, commune by means of their bodies and establish sensual rapport; the literary ones are attuned to the throb of Eros and attain a clutch upon the Universe; the religious have spiritual communion with the Divine Sensualism; the mystics merge with the Erotic Principle and blend with the Cosmos, and the acid heads contact their erotic cells.

On the other hand, those females least embedded in the male `Culture', the least nice, those crass and simple souls who reduce fucking to fucking, who are too childish for the grown-up world of suburbs, mortgages, mops and baby shit, too selfish to raise kids and husbands, too uncivilized to give a shit for anyones opinion of them, too arrogant to respect Daddy, the `Greats' or the deep wisdom of the Ancients, who trust only their own animal, gutter instincts, who equate Culture with chicks, whose sole diversion is prowling for emotional thrills and excitement, who are given to disgusting, nasty upsetting `scenes', hateful, violent bitches given to slamming those who unduly irritate them in the teeth, who'd sink a shiv into a man's chest or ram an icepick up his asshole as soon as look at him, if they knew they could get away with it, in short, those who, by the standards of our `culture' are SCUM... these females are cool and relatively cerebral and skirting asexuality.

Unhampered by propriety, niceness, discretion, public opinion, `morals', the respect of assholes, always funky, dirty, low-down SCUM gets around... and around and around... they've seen the whole show -- every bit of it -- the fucking scene, the dyke scene -- they've covered the whole waterfront, been under every dock and pier -- the peter pier, the pussy pier... you've got to go through a lot of sex to get to anti-sex, and SCUM's been through it all, and they're now ready for a new show; they want to crawl out from other the dock, move, take off, sink out. But SCUM doesn't yet prevail; SCUM's still in the gutter of our `society', which, if it's not deflected from its present course and if the Bomb doesn't drop on it, will hump itself to death.

For Men Who Think They're Creative Geniuses[edit]

The male `artist' attempts to solve his dilemma of not being able to live, of not being female, by constructing a highly artificial world in which the male is heroized, that is, displays female traits, and the female is reduced to highly limited, insipid subordinate roles, that is, to being male.

The male `artistic' aim being, not to communicate (having nothing inside him he has nothing to say), but to disguise his animalism, he resorts to symbolism and obscurity (`deep' stuff). The vast majority of people, particularly the `educated' ones, lacking faith in their own judgment, humble, respectful of authority (`Daddy knows best'), are easily conned into believing that obscurity, evasiveness, incomprehensibility, indirectness, ambiguity and boredom are marks of depth and brilliance.

`Great Art' proves that men are superior to women, that men are women, being labeled `Great Art', almost all of which, as the anti-feminists are fond of reminding us, was created by men. We know that `Great Art' is great because male authorities have told us so, and we can't claim otherwise, as only those with exquisite sensitivities far superior to ours can perceive and appreciated the slop they appreciated.

Appreciating is the sole diversion of the `cultivated'; passive and incompetent, lacking imagination and wit, they must try to make do with that; unable to create their own diversions, to create a little world of their own, to affect in the smallest way their environments, they must accept what's given; unable to create or relate, they spectate. Absorbing `culture' is a desperate, frantic attempt to groove in an ungroovy world, to escape the horror of a sterile, mindless, existence. `Culture' provides a sop to the egos of the incompetent, a means of rationalizing passive spectating; they can pride themselves on their ability to appreciate the `finer' things, to see a jewel where this is only a turd (they want to be admired for admiring). Lacking faith in their ability to change anything, resigned to the status quo, they have to see beauty in turds because, so far as they can see, turds are all they'll ever have.

The veneration of `Art' and `Culture' -- besides leading many women into boring, passive activity that distracts from more important and rewarding activities, from cultivating active abilities, and leads to the constant intrusion on our sensibilities of pompous dissertations on the deep beauty of this and that turn. This allows the `artist' to be setup as one possessing superior feelings, perceptions, insights and judgments, thereby undermining the faith of insecure women in the value and validity of their own feelings, perceptions, insights and judgments.

The male, having a very limited range of feelings, and consequently, very limited perceptions, insights and judgments, needs the `artist' to guide him, to tell him what life is all about. But the male `artist' being totally sexual, unable to relate to anything beyond his own physical sensations, having nothing to express beyond the insight that for the male life is meaningless and absurd, cannot be an artist. How can he who is not capable of life tell us what life is all about? A `male artist' is a contradiction in terms. A degenerate can only produce degenerate `art'. The true artist is every self-confident, healthy female, and in a female society the only Art, the only Culture, will be conceited, kooky, funky, females grooving on each other and on everything else in the universe.

For Men Who Think They're "Daring Individualists"[edit]

Having no sense of right and wrong, no conscience, which can only stem from having an ability to empathize with others... having no faith in his non-existent self, being unnecessarily competitive, and by nature, unable to co-operate, the male feels a need for external guidance and control. So he created authorities -- priests, experts, bosses, leaders, etc -- and government. Wanting the female (Mama) to guide him, but unable to accept this fact (he is, after all, a MAN), wanting to play Woman, to usurp her function as Guider and Protector, he sees to it that all authorities are male.

There's no reason why a society consisting of rational beings capable of empathizing with each other, complete and having no natural reason to compete, should have a government, laws or leaders.

Although he wants to be an individual, the male is scared of anything in himself that is the slightest bit different from other men, it causes him to suspect that he's not really a `Man', that he's passive and totally sexual, a highly upsetting suspicion. If other men are "A" and he's not, he must not be a man; he must be a fag. So he tries to affirm his `Manhood' by being like all the other men. Differentness in other men, as well as himself, threatens him; it means they're fags whom he must at all costs avoid, so he tries to make sure that all other men conform.

The male dares to be different to the degree that he accepts his passivity and his desire to be female, his fagginess. The farthest out male is the drag queen, but he, although different from most men, is exactly like all the other drag queens like the functionalist, he has an identity -- he is female. He tries to define all his troubles away -- but still no individuality. Not completely convinced that he's a woman, highly insecure about being sufficiently female, he conforms compulsively to the man-made stereotype, ending up as nothing but a bundle of stilted mannerisms.

To be sure he's a `Man', the male must see to it that the female be clearly a `Woman', the opposite of a `Man', that is, the female must act like a faggot. And Daddy's Girl, all of whose female instincts were wrenched out of her when little, easily and obligingly adapts herself to the role.

Our society is not a community, but merely a collection of isolated family units. Desperately insecure, fearing his woman will leave him if she is exposed to other men or to anything remotely resembling life, the male seeks to isolate her from other men and from what little civilization there is, so he moves her out to the suburbs, a collection of self-absorbed couples and their kids. Isolation enables him to try to maintain his pretense of being an individual nu becoming a `rugged individualist', a loner, equating non-cooperation and solitariness with individuality.

There is yet another reason for the male to isolate himself: every man is an island. Trapped inside himself, emotionally isolated, unable to relate, the male has a horror of civilization, people, cities, situations requiring an ability to understand and relate to people. So like a scared rabbit, he scurries off, dragging Daddy's little asshole with him to the wilderness, suburbs, or, in the case of the hippy -- he's way out, Man! -- all the way out to the cow pasture where he can fuck and breed undisturbed and mess around with his beads and flute.

The `hippy', whose desire to be a `Man', a `rugged individualist', isn't quite as strong as the average man's, and who, in addition, is excited by the thought having lots of women accessible to him, rebels against the harshness of a Breadwinner's life and the monotony of one woman. In the name of sharing and cooperation, he forms a commune or tribe, which, for all its togetherness and partly because of it, (the commune, being an extended family, is an extended violation of the female's rights, privacy and sanity) is no more a community than normal `society'.

A true community consists of individuals -- not mere species members, not couples -- respecting each others individuality and privacy, at the same time interacting with each other mentally and emotionally -- free spirits in free relation to each other -- and co-operating with each other to achieve common ends. Traditionalists say the basic unit of `society' is the family; `hippies' say the tribe; no one says the individual.

The `hippy' babbles on about individuality, but has no more conception of it than any other man. He desires to get back to Nature, back to the wilderness, back to the home of furry animals that he's one of, away from the city, where there is at least a trace, a bare beginning of civilization, to live at the species level, his time taken up with simple, non-intellectual activities -- farming, fucking, bead stringing. The most important activity of the commune, the one upon which it is based, is gang-banging. The `hippy' is enticed to the commune mainly by the prospect for free pussy -- the main commodity to be shared, to be had just for the asking, but, blinded by greed, he fails to anticipate all the other men he has to share with, or the jealousies and possessiveness for the pussies themselves.

Men cannot co-operate to achieve a common end, because each man's end is all the pussy for himself. The commune, therefore, is doomed to failure; each `hippy' will, in panic, grad the first simpleton who digs him and whisks her off to the suburbs as fast as he can. The male cannot progress socially, but merely swings back and forth from isolation to gang-banging.

For Religious And "Intellectual" Men[edit]

The male's inability to relate to anybody or anything makes his life pointless and meaningless (the ultimate male insight is that life is absurd), so he invented philosophy and religion. Being empty, he looks outward, not only for guidance and control, but for salvation and for the meaning of life. Happiness being for him impossible on this earth, he invented Heaven.

For a man, having no ability to empathize with others and being totally sexual, `wrong' is sexual `license' and engaging in `deviant' (`unmanly') sexual practices, that is, not defending against his passivity and total sexuality which, if indulged, would destroy `civilization', since `civilization' is based entirely upon the male need to defend himself against these characteristics. For a woman (according to men), `wrong' is any behavior that would entice men into sexual `license' -- that is, not placing male needs above her own and not being a faggot.

Religion not only provides the male with a goal (Heaven) and helps keep women tied to men, but offers rituals through which he can try to expiate the guilt and shame he feels at not defending himself enough against his sexual impulses; in essence, that guilt and shame he feels at being male.

Most men men, utterly cowardly, project their inherent weaknesses onto women, label them female weaknesses and believe themselves to have female strengths; most philosophers, not quite so cowardly, face the fact that make lacks exist in men, but still can't face the fact that they exist in men only. So they label the male condition the Human Condition, post their nothingness problem, which horrifies them, as a philosophical dilemma, thereby giving stature to their animalism, grandiloquently label their nothingness their `Identity Problem', and proceed to prattle on pompously about the `Crisis of the Individual', the `Essence of Being', `Existence preceding Essence', `Existential Modes of Being', etc. etc.

A woman not only takes her identity and individuality for granted, but knows instinctively that the only wrong is to hurt others, and that the meaning of life is love.

Having an obsessive desire to be admired by women, but no intrinsic worth, the make constructs a highly artificial society enabling him to appropriate the appearance of worth through money, prestige, `high' social class, degrees, professional position and knowledge and, by pushing as many other men as possible down professionally, socially, economically, and educationally.

The purpose of `higher' education is not to educate but to exclude as many as possible from the various professions.

The male, totally physical, incapable of mental rapport, although able to understand and use knowledge and ideas, is unable to relate to them, to grasp them emotionally: he does not value knowledge and ideas for their own sake (they're just means to ends) and, consequently, feels no need for mental companions, no need to cultivate the intellectual potentialities of others. On the contrary, the male has a vested interest in ignorance; it gives the few knowledgeable men a decided edge on the unknowledgeable ones, and besides, the male knows that an enlightened, aware female population will mean the end of him. The healthy, conceited female wants the company of equals whom she can respect and groove on; the male and the sick, insecure, unself-confident male female crave the company of worms.

No genuine social revolution can be accomplished by the male, as the male on top wants the status quo, and all the male on the bottom wants is to be the male on top. The male `rebel' is a farce; this is the male's `society', made by him to satisfy his needs. He's never satisfied, because he's not capable of being satisfied. Ultimately, what the male `rebel' is rebelling against is being male. The male changes only when forced to do so by technology, when he has no choice, when `society' reaches the stage where he must change or die. We're at that stage now; if women don't get their asses in gear fast, we may very well all die.

Every male's deep-seated, secret, most hideous fear is of being discovered to be not a female, but a male, a subhuman animal. Although niceness, politeness and `dignity' suffice to prevent his exposure on a personal level, in order to prevent the general exposure of the male sex as a whole and to maintain his unnatural dominant position position in `society', the male must resort to:

1. Censorship. Responding reflexively to isolated works and phrases rather than cereberally to overall meanings, the male attempts to prevent the arousal and discovery of his animalism by censoring not only `pornography', but any work containing `dirty' words, no matter in what context they are used.

2. Suppression of all ideas and knowledge that might expose him or threaten his dominant position in `society'. Much biological and psychological data is suppressed, because it is proof of the male's gross inferiority to the female. Also, the problem of mental illness will never be solved while the male maintains control, because first, men have a vested interest in it -- only females who have very few of their marbles will allow males the slightest bit of control over anything, and second, the male cannot admit to the role that fatherhood plays in causing mental illness.

3. Exposes. The male's chief delight in life -- insofar as the tense, grim male can ever be said to delight in anything -- is in exposing others. It doesn't' much matter what they're exposed as, so long as they're exposed; it distracts attention from himself. Exposing others as enemy agents (Communists and Socialists) is one of his favorite pastimes, as it removes the source of the threat to him not only from himself, but from the country and the Western world. The bugs up his ass aren't in him, they're in Russia.

For Racists[edit]

The male needs scapegoats onto whom he can project his failings and inadequacies and upon whom he can vent his frustration at not being female. And the vicarious discriminations have the practical advantage of substantially increasing the pussy pool available to the men on top.


Men Are A Disease[edit]

George Carlin causes massive butthurt to poor men by explaining why men are insecure egotistical pricks and failed human beings.


Men, like Slurpees, they come in a variety of flavors:

Ways To Properly Treat Men[edit]

List of Butthurt ED Users[edit]

Don't edit this article, saying it's full of crap or likewise. I learnt my lesson, and am hereby, formally sorry.


Manlyslut showing what a pussy he is.

Can't we make fun of men without making this a pro-feminist shit?


—Males are often more frightened of female empowerment than looking like fools.

It should be rewritten, deleted or redirected. It's got 2 days from now to become a totally different article or it is going in the trash.


Zaiger showing that ED is uncensored unless it makes the Admins butthurt.

Although there are many articles on Encyclopedia Dramatica mocking the batshit-insane femicunts inhabiting the internets, some users simply could not stand the fact there is an article revealing the inner-workings of the Neanderthal brain. If you should come across such users, please feel free to splatter their page with {{blargh}} and remind them that they will never, ever get any pussy, not even from their step-mothers. These include:

See Also[edit]

And if all else fails...

The Problem[edit]

The Solution[edit]

In Conclusion[edit]


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