Mari Iijima, better known by her real name Lynn Minmay, is a Los Angeles based singer, songwriter, pianist, composer, and actual anime character who has spent the last 30 years of her life "moving on" from being typecast due to her lead role in the landmark 80s anime series Macross. Her primary method of moving on is by telling her legions of Macross fantards that she no longer wants to be looked at as Lynn Minmei and that she will also be appearing at MacrossWorld convention this year to promote her new album.
—Mari, when a fan makes a Macross reference.
Mari Iijima was born in 1982 when she was created as Lynn Minmay, anything that happened in her life before that is merely a time disturbance caused by space fold travel. As Lynn Minmay, she played the role of an extremely popular, obnoxious teenage singer who was obsessively lovesick with a pilot and could subdue enemy battleships with her voice. Two of these traits would follow her throughout the rest of her life, specifically "obnoxious" and "singer".
When she was first cast for the gig, Mari was under the presumption that it would be a small role and something to earn a few yen. Thus, it came to her surprise when the series achieved wide-spread popularity throughout the country, and unbeknownst to her, the entire world. Mari had no intentions of being a professional voice actor, her passion was in music.
Of course, achieving worldwide fame as a fictional singer helped her music career, as everyone was familiar with her work so marketing new music was pretty easy. A few of her albums hit the top 10 charts in Japan. However instead of riding the wave, she began to resent the fact that the only people buying the album were autistic Macross fans and they wouldn't stop asking her why her hair wasn't blue.
Mari is known for one thing and one thing only: Lynn Minmay. Had she embraced that and did additional voice overs she would have undoubtedly been successful, in her mind it was more fulfilling to pursue the fictional dreams of Minmay and become a superstar singer. Since authoring the rant above back in 2008, she has appeared at numerous Macross and anime conventions to promote her music.
Complete History of Mari's Voice Over Career:
- 1982: Macross
- 1984: Macross
- 2006: Macross
- 2013: Macross, the video game
Mari had enough of the fanboys, packed her shit and moved to Los Angeles. Surely nobody knows about anime in the United States, right? Upon arrival, she was instantly greeted to the warm embrace of hundreds of thousands of Robotech fans, the name given to the English version of Macross.
Her English albums didn't get much attention because it sounds like hours of love songs sung by Ms. Swan. For the next decade she would go largely unnoticed, and play for a dwindling number of fans at various Los Angeles music clubs since anime fans do not leave the basement under any circumstances. She has developed an unusual pseudo-American accent when singing Japanese, and has been described by critics of having the mannerisms of an old lady (protip: she's 51). In 2009, she went against the advice of her talent agent and fought valiantly for a two second role in a Pepsi commercial. As of 2010, she was still waiting for her big break.
—Highly qualified advice.
One may wonder why, after so many years, she never caught that big break. The simple answer is that went from superstar kawaii pop idol to granny weeaboo with denture problems in the span of 30 years. But don't take our word for it, you be the judge.
She still offers piano lessons at the low low cost of $100 per hour.
—Inconvenienced by Fukushima.
The majority, if not all, of Mari's performances are at bars or anime conventions. Once a year, she applies to perform at SXSW, a music festival in Texas. Once a year, SXSW declines her request. Mari handles this in the most professional way possible.
To better promote herself, Mari has taken to social media in order to argue with her fanbase and share mundane details about her personal life. Over the past few years, she has proven to be an exact real-life replica of the anime character she has frivolously tried to escape. Her timeline is chock full of desperate pleas for attention, getting mad at her fans, getting mad at her parents, cringe worthy displays of hopeless optimism, blaming her period, blaming the industry, blaming Macross, taking selfies with her bunny rabbit whom she has declared is a suitable replacement for her ex-husband, and comparing herself to a prostitute.
Most prevalent is her insistence that everyone just LET IT GO. Unbeknownst to her, she is dealing with the autistic who will be building shrines and quoting Macross long after she is dead.
—Mari, her own #1 fan
—Maybe it's alzheimers.
Producing a new album that nobody listens to every year for 30 years is a daunting task, but not if your name is Mari Iijima and you ignore the basic principal of quality over quantity. It's also very important that you micro-manage every stage of the production process to make sure any disturbances (see also: suggestions) in your work are nipped in the bud.
Since her divorce and her twin sons graduating college, Mari has found companionship in two things. Arguing with fans on facebook, and her bunny rabbit which cannot argue back. A contributing factor in Mari being ruthlessly typecast as Lynn Minmay throughout her life is that she acts exactly like a 16 year old girl. Occasionally, Mari forgets to take her meds and has a public bout with depression. Thankfully these do not last long, as she quickly remembers her missed dose and travels back to fantasy la-la land where she's still an ambitious young singer who will someday become the biggest music star in the world.
Like any teenager, her bouts of depression are followed by attention seeking and like whoring. Her army of white knights have no qualms with giving her what she wants. She has managed to rack up so many pity points that there is simply no safe place on the internet to critisize her work, as evident by this /m/ thread. Despite the countless public beatdowns delivered to fanboys, alas Mari can do no wrong and is forever guarded by the ghosts of nostalgia past.
One thing that Mari did which Lynn Minmay did not do however is replace her lover with a rabbit. This love is a double edged sword, as she can be found complaining that her rabbit gets more likes than her music. It takes a special kind of performer to get out shined by a bunny, and one is left to ponder if she'd have better luck letting Bun-kun produce her music.
One way that Mari subconsciously typecasts herself as Minmay is that she starves herself of God-given meat to maintain the physique of a 16 year old girl. This may also be a subconscious attempt to actually become one with the rabbit.
How to Troll Minmay
- Quote Macross.
- No really, it's that easy.
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