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From Encyclopedia Dramatica
The Commonwealth of Massachusetts pronounced: "MASSIVE JEW TITS" is located in the
of A and is
secretly (not anymore lololol) the gayest state in the
country. Although everyone knee-jerkedly accuses
Kommiefornia (which has its fair share
of conservatives, btw) of being the gayest
state in the union, Massachusetts, or Mass as
many people prefer to shorten it, is more than happy
to let gays marry in holy matrimony in the name of our
lord and savior Al Gore; as long as they aren't black that is. Cali, meanwhile, still
says that they can go fuck themselves, but not each other.
Originally settled (for at least 100 years) by a tribe of Indians called the Massachusett, Massachusetts was discovered in the 1500's by ponces, wankers and prats from England, aka the Pilgrims, or the White Devil. Shortly after these settlers set about fagging the place up, a group of Puritans came and forced Jesus on the new colony, lulz. After successfully defagging the colony, the Puritans set about pwning all of the original inhabitants of the area via smallpox, alcohol and permabanning. During this period of time, there were numerous successfully violent raids for great justice on French-owned, mega-fag Canadia to its north.
When the Puritans got sick of their admins in England, they started a revolution to free themselves. The source of much lulz for a couple of years, the British were pwned out of Massachusetts Bay, vowing to come back to subvert them via gayness and furries at some point in the 20th century. This patriotic fervor is a rallying point for conservative rednecks all around the United States, despite the fact that they all hate Massachusetts for being so unabashedly liberal.
With its massive population of disposable Irish and Italian immigrants as well as a large stockpile of escaped black person, Massachusetts became one of the most important industrial centers in the world. Transcendentalism, a precursor to hippy new age bullshit and paradoxically to agnosticism, started in Massachusetts at this time. Massachusetts was also a focal point of abolitionism and temperance: while about half of the state schoolmarmishly scolded the other half for indulging in booze and hookers, the other half decided it was time to throw down and IRL flame wars (as the internets had not been invented yet) erupted, prompting widespread pwnage and rioting.
This fueled in many ways to the American Civil War, where the North decided that they didn't like the backwater, cousin-marrying, nigga-owning ways of their southern subordinates, and the South decided they'd had enough of the limp-wristed, free-loving intellectual bullshit candy-pants faggotry from the pussies to the north. Inexplicably, these candy-pants faggots pwned the Southerners badly, and to this day, the white portion of the South is still butthurt. During this period, Massachusetts created the 54th Volunteer Infantry, the first time in the history of the world when black person were given firearms and told to go nuts; this is now widely regarded, in hindsight, as a big mistake.
Massachusetts had made a name for itself making shoes and textiles, but by the onset of the 20th century, most of these jobs had gone to Good Korea and Vietnam. Because of this, Asians are advised against traveling to any city in Massachusetts other than Boston, because angst against the yellow peril still runs deep in the boonies.
Starting in the 1960's, Massachusetts decided that they were going to push their liberalism on the rest of the nation and the Jewish Illuminati (in alliance with the Furluminati) put up charismatic pretty-boy Massachusettsanian JFK, who set about trying to get everyone to cooperate with each other, going to Ireland to get drunk, going to Germany and proclaiming "ich bin ein berliner...und mein shorts are too short," and fucking Playmates with fearless aplomb. He got pwned in Texas by the CIA, Freemasons, Shriners, Jews, Fags, Cubans, Commies, and your mom.
This was a minor setback for Massachusetts, which despite being fairly small in both landmass and population, has managed to weasel its way into all sectors of National Government.
Massachusetts is also one of the worst draconian states in the union when it comes to child support collection and related enforcement tactics. Semi-annually they post wanted posters near convenience stores in many towns. The posters have photographs as well of the delinquent dads who cant work even if they wanted to because the state suspended their Driver's License and/or occupational licenses for failure to pay child support―go figure! The Dept. of Child Support's accounting methods are akin to nailing custard to a wall, thus resulting in many arrests of innocents. It was revealed in 1998 that at least 28% of paid support money did not make it to the custodial parent; it remained in the states coffers. DORCSE has been active even in extraditing debtors from other states to attempt collection while they are in jail―again, go figure. Hell, where else can you live where you buy a new car and have to take out a loan just to pay the excise tax to get it on the road? Planning on moving to the great Commonwealth of Ma.? Be advised! It's a twilight zone. Apartment buildings or rentals as we know them are rare in the state. Instead they have converted houses that are rented out to the best ass-kisser that applies for tenancy to the rental room or apartment conversion, then be prepared to pay a hefty first, last and separate unit deposit fee that never gets back to you if you move. Talk about being legislated to death! Christ, your car better be inspected, tagged, current and insured or it's off to jail you go, where you get to watch the TV news crews and lawmakers cry and lament that they need more taxes so they can build more buildings of incarceration to accommodate people that they arrest for things that quite frankly are akin to chewing gum in class and don't amount to anything except revenue for the state to help rehab violent offenders with early release to the streets. Yes, it's a paradise of grandeur and joy to reside in a community that measures you by what you have in your pocket and not in your heart.
If you are truly lucky, you will get an apartment ("apahtmnt") in a three-decker wood frame building ("triple deckah") that will be yours for life and you can pass on to your grandchildren when you turn thirty two.. These architectural masterpieces litter Massachusetts streets and some families even use the porch as an extra room. Most triple-deckers are inhabited by whites, leading many to believe that a "nigga wire" is installed across the threshold; however, Blue Hill Avenue in Mattapan and the entire city of Lowell have proven this theory wrong.
Massachusetts: it's not just Boston, god damn it
Although most non-Massachusettsanians assume that Massachusetts is all Boston and New York is an angry stone-throw across a river, Massachusetts does have other cities within it. So that you can contribute correctly to any dinner conversations that deviate to the geography of Massachusetts, here are a few of the other, non-Boston areas of Massachusetts that are little-known but of utmost cultural importance.
Please dont move here we have enough fags and fat fucks and the fuckin' town sucks
Named for some britfag town, Plymouth is famed for a rock, and some moldy fake boat that's the flagship of the US Navy. Plymouth is like over 9000 miles wide, and is turning into a new Hollywood, which includes a massive fag invasion and the building of a huge Walmart and Gap, the only stores fags shop at.
Named for the lead singer of the 1960's band The Raiders, Revere is located on the North Shore, which is North of Boston. Famous for local eateries that deep fry everything, and the most urbanized Townies in the world, Revere is best described as "wikkid pissah" buy its residents, and "wikkid retahdid" by everyone else. There's a wicked awesome supermarket there, according to rumor. Revere Beach is known for being an excellent alternative to a landfill if it's not trash day, or indoor toilet if yours isn't working. Revere is the perfect city to reside in if you're a cop killing Revere High wigger, but not if you're Danny Talbot.
A "art" town run by a whole bunch of man hating butch dikes, full of crazy people and pan handlers as well as jay walkers. 162% of Northampton residents have AIDS, though they still call it GRID for a good reason.
Concord is where all the rich fucks that feel like they need to pay for an expensive mailing address go. The town's schools, public and private, are well known and have strong reputations; by the time of their high school graduation, 95% of students have reached a third grade reading comprehension level, and almost 60% are able to go about their daily lives without wearing protective helmets. Concord Academy has it's campus in this town, and the students will have surely fucked everything in town up again by the time they return this September. Concord has two main areas; Concord Center and West Concord. Residents of Concord Center rarely venture across route two to West Concord, citing rumors that a black family may have moved into the area. The town is best known as the home of Admiral Henry David Thoreau's Walden Pond. In 1842, Thoreau set out from the western side of the pond in a three hundred foot sailing ship on a voyage destined for East Asia, hoping to bring back child slaves for his shoe factory. Two years later, the ship was found adrift in the Mediterranean sea along the coast of Northern Africa, mysteriously deserted. Thoreau was never seen again. In 1951, Walden Pond was drained and filled in. Over the next twenty years, the area was paved over and converted to a commercial district. Today, the site where Thoreau's luxury brownstone once stood is occupied by a Bed, Bath & Beyond, and the town's residents unanimously agree that it is much better that way. Adjacent to Concord is the town of Acton. They are known for their schools, their love of fags and
not much else being better than their Concord neighbors in every way possible.
NHOBHADY TALKS ABOWT SMAHVHILLE, KYD!...Just Kidding, it's god awful.
Hipsters and Gooks, and gook hipsters.
Second largest city in Worcester County. Pronounced "Lem-in-stah." Filled mostly with Wops, the French, Micks, Brazilians and spics. Used to be one of the leading plastic manufacturing cities in all the US; and is where the Pink Lawn Flamingo  was invented. Also the birth town of Johnny Appleseed. Johnny Appleseed used to wander the woods naked with a pot on his head planting apple trees and raeping children where ever he went. It's worth mentioning that he is also town hero and city mascot of Leominster. But this doesn't mean people from Leominster are crazy.
Two type of people live in this fucking shit town, snobby townie fucks and Italians. All the residents ever do is talk about how good their football team was 30 years ago and how they are going to get drunk and sodomize each other. Home to Umass Dartmouth, where every tuesday they sacrifice virgins and have gay orgies in the woods surrounding the college. The biggest local celebrity in town is a dirty black person football player, who was adopted by the high school football coach. Townsfolk celebrate him by cutting off each other's cocks and frying them up, only to feed them to their wannabe Jersey Shore kids. What a waste.
Home to moar Brazil fags than anywhere else in the country. Also has more shops than anyone would fucking need, there are actually more stores than people in Framingham. Home to the Natick Collection, a collection of stores typically called a mall, but due to elitist fags with a lot of money it is now a collection full of niggers and Jews. The only thing possibly worth saving is the Jordan's Furniture which is fashioned to look like Niggertown New Orleans before Katrina fucked everything up.
Jews. Enough said.
AKA Shitsburg, this is the fucking worst city in the entire fucking world, Kabul included. It is full of low on the totem poll drug dealers, old residents who pine for the glory days and people on welfare. You can smell it from nearby Leominster. Everything is decaying in Fitchburg from the buildings, to the local paper that is run by a Nazi with a tiny penis and onto the crack whores' tits that have been gradually sinking to their navels since 1996.
Also known as Mahbro, Marlboro, or simply the Borough by niggers and spics. Marlborough is another example of a good suburb slowly being destroyed by immigrants to become just another shit hole. Marlborough was famous for using child-laborers to make shoes for the rest of the country. Marlborough is now a place of townie scum and rape unfortunately it is large enough to attract neighboring townies and immigrants causing the population to double in twenty years. Marlborough is actually home to some famous people including one of the bitches in Desperate Housewives. Unfortunately all former fame is gone and now it is home to many of Massachusetts' registered sex offenders.
If you are a resident of Fall River, you are one of 5 things. A Puerto Rican, Black, Cambodian, Portuguese, or Irish. Most of this city is made up dirty fucking Portagees or Brazilians and you can't walk 15 feet without smelling their nasty fucking soups or seeing some old widow cunt dressed like a nun. All Pork and Cheeses are also Catholic and therfeore retarded.
Fall River was named after this really cool waterfall they paved over in the 1960s to make way for a City Hall building destined to collapse onto an interstate highway. Today its known for a boring Battleship museum and for the insane bitch Lizzie Borden who went Mike Myers on her parents out of angsty emo rage. Lizzie Borden was also secretly a lesbian and killed her mom for interrupting her and the maid making clam sandwiches.
A Fall River accent includes one-word sentences like: "Jeet?" (did, you eat), "Naw-jew?" (no, did you?), and "Sko" (let's go).
Take elements from every terrible city in the world, including niggers, sand niggers, toxic waste, welfare, and fucking confusing streets and you'd get something that looks like New Bedford, the red-headed step child of Fall River. Famous in the past for being a hub for whaling, the city now depends on insurance claims from stabbings and what little tourism they can suck from the Cape to sustain itself. Every single road in this city is a one way and you will always end up somewhere near the atlantic or in the far north end because Massholes never signal and cut you off before you can make a turn onto the street you actually wanted. New Bedford also only has one bridge leading to nearby Fairhaven, which they love to open at 8:30AM during rush hour because some Jew from Hyannis wanted to sail up the bay and ruin your life.
For every stabbing in other Massachusetts cities, ten happen in New Bedford, usually at poorly lit dive bars or in the aptly named Shotgun Alley where people line up to get stabbed in the thigh. There is only one business in all of New Bedford that seems to care about security, a bait shop in the south end with a sign that states "This property is protected by doberman pinschers with AIDS." When students from UMass Dartmouth students lose housing, or get disowned from their parent's dollar they find apartments here and contract AIDS.
Not to be confused with Bedford, which is equally as fail.
New Bedford is the worst place in the world, as evidenced by the exodus of niggers and portagoos.
Boring ass middle class white town where nothing happens, except when one of the rich white folks decides to go crazy. The biggest thing that happens around here is a drug bust in the woods. There's also the lake, but avoid swimming in it or you might grow three heads.
A laughable town full of spics who actually think they have enough credit to establish gangs. Hudson is home to only 20,000 people but manages to have both the Crips and the Bloods. There are also some townies so proud of this place of rape they get H-Town tattooed on themselves. This place is so fucking small you can cover it's entirety on foot in under an hour. It consists of one rape infested main street with a number of branching streets each with it's own run down Catholic Church no longer running. You know a ton has failed when the hangout is a gas station and a Blockbuster.
Amherst is the most annoying parts of Massachusetts put together, budget cut, and painted with mushrooms and swirls. Home to over 9000 colleges and universities, Amherst is full of cheap stores, college students and shits who think they are liberal. Don't go here. Unless you want drugs, underage sex or lots of talk with no political action. And if you do go here, put some secks in your professor's daughter. It will help your GPA.
South Hadley is a town full of over privileged whites, and under privileged 'half breeds' in the falls who are half nigger and criminal. Most famous for high school bitches who trolled a girl to suicide. The bridge to Holyoke is watched by the upstanding men of the South Hadley police who will pull over poor people and criminals attempting to further pollute the falls.
On the plus side, $25 gets you a blowjob from any South Hadley high school girl.
The People's Republic Of Cambridge is the intergalactic nexus of all things Liberal. This is the town where the first gay marriage in the country was. Its also the location of the International Association of Indoctrination also known as Harvard. The average Cantibrilian, is a middle aged balding homosexual who wears socks and sandals and a ponytail in the back of his head. Online Buddies, the company that promotes homosexual promiscuity through sites like Manhunt is headquartered there as well. Avoid this town at all costs.
It can also be noted that Cambridge is the city where professor Gates was arrested on his porch for being a belligerent nigger who didn't know his place and who later got owned by every cop in America for demanding an apology from a white man. Gates was sentenced to death and hung.
The retarded younger brother of Fall River and Springfield. Just south of Boston, Brockton is home of 6 year olds sexually harassing each other, famous boxers Rocky Marciano and Marvelous Marvin Hagler, the annual fair where at least 2 girls a year get raped, black person killing each other every summer just for the lulz, all the refugee criminals that are escaping the Boston PD, Cape Verde's second largest nigra population, and a crime rate that even keeps the criminals on edge.
Marshfield is a town rich in cultures and
lulz. It's currently home to unfunny actor Steve Carell, and to Mr. Mouth-big-enough-to-swallow-a-baby-whole Himself, Steven Tyler. When they're not making movies or doing drugs, Steve can be found taking jobs from the locals to buy a store he doesn't need and lounging on the beach with his wife dress-wearing husband. Steven has been sighted buying his pills under a fake name in the local CVS, but he was too fucking stoned to remember his fake name.
Marshfield is also known as the Shit town that people only like because there's a beach. A large percentage of the Marsh-Vegas population are either drug-dealers, emo, fags, or a combination of the three.
Avoid going here if you hate wiggers and/or people that think they're the shit when they're not.
Avoid at all costs.
DO NOT WANT!!!
You'd be better off moving to Alaska with Sarah Palin.
Lowell's bitch, full of spics. It's population's main income is welfare and drugs, although there is a thriving Barber Shop/Auto Accessory market. Exorbitant sums of government grant money has recently been used to build an enormous new High School, it has been historically unaccredited, and has 2,000 freshmen, 1,500 sophomores, 12 juniors and a graduating class of 2.
Care should be taken by the outsider when driving through Lawrence, as everyone from the smallest barely clothed children all the way up to the belligerent drunken day laborer, and everyone in between enjoys jumping into traffic without looking, double and triple parking(they think it's legal if the hazards are on), and opening doors into your moving vehicle.
All in all the city government is corrupt, it's school system broken, and it's residents the result. Rent is cheap, Restaurants ESL, police incompetent, drugs available, and stabbings plentiful. On Broadway st. in Lawrence, you can get a haircut at 23 different barber shops, a car stereo at 18 separate locations, Crack, weed, heroin, Dunkin' Donuts, a handgun, El Tipico, prostitutes, stabbed and arrested. On a half mile stretch of poorly maintained road.
A town full of snobby rich white assholes sandwiched between Lawrence and Methuen. All of the tax money collected by the shitty ass government there is dumped into the school system. And even then the money only goes to renovating the outside of the school and buying retarded smart boards that the teachers are too dumb to know how to use. 1/4 of the middle schoolers there are on drugs. It could be as high as 1/3, fuck, even 1/2. Marijuana is just about as plentiful as air and at some point in their lives, students are offered it by either Lawrence, Methuen or Lowell spics.
There is a place called Smolak Farm in the town where they have dumb shit like apples and sheep. Recently they installed surveillance cameras, probably because a pissed off Scotch man wanted a quickie with one of the lambs. The townspeople are either morbidly obese and weigh over 9000 pounds or are anorexic skeletons and weigh under 9000 grams. They're a disgrace to the world. If you are looking to move to a nice, quiet town without any problems, don't consider North Andover. Actually, just run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.
This is where all of the poor white people who managed to escape Lawrence go. The city sucks. There is no downtown, little wigger children run around the streets, and yet, there are 45,000 residents. the city of Methuen as of recently is actually becoming another Lawrence, as if the city couldn't be any more shittier. Methuens spic population is rising rapidly and Methuen High School is one of the worst high schools in the state if not the world because the school receives so many bomb threats( none of them follow through trust me) and the school social classes are completely fucked up/ of course you got your typical jock, prep, hick, wanksta, emo and weeaboo faggots but they exceed by what is considered norm, especially the weeaboos they are rising slowly but no where near in comparison to the spics which almost make up 99.9 the percent of the school. overall expect methuen to be Lawrence II in 3 years, because those spics just don't know what a condom is.
In the heart of the Merrimack Valley, Lowell is best known for its quality needle drugs and beautiful naturally occurring broken glass fields. Lowell's historic hypodermic needle mills attract over seven million tourists every year, providing an important boost to the local economy and allowing city officials to put tax dollars back in city residents' pockets which they promptly spend on heroin. There is also an infamous hooker hangout called MIDDLESEX STREET (cops made the whores move from Appleton) where they charge as little as 50 cents for head, 25 cents if you have AIDS too.
Some stupid douchebag from Lowell was once a professional boxer, but then became a crackhead and had a documentary made about him in which he stole a bunch of golf clubs from Bradlees.
Lowell is also notable for being the capital of Cambodia, which is slightly further up the Merrimack. Every year they have a "Folk Festival" but instead of kicking folks OUT, people from the boonies venture in. They quickly leave, never to return as evidenced by this Welcome sign.
One of Lowell's neighboring towns, Dracut is best known for all the hookers that go to school there. This could introduce kids to sex a bit early, since the town's only elementary, middle, and high schools all share the same block. (Architects are REAL fuckin' geniuses, amirite?)
A boring as fuck place to live in if you're not a Wiccan or a Mexican. Once October ends, all means of lulz are blown to shit, except those fucked up psychics leaving severed raccoon heads on doorsteps for the lulz . By mid-August, the tourists blunder in, leaving residents to want to beat Cho's score.
The Second Boston, Springfield has the honor of being the most violent city in the country and is full of dirty Puerto Ricans and niggers. Avoid at all costs. Typical Springfield residents can be found on the streets shooting each other over hard drugs, or in jail . The small remainder with any trace of dignity end up either working at a grocery store, the post office, or attending Springfield Technical Community College for a few years, since they're too retarded and poor to go to UMASS Amherst like any normal person. But most won't graduate until they hit 30, or at all, because they're too busy smoking cheap pot in their attics and contributing absolutely nothing to society by simply existing. If you're from Springfield and haven't been shot and/or stabbed already, you should probably do the rest of the state a favor and play hopscotch in the middle of the Mass Pike (bonus points if you're Rican). Worcester existing is bad enough. Also the Home of Dr. Seuss.
The Lowell of Western Massachusetts with its many old mills and factory buildings. Many of these buildings have been converted to living places for spics, where many hundreds and many generations (on account of the spics breed like rabbits) are squeezed into small apartment dwellings. When the Puerto Ricans are not busy stuffing their fat faces with junk food, they can often be seen dealing drugs, stabbing white kids who stray over the border from the neighboring cities, or driving around in cheap cars blasting Rigatoni music because they think it is cool, man. Holyoke is also known for a mall, which contains nothing but shoe and ghetto fashion stores, that caters to 12-15 year old white kids who want to dress and act gangsta’.
A small community in the western part of the state known for its excessive number of Jews and lack of any fast food establishments, not even a Dunkin' Donuts. Filled to the brim with rich white kids who love to act black, though they wouldn't drive daddy’s car, much less set foot, in the neighboring warzone of Springfield unless they wanted to be killed by some nigger or spic. Other than the pretentious homes and cars of the Jews in Longmeadow, there is nothing much else in the town, other than Bay Path College (more like Gay Path College, amirite?) where clingy girls who can’t bear to be away from mother and father go. Also everyone from grade 7 up is smoking more shitty pot than all of Rhode Island.
The Cape and Islands
The cape Is made of several things, wiggers, aids, fail, Old people, emos, and most importantly, gays. Basically, the cape is a smaller version of Massachusetts. This means that the minorities are packed tighter then a little boy's anus. Teh gays are up north in Province Town or as us cappies say "P-town", also known by the locals as "pickle point". Here urinating on each other is all the rage. Much like Florida, the cape is were Old people come to die. The cape is the number one Kennedy killer. The bullet that killed JFK really came from an old gay man from P-Town and Little Kennedy's plane was shot down by the Jew at Otis air force base. There isn't much to do on the cape so most teenagers resort to poorly Brazilian made weed. Oh yea, that's right, the cape is filled with Brazilians. They mostly just take all the fat white chicks, marry them, then get green cards and skip back to Brazil. Also of note is Cape Cod Community College or "Triple C by the Sea" as it is known to faggots. For those who can count, its moniker (moar liek NOMiker, amirite?) is "Four Cs by the Sea". It is known to be the state's highest concentration of retards and anyone who gets within 100 yards of it must be sterilized immediately.
Below the cape are the Islands of Martha's Vineyard (pronounced "dah-vinyahd") and Nantucket. These are like the balls under the cape which kinda looks like a dick with a hard on. Martha's Vineyard is where the Kennedys breed their sub-human race of politicians, and is noted for the place where Senator Teddy Kennedy got shitfaced, drove off a bridge, and left his girlfriend in the car to die while he went back to the party and continued drinking like it never happened. One might think that might influence the Senatorial vote, but no fahkin way. Nantucket is a smaller island than Martha's Vineyard which nobody gives a shit about.
Yes, there is actually a place in Massachusetts called Gay Head. Srsly. Little is known about this remote spot on the island of Martha's Vineyard, other than in 1669 the native inhabitants were all found at the edge of town, dead, arranged in a triangle, painted pink and with a sign that said "STAY THE FUCK OUT." It is widely believed that this is where the Gay Agenda is headquartered. The rest of Martha's Vineyard voted in 1997 to change the town's name to Aquinnah, but no one really cares about this.
A city in southeastern Massachuttess populated entirely by crazy Portuguese grandmothers and other minority groups who can't speak English, as well as drug addicts and mentaly insane people. The children who live there are fags and ugly douchey dickwads. If you ask one a question, it will tell you: "Fuck off man, LOLOLOLOL!"
No one gives a fuck about Taunton. They made some shit medals for the Olympics and have a British flag in there center. It smells like shit, looks like shit, and sucks all together. Other than a giant fucking courthouse and Dunkin' Donuts, Taunton is filled with homeless and blacks. Fun fact: Taunton High School is built on an ancient Jewish burial ground.
Everett is the Brazilian capital of the world. The percentage rate of the White race in Everett is a whopping 2%. The city is obsessed with football and air conditioners. Everett is also filled with adoring fans of Slipknot and other bands guilty of faggotry. Everett was once a farming city. Then out of no where jocks and bisexuals infected with AIDS invaded. No one cares about Everett because it sucks. Also, Jew did 12/05 when they crashed a gas tanker into some poor wigger's triple-decker house.
Pronounced "Whustah," people still debate whether Worcester is a real city or just a suburb that got out of hand. No one east of this city cares about Worcester and generally wish that the next snowstorm would bury it under so much ice it'd never defrost. Worcester is easily the most fucked up part of Massachusetts as it has over 9,000 totally different streets with identical names which all go nowhere. It is, however, a good place to go if you're a nigger looking to pawn off your hot CD player while you're in search of the nearest Chinese buffet (which happens to be in the Congo, in the heart of darkest MA-frica).
A shitty place to live, right next to Lynnfield (omg so original) that has no impact on the world. Lynn is a city of SIN and Firsts. Like they had the first fire engine and iron works or something (but hey, who cares). Their population is 80,000 (holy shit its over 9000). Lynn is famous for its gangsta wigga cool cats. You can't walk 2 feet without seeing a two year old smoking a cig. Lynnfield is a place full of dumbasses and Republicans. Very rare you would find a liberal, though when found they are Pansexual Hipsters with a strange fetish for Anime skinheads and Furries.
Wealthy looney-left oriented town located just west of Boston. Populated by mainly WASP's, 14 Jews and one (1) town council approved African American. Brazilians are allowed to work there but must leave by sundown or face prosecution. Home of the surly George Bush hating liberal soccer mom, town laws require "Obama for President" stickers on all Mini-Vans, Volvo's and Hummers. Wellesley is abandoned from June to September when all residents move to homes on Cape Cod. The only exception are "au pairs" hired by wealthy parents to raise their children, they can stay in town to party until the family returns home in August.
Wellesley is a dry town, meaning there are no liquor stores within its borders. Residents visit one of the 638 liquor outlets located on its border with Natick. It is the home of lesbian-only Wellesley College, whose famous alumni include Hilary Clinton and Barney Frank. It also has the distinction of having the largest elderly blue hair population in America. "Blue hair" activities include dressing up like the Queen to go for lunch, cruising the streets at 7 mph while trying to remember how to get home and ragging on Jews and gays for causing all the trouble in the world.
Famous people from Wellesley include Charles Emerson Winchester III from M*A*S*H and Thurston Howell III from Gilligan's Island.
The most retarded town in the state. In the winter it's filled with asshole rednecks who's kids somehow became wiggers. About once every few years the town makes the news because some jackass 17 year old always manages to get shitfaced and smash up their car. In the summer Lee acts as a tourist trap, attracting old Jews from Long Island who insist on driving 8 miles an hour, and and influencing their Jew ways on the rest of the town.
Adams (and North Adams for that matter) are is the incest capital of the Northeast. You can't go into town without seeing some deformed excuse for a human being, who was put on this Earth due to "Cousin' Lovin'" The girls in this town lose their virginity at an average age of 7 1/2 and every male above the age of 17 is a pedophile.
Hyannis is the ghetto of Cape Cod where all the wannabe cool kids hang out and do drugs because there is NOTHING TO FUCKING DO during the winter besides do drugs. Apart from the drug addicted teenagers, the only other people in Hyannis are rich old people who ruin bonfires and call the police. Sometimes the occasional lulz are made from the many disasters of the Kennedy family. The only good thing is that it sounds like "high - anus" if you say it in a certain way.
Hingham is the place where the people who aren't quite rich enough to buy their own country clubs live. By forming a communal society, they help combat their inner self-loathing and inadequacy. 90% of Hingham has been taken over by the Mark Wahlberg family name and is home to their overpriced and overrated restaurants.
How to make a profit in Hingham:
- Take ziploc bag; fill it with oregano
- Sell it to a middle school kid for $200; tell him it's weed.
- No profit here; that kid fucking snitched.
Apart from being Boston's barely shaven vagina, Quincy is a mecca for all fat, white bitches and their nigger boyfriends. To this day, they remain Quincy's most prominent driving and walking hazard.
Quincy is also a hiding place for kids from Hingham who are too ashamed of their home town to ever show their faces to the world again. Hidden beneath the white bitches' collective flab, they are difficult to spot, indeed.
Shittsfield is where all the unwanted bastard children of Lee, Lenox, and Dalton go to collect food stamps and take all da white womens. You can't walk 5 fucking feet without a nigger or spic speaking their heathen tongues. the town is known for the first pwning of a secret service agent and Robin Williams having a shack here. The town mascot is 'Two Dollar' Nate, a crackhead the town actually worships and gave his own music vidya to. Beware the streets at night, lest you be accosted by his call of "Ya got two dah-lahs?" NOTE: If you give him $10, he will vandalize property for you! A few other noteworthy mentions, it is the birthplace of General Electric and thanks to them has a radioactive kiddie-pool called silver lake. The aspie who wrote Moby Dick is from here. Also, if it's your 21st birthday, every bar in town will give you a free drink, all 38 of them.
Ironically a town where the library is a dilapidated shit middle school. This town is a herpes pimple on the cunt of the state. Where absolutely nobody can spell the name of the state for shit. The town has a negro deficiency. The towns people would kill a black man on sight because they think there subhuman apes. Which is justifiable. The town is a mixing pot of borderline rednecks, micks and WASP's. It's like a layered shit sandwich. WASP's and Rednecks being the top of the chain, other various white immigrants being the second, Micks, Spics and Chinks making the Shit Tier and the Niggers scoring dead last.
A town known for naming it's high school after an Indian chief who burned down half the town in 1676. Senator Scott Brown once came to the school and terrorized a bunch of tools, fags and emos for making fun of him on Facebook. Stupid townie fucks reside here and in their natural habitat during the fall they go drink mimosas and watch their kids play pop Warner football. Also home to the Wrentham Outlets, a world-famous mall that only sells overpriced designer clothing. Rich Asians and Indians spend actual money to travel to this boring town to buy designer handbags in bulk to later sell on Ebay. If you feel like being stuck in traffic for an hour behind foreigners who can't drive, only to spend another hour looking for a parking spot, stop on by.
This town is essentially in the middle of a fail triangle, the 3 points being Quincy, Braintree, and Hingham. If you're ever wanted to live in a place with more dropouts, junkies, and pretentious scumbags than Hollywood, this is the place. There are only a few things to do in Weymouth; Get some cheap dome from a 14-year-old prostitute with the IQ of an inbred chimp with Down's Syndrome (Ask for Amryne), smoke some low-grade shit-weed called "Mids", or jump in front of a passing Purple Line train. Your reputation in Weymouth depends on how many times you get beat for screaming "BURR" and "FAGGOT" out of a moving car, and on what "DUB" you're from: EDUB (East Weymouth), SDUB (South), NDUB (North, but is really just moar Hingham), and DUB L (Weymouth Landing). It doesn't really matter though, because if you're from Weymouth, you should do the rest of humanity a favor and lobotomize yourself with a railroad spike.
Known as Boringham by its residents, Bellingham lies north of Woonsocket, Rhode Island. The southern part of the town is impossibly poor and uneducated due to proximity with French Canadians while the northern part of Bellingham is full of insufferable cunts with three car garages and retarded children who have AIDS, the gay Canuckistanis will NOT stop speaking French. Most Bellingham residents learn to read at Bellingham Memorial Junior Senior High School and eventually earn jobs at Wal-Mart, Homeless Depot or Honey Dew Donuts. Those Bellingham residents who manage to escape and attend Dean College, Framingham State or Bridgewater State never return, unless they get jobs as elementary school gym teachers. But most end up in Blackstone, where they die alone and gay, with AIDS.
On any given night, 95% of Bellingham residents are either drinking at the Patriot Bar and Grill or fapping in their parents' basement while playing NHL '92 on Sega Genesis. The other 5% of Bellingham residents are at Pizzaria Uno's trying to pick up the bartender. 137% of Bellingham males were anal raped at one of the churches in Bellingham. In the 1990s, niggers and Mexicans arrived in Bellingham and the high school had a decent football team for a few years. Some of Bellingham's more retarded youths attend remedial high school at Mount Saint Charles in Woonsocket, where they are groped in the showers by the Brothers of the Sacred Cock, and then forced to do the gay with lesbians.
How to make a profit in Bellingham: 1. Take ziploc bag; fill it with oregano 2. Sell it to a junior high school kid for $20; tell him it's weed. Buy him beers at Larry's. 3. ????????????? 4. Profit! His 15 year old girlfriend blew you. Now she has AIDS.
Be careful of Iranians in Bellingham. They sell gasoline at outrageous prices and funnel that money into Iran's nuclear weapons program. Sandniggers are ruining Bellingham.
Bellingham produces more gays per capita than any other Massachusetts town after Sharon. When in the Bellingham High School, These stupid fucks think they are trannies. The Average Fag club meeting has 60 students a meet. They ussually grow out of this faze after leaving the Town, though.
The Mr Lemon truck driver is the most epic Bellingham resident of all time, just beating out "Walkman Dan," a meth addict and faggot who walked around town for three years before raping and killing his parents. The Mr Lemon truck driver was never an actual Priest, but he passed out butthurt in the back of his Mr Lemon truck. On several occasions he served dead birds to children. He had a mustache. And AIDS. But Seriously, Bellingham has done nothing with society, and It's most notable ex-residents include an Ex-Detroit Mayor and a "Proffessional Competitive Lock Picker"
In Summary, the town can be summarized as follows: Wiggers
A town that is so small and pointless that residents of the state outside of the surrounding towns of Acton, Concord, Stow, and Sudbury don't even know it exists. It was important some 30 years ago when Digital Equipment Corp. existed, which most people alive today don't even remember so basically it doesn't exist. The town is essentially the slum for rich towns Sudbury and Concord, and is about 99% white with about two black families. Also the town covers five square miles of land, with one of those taken up by an abandoned Cold War base, so don't even consider moving there, you won't find space. The high school has become populated by gender retarded kids and Wiggers, with a drama major for a principal and a steroid fueled meathead for vice principal. The speed limits are terrible, the traffic sucks due to proximity to several major highways and state routes. Downtown has literally every shop you could think of (sometimes two or three of the same thing) EXCEPT groceries, you know, one of the fucking essentials, forcing you to go five minutes to a shit supermarket in Stow or thirty minutes to expensive ones in Acton or Littleton. Also has a massive spic and brazillian population, it is suspected they came from Framingham.
Stupid Townie Fucks
While Massachusetts has no rednecks, they do have townies. Townies are the small-town losers that populate most of Massachusetts outside of Boston, generally referred to as The Boonies. Townies are often heard talking about a mysterious cousin named Eddie; it is assumed that this elusive Eddie is the binding factor between all townies, and is empirical proof that they're inbred freaks.'
Townies enjoy patronage of such pubs as The 99, a chain of high regard and caliber, and can often be found enjoying Sunday brunches at Bickford's (Bickfehds is the proper pronunciation), a fine chain of esteemed eateries which have been closing down left and right for health violations. Townies fill a large role in Massachusetts' 21st century economy of pharmaceuticals, defense contractors, and tech firms; the loading docks and bathrooms of these corporations would cease to function without them.
All townies are white. Even if they look like they may be Asian, Hispanic or Black, they're white. They all drive pickup trucks and work as blue collar workers in the construction industry. Quite often they can be seen driving on highways, staying exclusively in the left so as to not let anyone pass them. Be aware of passing them on the right, for they speed up, give you the finger and try to drive you off the road. Townies exhibit the most homophobia to be found in Massachusetts; this is invariably because they're all in denial. Due to this overcompensating homophobia, most of them haven't been to Boston since grade school, when they went for field trips, out of fear of being looked at passively or perhaps walking by a homosexual. However, because they secretly want to marry their friend Sully, they will rip on gays, then secretly vote for gay marriage so that they can justify it later as "hey, it's fukkin' legal, y'retahd. Go fuck y'selves."
Tahkin like ya frum Bahstin, Mass
Massachusettsanians have a unique dialect that only other Massachusettsanians can understand; this isn't because it's overwhelmingly hard to understand, so much as because the pitch that the human voice reaches when speaking this dialect has about the same effect as an icepick to the eardrum. Consider the following common words and terminologies:
Asking a Massachusettsanian to say "Park the car in Harvard Yard" is an old meme and not funny. You can't even park a fucking car in Harvard Yard IRL. Asking them to say this loosely translates to "Please kick me in the balls and then raep me in every natural opening on my body."
- Whereabous ya frum?: From where do you hail, kind sir/madam?
- Wikkid: particle to note that something is to a large degree; synonymous to very, extremely, madd, or teh.
- Retahdid: of dubious virtue
- Noah'eastah: a tenebrous sky
- Last in line f'eh the gang bang: to be lacking in conventinal knowledge; to be unfortunate.
- Get the fuck outta mai way: please excuse me
- Get the fuck outta mai wei: please refrain from having sexual intercourse with my Chinese girlfriend
- Ouw my fukkin' gawd: I am taken aback!
- Pissah: excellent
- ghay: of dubious virtue; alternately, from Cambridge, Allston, or Provincetown
- tawnik: a carbonated beverage; watersports
- No suh: Golly!
- Connor: the place at which two converging lines or surfaces meet
- Idear: a thought or suggestion as to a possible course of action
- Hoff: half (1/2)
- Khakis: What you use to start your car when you leave the bar drunk
- Mass debate: To pleasure onself.
- Bernie and Phyll's: Quality, comfort, and price that is nice.
If you REALLY want to talk like a Massachusettsian (You dont), just drop all knowledge of grammah and dont pahnounce ya ahs (R's). For added effect, add R's to the end of words ending with A because apparently that's a thing they do.
Leftarded fake Irish Hipster Townies.
Terrorism and Massachusetts
Massachusetts is well-known as a hotbed for terrorist activity, primarily because its pussy leftard citizens still insist on due process and constitutional rights for criminals. The planes used to rape America on 9/11 took off from Boston's Logan Airport.
Massachusetts has a proud history of having homegrown terrorists create all sorts of mischief; as one can tell by the Boston Bread Riot, Boston Brothel Riot, Boston Anti-Impressment Riot, Boston Massacre, Knowles Riot, Shays Rebellion, Gentleman's Riot, Lawrence Textile Riot, Broad Street Riot (firefighters vs. funeral attendees, lol), Boston Anti-Loyalist Riot, Charleston Anti-Catholic Riots, Boston Police Strike, and Boston Race Riots.
Massachusetts is l33t at getting drunk and fucking things up hardcore. This most recently re-occurred in 2004 after the Red Sox won their first World Series in at least 100 years. To celebrate, the team's overly-enthusiastic fans went batshit crazy and burned half the city to the ground. Police had to put some Masshole bitch down with rubber bullets before the crowd would lose its Samuel Adams buzz and go home.
More infamously, the events of 1/31 transpired in Boston when sinister Lite Brites depicting Moninite Overlords Err and Ignignokt were placed all over the city to menace good Christian citizens, most likely by Boston's Jewish community but with innocent indie media outlet Cartoon Network as the scapegoat.
- Henry David Thoreau: lived in a shack by a pond and wrote a book about it.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson: created a popular series of children's books that centered around finding him in his signature candy-striped hat and sweater in various chaotic international locales
- Barney Frank: Has the noted distinction of being Jewish, homosexual, and a Congressman.
- John F. Kennedy: president, pwned headshot
- John Cena: wrestler. Sucks like shit and is the cancer that is killing WWE.
- Ted Kennedy: Senator, got shitfaced and killed some girl. Got away with it. Also
dyingdead from a lulzy brain tumor while spending your tax money on building, maintaining, and renovating a holy shrine of himself.
- John Adams: President, got cloned. Clone got a city named after him.
- Ed Norton: noted nazi, actor, and Wapanese. Desu! Fursona is a rhinoceros.
- John Krasinsky: Jim from The Office/fappage material for 16 year old girls
- Samuel Adams: l33t beer guy.
- Paul Revere: rode a horse through a town at night yelling at the top of his lungs. He later fronted a campy band in the 1960's, Paul Revere and the Raiders.
- Dropkick Murphys: shitty-ass punk band made up of drunken micks singing about incest, drinking, and jenkem.
- Leonard Nimoy: is the supreme god trekkie and a noted cosplayer.
- Timothy Leary: took a lot of drugs and wrote some books about it.
- Jack Kerouac: took a lot of drugs, drove around, and wrote a book about it.
- Denis Leary: noted comedian and part time firefighter. Lives off of coffee flavored coffee and cigarettes.
- Louis CK: An Irish Jew comedian who mistakes white hipsters for niggers
- Ben Affleck: is a total douche who has been in some movies thanks to his boyfriend Matt.
- Matt Damon: is a fag who got his idiot boyfriend into some movies
- Steven Tyler: is the most psychotically bicurious thing on Earth. He is famous for having a mouth that could swallow a Chinese baby in one gulp, wearing tight pants and having a very fuckable daughter.
- Father Geoghan: raped some boys in the name of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
- Rocky Marciano: only undefeated heavyweight boxing champion of the world, only to be pwned by an airplane
- Mark Wahlberg: aka "Mahky Mahk". Cock wrangler, underwear whore, and wigger. His family owns most of Hingham and the shipyard is full of their overpriced restaurants. He beat up some Vietnamese guy, which nobody remembers because everyone loves his shit movies and burgers.
- Jay Leno: not funny.
- ISLAVERDE29: is a loveshy aspie and YouTube commentator.
- Steve Carell: not funny.
- Conan O'Brien: not funny.
- Dane Cook: not funny.
- Howard Jones: Evil twin brother of Happy Negro, sings up from for Killswitch Engage, is black, shares his name with a famous 80's pop artist
- Doug Stanhope: A comedian and drunk which now lives in Bisbee, Arizona.
- Nick diPaolo: A wop racist comedian who's career has been ruined by the liberal Jews in the business.