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Karl Marx

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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My first homosexual experience was at the age of 12 with my supple young cousin Egbert. I remember his glistening wet body as we exited the swimming pool at my Nan Nan's estate. I knew from that moment that I wanted to be the biggest flamingist faggot ever to write pandering political trash. And although I never amounted to anything worth while in my own life, I take solace in the fact that no man can be said to have fit as many cocks in his mouth at once as had Karl Marx!
 

 
 

—Karl Marx

Karl Marx, the founder of communism. Karl Marx then (left), Karl Marx now (right).
Santa Claus in a 19th century woodcut.

Karl Marx was a Jewish conspirator whose conspiracy has been causing Lulz since he started writing and years after his death. After a few years agitating and lulzing for revolution in his home country he moved to Manchester, London where he spent his days impregnating his maid and doing the research it takes to troll the fuck out of the entire world...approx. 30 years in a library.(Although he never manged to actually finish his Magnum Opus of lulzness, Das Kapital) In conclusion, he was the kind of guy you could have fun with provided you like troll research and booz, unlike his sterile and humorless followers (see: Communism).

Epic Troll

The college years.

Marx was born into a wealthy and jewish family, and inevitably became an Angsty teenager, who became overwhelmingly pissed at his parents, as well as the rest of the upper class, and rebelled by writing a lot of shitty philosophy. Nowadays, most teenagers would resort to cutting, but the jews of the 19th century were not able to have proper healthcare, he was forced to find another method of relief instead. Apparently he failed to find a proper one, and was on the verge of being an isolated basement-dweller like you. Fortunately he managed to conceal his jewness by converting to christianity, and granted a college admission. Little pissed, he decided to troll the shit out of the Europeans and subsequently the rest of the world as a revenge, forging up a lulzful joke called Communism. He is considered the grandfather of the nerd scene by being the first nerd prototype. Some philosophers suggest a correlation between communism, nerd, and flagrant buttsecks. Afterwards Marx became an athiestleftard.

Marx’s dad refused to pay for a literature and philosophy degree at the local institute and forced him to major in law. Marx did what every kid new at college did and got a one year degree as the president of the local drinking club. After failing out of the local community college, his father got him into another university so that Karl could straighten out. Karl, instead of learning law, decided to troll the local philosophy club called the Young Hegelians in what is known as the greatest troll ever. Karl joined the group, learned what they believed, and then founded an entire philosophy on the fact that they were wrong. Every book Karl wrote in his lifetime pointed out that these guys were losers, and that his philosophy pwned theirs.

One day when he was suffering from a bit of Troll's Remorse he decided to give the Hegelians a break, and instead trolled his mentor Bruno Bauer instead. Bruno was a mentor and close friend of Marx who even left Germany with Marx when Marx was thrown out for being a general pain in the ass. This trust that Bruno had only made the Lulz even better, Marx used all the knowladge he gained from Bruno to destroy Bruno's work "The Jewish Problem" in an intellectual ass whooping. The ass whooping was so successful that the only people who have even bothered to read and translate Bauer's work were the jews (no serisly, they are the only one’s who translated it, and only once in 1950 for a Jewish Masters thesis), while Karls response is still trolling the shit out of his old mentor in every language.

After thirty years of trolling the Hegelian's every chance he got, Marx's epic troll plan came to completion. He wrote his Magus Opus "Das Kapital" which all of his followers anxiously awaited. In an amazing troll turnaround Marx stated in the preface said that while it was fine that he trolled the Hegelian's, everyone who was doing it now were "ill-humored, arrogant and ugly epigones" and because they were so lame he was now a "Pupil of that mighty thinker." This caused much butthurt among those who were trying to be cool like Marx, and Marx succeeded in Trolling everyone at once.

Communism

Marx's thoughts on your mom.


   
 
All I know is that I am not a Marxist.
 

 
 

—Karl Marx, on the philosophy of Communism.

Instead of becoming a maniacal Jewish banker, he partnered with Friedrich Engels to invent Communism, evoking many lulz from his contemporaries. Marx and Engels theorized that human society was driven by a mechanism they designated class struggle, whereby the rich alienate the poor, and smoke lots of expensive cigars in their enormous, lavish mansions, LOL. Man, the high life sounds good!

Marx's communist writings were a precursor to Dungeons & Dragons. Unlike D&D, Marx only allowed for two classes, "proletariat" and "bourgeoisie", and players could not choose which class they started out as. Dungeons & Dragons dropped these two classes and replaced them with better, more interesting ones; however, much of the fantasy atmosphere was carried on from Marx's original writings.

Marx's philosophy was ridiculed to no end, so he ultimately moved from city to city throughout Europe, believing himself to be "misunderstood".

Many practitioners of soft sciences; mainly psychology and psycho-analysis have studied Marx's concept of 'alienation' in great depth which resulted in an overwhelming consensus that the concept is in fact a Freudian projection of Marx's own feelings concerning his identity and childhood within society onto the rest of the world, in short nobody liked the cunt.

Communism is heralded as teh best philosophy evar by leftards, and the terminally lazy. This may be because of Karl Marx's Beats By Dre headphones hairstyle and neckbearded appearance, and the general fact that even Marx himself had no idea what he was talking about beyond an opinion on how an economy should work. It should also be noted that feminists enjoy saying "Kill All Men", despite Marx being a man and practically starting feminism.

Drama

Reppin' the Proletariat 4lyf yo'.

13 year old boys think that Trolling communities devoted to Marxism can be performed with ease. These individuals can be easily identified by their use of any of the following tactics... followed by "LOL I Troll You!" in a failed attempt to regain some notion of dignity:

  • Mentioning the failure of the Soviet Union.
  • Mentioning China's booming, capitalist economy (compared to the utter shithole it was when Mao Zedong was in charge).
  • Try and demonstrate how socialism has turned Europe into an ineffectual bloated bureaucracy.
  • Saying Marx is a dirty nerd who needs to bathe.
  • Come up with some bullshit about how Marx would have loved the Soviet Union and the People's China. Make sure to say he was probably gay or smoked too much reefer. The more falsified information you present the lulzier it will be.

While requiring a little more knowledge of Marx’s philosophy, posing as a Marxist can result in much lulz and butthurt in the right communities.

  • Go to any Ayn Rand community and mention that she left Russia because her greedy Jew blood couldn't deal with the lack of a lower class to rape. Let them know that her writings prove Soviet Russia succeeded in giving people equality, and she had to come to the U.S. so she could succeed in her evil plan. Pro-tip: let them know that you have read the Protocols of the Elders of Zion and you wonder how anyone could question its legitimacy after reading Ayn Rand’s works.
  • If you encounter a Nazi tell them that blacks and whites are both part of the proletariat and racism is just a bourgeois plot to keep us from uniting and defending our mutual class interests…call them a bourgeois spy if they disagree with you, and let them know you are on to their conspiracy.
  • Ask any English speaker how that economy is doing, and mention that they should have listened to Marx when they had the chance. If they mention free market at all, just start laughing.
  • While trolling as a Marxist, if anyone disagrees with you:
    • mention that the American Economy proves that free market fails, and that the labor theory of value is the only proven economic formula... start quoting "Capital Vol. 3" to prove your point Pro-tip: no one has read Vol. 3, so you can say anything you want.
    • if they try and talk about his philosophy, tell them they sound just like Hegel, who Marx totally disproved. If they counter that, tell them that everyone knows the "Knox" translations of Hegel's works were full of lies and they should do better research in the future. Disregard everything they say after that.
    • in neo-Nazi sites mention Dialectic reasoning "According to dialectics... etc." if you get no response or a Huh? let them know that they obviously haven't read Mein Kampf and call them posers (Hitler talked extensively about Dialectic's in his book).

See Also

External Links

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