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Onideus Mad Hatter

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Every flame war he has ever been in.
Onidfag has a tiny dick, he is mentally retarded, uneducated, ugly and fat, he reminds me of someone.
Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.

Onideus Mad Hatter (Powerword: Matthew Moulton, aka Sad Fatter, Moultard, Farfoos, Baby Matthew, Baby Julie, Daiperboy and ED socks Triskaidekaphobia, Flippant and Mipsus, all of which have been b& at the IP level at some point for overusing this: ^__^ emoticon) is the Internet equivalent of a Renaissance Man, i.e. a fat fucking failure at life. His main claims to fame are his unparalleled, relentless lies about his accomplishments, and a pathetic and desperate amount of massive posting in certain forums. He first got his "fame" in a Portal of Evil forum dedicated to making fun of him, where he made over a thousand posts a month for six consecutive months straight until he was finally banned. But Fatter's mind-boggling rabbit-hole of epic failure goes deeper... much deeper.

Contents

Matthew Moulton - The man, the failure[edit]

The Hatter spends his spare time wearing diapers while stumbling about the Internet. For a while he managed a highly successful "web design" business called Backwater Productions. It revolutionized the Internet! Actually, it never amounted to anything and is a distant memory of what could have been. This may be due to the fact he knows less about web design than a 12 year old AOL user with Down's Syndrome.

He insists that he is a master troll, but Portal of Evil had doubts when they discovered that, for the entirety of the last decade, he was a member of several adult baby communities. Onideus responded with the explanation he was a member of these Usenet groups to "setup" a massive future trolling event. While this may seem highly plausible at first, other users still wanted to be completely safe in covering their bases, and consequently developed their own theories.

Early Life[edit]

Matthew was virtually a stillborn and destined to be a special person. A doctor predicted his chances of survival were slim and that even if he did live, he would deformed or mentally handicapped.

 
 
the doctor said I wasn't likely going to survive, was very likely going to die, probably not even make it through child birth and, even if I did, I'd probably be retarded, or deformed or some other horrible thing would be wrong with me.
 

 

Entry from his LiveJournal.

And that doctor turned out to be completely right. Never missing an opportunity to be a professional victim, he uses this as an excuse to be an adult baby and obsess over animals that wear diapers. Much to everyone's amusement, Onideus will seek sympathy from others by crying about his childhood. He will ramble on about the "hole in [his] soul" and something about a cruel mother who didn't love him as a child. At the age of 33 he still lives with her, but apparently that isn't loving enough.

In high school he became the mascot in an effort to be a part of the team, joining the ranks of those who are willing to humiliate themselves by wearing a stupid costume in front of a crowd. Our reliable sources say that the costume had to be replaced entirely, because what few parts Onideus did bother to return were covered in love. After school, he replaced his social life and friends by retiring to the Internet to provide us all with epic lulz.

Employment[edit]

McJobs[edit]
GOD LEVEL!

In Moultard's fantasy world, he's a world-class coder, Adobe Flash wizard and a master troll; and no, Onideus Mad Hatter's bullshit story wouldn't be complete without an addition of ludicrous assertions. Matthew also claims he has a BA in Arts with a minor in psychology and a specialization in literature. But back in reality, he is a Carebears fan who doesn't have any work, girlfriend, skills, education, money, car, or dick.

Before his dismissal in 2007, he claimed to be a manager at Dairy Queen because he worked the night shift alone (probably while wearing diapers) but in reality was just a regular employee. Not easily discouraged by being fired, Moulton later found employment at Walmart. His ego was sold on the cleverly crafted title Inventory Control Specialist, which is a wordy way of saying shelf-stocker; a title designed to rope in uneducated amerifucks to do jobs they would otherwise say they're above.

Of course, his college degrees have landed him several lucrative jobs. Walmart leaped at the chance to employ him, where he claimed to make, "over $100 a day." Observant individuals noted this was slightly less than the $60 an hour he made at Dairy Queen. At almost $125,000 a year, this made him the highest-paid fry cook in DQ history. His reputation for objectivity and honesty, or lack thereof, leaves little doubt these are nothing more than fabrications. Adding icing to the cake, Onideus stated he was fired from Walmart because he "worked too hard", but was probably let-go due to an addiction to pain killers or trolls sending pictures of him in diapers to his boss. Thankfully for him, his extensive knowledge of business practices is rivaled only by his coding skills. This is a perfect segue into the next step up the ladder for Onideus.

"Backwater Productions"[edit]

Let us take a peek into the mind of a genius. Take the Mad Fatter, who appears to believe the destiny of a world-class coder is to live off of paycheck to paycheck, remaining content with working the most menial jobs. However, he claims to have once had his own "company" (read: a website with a logo). That "company" was nothing more than him and a computer in his apartment his brother's apartment. At the corporate offices of Backwater Productions, by his own admission, websites were "created" by "borrowing" other people's designs and the Hatter Touch™ was added by making minor, cosmetic alterations.

 
 
My forte is graphic remanipulation, basically I prefer to use existing materials to create new materials rather than working completely from scratch (most of the time, not all of the time). My skillz in image resizing are unmatched, I use my own custom resizing filters based on the Lanczos algorithm in conjunction with a variety of selection/masking techniques.
 

 

—Onideus, Delusions of grandeur coming this fall.

 
 
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
 

 

—Cobaltcat, After reading the above quote

Moulton was also the picture of professionalism. Being the genius that he is, he stored EVERYTHING on his personal website, thereby teaching companies the value of consulting Google before talking to a potential contractor. With nothing more than a couple mouse clicks, potential clients learned a bit about The Hatter. Nothing out of the ordinary, just normal stuff like information about his upcoming diaper RPG, pictures of people he hated that had their heads photoshopped onto the bodies of gay porn actors and the like. And, as the kicker, he also very clearly had little skill when it came to coding, as evident by his multiple threads being laughed at for not knowing basic things.

But what he lacks in skill, he makes up for in arrogance and stupidity. Like when he emailed a random web-developer to inform him that he thought the guy's work was shit. When he got ignored, he sent a second email to let him know that he posted his criticisms on Usenet and stated that if he tried to have his post removed there would be hell to pay. The guy went to Usenet and told Matthew to go fuck himself. Now it was personal: Onideus proceeded to email his criticism to the guy's client who also ignored the manchild.

Soon after this, his Flickr—containing nothing but an image of a famous web developer with his head on a gay porn-star's body—was banned. Instantly drawing the conclusion that this was the work of the guy that he criticized, he promptly sent him one of the longest, most butthurt threat letters you will ever read:

 
 
You’ve been sent a Flickr Mail from nateklaiber:

:: Threats

Mr. Moulton,
Please note both Flickr.com and the proper authorities have been notified as I have flagged you as:

a) A potential pedophile
b) A potential sexual predator
c) Making unwarranted threats

All information has been submitted to them, and any future communication will be directed to them as well.
 

 

—His ban notice

 
 
LOL

Boy I think ya broke the irony meter on that one, Kiddo. And unless you’re now claiming to be underage (boy won’t that be fun to tell your clients) I don’t see where you’re coming up with these random pedo accusations…well, I mean other than the whole angry, desperation thing you got goin.

It’s pretty typical with your type…you go around mouthing off, then ya get put in yer place by someone better, but oh no, yer from the lil Johnny Flunk school of education…passed along from one grade to the next, always getting an ‘A’ for having a positive ‘Attitude’, always having someone there to spoon feed you and wipe your ass for you, never once even tasting the bitterness of failure or inadequacy…well, until you reach the real world anyway, then ya meet someone like me who pretty much -- slaps you eight ways to last Tuesday with yer own stupidity. And so really, what recourse do you have? I mean it’s not like I’m wrong, it’s not like you can actually counter any of the arguments or points I brought up in the email to your client…so what does lil Johnny Flunk do in a situation like that? Yeah, that’s right…you lie…you slander…you -- Jesus up the ass with the business end of a steel rake and you resort to the most pathetic, Hitler inspired, cliche of “attacks”, couching your failed reasoning in the guise of, “Oh I read the accusation somewhere else by a doorknob just like me so it MUST be true!”

Let me tell ya something child, I’ve seen yer lil song and dance many times over. I’ve been on the net even before you knew what the Internet was. I’ve been randomly accused of pretty much everything under the sun, from being a supposed pedophile, to the polar opposite contradiction of a pedophile (an adult baby), to even the full embodiment of the antichrist himself. Your flailing, blind accusations however hold no weight and unfortunately for you, you can’t back lies up with bull--

So you fail…and that makes you angrier…doesn’t it? So you do it again…and again…and again…and eventually an interesting thing happens. You become what’s known by many as a “Hatter Addict”. Forever trying to “get back” at me for blistering your ass over my knee with reality, rather than simply own up to your failings. Little Johnny Flunk can NEVER admit to failure, can you? So you get caught in a vicious cycle, since, sad to say for you, nothing bothers me…ever. Hell, I once had a kook like you who went so far over the edge he actually hacked and defaced the Nambla home page with pictures and derogatory remarks about me. Now honestly child, if THAT didn’t bother me, do you REALLY think your lil overcompensation is even going to give me anything more a bit of a chuckle?

snicker

You’re WAY out of yer league on this one you cl00less Webbie and we Netters…well we don’t ever go easy on yer type. Anything you censor, delete or try and hide will be reposted publicly on Usenet. And no, Sparkles, you can’t get things taken off Usenet. Once posted…posts are permanent, they can’t EVER be undone, they’re FOREVER. And no amount of your --ing and whining to Flickr or any other entity that has nothing to do with Usenet at all is going to bother listening to you so long as I follow the rules on THEIR site.

The key phrase being “their site”. Anything that happens outside of their domain isn’t their problem, no matter how much you would like to try and make it so. I can understand the need though, lil Johnny Flunk is looking for a new parent figure to bail him out and make him feel all warm, protected and special…hate to break it to ya, but I REALLY don’t think the guys who own Flickr wanna take on THAT particular role in regards to your -- britches. It’s high time you put on some big girl panties and learn to wipe yer own ass, Kiddo. nods

 

 

—His reply

 
 
snicker.
 

 

—Onideus, not losing his cool


However, there was one slight problem: Matthew sent the letter to the TO THE WRONG PERSON! Realizing his mistake, he sent a second email containing an "apology" mixed with more insults, threats and details on how he's going to get even with that guy who did get his Flickr banned, as if the guy he was emailing should care or something.

 
 
Oops, my bad, you both subscribe to the same Flickr group and you both had little snit fits in regards to recent postings of mine so I mixed the two of you up. Disregard the last email and good luck with your client (hopefully you’re working on correcting some of the problems I brought up)
 

 

—part 1

 
 
Wait, back up, not the same kook as originally posted, the kook who sent that "threat" email was the kook posting in this Flickr thread: (dead link) That kooks name is Nate Klaiber. He's one of the original Jeff Croft slurpers who was tryin to talk shit about me for saying Flash was the future of web design. Needless to say...he's regrettin that decision.
LOL
I think I'll take this picture of his wife:
(jesus christ matty)
...and do a lil dick sucking animation. *snicker* He, he, he...I'll make ya famous...all ya gotta do is mouth off and post some pictures of yerself. `, )
 

 

—part 2

So, obviously, our hero was a true professional and a well respected member of the programming society. His site was synonymous with quality, up until it was shut down in 2010 after he messed with the wrong person.

Unemployment[edit]

A few years ago, Fad Matter was hit by a car (probably an ice cream truck) and has been unemployed since then. Despite bragging about the joy he felt and money he made while working at Walmart and Dairy Queen, while looking for a new job he said on his blog:


   
 
Hell at this point I really *WOULD* work for Wal*Mart or Dairy Queen or even fuckin McDonalds if they were hiring.
 

 
 

Moulton, if McDonald's was hiring.

His main income at the moment is disability checks, collecting unemployment, and mooching off his mother. He uses the car accident as an excuse to avoid working while wearing blue-tinted sunglasses. Matthew believes they prevent car-wreck induced migraines and help him lose weight since he's a fucking moron. In reality, they are worn by people with Aspergers syndrome so they may avoid eye contact.

The hit-and-run left him crippled and addicted to pain killers. It also, at least according to him, caused him to be incontinent even though he was wearing diapers before the tragic accident, and painkillers cause constipation, not incontinence.

Let me step out of this article for a minute and assure you that this is no act of baseless libel. Everything you've read up to this point is, unfortunately, entirely true.

Housing[edit]

GOD LEVEL!

Fast forward to 2010. The Mad Matter is now jobless, and, being the master of finances that he is, followed the trend of utter disappointing regret by losing his house. After all, this is the man who once allegedly spent $4,000 on an authentic Mad-Hatter hat. Not one to be easily discouraged, Onideus then decided to take up residence in an apartment. It didn't matter that he didn't have permission to move in or anything. On his precious blog, he declared:


   
 
The only way the will get me out is through the courts
 

 
 

His tough guy act online is laughable and in real life it is even less effective. So he tried to make a deal but when they checked his credit history that wasn't happening and he was promptly kicked out. The negative items on his credit report were probably because he spent all his money on creepy pornography, diapers, and LEGO toys.

Afterwards Matthew spent the following months living in his car and crashing with relatives, much like Nick Bravo; all of whom hated and verbally abused the little pussy before kicking him out. A particularly hilarious encounter occurred when he moved in with his uncle who complained BECAUSE ONIDEUS STINKS TOO BAD and wanted him out. Onideus, being the genius that he is, installed a webcam to spy on his uncle. Later Onideus confronted his uncle with the footage and accused him of some sort of conspiracy to blame the smell of turds from his cat on him. Yelling at his uncle who has been letting his smelly ass stay with him, while also informing him that he's been videotaping him in secret, went as well as you would expect and the hatter was thrown out and on the streets again. Around 2010 his merciful mother let him move back in, Moulton has been living with her and jobless for the past 7 years.

Fantasy life[edit]

   
 
By the time I started college I had already built one of the fastest variable symmetric multiprocessing super clusters in the fuckin state, had ten different academic grants passed and approved based on *MY* prototypes and projects, helped to create one of the very first annual school district "technology fairs" in the state and was instantly given the fuckin keys to the local college's entire technology building for "full/all access" 24 fuckin 7. Hell, even in high school, I was made a district technology coordinator by Sophomore year.


 


 
 

Onideus, being a pathological liar.

   
 
Actually, in my case anyway, it's had the complete OPPOSITE effect in general. I've gotten TONS of uber high level contract jobs over the years that I NEVER would have gotten if ~not~ for all my online activity. My list of clients includes a five time Emmy Award winning production company and even the fuckin WHITE HOUSE!





 


 
 

Onideus

Baby Matt's mind is filled with delusional fantasies of his own achievements. These include the supposed creation of a new video codec he called Interpixel Cascade Fusion (never actually completed or even demoed, ever); the world-shaking discovery of alpha-transparent video (which the real world discovered circa 1970) and something called a perfect liquid website which is probably some kind of slang for extremely runny diaper play—no one really knows because he hasn't finished it.

He also claims to be one of the greatest Flash designers alive, ignoring the inconvenient fact that 99 percent of his purported creations are non-working "under construction" versions. Hatter regularly makes empty threats related to hacking various websites for ignoring, mocking or banning him. And to nobody's surprise, nothing ever happens.

At least in his mind, he's an expert programmer, just ask him for the lulz. Even so, he claims to prefer working at Walmart because it is fulfilling to put boxes on shelves all day for minimum wage. When a senior engineer at Microsoft asked about his expertise, Onideus submitted as evidence a program he'd wrote in C++. Unfortunately, he neglected to compile it as a release build, so the debug information was included. When run under the debugger, the "program" revealed itself to be homework assignment for a beginner's programming class.

Added to those lies are numerous other outrageous claims made by him. Onideus tends to make up new, contradictory, false stories about himself on a regular basis. Including, but not limited to: being a world class paintball player, being rich (Archive today-ico.png just like LifeInADumpster), being one of the poorest people in the US, being the target of massive DDoS attacks, working for the government, having the largest private database on the planet, being physically fit, being super-humanly strong, being popular and surrounded by friends, and whatever new lie he comes up with this week.

When caught being a pathological liar, he will often claim that it is all an act. He will go on to claim that he is one of several personalities, making up lies to confuse his pursuers by combining fact with fiction until it is impossible to tell them apart. Truthfully, however, he is just a loser who tries to impress people online because he has no life, mistakenly lets embarrassing truths about himself slip out, and then adds more lies on top of them hoping people will believe the flattering ones.

Below is a handy-dandy guide to determine if his statements are true:

If what Onideus says makes him look like a sad, perverted failure then it is:
True
If what Onideus says makes him look like a super-competent ubermensch then it is:
False

The general consensus is that Fatter should stick to his core competencies in the realms of pedophilia and menial labor.

Assessment[edit]

Many unwary people are mildly irritated when they first experience Hatter's "trolling." Not so much for the content but because Hatter dedicates almost his entire valueless existence to writing long boring text walls. After beholding a few of these, one realizes that he's a genuine retard with an unwarranted sense of importance. Similar to Chris-chan, who is also fat, spends inordinate amounts of time on the Internet, is incapable of holding down a job and has almost no friends.

His mother[edit]

The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, does it? His mother once filed a lawsuit for $300 billion due to massive amounts of butthurt! Now she's a member of the College Place School Board. So if you ever wondered why your children don't learn shit in school, now you know. The rest of the school board would probably not be as cool in their stance about a fellow board member allowing her son, who's a proven pedophile, to live with her.


   
 
I really don't get why you idiots think the lawsuit thing is a joke...I mean...my family in general has a looooong fucking history of suing people all over the fucking place. Hell my mom sues people just to grief them!
 

 
 

Fb-favicon.png Onidues, proving where he inherited his retardation

1996: Onideus Vs. various adult baby/Lego sites[edit]

This is my article. There are many others like it, but this one is mine.

Adult Baby Groups[edit]

Onideus first got online around 95/96 and immediately joined some adult baby groups on Usenet under the alias "Babymatthew" (This led to his ultimate downfall later on). He spent some time there until at one point he attempted to make money by selling his VHS diaper collection. This collection was nothing more than clips of cartoons which he didn't own in which children are shown in diapers, proving he and everyone else in that group is a pedophile. When he failed to deliver on anything he was chased out of the group altogether.

Later, when this would all come to light, he would try to claim it is a case of mistaken identity and that the Matthew in question is someone else. Although there was some other adult baby named Matt, not only did he start posting years before Onideus even got online, but also there is that Usenet publicly displays all Email addresses and the one in posts attributed to Onideus clearly has his last name in it.

Another excuse he uses to try and pretend he doesn't like to shit himself and then jerk-off still sitting in his own load, is to claim he was only trolling. However, not only did he join these groups before joining Usenet troll groups and knowing what trolling even was, all his interactions with them seem friendly (by his standards, but still far more civil than he acted anywhere else) and there is no indication of him doing anything there even resembling trying to troll.

LEGO Sites[edit]

Matt, being the autistic that he is, looooooves LEGOs, and still buys and plays with them to this day despite being in his mid to late 30s. Later he would join the Lego community to show off "impossible" models that could only be created with his godlike skills. Unfortunately, he became extremely jealous of the attention lavished upon one James Jessiman, who: 1. Developed the immensely popular virtual Lego program "Ldraw" and: 2. Died of cancer. Matthew posted several attacks against this admired man, causing the entire community to ostracize him.

When this and the rest of his overall unpleasant personality brought on criticism, in stark contrast to his regular behavior, he began to apologize when he was about to be thrown out, put on a martyr act full of passive aggressive rants and begged not to be banned.

Seeing as this was just before he joined his first troll site it was before he learned how to conceal his massive butthurt over everything by claiming to be a troll.

1996-2003 and sporadically after: OMH Vs. Usenet[edit]

Fatterinlove.jpg

After his banishment he moved to the small internet town of Usenet that has long been forgotten by the Internet. Finding a proto-troll community where people openly attack one another and yet are never banned, he entered into a never-ending cycle of pointless slapfights. A normal person would realize at some point that he can't subdue a perpetually renewing community with countless members with flame wars and impotent intimidation, but not Onideus. Thus he began his 10+ year quest to "win" against all of Usenet.

And so, "Mad Hatter" was born. Or should I say "reborn" because he actually stole his username. When an immensely popular user called "Brad Turcotte" with his own fanclub stopped posting with no prior notice, Matt stole his handle in an attempt to leech off his popularity. In 2003 he would supplement that nickname with "Onideus", being a combination of the Japanese word for demon and the greek word for god, proving he is a weeaboo, pseudo intellectual and a tryhard all in one fell swoop.

He posted on Usenet for over a decade, almost two decades in fact. To date, he's made over 45,000 inane posts on a single Usenet group named alt.2600 in a fashion that could rival that of Jai Maharaj. These aren't your average one-liners, but instead massive butthurt textwalls filled with crappy grammar and emoticon abuse on par with that of a crying 13 year old girl. As you may have guessed, his time is valuable.

Onideus is proud of his incessant posting to dusty old Usenet groups, known also as "froups" by the profoundly retarded. Whenever Matthew's accomplishments are called into question, he inevitably mentions Usenet as if that's supposed to mean something. To him it's some kind of amazing accomplishment that gives him seniority for hanging around hackers and oldfags despite never actually learning a single thing in all that time. Unlike in his fantasies, non-crazy folks abandoned Usenet long ago. His devotion to Usenet is due to the fact he can't get banned from it. This is why Usenet has been reduced to trolls and spammers that no sane person bothers with anymore. Furthermore, Sad Fatter's signature is the longest in history, containing over 60 lines of Hatter self-quotes in a pathetic attempt to look k3wl.

But even though he considers Usenet his e-house and mentions it whenever he can, Matthew is the laughing-stock of his Internet home as well. The various pranks pulled on him there include things like being nominated for, and winning some sort of prominent Usenet retard award, resulting in him threatening punishment that will be exacted upon everyone involved. A terrible punishment that never came, in what you will see is a regular pattern for him. On another occasion a user hacked the NAMBLA website and added Onideus to the registry, giving him a reputation as a child molester that he would later earn anyway (he pretends not to be butthurt about it but often mentions the guy who did it and says how glad he is that he's dead).

Still, after losing a flame war and getting humiliated by yet another site, Matthew inevitably runs back to the open arms of Usenet to cry about it. Again, this is his security blanket because he can't get banned. But don't be mistaken, he's just as hated and ridiculed there as he is anywhere else.

Finally, many years later, one hacker in the group would have enough of Onideus and utterly destroy his non-life to the point Onideus is today still scared to return there.

But, we are getting ahead of ourselves. The hacking occurred around 2010 and was one of the latest chapters in fattie's sad story. Let us forget about that for a moment and go back to when Matthew was a sad babyfur, living in a house and posting on Usenet. Instead of what he is now: A sad babyfur, living with his mother and still posting on Usenet. For many years he would scarcely leave the sanctuary of that site, until finally making his way to PoE to gain his inevitable lolcow status.

2003/2005-2009: Moultard vs. Portal of Evil[edit]

Hatter started posting at the Portal of Evil back in late 2003 after some gay fucking anime site was listed there, and after witnessing the fatty's extreme cuntiness, Kthor decided to list Moulton's own "website" on the portal. Fatter soon proceeded to rack up thousands of futile and idiotic posts, most of which were deleted by the admin Chet when fatty was banned. He provided much lulz to the regulars by furiously defending how important his job was as a fry cook at Dairy Queen, asserting that he was the "equivalent" of management because he sometimes manned the store alone during off-hours, and that he did the work of several people at once because he was so incredibly efficient.

Hatter was allowed to creep back in under a new alias in 2005, under which he made another 3,000+ posts full of nonsensical babble and harebrained catchphrases. It was morbidly interesting to watch Hatter flail about as he desperately tried to convince himself that he was something other than an overweight, blubbering, rancid mass of butter, but all good things must come to an end, and his unsightly, grease-soaked ass was finally booted from PoE in late December 2006.

He then returned to his usual haunts on Usenet, where he denounced Chet, PoE, and Kthor in a series of dumb and screechy posts, and suspected everyone of being a "Poetard".

On July 1st, 2007, Chet's flaky Portal of Evil code suffered a massive failure and let the fat fuck log in again. However, he was soon ejected and again withdrew to Usenet, where he vowed buttery revenge:

 
 
For fun I might exploit his shit encoded PHP login form and see if I can't phish for some passwords using a couple dictionary files. Given the level of sheer fucking stupidity that most of the PoEtards exhibit I'd be willing to bet that most of them have pretty simplistic passwords. It's get REALLY funny if I start posting AS the PoEtards using their own accounts. LOL
I figure once I've completely ruined and ripped apart PoE I'll move on to their big brother SA and teach those Webbie fags a thing or six about old school trolls like myself. `, )

 

 

Naturally, he failed to actually make good on any of these threats. If the talk is cheap, 6,000+ posts on a message board dedicated to making fun of him must be the steepest volume discount of all time.

Hatter is currently posting on PoE as user Your_Daddy and when not defending practitioners of bestiality, he furiously denies that he's the Fatter, though of course his cliched catchphrases and juvenile spelling are a total giveaway. Later he would be trolled by PoE yet again when he decides to start copying things they said about him to his blog to try to respond to them since he was banned and end up having to block anonymous comments and delete mass amounts of spam when some of them came over there to poke fun at him some more.

Sad loser walls of text About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

A Dark Past Catches Up With Our Hero[edit]

Bm website banner.jpg

After making such a colossal lolcow of himself on Portal of Evil, Kthor and the other PoE regulars started to do some digging through the Usenet groups that Fatter proclaimed were so superior to what he called the "Webbies". The search proved fruitful, to say the least...


lol fatty WHAT


Soon they found out that Moulton is a babyfur, adult baby and needs to wear a bra because of his moobs who deliberately wears diapers so he can shit on himself. They found out that he was selling his collection of clips of pedophilic nature from TV shows he does not own online, which is illegal. Then chubby concocted his story about the other BabyMatthew and his so-called trolling as was already discussd.

Virginity? Intact![edit]

Elliot Selfie (25).jpg


The subject of this article is a virgin with rage.


Still a virgin.jpg

Despite being willing to make absurd false claims about all kinds of things, Fatter becomes curiously evasive when asked about his sex life.

This is the proper response to anything he says, in any context, ever: "You are a 33-year-old virgin who stocks shelves at Walmart."


 
 
Currently I have several gigabytes worth of adult baby video material that I've collected. I'm currently selling al-a-cart video CD's for $5 a piece (shipping is included for continental US).
 

 

—BabyMatt Moulton

In the end

Matt's fight with PoE continues on and off for many years. Eventually the site underwent a series of awful changes and everyone lost interest in it. But not before our favorite pants shitter tried to take credit for it, saying that the only reason PoE started having Email verification in 2008 was to try and keep him out (even though his previous YEARS of "trolling" them had no such effect and they still approved his new accounts) and saying the sites loss of traffic was due to him. When confronted with the fact that, at the time he said that, traffic was actually up, he claimed that this was also due to him since everyone only comes to PoE to talk about him.

In short, his years of idle threats, banned accounts, and attempts to get them mad did zero damage but provided them with endless entertainment, pumping the precious life-blood of lulz into a site he so hated at his expense.

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2006, Dec14 from about 11:00AM until about 12:00PM: Moultard vs. Something Awful[edit]

Like all wannabe trolls, the Moultard joined Something Awful in a valiant attempt to wreak vengeance upon them after his favorite babyfur forum called "Fox Tales Times" was mentioned by SA and was, of course, banned by Lowtax literally within an hour. Meaning he was so mad at trolls he was willing to spend actual money just to argue with them. Money which was lost 60 minutes later. Giving Lowtax 10$... He really showed them.
As usual, vengeance was sworn:

 
 
I don't think they'll make too big a fuss around here...if they do...I'll be more than happy to trash the fuck out of their user forums like I did on PoE when I forced Chet to obliterate entire FORUMS over on PoE News just to try and shut me up. I especially liked the parts when he banned me for the, eight time I believe it was, as he went screaming through the forums about how he was going to sue me for "libeling his business". ^_^
 

 

However, since an account on SA costs money, and people get banned for fucking typos, he couldn't "trash the fuck out of their user forums" like he promised without losing hundreds of dollars in the process, which wouldn't have been much of a revenge. After his ban, he returned to usenet to claim victory and was laughed at there as well.

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2007-????: Moultard vs. ED & Wikipedia, with a special guest appearance by "The Reaver"[edit]

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When he discovered this article, Hatter made over 9000 attempts to either delete it or transform it into a absurdly complementary article about himself that he had ever written. After his various socks were b& by ED admins, he created the same article on Wikipedia and then furiously threatened to DDoS Wikipedia's servers after their mods baleeted it for being about an insignificant luser. Of course, this threat was never carried out because he's a flabby, inept coward.

 
 
This is your last warning. If you remove the page again, I'll unleash the Reaver upon Wikipedia. And yes, my bots do have the ability to circumvent your pathetic image verification.
 

 

—Onideus Mad Hatter

"The Reaver" is a spambot Hatter claims to have written to inflict his terrible vengeance on a world that has rejected him; he's threatened Wikipedia and ED with it, but of course it doesn't exist or he would have actually used it. Later, Matthew completely contradicted himself by writing the following in the comments section of the New York Times troll article:

 
 
You see I’m generally not liaked much by n00b level tweenage trolls, the kind that infest areas of the web like Encyclopedia Dramatica or Special ED as I call it. I specifically tormented those types in order to goad them into creating the following: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.ch/Onideus_Mad_Hatter Which I then use as a kind of justification to attack other people.
 

 

—Onideus Mad Hatter

Not only did he contradict himself with that, but he also later claimed that "Reaver" is the name of the world's greatest programmer with whom he is friends with and who also helps him with programming his "God Level" websites. Guess it's hard for him to keep his story straight when he's as full of shit as his diaper.

 
 
I'm sort of a novice when it comes to programming, I just know the very basics... If it's really simple I'd be very grateful if someone could just write the code for me
 

 

—Onideus Mad Hatter MASTER PROGRAMMER, https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/alt.comp.lang.learn.c-c++/uK6gbBCI3QA

Of course, after "goading us" into creating this article he then blanked it a bunch of times. ALL PART OF THE PLAN GUYS! Wait...what?

But that wasn't it. What basically happened after that was Onideus started sinking money into "trolling" the WMF by doing things like buying servers, domains, etc to try and be like Daniel Brandt, but nothing came of it so he then called in some legal threats claiming they libeled him by calling him a vandal/troll. After that he...... did nothing. Obviously the multi-million corporation that is the Wikimedia Foundation was seriously daunted by a fat nerd with no money for a lawyer.

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Due to Onideuses massive anal devastation, he later got into another fight with ED, which is why some of the boxes checked off on this bingo sheet do not appear in this segment of the article but only later.

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This one is inaccurate due to new information.

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2007: Banned from Sakura Con[edit]

In this chapter of the story, our hero makes an AMV which gets rejected. Instead of being an adult about it, he sulks and decides he isn't going to the convention. After being told that the tickets are non-refundable, he decides to start sending threatening letters to the administration with pictures of their heads 'shopped onto gay porn. Realizing what kind of nut-case they were dealing with, they decided it was better to just give the freak his money back and keep him the fuck away from the convention and the children for which these cons are intended, informing him of their decision with this letter:

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This naturally led to a self-congratulatory series of Usenet posts, as Fatter attempted to spin getting kicked out of a con into a favorable light. Matt, you have entered a rarefied pantheon occupied by such paragons of human achievement as Tumbles the Stairdragon. Nice work.

Incidentally, he mentions that he got the refund for one of four tickets and that he was still waiting for the other three. Since this is the last time he mentions this, there is a good chance he never saw that money again.

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2008: Matty vs. Thermodynamics/ The Perpetual Moulton Machine[edit]

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In the fall of 2008, Moulton announced to the mighty intellects of Usenet that he was applying for a patent. Was it for the revolutionary Interpixel Cascade Fusion? Nooooo! Was it the Perfect Liquid Website? Nooooo. It was, in fact, for a "Geomagnetric Resonence Energy Generator" (sic) (see here). Or, in normal English, a perpetual motion machine.

 
 
I don't understand why you dribblers are so excited about it though, even if it does work it'll effectively render itself to be non-cost effective simply because it would sky rocket the price of neodymium magnets. I mean it's not like there's an infinite supply of RARE earth magnets. The other obvious problem is, what happens when you essentially rip off energy from the planets magnetic field? On a really large scale, with large devices all over the planet, we could be looking at completely fucking up the rotation of the earth, possibly an offset as high as one day a year. To put it simply, this is not some design to "get rich quick", it's largely for my own PERSONAL experimentation and use.
 

 

—Baby Matt, always learned and eloquent

Since Hatter is as ignorant as the day is long, he doesn't realize that the US Patent Office no longer awards patents for ridiculous perpetual motion machines without proof that they work (i.e. never), and that him calling his woo-woo device a "perpetual energy drive" is not the cunning ploy he thinks it is. He would later try to claim he never said that when SASS brings it up, even though a video that he uploaded about it is STILL on his YouTube (comments locked).

2008-2009: Moultard vs. SASS[edit]

Following his ban from SA, everyone's favorite Wal-Mart employee did the next logical thing and went to SASS to vent his butthurt and seek revenge. However, there he only repeated his usual performance, except this time, they let him stick around for the lulz. SASS systematically tore down every claim Matt ever made, including "hacking" and "destroying" SA and PoE, his perpetual motion machine, the video of which he had to lock the comments on due to them spamming it, and his 1337 coding skills. One SASShole even took a good look at his GOD-LEVEL coding and tried to make it work, which resulted in the server that Fatter's stupid website was hosted on to crash. Blubbering with rage, Fat Hatter did what any butthurt Tartlet would do and dug up the TOS for SASS's provider, threatening to destroy everything. SASS just rolled their collective eyes and kept laughing at him.

In the end, Matt got pissy because SASS hasn't awarded him with the big payoff of a ban, which to his fucked-up logic equates to win. His new tactic was to claim that his hacking threats on SA, PoE, Wikipedia and ED are just a delusion created by the SASS hivemind followed by accusing members of SASS of leveling death threats at him while namedropping the FBI. They called Matt out on his bullshit lies, repeatedly requesting him to link to the posts containing said threats. Staying true to form, he quickly made several attempts to dodge the question and change the subject.

Mad Hatter also revealed the true current extent of his education: he's certified to operate an electric pallet jack, an accomplishment that he is inordinately proud of.

After SASS mysteriously disappeared in November 08, Matty claimed responsibility for its downfall:

 
 
LOL...
http://sass.buttes.org/forum/

The owner all thought he was an anonymice and that no one could find out who he really was, so then I went and found his dox, started e-mailing them to people all over the place and then I guess one of them told him to take the whole site down or else they would release his dox and expose all his RL info. Hilarity then ensued and the whiny little man-baby took his server and went home, shutting the whole thing down, baleeting fucking everything and leaving the Internets FOREVERS!!1!

 

 

In reality, SASS went offline due to constant in-fighting and a lack of funds. It had nothing to do with Onideus who didn't actually do anything. Later he would try to join SASS's replacement "The New Effort" only to get mocked and banned once again. Amazingly, this time he did not swear revenge (that we are aware of) and settled for just crying about it on his blog.


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2008: Fatter vs. Dramachan[edit]

OM NOM NOM NOM

In November 2008, Fatter graced Dramachan with his presence, and Onideus was suddenly faced with his greatest foe: a bombardment of BEANS. This is probably the best way of dealing with Onideus, and beans are far more interesting than anything that slips past his shit sucking lips. You could feel his rage gathering in retaliation to having a mere vegetable placed upon a pedestal way above him, so watching him acknowledge that the general public places him below a vegetable in a popularity contest is a truly satisfying pastime (especially when he panics and tries to boast about his LOL ORIGINAL Care Bears script and cookie cutter RPG in the making). In other words; everyone ignored him and posted pictures of beans instead, making him rage.

Sadly, the thread has long since abandoned the beans concept in the face of Oni's massive stupidity and giant walls of text; it is over 28 pages long, and after a month or so of being kept on life support, the thread is finally dead and, since it was not properly archived by the Wayback Machine, no one knows what other lulz and stupid promises of vengence Onideus has made on that thread. What is know is that after the fact Onideus tried to get back at them by writing hate articles about the site on his short lived FurAffinity knock-off.

Dramachan Beans About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


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2008: Fatter vs. FurAffinity[edit]

Fur Affinity responds to stupid threat.

Sometime in 2008, Onideus was banned from FurAffinity for three days for photoshoping someone's head onto something and uploading it to this article. Instead of taking the hint, Fatter decided he'd get back at those mean ol' furries by starting a furry art dump site of his own... One that just happens to have the same name as the site he was banned from. Unfortunately, Fatter seems to have let two facts slip through his mind:

  • A couple of popular furry art dump sites exist: DeviantArt and FurAffinity.
  • It takes a lot more than hatred and "god coder skills" to run an art dump site that's even halfway decent.

He claims that the interface for his counterfeit site will be based fully in Flash and, like his Usenet "froups", it'll be damn near impossible to get banned from the site for anything except child porn. The Dramachan thread linked above features more of his bragging about how his site is going to eventually replace FurAffinity.

Presently, his FurAffinity knockoff is still in "development"; the site contains nothing but potshots at people on FurAffinity and Dramachan, and as its content hasn't changed and new content hasn't been added for months, it'll likely become another of Baby Matt's many failed, abandoned projects. He said he would have the site up and running by Christmas 2009, but instead he got nasty poop in his stocking and the site is dead.

Following his announcement to make a new FA lulz were had by all and he had to filter out anonymous comments on his LiveJournal due to massive spam and jokes at his expense and threaten to get anyone who trolls him banned from LJ.

He later got banned again for shitting on a dead guy's page and trying to troll everybody, to everyone else's entertainment.

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2008-????: 4th Space (The Diaper game)[edit]

4th Space is Matthew's retarded diaper RPG that he spent at least two years trying to make and might still be working on it now, six years later.

2008-2010: Fatter Uncensored[edit]

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Despite going to great pains to build a completely unworkable Flash-driven "blog" on his own website, Baby Matthew later created a free Blogger blog called Onideus Uncensored. The blog was Matty's prime outlet for posting his trademark infinite butthurt textwalls, which became gradually longer and less coherent. Banned from all forums that he's frequented, he now uses the blog to repost deleted messages and respond to comments about him where nobody will see or read them in a sad attempt to get the last word. Although mostly a boring and pointless blog, it contains a few events worth saving.

Onideus vs. PoE continues-[edit]

The blog was probably originally created because he had just been banned (yet again) from Portal of Evil. Not being able to let this go or deal with the fact they are still making fun of him where he can't respond, he opened this blog to repost comments from there and angrily reply to them. Soon he had to delete fucking everything from the comment section and block anonymous posting because PoEtards were spamming the shit out of him with insults. By disabling anon, he effectively blocked out anyone who didn't think he was worth the 2 minutes it takes to make an account. Meaning virtually everyone.

Onideus vs. Susan Brenner-[edit]

Like all loser trolls who's lives revolve around the internet, any attempt to outlaw any aspect of trolling or argue that something done online could lead to jail time, strikes a nerve with Onideus and he must sooth his terror by lashing out at those who he does not agree with and try to calm his own nerves by proving them wrong while sucking on his thumb.

So was the case with Susan Brenner, a law professor who specialized in cyber-crime who made a comment regarding the just cause of the search warrant on the 2009 Boston College Case. Matthew, believing he knows more about law than a professional, left a link in her comments to his butthurt blog-post arguing with her, to which she easily responded (mostly because Onideus not only knows nothing about law, but also completely misunderstood her position in the first place). Raging even harder, he replied again, this time bragging about giving bad legal advice and about attempting to find the names of the jurors in the Lori Drew case so he could harass them for coming to a verdict he did not like. Proving again how mad and immature he gets when attempts to outlaw cyber bullies are made, since believing he is one is his entire life.

Brenner, on her part, simply deleted the comment, mistaking Onideus for an angry teenager due to his copious use of emojis while discussing law and him calling her a "bitch" and telling her she needs to "shut her fucking mouth" (tall glass of MAD, anyone?). Being that she is a grown woman and a scholar, Matthew's gay, internet trolling had exactly zero effect on her and he simply reposted his comment on his blog claiming that she "ran away".

Despite his usual posturing, this time no threats were made. Probably because he realized that, unlike the furries and teenagers he usually loses arguments to, Brenner is a trained paralegal and could easily have his ass arrested for threat and harassment if he dared to say another word to her.

Onideus vs. ED and EDF1: Round 2-[edit]

Around the end of 2009 Onideus made another attempt to join EDF1 thinking he was a troll. But being anything but, he was banned by Zaiger from both it and the IRC within 2 days for no reason besides being a lolcow and banning him being funny. He immediately wrote a blog about it, crying about how HE WAS JUST TRYING TO SHARE THE LULZ ;_; by talking people's ear off about some cunt no one cared about that he wanted us to write an article on (he was probably buttmad at her for something since he threatened to write articles about people who made him angry in the past).

When this only resulted in more laughs at his expense he wrote a second post, this time threatening to email EDF1's forum host and try to get it banned. This did not work as planned and only brought about more laughing. The short-lived drama was of little continuance, but it is worth noting that this was the only post on his blog that inspired multiple edits and a string of spam comments consisting on nothing but the words "lol nerd", to each of which he responded with an entire paragraph of text, trying to get the commenter to get mad enough to say something else.


Besides those, there were a few other laughable fights he had on that blog that are a part of other sections in this article.

2009: Fat Diaperfag Vs. Spriter's Block[edit]

One of the fights mentioned in his blog was with a site called "Spriter's Block". A forum about making sprites which he probably joined to seek help in making his diaper related video game. However, once he got there, one of the users began berating him for being a retard just like every other site. Onideus immediately declared this person to be a "Hatter Addict", which is a term he uses to describe anyone who makes more than two posts about him, believing that means their lives must revolve around getting revenge on him like he does around getting revenge against everyone else, and BAWWed about it on his blog.

He found the user's DA account and threatened to find and harass his friends (he never did that, indicating he's all big talk) and to get revenge by photoshopping the pictures of his cat in a true low-point of patheticness. When his comment got unceremoniously deleted, he turned his attention to getting revenge on the entire site. First, making a post promising that he will contact HostGator and report them for terms of use violations. However, HostGator never removes anything without a court order. So even if he had actually attempted this, it would have no doubt failed.

Not satisfied, Onideus made a third post in 24 hours, this time saying he had spammed them to inspect their security and is now considering making a spambot and sending it after them. He retracted that statement in the same post saying they aren't worth the effort. He'll just wait for his false complaint to go through. Since no such thing happened and he subsequently did not make that bot he said he would, it's pretty clear that it was another empty threat and he has no actual idea of how to carry it out.

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2009: Baby Julie vs. SelectButton[edit]

"Hatter, if I call you fat, will you write a paragraph in your next blog entry about me?" - Yes.

It can only be described as one of those "damnable things" when, in a weird collision of worlds, Hatter appeared on the forums of gaming site Selectbutton in a thread about Bob's Game. Although he claimed to have been following the thread for weeks, his reputation for truthfulness suggests that he followed one or more of the links from Portal of Evil. Hatter quickly took over the thread, because the Internet exists for FatHatMatt to talk about himself. Things get really weird on page 38, when Bob offers to buy him a Something Awful account (not knowing, of course, that Hatter was banned from SA long ago) if he'll go trash their Bob thread.

This ED page is dutifully linked, and the Selectbutton inhabitants realize that something strange and fat is in their midst. Hatter snarks that only PoE knows that he's on the Selectbutton forums, and that no one on ED knows about it. This was disproved within minutes when his post was temporarily quoted at the top of this very page.

As the Hatter spam increases in volume and venom, the forumgoers begin to drown him out with multiple autostreaming YouTube music videos, making some of the pages impossible to load. Hatter goes off in a huff to post on other threads, and is promptly banned by the admins. Predictably, he retreats to his own blog, calling them hypocrites for being retards who banned him for being retarded and periodically copying things they said about him so he could respond to them and possibly threaten to dox someone. In a last, sad effort to get revenge he tried claiming that Bob is a troll and everyone on that forum is being trolled by him. A statement he later contradicted when he wrote a long, angry post about what a fuckup Bob is on that same blog. Probably because, by that point, he was already buttmad at Bob himself.

He finally discovers that ED knows that he knows that ED doesn't know about him, and uses his 1337 skillz to hack ED by clicking on the "history" button. Fatter goes on a mission to discover who put his quote on this page (in another amazing coincidence, it turns out to be the same humble, witty and tirelessly truth-seeking person that wrote this very paragraph). Some extraordinary Internet detective work proves that someone with the same username made a single post on PoE only seven years ago, and is therefore, obviously, a PoE regular. He posts about this "victory" on his blog, presumably so he can read it over and over while cackling in lardy glee, because no one else will ever see it.

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2009: Matthew Vs. Fox Tale Times[edit]

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In mid 2009 Matthew noticed someone was posting about him on a furry site called "Fox Tales Times" and talking about how he sent him stalker-ish threat emails. Onideus conveniently claimed to "not remember" who these people are at all. But, if you are paying attention, you might notice that this is the same site he tried to white knight against SomethingAwful a few years ago, trying to troll lowtax by giving him 10$.

From there he went to his usual routine, reposting things from the forum on his LJ account so he can reply to them because he was already banned and threatening to destroy the site by doxing all the users then photoshoping their pictures. But this time his threat came with a little twist- Saying he is giving all the users on the forum one month to come begging him for forgiveness if they want to be spared from his terrible punishment via bad photo editing.

Obviously no one cared. His hilarious internet tough guy threat impressed no one and he ended up having to inform the people in question that he is threatening them so that someone will even notice. He ended up making six consecutive posts on the same day about this, another one on the next day and going to cry about it on usenet. Among threats to dox and photoshop he also attempted to claim that the only reason he had not yet hacked the site or crushed it with his non-existing bots was because it would be too easy and this site will probably just destroy itself somehow soon.

When none of this worked he made a threat to write an ED article about them, much to the indifference of everyone. Then he went to the next lame trick in his bag and said he might complain to their host about terms of use violations and make a site that is a knockoff of them and steal their users. Just like his failed try with FA. Not only that, but he claimed he had already made a site and on his trial run got so much traffic that it almost crashed his server. Despite this, the site never went up.

One month later, he has done nothing. No one came begging to him. He didn't make a new FTT. He didn't hack them or get them shut down by their host or write an article or photoshop any of them, not that that particular thread would have actually done something. The site is just fine and no one cares.
Another big win for Onideus.

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2010: Matt Vs. DevianArt and the death of "Backwater Productions"[edit]

In 2010 Matt was banned from DA due to multiple accounts. He claims he only had one, but he was probably actually banned for spending his time there stalking little girls and boys. Following this he demanded that the money he paid for a premium account (lol what a faggot) be reimbursed and was hilariously told to fuck off. In a fit of rage, he promised to sue the site for fraud and registered the domain "www.chris-bolt.com" to slander him.

BIG MISTAKE

 
 

Chris Bolt, owner of DeviantArt has likely started a MASSIVE DDoS attack on all my domains/sites, which is why they're all currently down. At the height of the attack he was shelling out around 1.8 MILLION packets per second. This came after he suddenly banned my account on DA, after idly mentioning ED, claiming I was using "multiple accounts" (a lie). I then asked to get a refund of the payment I had sent the week prior, for a premium membership, which they denied me, on the grounds of bullshit. I told them that was fine and that I would just have the bank do a cancel payment against them and then report them for fraud. Afterwards I registered the domain www.chris-bolt.com and then within 48 of doing all that the attacks on my servers/domains took place. As I'm not currently involved in ANY other particular volatile or trolling/flaming endeavors it seems more than obvious that these attacks are being instigated by the owner of DeviantArt, Chris Bolt. On an up note, I can fix the problem quite easily by getting a dedicated hosting account on LunarPages, the great thing about that is that it would allow me to actually put up my Data Archive site as well as put up many other sites. Part of the reason I haven't been producing many new sites lately is because I was getting close to maxing the bandwidth on my account, so switching to a dedicated server will give me tons more room to play with.
 


 

Chris Bolt is the owner and creator of DA, which is one of the biggest and most successful sites in the world. A pathetic pissant like Onideus is not even a blip on his radar. Matt might as well have been threatening Jimbo (not that he hasn't done that already). Sadly for Matt, unlike all the other major sites that he has made threats against that just laughed and ignored him, DA is run by a bunch of kids who are not above slap fights and petty trolling. There is no evidence that Bolt had actually done this, but he is a good enough coder not to leave any. Whoever it was (Bolt or one of his cronies), it seems they decided to teach little Mattie a lesson about playing with the big boys, and wiped his pathetic shit-stain of a website off the face of the earth.

Onideus said getting his site back online would be no problem but, seeing as how four years later it's still down, we guess he was too incompetent to even do that.

Good night, sweet prince.

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2010: OMH Vs. Usenet round 2- Hacker ruins Babyfur's life[edit]

Being a faggot has its price, and hanging around actual hackers who were waaaaaaay out of his league and name-dropping them as a sort of troll-shield every time he is trolled eventually came back to haunt him when one of the users had enough of his shit. Exploiting a security vulnerability that Matthew himself created while trying to fuck around on his computer and play with the big boys, he stole a bunch of pictures of him wearing diapers which he then emailed to his siblings, his parents and his boss at Wal*mart.

Matty got virtually disowned by his parents for being a pervert and possibly began buying fake drugs online to deal with the ensuing depression. This later led to him getting fired from Wal*mart, losing his house because he couldn't make payments and ending up temporarily homeless until moving back in with his mother. The Usenet users, in exchange for his life, got one month of peace and quiet because he couldn't post due to being homeless. A fair trade-off by all accounts.

The hacker in question uploaded all the evidence to the internet and Matthew said he reported the site for illegal content, but it's still right there. However, most of the content has since been lost. Onideus then tried to get people on usenet to join him in reporting the hacker to the police for (fake) pedophilia, but everyone just laughed at him. In a final sad attempt to get revenge he signed him up to some mail spam services, failed to dox him, swore he would somehow get him banned from usenet by reporting him to a service provider and tried to claim he was arrested because he didn't log on for a few days. It is also possible he threatened to crush the entire group using bots. However, this may have been in relation to some other incident in which he was trolled by them. One way or another, he was told everyone knows his bots are bullshit and to this day, he still obsesses over that guy who hacked him and randomly accuses people of being him.

In the end, Matt quit the group altogether and moved his crybaby headquarters to some other usenet group.


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2011: Captain Lard joins ED/2013: Fattie vs 888chan[edit]

After he had given up his futile war to have this article removed, and after he gave up his attempt to make his own ED to replace the one GirlVinyl jewed out on, Onideus began editing the wiki (But not before getting b& for being a spazz and trying to start his own ED). Thankfully, a combination of no life and sheer determined retardation allowed for him to spend hours upon hours performing repetitive tasks that anyone with either a brain or a social life would quickly tire of (this sort of thing is common among the autistic). Despite once claiming that ED is a shitty, low-level troll site that he would never want anything to do with or be a part of, he then made over 13,000 edits. 90% of which were images and posts talking about himself on talk pages. This eventually earned him an admin position despite his lolcow status.

However, not everyone was okay with a big, fat trolling target troll shielding on ED. Eventually, one particularly overeagered user who was banned by the king of multiple chins, decided to exact revenge. Going over to 888chan and to the /cow/ board, he made a thread about Onideus and a personal army request to troll him... Which was ignored.

Upon discovering this, Onideus went there and decided to pretend the meaningless thread about him is an attack on all of ED. He went to the 888chan talk page and began making countless posts trying to convince people he is trolling them and to get anyone to join him. 888chan on the other hand couldn't give a shit about him. They were not even trying to troll him, they simply found him to be boring and annoying and wanted him to fuck off. 888chan mods came to the talk page and told him repeatedly to beat it. The only people from ED who joined in sided with 888chan and called Onideus a fat loser.

Ostensibly, all things come to a predictable end. After he got banned and started changing his IP about a million times to get back on the site, they just banned his ISP, completely removing him and his failure. Soon after he had a number of delicious pizzas sent to his house by someone unrelated, he declared that they had "crossed the line" and promised that he would take their site down, presumably as soon as he finished the pizzas, and shat them out into his diaper. He vowed that he would email their host and extort them into either shutting 888chan down, or give him the owner's dox so he can troll him. When this didn't work, he threatened to instead harass other businesses in the same building as their host in hopes they will pressure HOWISgaurd into dropping them (yes, he is that deluded). Then he... did absolutely nothing. Onideus never mentioned this again, so either he never tired to make good on his pathetic over-bloated threat, or (more likely) tried and failed.

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2013: Matthew vs EDF2: COCKSLAP Boogaloo[edit]

 
 
If getting Chris put in jail and/or rehab means ensuring the safety of the site...I won't even hesitate. The site comes first, it ALWAYS comes first, everything else is secondary, including any personal feelings I might or might not have regarding the situation.

It's not about me, it's about ensuring the safety of the site...and if that means having a druggie locked up behind bars (worst case scenario), then so be it. I'm honestly sorta hoping he's in one of those parts of Australia where they're more prone to sticking you into forced rehab than jail, as I think that would be better for him.

 

 

Onideus, threatening to contact the police after losing a flame war, several hours before trying to take down the site.

When he wasn't making personal army requests and idle threats, Matthew spent his time on the wiki being one of the worst admins the site has ever seen. His only contribution was uploading countless images of borderline child porn, and the rest of his time was spent defending said child porn from deletion, commenting on talk pages to glorify himself and reverting edits on this article to make it complimentary to himself.

2012-2013: Onideus as an admin- Butthurt and bot abuse[edit]

Zaiger and Likeicare cooking another batch
Taking Down ED 2: Electric Boogaloo

As an admin on ED, Onideus had no issue with demanding favoritism that is unavailable to others. Using his position, Onideus watched over this article like a hawk, trying to edit it into a vanity shrine for himself. If you made an edit to this article that he didn't like, the feeling of him breathing down your neck was almost instantaneous. Finally, he grew tired of bans, making idle threats against people who tried to fix this article and telling them he will incriminate them for pedophilia if they don't stop (Archive today-ico.png just Archive today-ico.png like this fraud), he would instead resort to using a bot or script to automatically undo all edits... Or at least say he would because he can't actually make a bot and used " Greasemonkey" to do the job, which puts him on a lower level then the shittiest script kiddy.

 
 
If I was mad, I would have reconfigured one of my bots to run through EVERY contribution that Dumbfuck has ever made to the site and set it up to revert every...single...last...one...of...them. So no...I'm not mad. Dumbfucks generally don't make me angry, they just provide me with a convenient punching bag. ^__^
 

 

Onideus making another promise he can't make good on.

He later got into a fight about this topic with another user who had the audacity to edit over his edits. Determined to not let this go he attempted to dox said user and posted about himself "exposing him" as a gun-nut. A libtard like him calling someone a true, red-blooded American (IE- "Gun Nut") as an insult being the best he can do was funny enough, but he didn't even find the right dox! When confronted with being as big a failure at doxing as he is at hacking, he flew into a rage. And when confronted about it again on ED IRC and avoiding the question he was laughed at and promptly booted.

Following the fake dox fiasco, the user in question wrote a section about it on this article which Onideus kept trying to delete. Therefore, we are keeping it here, redundant as it may be.


2013: Sad Fatter Dox King

Facebook like.png Schnookums likes this.
Facebook like.png Dbaggins likes this.

This is a formal warning to anybody who tries to pit themselves against the kiddy diddler himself. Studies show that 100% of Sad Fatters (Latin: Saddeus Fatticus) go complete autism overdrive the minute they smell an opportunity to humiliate someone just as badly as they themselves have been humiliated. This can be proven in Onideus' (A well known member of the Saddeus Fatticus family) recent exploit with a certain ED member, whom he was so utterly determined to dox because they dared to edit over his edits. This complete social wreck then spent an uncountable number of hours chasing wild geese while stroking his own dick, producing some delicious gems of quotes which you can see below and to the right. Upon being confronted in the IRC about the progress of the dox, Onideus conveniently forgot all about it before being promptly kb'd for reckless faggotry.

It should also be noted that the fatter was repeatedly warned about this potential addition to his article. Maybe this is what he wanted all along? If so, flawless victory for Onideus!

2013: Dox King Aftermath

Don't fuck with an enraged Saddeus Fatticus

Immediately upon creation of this little addition to the article, Sad Fatter began removing choice parts that caused him to be extra ass-pained. When the "professional revisions" were undone (trailing behind him a shitty incomplete edit that clearly looked like subpar patchwork), he began accusing everyone being mad while swinging his banhammer to and fro. Before the dust had a goddamn chance chance to settle, screencaps were promptly taken of the entire situation and then reported on, obviously, here. In addition to this autism overload, he then rewrote the entire When is it crap article to make it impossible for anyone to edit THIS VERY ARTICLE without the potential for a ban. Indeed, at the time of this writing, my thoughts travel back to my wife and daughter. I wonder if I will ever see them again after the Dox King himself has gotten his hands on me for writing this article. Part of me is saying "No, turn back! Delete everything and cover up the fact that hes an overweight narcissistic pedophile who bans anyone for hurting his feelings!" BUT WE MUST STICK TOGETHER AND TAKE OUT THIS OVERWEIGHT POWER-HYDRA! This article is the severing of a head! Cut off his supply of food and child pornography, and we can defeat this perverted manifestation of Nut!


His final disgrace before the end was a perpetual edit war over CP. After an attempt was made to remove gross pedo cartoons from the wiki, he began obsessively defending his fap fodder, reverting edits and crying to the Zaiger about it.

The following is a very brief glance at what Onideus spent his time doing at ED prior to his brutal rape and further exposure. Take a drink of Cola-Cola every time he reverts:


Oniedithistory.jpg


Wasted yet? If not already, here an excerpt from August 9th, 2013.


   
 
In case it hasn't dawned on you yet, faggot, the people who obsess over me are KOOKS in and of themselves.
 

 
 

—Remember, you're the one that's mad, and you're the one that deserves the ban.

   
 
LOL, oh I do so love death threats in the morning. ^__^ You're very cute, Cuddly-kins...not all that bright, but very cute. I told you though...no crying/screaming/threats/tantrums, *YOU* gave me direct permission to find and slather yer personal information (including SS number) aaaaall the fuck over the Internet, so shitting yer pretty little pink princess training Pampers over it now with indignant frustration and butt mad isn't going to do you any good. Too bad you're a gun control nut, eh? I mean, cause otherwise you might at least be able to ~properly~ threaten me. *snicker*
 

 
 

Facebook like.png [[User:Schnookums|Schnookums]] likes this.

   
 
W00T! Okay, he's giving his thumbs up, so no crying/screaming/LOLsuit threats when I do. Now let's see, how best to target this...I think I'll poke around for any available EXIF data...there's a YouTube account with the name, I might be able to get some goods from there. I know he's in Seattle, Washington, so that certainly narrows it down. Oh, I guess first and foremost I should check to see if Fark (or any of those other sites/links) has ever been hacked. If they have and if the data has been publicly exposed then I can probably get some relevant usernames and passwords (which I can then test out on sites that would likely have ~all~ of his personal information.) Actually, I should just check *ALL* the publicly available haxored usernames/password combos I can find. Because it's very likely that he uses "Dbaggins" as his username on a multitude of sites...so if any of those sites has ever been hacked and so forth, then I just need to run a general search for the username and see if any passwords come out. Hee, this should be fun, I haven't had a good DOX "hunt" in awhile (and normally you don't get a person's direct permission to do it). Mmmm, by the by, it should also be noted that every instance of that fairly unique username so far has only elicited results from a ~very~ strong left-wing perspective. ASSuming that they're different people you would ~expect~ to see some VARIETY in their perspectives/points of view...but not only do they share the SAME base perspectives they also share the SAME general writing/typing style and mannerisms, further solidifying the proof that our little gun nut did indeed try and purposefully vandalize the article...well, that and obviously his completely retarded "reasoning" (he says he wants it deleted because he thinks other users will find it "too long to read"). *rolls eyes* Seriously, you would think a left-wing nut job could come up with a ~slightly~ more sane/less incomprehensible form of defense.
 

 
 

Facebook like.png [[User:Schnookums|Schnookums]] likes this.

2013: FatBoy (not so) Slim joins EDF2[edit]

something doesn't add up
He has a lot of free time now

During his whipping from 888chan, he was asked why he never went to the forum. Taking this as a dare, he immediately took the bait and made an account. On EDF2 he engaged in numerous petty arguments, wrote many a text wall and soon became the forum's new punching bag. Over a few short months he became the target for everyone's persistent trolling and a source of lulz and had to put half the users on ignore and had to use his "1337 hacking skills" to block out all images and even put the mods on ignore who were trolling him as well (Or so he claims. There is a good chance he was just pretending not to see the posts he didn't like), all this just to escape his tormentors. Eventually he annoyed innocent shitposter Likeicare who began a heroic quest to mercilessly troll Onideus, during which Onideus put him on ignore while trying to evade the subject of him possessing child porn. Much to the diaperfag's dismay, his constant abuse of privileges and nonstop complaining to staff about being trolled not only did not stop Likeicare, but transformed him into a Super Saiyan 4 Moderator and Sysop as a reward.

In a fit of massive butthurt and jealousy over his troll being promoted to a higher rank than him on the site, Onideus claimed that Likeicare was a drug dealer who was funneling crack sale revenue into the site and declared that he is leaving ED under the false pretense of hiding from the police. However, since he has no life, Onideus couldn't ragequit for longer than a single day and came back within 24 hours threatening to call the police on likeicare. Much lulz ensued as a result, but the fun was cut short when a mod got in the way, like the Jew he is, and fagtagged the crying babyfur.

After being fagtagged on the forum, Zaiger proceeded to remove all of Onideus' wiki privileges and, when this resulted in even more butthurt, from the forum as well. The reign of autism was over.

Onideus not an admin anymore.jpg
Onideus redirected.jpg


Highlights from his time as admin About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

Taking down and creating a new ED[edit]

Former admin Onideus and his new role as Encyclopedia Dramatica's unofficial back-seat driver.

After his ban, Onideus vowed to take down ED and start his own ED instead (again). To accomplish this he reached into his usual bag of tricks that never work. First promising to DDoS the site (there is no evidence of him ever actually succeeding in DDoSing anything), then by threatening to hotlink to the site and somehow destroy it by giving it more traffic. When both things failed he threatened to report the site for copyright infringement, emailed CloudFlare to report illegal images he himself once uploaded and, when all else failed, promised to file a lolsuit against the site for the money he donated (an amount that fluctuates between $500 and $5,000 but is actually zero). Just like all his previous attempts to take down a website, there is no sign that any of this worked or will work. Understanding this, he now claims that he is not going to take down ED, he will just steal its users with his new site when it goes down because it will soon destroy itself.

His sock accounts[edit]

After he was banned from ED, Onidifag created a fuckload of sockpuppets with the hope of "getting revenge" on ED. Though he desperately tried to cover it up, it showed in some way or another and that ultimately led up to him getting banned over and over again. Some of these sockpuppets include:


   
 
BUT, worry not, because a *NEW* mirror of ED is in the works! And it may just wind up being the ~original~ site if things pan out in that direction...well, the original site plus all the stuff that's been added in the past couple years (which is mostly all my stuff and Gray's stuff when you get right down to it).


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
By the by, it should be noted that I actually have the direct means to completely wipe the current ED mirror off the face of reality itself at basically any time I want...although to be honest that won't be ~nearly~ as satisfying as simply sitting back and watching you self-destructive little retards fuck it up all on your own.


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
I might give a limited demonstration...although if I'm not careful it could spiral all out of control and topple the entire site over (especially since it's never actually been attempted on a site as big as ED). See me and a few others came up with this ~real~ nasty idea a couple years back for something we call a "Reverse DDoS Attack" or RDDS attack. Basically it involves massively siphoning bandwidth off of a server en masse in order to get them hammered with with an unpayable bill or a complete site shut down. Mmmm, there's also TWO other forms I can likewise use, however that one is the most directed/expedient of the three.


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
You know...it's just occured to me that Zaiger is actually redirecting like...HALF of all CenturyLink users to the "kittens" page when they try and access the forums! LOL

At first I thought half the time I was just getting repeat IP addies assigned, but it turns out the retarded dipshit is actually redirecting WHOLE RANGES of CenturyLink IPs! o_O

...have I mentioned...~today~...how completely fucking STUPID Zaiger is? LOL
 


 
 

—Onideus on being banned from ED

   
 
It's not vengeance, it's equivocation. If I can't access the site, then no one should be able to access the site...it's as simple as that. There's no emotion involved in it at all, it's simply a matter of creating balance. But don't worry, I have the entire site archived and after I destroy the present iteration (or it destroys itself), then I'll simply resurrect the site.
 

 
 

—Onideus talking in jargon.


Currently he is still on Facebook, talking to himself about the terrible revenge he will soon exact upon ED when his new ED is up and running and, in his most pathetic attempt to date, claiming he had given all of ED's users' information to the FBI in a laughable attempt to scare them away. Essentially, he is the smelly, retarded fat kid who no one wants to play with. So he loudly plays alone yelling: "I'm having so much fun on my own! I don't need anybody else!" Trying to convince those who rejected him while wiping away his tears.

Blinking Baloon.gifBlinking Baloon.gif

OnibingoED.png

How he plans on accomplishing his new ED 3.11[edit]

This is genuinely how he plans on becoming the next ED. We did not make any of this up.

  1. Keep his current ED clone hidden from everyone Checkmark 2.gif
  2. Wait at least 1-3 years.
  3. Hope that Zaiger goes to jail for some reason or something
  4. Expect that Zaiger leaves the website behind when he goes to jail
  5. Pray that the website somehow goes down when Zaiger goes to jail
  6. Hope that no clones will pop-up
  7. Making sure his website caters to the same demographic as ED
  8. Making a website that is not like ED, but betterer.
  9. Somehow make it big afterwards.
  10.  ?????
  11. Profit.

It is a waterproof plan. Absolutely flawless.


2013-????: Facebook postings archive[edit]

Typical post.

Since the ED ban he has been doing an insane amount of posting to nobody but himself about how he wanted to take down ED, someone finally decided to respond. It was the insane arsonist and epic EDF2 lolcow known as MessyJessie who also has a grudge against ED. Their exchanges are exceptionally lulzy, as they either circlejerk each other, bitch about ED, flirt, or call each other out on their respective bullshit. For your convenience, we are collecting their exchanges into this handy archive.

Late July 2014: Pestering the CWCkiforums[edit]

About half a month since Onideus' ban from ED, the CWCkiforumites made a thread about him. The thread died after half a page due to catastrophic levels of no one giving a single pencil-dick fuck about that arrogant, Pampers-crapping landwhale. Exactly eight months later, while surfing the internet, Onideus happened to stumble upon the thread. Desperately egosurfing for someone....ANYONE to acknowledge his sad existence, he resurrected the thread. After it became obvious that he was wasting everyone's time, the mods locked the thread; but not before he could make a few idle threats here and there. After all this time, Onideus will still be Onideus. One can only hope he will ever learn from his past mistakes.

Blinking Baloon.gifBlinking Baloon.gif

Onideus stinks up the CWCki2.png

TL;DR version. He came to show off his adorable new diaper. No one was willing to put up with his childish antics. Chimpout. Smackdown. Extra paragraphs added to his ED page to mock his until the end of time.

Early 2016: The Return[edit]

As predictable as the tide, and equally without encouragement, Matt will return. He started off with a new wiki account, that nobody cared about. It wasn't until he started posting on EDF again, that the e-detectives decided to spill the beans. You see, Matt has actually been busy with creating a new ED, as he promised. Did he make a wiki complete from scratch? Does it have millions of articles? Is there even a wiki at all? The answer to all of those is no. Instead of doing that, Matt has created a Facebook group, with the name Fb-favicon.png Encyclopedia Dramatica. Yes, he is that original butthurt.
And in 4 years, he has amassed a total of 147 likes.
But because nobody cares about Matty, nobody paid him any attention until he started on the forums, and decided to badmouth some unknown fedora wearing faggot atheist, who incidentally is far cooler than Matt can ever hope to become. Long time Onideus fan, Likeicare had a sneaking suspicion about this being Matthew, probably so he could sleep better at night, having just jerked off to the fact that his favorite human being was back, only to get banned again. But it was all confirmed by Uberfukken in the thread Lolgo.png Borderline Retarded, Fedora Wearing Atheists Are Real.

Use scrollbar to see the full image

Onideus Is Purbles.png
Click image if you have shitty eyes

And what resulted from this revelation:

Purbles Banned LOL.jpg

Spiders Onideus Banned LOL.jpg


And nothing of value was lost

2017: The Re-Return[edit]

Onideus, much like Team Rocket, just doesn't seem to know when to fuck off. As usual, the fat aging autist returned for the trillionth time to the wiki to sperg out constantly and spam it with thousands of shitty images he stole off 9gag and Facebook. His current (and active, with advanced privileges) account is User:Mimkrys, and he has predicably sperged out on the wiki hard, being allowed to roam rampant due to lazy, drug-addled admins, alienating the small remaining user base in the process. He can also be seen blogging about shit nobody cares about in ED IRC.

After a hard day of googling himself he ventured onto Kiwi Farms to talk about his contributions to ED and the very fabric of the Internet. After seeing that the Kiwis weren't buying it he decided to prove his point by comparing himself to Likeicare, not realising that he himself also had a Kiwi Farms account. After Likeicare dropped into the thread to say a cheeky little hello, Onideus quickly started throwing around threats to destroy ED and Kiwi Farms, started posting links to Likeicares girlfriends facebook account, and even went so far as claiming that he could speak chinese and threatened to tell Likeys girlfriends parents what a naughty boy their future son-in-law was.

2018: The End?[edit]

Nuvola
Moar info: ZaigerGate.
Onideus bribed zaiger to keep his ED article deleted.png


For too long, the ED community was forced to watch with confusion as Onideus was repeatedly adminned, banned, unbanned and then adminned again for no discernible reason. However, in January 2018 the truth was finally revealed after the revelations of Zaigerberg Shekelstein's great betrayal, and Onideus' own accidental admissions (see screencap, above) that for the last 5 years Onideus had been making regular payments to Zaiger in return for being unbanned, admin privs, his article being deleted, and being protected from the wrath of the forum mods. Taking this new information into careful consideration, Likeicare who at this point was now the Final Boss Of The Internet made the decision to exile Onideus from the lands of ED, thus ending this chapter in Onideus career on ED until he inevitably makes a sock to vomit butthurt rants on the TJC.

Miscellaneous Slapfights[edit]

2008: Weev vs. Onideus[edit]

Onideus says infantilism isn't sexual.

Onideus likes to name-drop Weev (along with others) during slapfights and claim that the two used to "tag team troll" various individuals and communities. If by "Tag-team trolling" he actually means getting his diaper-sucking ass handed to him on IRC by Weev and company, that would be correct. This log shows Onideus on the receiving end of brutal verbal rape by one of the most notorious figures in ED history. As you can see, Weev & Co easily rip apart fatty's lies, which he is unable to keep straight on IRC where no one is willing to wait 10 minutes for him to finish writing his walls of text and think up convoluted excuses to cover his ass, and laugh at him when even his most grandiose exaggerations (such as being a super-troll who is working at Wal-mart which is a high-paying, respectable and fulfilling job that Onideus does for fun because he makes thousands of dollars making web designs) all pale in comparison to the life weev actually leads (ie- being an actual super-troll who makes it rain with his world class programming).

After weev leaves the hilarity continues as Onideus refuses to pick up the phone when people call his house, threatens to dox someone and ruin his life and, when he fails, dares him to give him his dox if he isn't chicken. Then he tells him that if he ever goes to any of his sites he will be doxed in a second, at which point the troll volunteers to do it, proving that, this too, was bullshit.

On a final note, at one point Onideus claims his mother has terminal lung cancer and, when confronted with the fact he is therefore mooching off his dying mother, admits she doesn't actually have lung cancer at all, she just smokes a little.

#buttes log - Weev vs. Onideus

Start of #buttes buffer: Wed Oct 01 12:19:12 2008
* Now talking in #buttes
* Topic is 'HEH�'
* Set by puntme on Sun Aug 03 05:32:09
* weev has joined #buttes
<weev> Onideus: what brings a sick, demented diaper wearing faggot like you to a place like this?
* zewb has joined #buttes
<Onideus> How do you know it's really me?
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> Oh, don't forget, I'm furry now too.
<Onideus> PS - Are you still taking credit for trolls you didn't do? ;)
<weev> i don't know what you're talking about
<weev> but please enlighten me
<weev> 06:08 < Onideus> PS - Are you still taking credit for trolls you didn't do? ;)
<weev> please elaborate on this
<weev> for one, please say what "troll" i claimed credit for
<Onideus> http://groups.google.com/group/alt.2600/msg/e94802cb82b3f0a9
<Onideus> *nods*
<zewb> hey onideus
<zewb> who was that lady that was knocking on your door saying telephone?
<zewb> was that your mom?
<Onideus> Yup
<zewb> can i talk to her some more? she sounded kind of hawt
<weev> what
<weev> what is this
<weev> 1) i have never posted to alt.2600
<weev> 2) nowhere in this have i posted to anything
<weev> 3) you're a fucking retard
<Onideus> LOL, my moms not hot, plus she's pretty old, plus she's probably gonna die of lung cancer soon
<weev> Onideus: please say what troll i have claimed credit for
<zewb> i thought her voice sounded a little raspy
<Onideus> Weev, I never said you ever posted to Usenet
<weev> 06:08 < Onideus> PS - Are you still taking credit for trolls you didn't do? ;)
<weev> elaborate on this statement
<weev> you have implied i am a posturing faggot
<weev> i want you to back up your implications
<Onideus> Take a guess, Weev.
<zewb> onideus i don't think you should be fooling around on the internet at this hour
<Onideus> Really, just take a guess at what I'm talking about.
<zewb> im going to call your mother
<weev> no
<weev> back it up
<weev> say what you're talking about
<weev> because 1) i don't take credit for anything i do
<weev> anything
<Onideus> Uh huh.
<weev> no seriously you're just a fucking diaper loving faggot talking out of your ass
<weev> how does it feel to unload a big load of shit into a piece of cloth 
<weev> do you ever scoop it out of your ass crack
<weev> and lick it
<Onideus> http://themedium.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/31/trolling-for-ethics-mattathias-schwartzs-awesome-piece-on-internet-poltergeists/#
  comment-147134
<Onideus> Weev, your "insults" are about as meaningful as your life (ie not).
<zewb> Onideus: do you still work at wally world?
<Onideus> Did I ever?  LOL
<Onideus> Survey says, "Yes"
<weev> wow
<zewb> yeah, i remember you saying you did
<Onideus> I say a lot of things.
<zewb> as a night stocker or something like that
<weev> you commented in a blog post about a nyt story in which i had a fullpage picture of me
<weev> how fascinating
<weev> are you ever relevant
<weev> to anything
<Onideus> Are you still taking credit for the Megan Had It Coming blog?
<weev> that was rfjason
<weev> you stupid faggot
<weev> read the fucking article
<weev> i didnt take credit for anything
<weev> in that article
<weev> or anywhere
<Onideus> Not in that article, no.
<weev> god you have the reading comprehension
<weev> of a fucking 4 year old
<weev> no dude
<weev> re-read the article
<weev> jason fortuny talks about megan had it coming
<Onideus> But people have been saying that you've been running at the mouth about it.
<zewb> onideus: i'd turn off your phones if i were you, otherwise they are going to be ringing all night
<weev> and that dude is a fucking stupid faggot that got trollde by his grandpa
<weev> no
<weev> you're confusing me
<weev> and jason
<weev> sorry
<weev> you just need to learn to fucking read
<Onideus> Nope, I know who Jason is.  I'm just telling you what I heard.
<weev> but i guess its hard when you're a quasiretarded single faggot 
<weev> no
<weev> i'm telling you
<weev> jason fortuny took credit for megan had it coming
<weev> IN THAT ARTICLE
<weev> and you misread it
<weev> and are now trying to backpedal
<Onideus> Yes, in THAT article.
<weev> when it was pointed out
<weev> that you are a fucking dipshit
<weev> that cant read
<weev> so let me tell you this
<zewb> onideus are you going to answer your phone?
<weev> i was not involved with that stupid blog
<Onideus> I'm talking about AFTER that article, supposedly you were running at the mouth about it, claiming you did it.
<weev> nor have i ever claimed to be
<weev> ...
<weev> "supposedly"
<weev> likely
<weev> someone else was confusing jason and i
<Onideus> Zweb - I can't really talk and type at the same time, so not right now.
<weev> which was apparently a very common thing
<zewb> i don't sleep, onideus, and i have 300 minutes on this phone
<weev> hint hint: im the one with the rolls royce and the hot girls
<weev> �not claiming credit for anything
<Onideus> Well, if you say so.  Like I said, it's just a rumor.
<weev> no
<weev> like i said
<weev> you can't read
<weev> and are a quasiretarded dude with no life
<Onideus> LOL, keep insulting me child, I can pretend to care if it'll make you feel any better.  ^__^
<weev> im not insulting you
<Onideus> Reality check 
<weev> im just callin it like i see it
<Onideus> You believe everything you read online then?
<weev> Reality check: you are a fucking faggot
<Onideus> What's wrong with faggots?
<weev> Reality check: the meals i ate this week cost more than you make in 2 months
<zewb> i got all night matt
<zewb> all fucking night
<weev> Reality check: i am currently in europe in a 5 star hotel
<Onideus> Weev - everyone on the Internet is rich.
<weev> Reality check: I'm on speedballs right now
<Onideus> Weev - you overcompensate *WAY* too much.
<Onideus> That's why you won't ever go on Usenet
<zewb> overcompensate for what?
<weev> Onideus - yes well, I have pictures all over the internet of me being rich, and in multiple hotels that are 2k+ per night
<weev> and rolling around in a 600k car
<Onideus> You know you'd get ripped all apart in a heartbeat
<weev> etc etc
<weev> i dont overcompensate
<weev> i dont give a fuck
<weev> im just providing contrast here
<weev> you're a fucking faggot
<weev> with no life
<weev> i'm just letting you know the gap between you and me
<zewb> http://pics.livejournal.com/weev/pic/00082dqf
<zewb> lol
<Onideus> You do, idiot, even if all that shit is true, the fact that you use it as means of trying to establish your "worth" proves 
  your overcompensation.
<Onideus> The fact is, you're a worthless human being who produces nothing, does nothing and all the shit you blow money on is just a 
  pathetic excuse to try and make you feel like you matter.
<weev> wealth and luxury doesnt make my life worthwhile, but it sure makes me enjoy myself more than shitting in a diaper
<weev> you should try it sometime
<weev> spend 1 day being me
<weev> get a driver, rent a car that costs 4k/night, get the biggest suite at the nicest hotel
<weev> get a gigantic sack of drugs
<Onideus> I make as much money as I choose to make.  I prefer having FREE TIME though, more than money.
<weev> a few hot girls
<weev> or guys
<weev> to suck your dick all night long
<weev> lollll
<weev> i work 1 hour a week dude
<Onideus> So yer a spoiled rich kid, gotcha
<weev> haha
<weev> i was born in a trailer park
<weev> i was homeless at 14
<Onideus> Uh huh
<Onideus> Like Eminem
<weev> keep guessing!
<Onideus> Why would I bother?
<weev> but lets stop talkinga bout me
<weev> when we can get back to you
<zewb> onideus: i know it's a little late for this, but http://gynecomastiavests.com/
<weev> lets run through the bullet points
<weev> 1) you are poor and single
<zewb> this should help you with your moob problem
<weev> 2) you arent even accepted in troll communities
<weev> where the bar is ludicriously low
<weev> 3) you shit in a diaper
<zewb> 4) not even accepted at sakura-con
<zewb> where there isn't even a bar
<weev> yeah dude
<weev> NOT EVEN ACCEPTED AT A FUCKING ANIME CONVENTION
<weev> LOL
<weev> REJECTED BY WEEABOOS
<weev> HAHAHAHAHA
<weev> oh man
<Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  2. I troll Webbie fucktard wannabe trolls, so of course I'm not "accepted" 
  amongst yer deficient breed.
<zewb> and now he's afraid of talking to me on the phone
<zewb> Onideus: you live with your mother
<zewb> Onideus: i just spoke to her, remember?
<Onideus> Like I said, kiddo, why don't you come on over to Usenet some time.  Afraid?
<weev> hahaha CALLED OUT BY ZEWB
<weev> hahaha CALLED OUT BY ZEWB
<weev> hahaha CALLED OUT BY ZEWB
<zewb> i don't talk on newsgroups or forums
<zewb> i prefer real time communication
<zewb> preferrably with my voice
<Onideus> Zewb, my mom lives at my house, she bought land in Colorado but can't build anything on it until the land is paid off, so 
  she's living at my house in the meantime.  Which is great for me because she pays have the monthly mortgage.
<Onideus> She also cooks and cleans, which is added bonus.
<zewb> Onideus: LOL. if SHE pays the mortgage, then how do you OWN the house?
<Onideus> She pays me $400 a month, which I then use to pay part of MY mortgage, dumbass.
<zewb> you are caught in a web of lies
<weev> man
<Onideus> LOL, a web of lies.
<weev> this is so hilarious
<zewb> just give up while you still can
<Onideus> Oh shit, what am I gonna do now?!
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> 06:26 < Onideus> 1. If I'm so poor, how is it I own my own house?  <- MOM PAYS HIS RENT, LOL
<weev> man
<Onideus> Free cl00, rich boi, mortgage != rent
<zewb> in any case, if you pay mortgage, you don't own the house
<weev> we got to add this to the bullet points
<weev> 5) lives with mom
<Onideus> Zewb - how old are you exactly?  12?
<Onideus> You sounded pretty young on the phone.
<weev> 12 was a great age for zewb and i
<Onideus> 5 - mom lives with me
<zewb> i just have a very sexy voice
<weev> at 12 i first tried acid, first got blown
<zewb> im 19 actually
<weev> first made 6 figures at 12
<weev> man
<weev> i wish i was still a minor
<weev> and could violate federal law all the time
<Onideus> That's great Weev, why don't you write a book about it, see how many people care.
<weev> i miss being an msr206 terrorist =[
<zewb> he is
<weev> yeah
<Onideus> LOL
<weev> my novel has autobiographical elements but is mainly fiction
<Onideus> Uh huh
<weev> but i already got a big name literary agent for it
<zewb> onideus: are you jewish?
<Onideus> Yeah, I'm Jewish, I did WTC!
<weev> that was the one good thing
<weev> that came out of the NYT article
<Onideus> Dradel, dradel, dradel...
<weev> i lost all my depositors and all my business
<weev> but
<weev> literary agents would talk to me
<Onideus> Weev, hey Weev, guess what?  I don't give a shit!  LOL
<zewb> then why are you still here?
<zewb> and answer your fucking phone
<Onideus> Boredom
<zewb> its not like i can do anything to you over the phone
<Onideus> Because I don't feel like typing and talking at the same time.
<Onideus> Call me later.
<weev> lol
<zewb> why?
<zewb> you're typing and shitting at the same time
<weev> okay dudes
<weev> �
<weev> �
<weev> �
<weev> who is around
<weev> i need someone to give an objective judgement on this
<zewb> why can't you type, shit, and talk at the same time?
<abez> weev: what
<Onideus> Because I don't want to.  Duh.  Besides, I don't know how old you are, generally not a good idea to be talking with complete 
  strangers on the phone when they sound under-age.
<weev> abez: okay
<weev> abez: Onideus 
<weev> 1) is poor and single and lives with his mom
<zewb> Onideus: Oh come on, you don't even know who I am
<weev> 2) isnt accepted in troll or anime convention communities where the aspies have made the bar ridiculously low
<weev> 3) shits in a diaper
<zewb> Onideus: You have an infantilism fetish, and you're afraid to be around minors?
<Onideus> If I shit in a diaper I'm sure you have some proof of it.
<Onideus> Oh, no, I guess you don't.
<Onideus> LOL
<weev> abez: please describe how fucking pathetic this guy's life is on a scale of 1 to 10
<weev> where 1 would be like, not so bad
<weev> and 10 would be poor single lives with mom diaperfur bad
<abez> weev: now you could be a retard  and that would only get you a 7
<abez> weev: but he takes it up a notch
<abez> 8
<zewb> yeah i'd say about 8
<Onideus> You kids really are clueless.
<zewb> i've met more worthless people
<zewb> but he's definitely up there
<weev> yes
<weev> i totally dont have life figured out
<zewb> i could get a better opinion if he would at least answer his phone
<Onideus> I mean, let's think about this...I once enraged a guy to the point where he hacked in and defaced the front of the NAMBLA 
  website with pictures of me...now if *THAT* didn't bother me...yeah...best check yerselves.
<weev> thats why i just got a blowjob in barcelona a day after dropping acid at belmonte castle
<weev> i dont know shit
<weev> about life
<weev> nothing figured out here!
<weev> Onideus: i'm not trying to bother you dude
<Onideus> Honestly, watching you kids...it's like I'm being verbally assaulted by spastic, retarded 3rd graders.
<weev> i couldnt give a shit about what you feel
<Onideus> Uh huh
<Onideus> Boy, *THAT* sure sounds convincing.
<weev> this is more some theatre
<zewb> why do you have to stoop to these petty little insults?
<weev> for everyone else in the channel
<rattata> Onideus: gifted or nongifted 3rd graders?
<zewb> we're just trying to have a conversation
<zewb> we're trying to help you matt
<zewb> we're your friends
* rattata is now known as thirdgrader
<Onideus> LOL, "friends" online are only enemies that don't have the guts to kill you.
<zewb> can you give the phone back to your mom?
<zewb> i want to ask her where she went wrong
<weev> so says the guy who has no friends
<weev> you know what i consider my friends? the people i gallavant around the world and make hundreds of thousands of dollars with
<Onideus> I think she went back to bed, Zewb.
<weev> friendship and community are the two most important values of life
<Onideus> You must be pretty hard up though if yer interessted in my mom.
<zewb> dude ill fuck anyone
<zewb> a pussy's a pussy
<Onideus> ...yeah
<Onideus> 12
<Onideus> definetly
<zewb> no matter how saggy and liverspotty it is
<zewb> i will put my dick in and around it
<weev> ive fucked 12 year olds and ive fucked 40 year olds
<Onideus> So if Shay were still alive, would you hit that?
<weev> the 40 year olds were consistently better
<zewb> well, i'm not sure if its scientifically possible
<zewb> but i'd give it the old college try
<Onideus> ...and you people are trying to accuse *ME* of being some kind of sick fuck.  Irony, mmm...
<zewb> sure, sarah palin might be kind of a moron
<zewb> but i'd piss in her ass
<weev> she's a fucking kike
<weev> sarah palin
<weev> did you know that?
<weev> a big fucking jew
<weev> her mom is a jew
<zewb> i'd buttfuck her all the same
<weev> and her dad doesnt openly claim to be jewish but his mom is a jew
<zewb> just to see the look on her face
<Onideus> I was a Jew once, when I did WTC.
<weev> i would perhaps beat her with a section of lead pipe
<thirdgrader> palin is juden?  
<weev> and then sodomize her with it
<weev> thirdgrader: correct
<weev> thirdgrader: cryptojew
<thirdgrader> I thought that there was a no jews in the executive clause in the constitution
<zewb> i normally do girls in the butt because i don't like eye contact
<weev> thirdgrader: "The only flag at my office is an Israeli flag," she was quoted as saying
<thirdgrader> nothing surprises me about american politics at this point
<Onideus> Um, Zewb, I realize yer balls haven't yet dropped, but uh, doing it "doggy style" doesn't mean up the ass.
<thirdgrader> I've hit bottom
<weev> yeah dude
<weev> 2012
<thirdgrader> it took a while, but I got there
<weev> its the apocalypse
<weev> are you prepared?
* thirdgrader is now known as rattus
<zewb> Onideus: when did i say doggy style?
<weev> you have maybe
<weev> 2 years
<rattus> not quite yet, but I'm getting there
<weev> to get your shit together
<weev> the big pogrom is coming
<zewb> look at you man
<weev> the jews are clenching their fists
<zewb> you're putting words in my mouth
<Onideus> Weev, do you have a tin foil hat?
<zewb> ha ha now he realizes he fucked up and changes the subject to tin foil hats
<zewb> you're pathetic
<zewb> you are a pathetic human being
<weev> Onideus: no, i have my finger on the nearly dead pulse of the markets
<Onideus> I'm trolling you, huh Newb, yer, Zewb, sorry, everytime I see your nyme I think Newb.
<weev> 06:45 < Onideus> I'm trolling you, huh Newb, yer, Zewb, sorry, everytime I see your nyme I think Newb.06:45 < Onideus> I'm 
  trolling you, huh Newb, yer, Zewb, sorry, everytime I see your nyme I think Newb.06:45 < Onideus> I'm trolling you, huh Newb, yer, 
  Zewb, sorry, everytime I see your nyme I think Newb.06:45 < Onideus> I'm trolling you, huh Newb, yer, Zewb, sorry, everytime I see 
  your nyme I think Newb.06:45 < Onideus> I'm trolling you, huh Newb,
<weev> HAHAHA
<weev> FAILURE
<rattus> Onideus: weev is a TFH gold level reseller.  you owe him royalties, bitch
<Onideus> LOL, I loved the semi-crassh, I made good money.  I sold off a few hundred shares of my Wal*Mart stock back on the 18th when 
  it was around $63, now it's down to around $58.
<zewb> i thought you didn't work for walmart
<Onideus> When did I say that?
<weev> o"His salary at Walmart is unknown"
<weev> LOL
<zewb> <zewb> Onideus: do you still work at wally world?
<zewb> <Onideus> Did I ever?  LOL
<Onideus> You don't believe everything you read online, do you?
<weev> lets add another bullet point
<Onideus> Oh wait, you do, because you think I wear diapers.  LOL
<weev> to the slideshow of onideus' life
<weev> 4) works at wal-amrt
<Onideus> Onideus is just a character, kiddo.
<Onideus> It's nice to see your how serious your Internets business is.
<zewb> says the guy who is afraid to talk to the scary internet people on the phone
<Onideus> Zewb, I don't like talking on the phone, that's just me, it reminds me too much of Angie.
<zewb> so why did you actually go out of your way to answer the phone when your mom knocked on your door?
<Onideus> I figured it might be important, a client call.
<Onideus> Although I always tell them to e-mail.
<Onideus> Some of them still call though, although I don't always pick up.
<zewb> you're "clients" don't need to call you for help, they just see the blue vest that reads CAN I HELP YOU and they come over
<weev> what kind of clients call at 3am?? oh yeah, the kind that like to spank him, scold him and make him shit in a diaper
<Onideus> Weev - The Internet actually spans the *WHOLE* world.  Look up something called "time zones", it's gonna be BIG!
<weev> you're in wa
<weev> its 3am there isnt it?
<weev> or did i do the math wrong
<zewb> i think its 4
<Onideus> It's 4
<weev> sorry im in barcelona
<zewb> its 6 in CST
<weev> okay well
<weev> hey
<weev> so 1hr off, my burn is still completely valid
<Onideus> Zewb - I don't normally deal with customers at Wal*Mart, or at least I try not to.  One of the reasons why I usually work at 
  night.
<zewb> Onideus: i thought you didn't work there
<zewb> you keep flip flopping
<weev> wal-mart customers dont call you at home
<Onideus> I like working at Wal*Mart because they let me do whatever I want.
<weev> onideus is a part time infantilist prostitute
<Onideus> *gasp*  You mean I contradict myself on teh Interwebs?!  Holy shit no way!
<weev> onideus is a part time infantilist prostitute
<weev> onideus is a part time infantilist prostitute
<Onideus> ...what the hell is an infantilist prostitute...that doesn't even make sense.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> someone needs a dictionary
<Onideus> Infantilism is role playing...not so much about sex...unless yer a diaper lover, but that's not the same thing.
<zewb> infantilism is a sexual fetish
<Onideus> Not always.
<Onideus> Or so they claim.
<zewb> you can claim it's just roleplay and all that
<zewb> and you can claim its nonsexual
<zewb> but
<zewb> http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/Image:MoultonUsenetFail2.jpg
<zewb> you claim here that after orgasm you lose all sexual interest in diapers
<zewb> which indicates that before orgasm, you have a sexual interest in diapers
<Onideus> Right, and I also claimed I was Irish once...and a vampire...and Jewish...
<Onideus> And a furry.
<Onideus> And a blood fetishist
<Onideus> What's your point?
<zewb> well i don't remember any of that
<zewb> my point is
<zewb> you are both a pedophile
<zewb> and a pathological liar
<Onideus> Of course you don't, you weren't around and all the Hatter Addicts just like to obsess over a select few diaper fetish posts.  
  The last thing they'll do is point out the ensuing flame wars I caused as a result of said postings.
<Onideus> The true fact is, I completely ripped apart the adult baby community and effectively destroyed their online communities for 
  quite some time.
<Onideus> After the "forced outing" I implemented.
<Onideus> Well, Tommy helped too.
<zewb> everything i am saying is backed up by concrete evidence
<zewb> everything you say is simply pulled out of your ass
<Onideus> Right, random posts on Usenet are concrete evidence.
<zewb> well yeah
<zewb> when you post something on the internet, it stays there forever
<Onideus> Then try this: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.usenet.kooks/msg/31804acd3d6ecf06
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> Not always Zewb.
<weev>   06:53 < Onideus> Infantilism is role playing...not so much about sex...unless yer a diaper lover, but that's not the            
        same thing.
<weev> look at him trying to veil his degeneracy in intellectualism
<Onideus> Hipcrime, back in the late 90s, destroyed a signifanct amount of my Usenet posts...although there's still evidence because 
  they didn't target the replies.
<zewb> Onideus: I don't know, man, from the looks of those posts, it looks like you're the one getting trolled
<zewb> if you actually remember someone deleting your posts in the 90s, you must have been trolled pretty hard
<Onideus> Uh huh, I'm sure the 50,000 post flame war I incurred in teh volatile Usenet groups was all me getting trolled...riiiight
<zewb> eh, yeah, i could visualize 50,000 people trolling you
<Onideus> Um, dumbass, Hipcrime isn't a single person.  Yeesh, fucking n00bs.
<Onideus> (no doubt you're googling them as I type)
<Onideus> That really was cool what I did to the adult babies though, Tommy and I ran this mailing list opertion where users had to give 
  their IRL identities and this was back in the 90s whe everyone was ignorant.  We then turned right around and forced everyone out of 
  the diaper closet.
<zewb> no, actually i was in my kitchen looking for something to drink
<Onideus> One guy even got dishonrably discharged from the military because of it.
<zewb> that doesn't sound very believable, matt
<zewb> i think you're making it up
<Onideus> LOL, believe you want, Kiddo.  Go ask any adult baby about "Matthew Moulton", they'll let you know.
<Onideus> Those people want to fucking kill me.
<zewb> you really think they would waste money kicking a soldier out of the military because of some internet rumor?
<zewb> come on matt
<zewb> if you're going to lie to me
<zewb> at least put some thought into it
<Onideus> This was back in the 90s, dumbass, the Internet was different back then.
<weev> look at this faggot
<weev> talking about his former glory
<weev> as a usenet poster
<weev> LOL
<Onideus> Is it liak you, talking about all your supposed money, cars, women and drug addiction?
<Onideus> *nods*
<Onideus> Here's a lovely gem: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.flame/msg/7c40a63eea26ff44
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> For reference that girl "Trinity" never actually existed, she was one of my socks.
<Onideus> That was the d00d who did the Nambla defacement, that post there represents how I got back at him for it.
<zewb> Onideus: in any case, do you really think i'm going to be impressed by your 90s usenet trolling? you're an extremely fat man who 
  gets through life by working as a shelf stocker at wal mart and leeching off his terminally ill mother
<Onideus> I made him fall in love with one of my sock puppets, then brutally attacked said sock puppet and then later exposed the fact 
  that his online love was nothing more than a one way fantasy.
<weev> oh man, you posted shit on the internet
<weev> BRILLIANT
<Onideus> Zewb, who said my mom was terminally ill?
<zewb> you
<zewb> you said she had lung cancer
<zewb> last time i checked, lung cancer was quite a fatal disease
<weev> i hope the chemo doesnt work
<weev> and she dies
<Onideus> And I'd hardly call the $400 a month she gives me to be "leeching".  That may seem like a lot of money to a kid like you, but 
  not so much to adults like me.
<weev> so he'll be homeless
<weev> LOL
<Onideus> She *MIGHT* have cancer...or probably has it...or will have...she's a fuckin chain smoker.
<zewb> Onideus: if you stock shelves at walmart thats almost twice your salary
<zewb> so you lied about that too?
<zewb> it just never ends
<Onideus> Uh, dumbass, I don't stock shelves at Wal*Mart...well, sometimes I do, but that's not my primary job function.  And I make 
  eight times that working at Wal*Mart part time...not to mention all the money I make off doing freelance work.
<Onideus> Zewb, the trick with me is that I always mix lies with truth.
<Onideus> It's never *JUST* a lie or *JUST* the truth.
<zewb> <Onideus> Uh, dumbass, I don't stock shelves at Wal*Mart...well, sometimes I do, but that's not my primary job function.
<weev> hahahaha
<zewb> no comment
<weev> wow
<zewb> someone topic that shit
<weev> "almost eight times that"
<Onideus> Weev, Wal*Mart pays its employeess really well, despite what all the Wal*Mart haet groups would like you to think.
<zewb> Onideus: oh please, if you made 8 times your salary at wal-mart, then why would you waste your time working there?
<weev> well to be honest dude
<Onideus> Pretty much as long as you're not in a flunkie position you're making between 20 and 40 thousand a year.
<weev> the maximum someone can make at wal-mart
<weev> in washington
<weev> is $80k
<weev> as a store manager
<zewb> Onideus: the average wage for a wal-mart employee is like 300 bucks a week. if you consider that good pay, then i have more pity 
  for you than i did before
<weev> thats the maximum they pay
<weev> and that isnt a part time job
<weev> $80k is roughly $40/hr
<weev> which is far far less the $9-ish an hour that a stocker makes
<weev> err
<weev> far far less than eight times
<weev> in fact
<weev> there is no hourly or salaried job that you can work in any wal-mart store
<weev> that is eight times the minimum wage they pay
<Onideus> Zewb, it depends on where you live.  If this were Seattle I would agree, but here in Walla Walla that's good money considering 
  you can get a *REALLY* nice house for only $150,000
<zewb> Onideus: no, i actually know for a fact that the walmarts in seattle pay their employees about 300 bucks a week
<Onideus> Um, Weev, stock men/women don't actually stock shelves you know, they unload the trucks.
<zewb> Onideus: i read a recent news story about how panhandlers at a walmart in your area make more money than the walmart employees do
<weev> whatever, point is
<weev> the fac that you "sometimes" stock shelves shows you're a peon
<weev> and you can't possibly make more than $14/hr
<Onideus> Zewb, there are no panhandlers in this area, mostly because the cops would kick their asses and then drive them out of town 
  and dump them off.
<zewb> panhandling is legal
<Onideus> Weev, our store manager sometimes stocks shelves, you do what needs to be done.
<weev> okay well
<weev> you make no fucking money
<weev> and are poor
<zewb> you're not even the manager?
<weev> and live with your mom
<weev> thats all that needs to be covered
<zewb> not only do you live with your mom
<zewb> you leech off of her
<zewb> you leech off an old, dying widow
<Onideus> If I'm walking the floor and doing inventory and a customer walks up to me and is looking for something that isn't on the 
  shelf, I'll go get it and stock it.  Or if I come in and see something important is empty on the shelf, I'll go in the back and 
  restock that item.
<Onideus> I'm a department manager.
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<Onideus> And my mom lives with me, it's my house, my name is the only one on the title.
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<zewb> a department manager who needs his mom to help out with rent
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<weev> http://www.payscale.com/research/US/Employer=Wal-Mart_Stores%2c_Inc/Hourly_Rate
<weev> "almost eight times"
<weev> more like
<weev> $12/hr
<weev> lolllll
<Onideus> I don't "need" help from my mom, Dumbass.  Although I certainly wouldn't turn it down.  Unlike you, I don't hate my mother.
<zewb> HA HA HA
<zewb> if you don't hate her, then why are you making her pay your rent?
<weev> Onideus: did your mother "charge" you rent when she raised you, and made you play the candy game with your strange uncle
<Onideus> Because she wants to, it's not like I'm forcing her, dumbass.
<weev> perhaps thats why he's an infantilist now =[
<Onideus> Candy game?
<zewb> if my mom offered to help me with my rent, i would turn it down
<zewb> even if i actually needed it
<Onideus> Why?
<zewb> unlike you, i'm not too keen on the idea of suckling my mom's financial teat
<Onideus> That doesn't make sense.
<Onideus> If you're living in someone's house, you help out, you pay them "rent"...that's just the way it is.
<Onideus> If you didn't, it would make you feel like a moocher.
<weev> lol
<zewb> but it's your own mother
<zewb> who has cancer
<zewb> what kind of dick would charge his own, terminally ill mother rent?
<weev> yeah
<weev> seriously
<zewb> are you that much of a fucking jew?
<zewb> what do you do when she doesn't pay on time, toss her out on the street?
<zewb> put her in a third-rate retirement home?
<Onideus> I never check to see if she "pays on time", she automatically deposits the money into my account, I really don't pay much 
  attention to it.  Not to mention she usually gets most of it back since I'm always buying stuff for her and fixing the place up.
<weev> if my mom needed it i'd buy her a house
<Onideus> Weev, you couldn't afford to buy a house.
<weev> haha
<Onideus> Haha, remember who is addicted to drugs?
<Onideus> How much do you spend on crack every day?
<Onideus> You can quit anytime though, amiright?
<zewb> lol here's captain fatass talking about health risks
<weev> lol 
<zewb> speaking of health risks i need a cigarette, brb
<Onideus> Uh huh, I'm really not very "fat"...well, compared to a crack addict like you I guess I am.
<weev> i dont smoke crack
<weev> i do a lot of drugs
<weev> on the weekends
<weev> but not crack
<weev> cocaine, sure
<Onideus> Uh huh.
<zewb> Onideus: I've seen your pictures
<zewb> http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/File:Madhatter_workin.jpg
<zewb> this giant pouch of fat under your jaw says different
<Onideus> Weev, there are only two kinds of people...those that don't do drugs...and those that are addicted to drugs.
<weev> loooool
<zewb> well smoke marijuana but i'm not addicted to it
<zewb> *i smoke marijuana
<weev> okay well
<weev> before i did drugs
<weev> you know what i did?
<weev> i worked PLCs in poultry plants
<weev> for $20/hr
<weev> then i started doing ketamine and acid
<Onideus> Zewb, I'm about 30 pounds lighter than I was in that picture, at the moment.  Although my weight doesn't bother me, so even if 
  I gained the 30 pounds back I wouldn't care.
<weev> got in on a dotcom
<zewb> i eat lots of psychedelic mushrooms
<weev> made some real cash
<weev> then joined a FIS
<weev> who funded my hedge fund
<weev> crazy that
<zewb> im pretty much broke, but at least i don't work at walmart
<zewb> i usually make money by selling dangerous drugs to america's youth
<weev> one of the former chairmans of the chicago mercantile exchange i first did cocaine with
<Onideus> Yeah Weev, I know yer type, bullshit artists, you ran around doing the "tech boom" trying to sell yourself off as some kind 
  techy guru, selling shit you didn't even understand...until it all went to shit.
<weev> Onideus: yeah, sounds like me
<weev> i made big pile sof money
<weev> what did you do?
<weev> oh yeah, you worked at wal-mart :D
<zewb> and ate ding dongs
<Onideus> Truth be told, the tech boom would have never burst...had those claiming they had the skills actually had them.  It collapsed 
  because the majority were a bunch of poser class flunkies who couldn't even code a simplistic website.
<rattus> Onideus is an intellectual
<weev> well
<weev> i actually have the skills
<weev> ive been the performance engineer for a number of alexa top1000 websites
<rattus> weev: you can make websites?  I'm envious.
<Onideus> I work at Wal*Mart primarily for the exercise, all the money I make at Wal*Mart goes directly into Wal*Mart stock, my "living" 
  is made off of contract, freelance work.
<weev> the smallest of which is ED
<zewb> ha ha ha
<weev> http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/File:Madhatter_workin.jpg <- clearly gets all his "exercise" at wally world
<zewb> <Onideus> I work at Wal*Mart primarily for the exercise,
<Onideus> Health benefits too, easier to get them through Wal*Mart than doing it on my own via a private healthcare insurer.
<Onideus> The bonuses and discounts are real nice too.
<Onideus> Plus I get to set my own hours.
<zewb> Onideus: you work for a company that spies on its own employees to prevent union activity
<rattus> wow
* rattus reads the ED page
<Onideus> Uh, no dumbass, we don't *WANT* a union.  All a union would do is fuck us over and take all our bonus money.
<zewb> Onideus: any wetback could take your place for 5 bucks an hour
<zewb> you missed the point
<zewb> you work for a company that doesn't give a shit about you
<Onideus> Zewb, Wal*Mart makes enough money that even if it didn't give a shit about its employees it still pays them really well and 
  showers them with benefits, bonuses and discounts.
<zewb> wal-mart hires 3 types of people: mexican border jumpers, senile old people with arthritis, and incredibly fat people.
<zewb> and thats not including the chinks who glue tables together in the factories in china
<Onideus> Zewb, are you trying to be cliche or are you really that stupid?
<zewb> walmart workers, like walmart customers, are lowest common denominator, lower-middle class garbage
<Onideus> Uh huh, does it make you feel good to try and talk shit about Wal*Mart customers and employees?
<weev> haha
<weev> did you know
<weev> that wal-mart hires a fulltime team
<zewb> lol yeah
<weev> of psychiatrists
<weev> and psychologists
<zewb> in fact
<weev> and gives them a private jet
<weev> and what they do
<weev> is fly around the country
<weev> and bust up unions
<zewb> im going to call the walmart you work at nonstop tomorrow
<weev> by profiling all the people that will potentially unionize
<weev> and forcing a couple to have psychotic episodes
<weev> and having the rest fired
<zewb> also
<weev> thats how much wal-mart is scared of fair wages
<Onideus> I see you've been reading shit on WalMartwatch.com
<Onideus> You really do believe everything you read online.
<weev> no i read about it in the economist actually
<weev> i think its brilliant
<zewb> most wal-marts have a 3 strikes and your out policy with meeting stocking quotas; if some poor old geezer with arthritis in both 
  hands can't stock those shelves fast enough, they throw him out on the street
<weev> i have a lot of respect for walmart as a company
<weev> my family is friends with the blairs and the waltons
<weev> they are sharp people
<rattus> weev: the economist is also published on its webpage
<rattus> therefore it is bullshit
<rattus> flawless logic
<zewb> wal-mart is brutal
<weev> yeah dude
<Onideus> Zewb - we don't fire people for "not going fast enough".
<weev> they are awesome business people
<weev> Onideus: were that true, it would be pretty fucking stupid of you
<zewb> they are evil, evil mother fuckers
<Onideus> Like I said, Wal*Mart makes enough money that we don't need to screw people over.
<zewb> but they know how to run a business
<weev> you know what i do to people in my operation that lag?
<weev> i fucking call them up
<weev> and be like
<weev> you're a fucking bum
<weev> now you're fired
<zewb> wal-mart has a very very simple plan that works very very well
<Onideus> Yeah, treat everyone really well.
<weev>   lol
<weev> Onideus has been propagandized
<zewb> they have products made in their chinese sweatshops that cost about 30 cents to make, and they sell it in the US for $9.95, 
  which, to us, is a very low price
<Onideus> Hell I got a lovely $500 bonus just last week, as did everyone else in the store.
<weev> by the wal-mart chants
<zewb> Onideus: I don't think you're the manager
<zewb> Onideus: In fact, i don't even think you're a stocker
<weev> Onideus makes $12/hr
<zewb> you know what i think you are?
<Onideus> Zewb, in China, 30 cents is a lot of money, I know you have trouble comprehending simplistic things like "cost of living" and 
  how it differs from country to country (and even state to state).
<zewb> i think you're the door greeter
<weev> and thinks he's getting a great deal
<rattus> greeter
<zewb> WELCOME TO WALLMARRRRRRRT
<rattus> do they have color coordinated helmets and drool bibs?
<weev> Onideus: have you been to china?
<weev> i have
<weev> 30 cents isnt a lot of money there
<Onideus> Sure you have.
<zewb> Onideus: did you know that women are often brutally beaten and/or raped in the chinese wal-mart factories?
<Onideus> Depends on where you are in China, Weev.
<rattus> Onideus is worldly
<Onideus> Zewb, there are women who are brutally beaten/raped everywhere in the world.  Where the fuck have you been?
<rattus> tell us of your life adventures, Onideus 
<rattus> I'm sure they are amazing
<rattus> I want to hear more
<Onideus> I think Weev would rather tell us his.
<rattus> that's a total palin question evasion
<rattus> nice job
<Onideus> He's the one with all the money, cars, girls, drugs, oh and over-compensation
<zewb> Onideus: so it's ok for your company to beat and rape their workers just because beatings and rape happen everywhere else?
<rattus> actually he does
<Onideus> Zewb, do you know what a strawman is?
<rattus> I know about weev.  I want to hear about you, Onideus 
<Onideus> Well I fucked yer mom the other day, wanna hear about that?
<rattus> yes
<rattus> please
<rattus> was it in China?
<rattus> did it cost $.30?
<Onideus> Mmmm, that bitch was tight!  Seriously, oh and it was in Nigeria.
<zewb> Onideus: glad to see you occasionally fuck over other people's moms instead of your own
<Onideus> It was only 15 cents a screw.
<zewb> Onideus: saying someone's mom has a tight pussy is a compliment, not an insult
<Onideus> Zewb, depends on your perspective.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> you're dumb
<Onideus> Can't figure that one out, huh?
<Onideus> You wanna hint?
<Onideus> I put a paper bag over the bitch's head.
<Onideus> *nods*
<zewb> when i fuck your mom i put a bag on her head and a bag on my own head, in case the bag on her head breaks
<Onideus> ...*crickets chirping*...
<Onideus> I thought you didn't like the idea of fucking over moms, Zewb?
<Onideus> Uh oh, backpedal, look out!
<zewb> i never said that
<zewb> i said i didn't like the idea of fucking over my own mom
<zewb> i couldn't give two shits about someone else's mom
<zewb> you're not very good at being clever
<Onideus> So you're a hypocrite then.
<Onideus> It's okay to fuck someone over...but not if they're family?
<Onideus> What difference does that make?
<Onideus> I mean just because she shat you out of her tight little twat and nearly crushed yer fat head...that doesn't mean shit.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> why do you keep trying to insult me?
<zewb> you should know by now that it doesn't bother me in the least
<Onideus> lol, why do you keep trying to use my material
<zewb> i've been trolling people like you for years
<zewb> you're no different than all the others
<Onideus> Uh huh, sure you have kid.
<Onideus> You don't even know what trolling is.
<zewb> just another obese manchild
<zewb> mooching off his dying mother
<Onideus> You're just some dumbfuck Webbie.
<zewb> lol webbie?
<Onideus> LOL, yeah that's what we Netters call your kind.
<Onideus> Webbies.
<zewb> netters?
<zewb> lol
<Onideus> Usenet users.
<Onideus> The land where the ban doesn't exist.
<zewb> usenet takes place over the internet though
<zewb> and so does irc
<Onideus> See you Webbie kids, yer real weak, pathetic...because you can people, you can hide like pussies.
<Onideus> On Usenet though...you have to take it, there's no banning.
<zewb> i just called your cell phone
<zewb> and your house phone
<zewb> about 10 times
<zewb> and you're afraid to pick up
<zewb> and you think i'm afraid of you?
<Onideus> That just shows how pathetic you are.
<Onideus> You need to try and go RL because you can't deal with shit on the Internet level.
<zewb> lol
<Onideus> You get yer lil feewings are hurt.
<Onideus> So you lash out.
<zewb> as if the internet is so much more serious and scary than RL
<Onideus> Tryin to call people up on the phone, threatening to call their employer, shit liak that.
<zewb> lol someone sounds a little butthurt
<Onideus> No, stupid, that's the point, the Internet ISN'T serious, but you make it serious when you go to the RL level.
<Onideus> And the only reason you take it to that level is because of butthurt.
<Onideus> You can't deal online, so you lash out in the real world.
<Onideus> Because you're pathetic.
<Onideus> On Usenet we call it netkkkoping.
<Onideus> Only fucking losers like you do it.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> real life is serious business?
<zewb> come on, man, what have you got to lose?
<zewb> a shitty wal-mart job
<Onideus> Of course it is, child, unless you're living in a bubble of stupidity.
<zewb> all real trolling takes place irl
<zewb> thats the best kind of trolling
<Onideus> That's the other thing though, that kids like you don't understand.  That when you take it to the RL level...well whatever you 
  do, the same can be done back.  Children of your breed often act not realizing the consequences.
<Onideus> You do shit to people, but you don't expect the same to be done to you.
<zewb> well you have to have my dox to do that
<zewb> and unlike you, i'm not dumb enough to give them out
<zewb> and unlike you, you can't really do anything to me
<Onideus> Child, when you take it to the RL level...you out yerself, yer dox are in plain view.
<Onideus> And yes, child, there are things I can do to you...horrible fucking things.
<zewb> my cell phone is untraceable
<Onideus> I know you don't think so, because you're a stupid kid.
<zewb> and what kind of horrible things could you possibly do to me?
<Onideus> You don't comprehend consequence.
<Onideus> As I always say...never do something to someone unless you're fully prepared to have it done to you in return.
<Onideus> And also, never fuck with anyone who has more creativity than you do.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> http://encyclopediadramatica.rs/File:Fatterjedi.jpg
<zewb> creativity
<Onideus> Let's see a picture of you, Kiddo.  Or are you afraid?
<zewb> lol nice try, but im not dumb enough to give out my information
<Onideus> See that's the difference between you and me...you're a pussy, you don't openly post yer dox because you're afraid.
<zewb> no
<Onideus> You worry about what would happen.
<zewb> i don't openly post my dox because i'm SMART
<Onideus> You don't want the things you do to others to be done in return.
<Onideus> You can't accept consequence.
<Onideus> Because you're a pussy.
<zewb> i can't argue with that
<Onideus> You hide behind the computer screen, lashing out at people.
<zewb> i wouldn't want anyone to do to me the things ive done to them
<zewb> i also hide behing a phone
<zewb> don't forget the phone
<Onideus> But they will, you can't stay anon forever, and if you take it to the RL level...you essentially out yourself at that point.
<zewb> how can you sit there calling me a coward when you don't even have the balls to answer your phone?
<zewb> not rly, i've called you several times, and you still don't know who i am
<Onideus> Why would I talk to you on the phone when I'm talking to you here right now?
<zewb> you don't even have my phone number
<zewb> probably
<Onideus> Think so, huh?
<zewb> unless you have ANI, which i highly doubt
<Onideus> I have more than your number at this point.
<zewb> and even so, my information isn't attached to my phone in any way
<zewb> its a prepaid phone paid for in cash
<zewb> you don't have anything
<Onideus> Zewb...have you ever been to one of my websites?
<zewb> negative
<zewb> i don't even know what they are
<Onideus> Well I would advise you not to, if you want to remain anon.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> ill go to it right now then
<Onideus> You will be outed though, sooner or later.  It'll be from an unsuspecting source, mostly likely from an IRL friend or family 
  member, they'll probably do it inadvertantly.
<zewb> give me the web address
<zewb> ill go to your website right now
<Onideus> That would be incredibly stupid, but here: www.backwater-productions.net
<Onideus> Why don't you try this while yer at it: http://www.backwater-productions.net/_test_platform/CC_Check/credit_card_check.swf
<Onideus> LOL
<zewb> gotta love tor
<zewb> and im not in the mood to install flash, so i'll leave that one alone
<Onideus> You don't have Flash installed?
<Onideus> LOL, what are you surfing with some 386 piece of shit from the dump?
<Onideus> 90% of the content online these days is Flash bassed.
<Onideus> Pretty much you can't even *SEE* the Internet without Flash.
<zewb> i don't really look at stuff online much
<zewb> i mostly just bullshit on irc and talk on the phone
<rattus> zewb: what about textfiles?
<Onideus> Ahhh, yer like Angie.  Always got that damn phone glued to her fuckin ear.
<zewb> well yeah
<zewb> i like to talk to people in person
<zewb> so they don't have time to sit there planning what they are going to say back to me
<Onideus> I don't really like talking to people at all, unless I'm bored and/or procrastinating.
<zewb> you've been talking to me for the past 2 hours
<Onideus> Conversation is better when it's played like a chess game, with time to think before each move.
<Onideus> And as I said earlier...bored
<rattus> you should irc by mail
<Onideus> Although I really should go get some work done.
<Onideus> No, I just surf Usenet.
<zewb> then why do you have a website?
<Onideus> IRC is usually pretty dead.
<zewb> i thought you weren't a webbie?
<Onideus> I don't think you understand what a Webbie is.
<Onideus> It's more about online communication.
<zewb> i don't think anything could make you more of a webbie than owning your own domain name
<Onideus> You're not a Netter just because you download binaries off Usenet for example.
<zewb> and chatting on irc for 2 hours
<zewb> i dont use usenet
<zewb> usenet's dead
<Onideus> And I also said I troll Webbies, which, generally requires coming onto Webbie forms.
<zewb> its full of furries and fat people
<Onideus> Usenet is far from dead, but we like to make you kids think otherwise.
<zewb> you don't know anything about trolling
<rattus> blackwater productions looks awesome
<Onideus> It's been really great how all the major ISPs are finally dropping Usenet access, it's really cleaning the shit off the grid.
<rattus> it makes me want to give them money 
<rattus> to embed anime flash mashup videos on my website
<Onideus> Zewb, that's my line, you pathetic wannabe.
<zewb> Onideus: when you fart, does your face jiggle?
* Onideus snores
<Onideus> Let me know when you start doing something I haven't already seen before...and better.
<rattus> zewb: his silence on the subject must be an afirmation
<Onideus> This is what we Netters think of you Webbie kids when it comes to trolling:
<Onideus> http://themedium.blogs.nytimes.com/2008/07/31/trolling-for-ethics-mattathias-schwartzs-awesome-piece-on-internet-poltergeists/#
  comment-146832
<zewb> i think you already posted that
<Onideus> Yer not trolls, just wannabe sociopaths, because your parents didn't love you enough as children.
<rattus> its ok zewb.  no one is looking at his links anyway
<Onideus> Yer pussies, plain and simple.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> you're the one whining about me calling your house
<zewb> and being afraid to pick up the phone
<Onideus> Rattus, it's okay, I don't expect Ritalin deficient morons from Generation Barney to be able to read more than a couple 
  sentences.
<zewb> and making excuses like "i can't type and talk at the same time"
<rattus> Onideus: yet you seek them out
<rattus> what can we conclude about you
<Onideus> Zewb, post yer dox and I'll talk to you on the phone.
<zewb> lol
<Onideus> Come on, pussy, what are you so afraid of?
<zewb> im not afraid, i just don't do what im told
<Onideus> Uh oh, backpedal, look out!
<zewb> you already said that earlier
<Onideus> Wow, really, boy you must be taking notes.
<zewb> well no, it's all displayed in plain text
<zewb> all you have to do is scroll up a bit
<rattus> it's almost like watching a retarded fat version of a pandorabot
<Onideus> Come on, pussies, post yer dox.
<Onideus> You're not afraid of me, are you?
<Onideus> LOL
<rattus> so we can be friends?
<zewb> it's wednesday morning, shouldn't you be at work?
<Onideus> I work whenever I want.
<rattus> haha
<zewb> ah
<zewb> so you don't have a job after all
<rattus> of course you do
<zewb> let me guess
<Onideus> Do you really think what you believe has any bearing or consequence on the reality of my life?  You can and will believe 
  whatever you like, no, whatever you *NEED* to believe.
<zewb> you got fired from wal-mart because you lost all self-control while you were stocking the diapers?
<Onideus> Do you *NEED* to believe that, Newb?
<Onideus> *nods*
<rattus> think about how much Onideus has pissed out into his diapers just while sitting here 
<zewb> it's probably soaked into the seat by now
<Onideus> You guys like talking about diapers, huh?
<rattus> usenet serves a great purpose if it keeps guys like him off of the general internets
<rattus> 05:37 CTCP VERSION reply from Onideus: mIRC v6.03 Khaled Mardam-Bey
<zewb> apparently it doesnt
<rattus> shocking
<zewb> since he's been shunned from every newsgroup for being a kiddie-fiddler
<zewb> and he tries to play it off by saying he was trolling
<Onideus> What are you talking about, pussy, you Webbie kids can just ban people who make you feel all angry and pissy.
<rattus> oh
<Onideus> Usenet works differently.
<rattus> webbie
<zewb> we haven't banned you
<rattus> meaning people who use the web
<Onideus> Oh, give it time.
<rattus> wow.  I didn't think that people still used some kind of bbs verbage anymore
<rattus> I thought those people all drank themselves to death over pkzip
<Onideus> Once you figure it out that you can't "get back" at me, you'll get pretty cranky and pissy.
<zewb> tcl lmiot infantilism
<Shaniqua>              __    __
<Shaniqua>             /..\ /| |'-.
<Shaniqua>            .\_O/ || |   |   OH WOW
<Shaniqua>         _ /  `._ \|_|_.-'  INFANTILISM
<Shaniqua>        | /  \__.`=._) (_
<Shaniqua>        |/ ._/  |"""""""""|  LET ME IN
<Shaniqua>        |'.  `\ |         |   ON THIS
<Shaniqua>        ;"""/ / |         |
<Shaniqua>         ) /_/| |.-------.|
<Shaniqua>        '  `-`' "         "
<rattus> (diaper not pictured)
<Onideus> Try the babyfur communities, the infantilist communities are largely destroyed outside of commercial interests.
<Onideus> Speaking of furries, I'm planning a rather large scale war with them, like I did with the adult babies.
<zewb> sure you are
<Onideus> Oh, I am.
<Onideus> It's going to be glorious!
<zewb> good luck doing that when all your information is available on the internet
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> You don't understand.
<zewb> you can't troll anything anymore
<zewb> i doubt you ever could
<rattus> no way could he ever
<zewb> you don't have the demeanor of a troll
<zewb> you seem more like someone who GETS trolled
<rattus> he's trying to invite a troll, but he's no fun
<Onideus> Besides which, how do you know all my "information" is real?  The last goobers like you tried to find out if I worked at 
  Wal*Mart it wound up blowing up in your stupid faces.
<zewb> i don't think any real troll would pay 10 bucks to join the SA forums
<zewb> well i just called your phone a couple hours ago
<rattus> zewb: agreed
<zewb> and your mom answered
<zewb> and i asked if matt was there
<zewb> and voila
<zewb> it was you
<Onideus> He, he, he...it was necesary to do that.  Who do you think gave SA the info on that community and invited them over to troll 
  it?
<zewb> the guy who was upset about being banned from it
<zewb> (you)
<Onideus> I wasn't banned then.
<Onideus> I didn't get banned until after they had found out what I did to them.
<zewb> you were part of the community
<zewb> you got butthurt
<zewb> so you whined at SA to troll them for you
<zewb> and you got banned from there too
<Onideus> Although it doesn't matter, I've been actively engaged with that community ever since under various names and have nearly a 
  gig worth of dox, pixtures, vids, you name it.
<zewb> prove it
<Onideus> Where do you think this came from: http://www.pounced.org/personals/viewad.php?hpad=15437
<Onideus> The pics in it.
<Onideus> LOL, I've been using material and dox I ripped off of that community to attack other people, like Endedural.
<rattus> that's what you call trolling?
<Onideus> It'll be real easy to start a war within the furry community, all their seperate factions already pretty much hate each other 
  and are always trying to canibalize each other for normalcy.
<Onideus> No, THIS, is what I call trolling: http://groups.google.com/group/alt.flame/msg/7c40a63eea26ff44
<zewb> pff
<Onideus> Making some d00d fall in love with one of yer sock puppets and then ripping apart his whole life.
<zewb> mere child's play
<Onideus> Child, you've never done *ANYTHING* like that.
<zewb> you're talking to someone who has literally destroyed lives
<Onideus> You couldn't even fucking *DREAM* of doing it.
<Onideus> Uh huh...by what, calling them on the phone?
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> That's not trolling, dumbass.
<Onideus> That's been an angsty tweenage muppet fuck.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> no its irl trolling
<zewb> something you don't have the balls to do
<Onideus> No, prank phone calling is something children do...until their parents find out and ground them.
<Onideus> If you're still doing it past the age of 18...wow, just...WOW!
<zewb> im not talking about prank calling
<Onideus> Yeah, ya are.
<rattus> no milk
<rattus> none
<zewb> buy a cow
<Onideus> Go squeeze yer mom's tits.
<zewb> lol someone sounds a little angry
<Onideus> Remember what I said, about believing what you *NEED* to.
<zewb> you'll never ruin anything
<Onideus> Post some evidence of yer l33t trolling, n00b.
<rattus> the yearling angst 
<zewb> i don't take credit for what i do
<rattus> is powerful
<zewb> unlike you, i don'
<Onideus> Newb, like I said, yer full of shit.
<zewb> *i don't try to impress people on irc with logs of my trolling
<Onideus> Well then tell me how you would do it then.
<Onideus> You don't have to give names.
<Onideus> Just say how you would acomplish this "life destroying".
<Onideus> LOL
<Onideus> No, no, let me guess...you call their employer on the phone!
<Onideus> LOL
<zewb> usually, good old fashioned vandalism is always a great provider of lulz
<zewb> hit them where it hurts most; their wallet
<Onideus> Yeah, great idea, dumbass, especially what with how my entire house is covered in video survellance, boy that's a BRILLIANT 
  idea.
<Onideus> Remember, idiot, when you go RL, you expose yourself.
<zewb> i thought you lived in an apartment
<Onideus> You *WILL* get caught, eventually.
<Onideus> I own my own house.
<zewb> you mean your mother owns her own house
<zewb> and you live there
<Onideus> No, I mean I own my own house.
<Onideus> My mom lives with me.
<Onideus> The title only has one name on it, mine.
<zewb> which is why your mom answers the house phone?
<Onideus> She answers the phone because I don't ever answer the phone.  Besides which, what the fuck would that have to do with who owns 
  the house?
<zewb> but wait!
<zewb> i thought you had all these clients calling you
<Onideus> I usually ignore it when they call, or my mom picks up and then gives me the phone.
<Onideus> Hence the reason I though you were a client.
<zewb> well, the person who owns the phone line usually keeps the phone in their bedroom as opposed to their mom's
<Onideus> Our phone is in the living room actuall.
<Onideus> And I normally use my cell as my number.
<zewb> why is your mother sleeping in the living room?
<Onideus> The 1337 line is more of a novelty.
<Onideus> My mother isn't sleeping in the living room.
<zewb> when i called, she woke up
<zewb> i could tell by her voice
<Onideus> My mom also has her own cell, which she uses as her primary number.  She may have had the phone in her room at the time...see 
  we NON-poor people, we can afford these things called "cordless" phones.
<zewb> if she has her own cell phone, then why would she have your landline phone in her room?
<Onideus> You could tell by her voice...LOL...you can "tell by the pixels" too, huh?
<Onideus> Let's get back to yer BRILLIANT vandalism idea, dipshit.
<Onideus> How is that "ruining" the person's life?
<zewb> its not
<zewb> its ruining their property
<Onideus> Assuming your dumbass doesn't get yer stupid ass caught in the process.
<Onideus> Hello, dipshit, most people who aren't poor have this fun thing called "insurance".  Woah, amazing what you learn when you're 
  twelve and on the Interwebs, huh?
<zewb> well im 19, but that's neither here nor there
<Onideus> The bottom line is that only complete dumbfucks ever take it to the RL level, because they know that if they try there's an 
  incredibly high probability of A. Getting caught and B Having the same, or worse, done to you.
<zewb> ha
<zewb> you can't do anything
<zewb> and even if you could
<zewb> i can outrun you
<zewb> :B
<zewb> plus i have guns
<zewb> and i have insomnia
<zewb> so good luck
<Onideus> Child, I wouldn't need to outrun you.  I only need to take a picture of you.  Remember what I said about fucking with people 
  who have more creativity than you do?
<Onideus> http://www.backwater-productions.net/_images/_Usenet/Poofter_Weight_Watchers.png
<zewb> how is snapping a photo creative?
<Onideus> http://www.backwater-productions.net/_images/_Usenet/Poofter_Weight_Watchers.png
<Onideus> http://www.backwater-productions.net/_images/_Usenet/Poofter_Gay_Pride.png
<Onideus> http://www.backwater-productions.net/_images/_Usenet/Poofter_Netkkkop.png
<Onideus> It's what I do WITH the pictures that's creative.
<Onideus> Especially fun when they're randomly plastered all over yer city.
<Onideus> Mailed to relatives, school, employer...LOL
* DrFurious has quit IRC (Ping timeout�)
<zewb> that's the best you can do?
<Onideus> They always try suing of course, hence the disclaimers.
<zewb> photoshop people's faces on google images?
<Onideus> Of course not, but that's usually all I ever have to.
<zewb> you're pathetic
<zewb> you can't troll shit
<zewb> get off irc
<Onideus> Usually at that point they'll get it through their heads that going RL is not a good idea and they'll back down.
<zewb> get off the internet
<Onideus> That's not really trolling, dipshit.
<zewb> and go do some situps
<Onideus> That's what you do to retards like yourself who go RL.
<Onideus> In order to teach you an important lesson.
<zewb> lol oh yes im so scared
<Onideus> Of course you are.
<Onideus> That's why you hide.
<Onideus> That's why you won't post yer dox.
<Onideus> If you weren't scared, you would post them.
<Onideus> Pussy.
<zewb> lol
<Onideus> I post my dox because I'm *NOT* afraid.
<Onideus> Because I know there's nothing you can do to me...well, at least nothing you can do to me that won't wind up exposing you in 
  the process.
<Onideus> It's a bit of a honey pot.
<Onideus> You let the target think they're winning, so they let their guard down, then you go in for the kill.
<zewb> lol
<zewb> whatever dude
<zewb> im gonna go outside and smoke a cig
<zewb> bbl
<Onideus> You're a smoker, huh?
<Onideus> LOL, enjoy your lung cancer.
* DrFurious has joined #buttes
<Winkie> lol
<Winkie> i quit smoking :(
<mroach> tcl inspect mroach_temperature
<Shaniqua> proc mroach_temperature location {regsub -all {:(.*?)\((.*?)\)} [temperature $location] {: \2 (\1)}}
<zewb> ive cut down a bit
<zewb> i smoke about 5-8 cigs a day
<zewb> as opposed to a whole pack
<zewb> i love how fat people tell me smoking is unhealthy
<Onideus> Fat doesn't give you cancer.
<zewb> fat people ARE cancer
<Onideus> Oh that was clever.
<zewb> no it wasnt
<zewb> it was just true
<Onideus> Hence the sarcasm.
<zewb> sarcasm is lame
<Onideus> Think so, huh?
<zewb> only people who get trolled make sarcastic remarks
<Onideus> Really?
<zewb> and use capitalization in irc
<Onideus> Yer shift key is broken, huh?
<zewb> and make little quips ending in ",huh?"
<Onideus> You're not really worth any more than that, huh?
<zewb> huh?
<Onideus> Exactly.
<zewb> huh?
<Onideus> Protip - deserve better.
<zewb> huh?
<Onideus> Newbsayshuh
<Onideus> Here's pictures of my house, before I bought it: http://www.backwater-productions.net/_images/_Photos/House_Before_Buying/
<Onideus> I've done a lot of work since though.  Still needs a lot more though.
<Onideus> My next big project is to have the giant pine tree in the front cut down.
<Onideus> Nothing grows under pine trees.
<zewb> Cartoons » Care Bears » Shattered Lies
<zewb> Author: Matthew Moulton 	
<zewb> Fiction Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Drama - Published: 09-23-08 - Updated: 09-23-08 - id:4555601 
<Onideus> It's better if you read it on the site.
<zewb> you know
<zewb> it's hard to believe you could write all of this if you were "just trolling"
<Onideus> http://www.backwater-productions.net/care-bears/
<Onideus> I wrote it for my God daughter.
<Onideus> But it also works as a troll.
<Onideus> That's actually how a lot of my stuff works, it's stuff that's normal, but if you twist it just right, it can be incredibly 
  kooky.
<zewb> ah i see
<zewb> that sounds pretty wacky
<zewb> 11 chapters of care bears fanfic
<zewb> you're one hell of a troll, man
<Onideus> Actually there's going to be more, that community has been hounding me to write more ever since I made it, plus they're always 
  nagging at me to update the site, add more content, etc.  So what initially started off as a gift to my God daughter has turned into a 
  lot more.
<Onideus> I also like it some respects, it's a challenge, trying to take something as lame as Care Bears and then trying to make a good 
  story out of it.
<Onideus> I combine a lot of aspects from X-Men into it.
<Onideus> As far as powers.
<Onideus> I took quite a bit of artistic liberty.
<Onideus> The story is also pretty dark, not so much for little kids, more in the tween/teen range.
<zewb> im sure she's really proud that her godfather spends his free time writing carebears fanfic
<Onideus> Oh she likes all the stuff I make, she think very highly of me...but then, most people do.
<Onideus> At least those I make stuff for.
<zewb> creepy
<Onideus> I'm not simply about destroying online communities.
<zewb> i am
<zewb> i want to destroy everyone on the internet
<Onideus> In most cases it's my interest to destroy them and then rebuild them in the way I THINK they should be.
<Onideus> And of course control them.
<zewb> you don't destroy anything
<Onideus> LOL, you keep thinking that.
<zewb> you are just yet another furry who tries to act like a troll
<zewb> anyhoo
<Onideus> LOL, I have no problems at all with you believing that.
<zewb> im tired of talking to you
<zewb> you shouldn't have a problem with me believing that
<Onideus> A lil butthurt, yes?
<zewb> so anyway, im going to go talk to normal people now
<zewb> who aren't pedophiles
<zewb> later dude
<Onideus> The people you think are "normal"...they're not.
<Onideus> They're just good at decieving you.


Unknown Year: Onideus Vs. Neopets:[edit]

What Mat was looking for on Neopets.

Having been banned from a fucking children's site probably for being a pedophile, Matthew once again swore eternal vengeance and made a website called "www.fuck-neopets.com" to somehow get back at them.

Blinking Baloon.gifBlinking Baloon.gif

Onibingoneopets.png

2009: Onideus Vs. HBGames:[edit]

In his only instance remotely resembling success, Onideus was able to steal the password of the admin of a site mostly populated by children, probably using brute force. Finally being able to exact revenge on a site that rejected him, Onideus showed his true colors, telling them he would avenge...

 
 
The ones who dared to face me down those months ago.
 

 

Still, despite being in control of the site, he somehow still managed to get butthurt at one of the users for not being mad at him and calling him "Onideus The Mad Twatter", telling him that:

 
 
I remember you. You think you have me in a corner with your fuckwit cool exterior huh?
 

 

Seizing the site, he vowed to take it down FOREVAR!!! However, being that he didn't actually hack the site and all he had was admin prives on a free to use forum, all he was able to do was change the skin and some people's user names before being dethroned and banned by the host company's actual admins a single day later. And so ended Onideuses only, brief moment of success. The forum is obviously still up and running.

Onideus Vs. Countless others:[edit]

Knowing his spotty track-record, all the sites listed on this article are probably just a mere fraction of the sites he has threatened (and failed) to take down, seeing as how he joins a new site every week only to be banned that very same day. And seeing as how every time he is banned the rejection literally hurts his feelings to the point he feels the need to get back at them. It is more than probable that there are a lot more stories of this type that we just haven't found yet.

The Future: Onideus Vs. Facebook?[edit]

   
 
Oh well, I'll find a new "toy" to play with...maybe Zuckerberg for screwing my FB account.
 

 
 

Onideus

What does the future have in store for our little retard? Well, hopefully he will actually try to send threats to the Facebook Jew and gets himself arrested or something. Fingers crossed.

Child porn scandal[edit]

Among all his other problems, Onideus has an obsession with diapers and, by some extent, child pornography. He often masturbates to cartoons where children are seen wearing diapers, spent a month protesting the deletion of child porn from ED and once stalked a 12-year-old girl on an anime forum only to find that she was actually a grown man and a fellow pedophile. He is so preoccupied with these things that he is hardly capable of talking about anything else. Every conversation with him will end up including some mention of shitting in a diaper, be it him accusing others of doing so in rage, or reminiscing about his own experiences. When the topic of CP is brought up he often defends, claims to extort pedophiles in his spare time or threaten to "get back" at his trolls by posing as them and requesting people to send him nude pictures of their children. Forgetting that if he ever actually did that (he is too lazy and incompetent to) he would be the one liable to be brought up on charges, regardless of who he was posing as.

The reason he so often brings up diapers and CP in seemingly unrelated conversations is because, like all perverts, he is obsessed with his fetish and ends up mentioning it in random discussions because it is already floating around in his head 24/7. Thereby he is constantly incriminating himself due to his lack of self control which he must later try to pass off as trolling (convincing no one). Below is but a fraction of his musings on the topic.

Reversals CP Threats Diaper Sex Pedophilia Teenage Years Deletion Protest


   
 
From this point on, if you say you don't like adult babies, baby furs or littles...it's because you're a PEDOPHILE! :D Littles, BFs and ABs are the direct polar opposite of pedos, so if you hate them, then simply by default you're effectively saying you ~like~ pedophiles. Which, obviously would ~make~ you a pedophile. Hence, if you don't like us, yer a pedophile! ^__^ It's a really great angle I think because it really bitch slaps haters with the same ignorant stereotype they try and inflict on us, basically reversing their own ignorance and playing it back onto them to force them out of the idiocy. I just love using reversals, they're so much fun! :D
 

 
 

Mipsus

   
 
Prove that you're not a kiddy cock sucking pedophile. Someone e-mailed me and told me that you like molesting children, so it must be true.


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
Hey man, it's not Gayligula's fault that he likes molesting little boys. He was "born that way", like all prissy faggots and preachers. Have a little pedo-pity for the guy!


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
Gayligula, you still haven't proven that you aren't molesting children and your unhealthy obsession with "manchildren" only serves to solidify the accusations.


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
In fact I have it on good authority that RIGHT NOW, a person posting with the name "Gayligula" along with your avatar is running all over various message boards propositioning random parents for sexual visits with their children! *nods*


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
You should probably be more concerned with the posts that you're presently making in numerous communities openly asking for child pornography and used baby diapers to jack off in. ^__^


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
I cross the lines you're too afraid to even make mention. But hey, always remember that I would never do to someone what I wouldn't be willing to have done to myself. Hrmmm...I guess maybe that's not of much comfort to someone as fragile as you though, inn?


 


 
 

Onideus Mad Hatter

   
 
Schnookums, as a result of editing my article, is currently making posts on Flickr, requesting that child pornography be posted to his ED user page. Some of us play very high level/nasty troll games with each other on this site, most of which were initially created some twenty years ago on the Usenet group alt.hackers.malicious. Best to be careful not to get involved unless you like playing on that field. Just remember, anything you try doing to someone can and very likely will be done to you in turn. ^__^


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
I see you've realized that simply undoing your edits won't actually get me to remove the posts that "you've" been making all over Flickr. Sorry kiddo, but that's just how this game is played and we've been playing it for a VEEEERY long time now. Can't say you didn't get a warning though, there's three different subtle disclaimers on my article and one really blatant one if you actually click the link. And since you've been actively editing it, it's not like you ~couldn't~ have noticed or anything (yer not that blatantly stupid I hope). ^__^


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
PS - Hey Schnookums, did you know that right now...you're making posts on Flikr asking people who have posted pictures of their kids if they can send you naked bath tub pictures of their kids...to your ED user page. ^__^


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
Brendan Gillatt Has Bestiality Pedophile Sex With Farm Animals And 12 Year Old Little Girls


 


 
 

Onideus Mad Hatter

   
 
That guy didn't much enjoy being accused of CHILD RAPE and...well...the mostly incoherent death threats which followed were rather "colorful" to say the least bit. ^__^


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
Liking diapers is sexually based...you can try and deny it all you like, but that's the truth of the matter. It's like being a "closet homosexual", you're just in denial.

Let me put it this way...even babies "masturbate" in their wet diapers...although not to the level/understanding that adults do, a child/baby that rubs their gentiles does feel a sense of pleasure from it...again, not in the same sense that an adult does, but to a degree. This is why you'll see babies sort of rocking back and forth when they've got a wet diaper on...it feels good...sexually.


 


 
 

Mipsus

   
 
If *YOU* can't even accept the reality that your interest in diapers is SEXUALLY based...why on earth would you expect your mother to accept it? I don't think you have any "guilt" from "keeping secrets", I think you just want to wear diapers around the house and are so hormonally charged, again, SEXUALLY, that you simply can't wait until you're out on your own and not living at home....that's the only reason, really.

Again, it's not about ~secrets~, it's simply about something that you *DON'T* talk to your parents about (unless you're really messed up). Again, your parents don't talk to you about what they do in the bedroom, do they? No? Do you think that's "keeping secrets" from you? No? Then guess what? Yeah, yer not "keeping secrets" from them either...you just want to wear diapers around the house and can't wait because your hormones are all charged up.


 


 
 

Mipsus

   
 
Steve, you're an adult baby...this is a board for bed wetters...what are you doing here? Besides jackin it off to stories of supposed teenagers wearing diapers. Are you a pedophile too? Are you looking for "diaper sex" with an underage teen? I mean...why else would you be here?


 


 
 

Quipcake

   
 
Pedophilia isn't directly a mental disorder, although it can certainly become one. Think of it liak this...you've probably got some sexual fantasies about some particular celebrity, right? But you're not out STALKING that celebrity, are you? And you're not deluding yourself with fantastic notions of actually getting together with them, right? Well congratulations, you're not a stalker and you don't have a mental disorder. This applies to pedophiles as well. It only becomes a mental disorder when the pedo starts interpreting a child's behavior as sexual in nature and starts deluding themselves with thoughts that the child actually enjoys it and wants it. At that point, yeah, you crossed over the line. The point is recognizing the difference between FANTASY and REALITY. If you can no longer discern between the two of those...then you've got a mental disorder.


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
In a lot of ways it's similar to how pedophiles try and infiltrate the adult baby community, posing as "caretakers" for TEEN babies, in order to get their grubby little pedo mitts on them. Works in their favor to a great extent in that many teen babies are from broken homes, so such a prospect is like...winning the lottery. They'll jump at the chance for supposed "unconditional love". Unfortunately once they're ensnared the pedo can do pretty much anything they want to them, blackmailing them with their own fetish to keep quiet about their molestation and rape.


 


 
 

Onideus Mad Hatter

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© Message-ID: <[email protected]> Here's more food for though. When you were 16 did you find other 16 year old boys/girls attractive? Now why did getting older change your attraction? Oh, yeah, it didn't.
 

 
 

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© <[email protected]> On the subject of child sex, in most of the articles it was about the children VOLUNTEERING for the act to make a lil money. The way you had it worded you made it sound like the pedophiles were out there kidnapping and raping the children against their will.
 

 
 

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© Message-ID: <[email protected]> I bet that if I went through our family photo albums I could find at least one nude shot of myself as a child. Maybe I'll scan it and post it all over the place, I'd like to see if I can get arrested for distributing child porn of myself. `, P
 

 
 

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© Message-ID: <[email protected]> I mean if you're a poor, starving child in Africa and someone offers you say 10 American dollars for a couple nudie pics do you honestly think they're going to say no?
 

 
 

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© Message-ID: <[email protected]> Let man take pictures, get money, buy food. Seems pretty simple to me if you're a starving child. I'm sure most of the starving children couldn't really give a fuck one way or another if some sick fuck is jacking off to pictures of them
 

 
 

   
 
From: Mad Hatter© Message-ID: <[email protected]> I'd be willing to bet that just about all of the pictures don't have anything to do with abuse at all." "...Just to be fair though I might see if I can sum up enough effort/bother to go and check out a couple of the pictures.
 

 
 

   
 
That one is actually kinda fuzzy, cause technically speaking 16/17 is the average "age of consent". It varies from country to country and even state to state though. Like in some states 16/17 is "legal" but only if the partner is with a 5 year age difference...it's all kinda weird/nonsensical for the most part. Oh, and then of course there's also RUSSIA, where the "age of consent" is TWELVE in most places. o_O


 


 
 

Onideus

   
 
Mmmm, I can only speak for myself by the by, but everything I deleted was blatant sick fuckery...as in CHILD genitalia. I didn't bother with the "softcore" wannabe child porn, only the incredibly overly obvious shit. I also generally don't give a fuck about pseudo-teens that are 16 years old or what-the-fuck ever, cause that's legal in most places on the planet (including many US states) and the majority of those all have adult level genitalia anyway (at least the drawn shit does). I also generally don't give a fuck about "shock art" shit, stuff specifically designed/used to warp a person's reality with material that even "normal" pedophiles couldn't get off on (like babyfuck).


 


 
 

Onideus



   
 
You've obviously never seen *REAL* child porn if you think ~that~ image is in any way "disturbing".
 

 
 

Onideus, admitting he has illegal child porn in his possession.

His diaper obsession[edit]

Like all pedophiles this fat retard is obsessed with everything children and especially diapers.

Onideus Diaper Comparison.jpg
For fucks sake, you even fucking compare your shitdiapers?


The sick fuck goes so far as to even write about and post pictures of "kyoot" diapers he happens to find.

 
 
I was surfing around on eBay and found all sorts of nifty play/doll diapers up for sale. The ones on the top left are Barbie, and came with one of the Kelly sets (Barbie's baby sister).

The ones on the bottom are most intriguing, the box is only a HALF INCH high! Very tiny diapers. They didn't have any sort of manufacturer listed so I'm ASSuming they're homemade. There are still quite a few available here: (Link excluded by editor).
The other two are of course Cabbage Patch Kids diapers. You can find quite a lot of these on eBay, definitely no shortage. The ones on the right though I haven't ever seen before so I went ahead and got some. They still have quite a few left of each, which you can get here: (Link excluded by editor)

There's some cheaper ones here as well, for only $5 and they come in original packaging: (Link excluded by editor)
 


 

—Onideus (Aka Piffle-Stix), http://piffle-stix.deviantart.com/art/Play-Diapers-244578665



Not only does he bring pampers up on every available opportunity, but he wears them as well. In another in a long list of lies he claimed to have always had an incontinence problem, and recently changed his story to claiming he only began to suffer from it as a result of a car accident, thereby trying to pretend he wears them in his spare time because he has to and not because he wants to.


When confronted with an actual picture of himself in diapers he tries to claim that he photoshopped it. This of course fools no one and his attempts at photoshop only prove how bad at photoshop he is, thereby giving more evidence that those pictures are actually him. What makes it even more obvious is countless threads on other forums where he asks basic questions about photo editing that were all made relatively recently.


Bmatthew2.jpg


And here is the exchange this twisted pedophile had when a faggot weeaboo asked why the fuck he posted pictures of fucking diapers:


ShinseiKatai: And you post pictures of diapers..why? O_o

Piffle-Stix: Because they're kyoot! Duh, diapers make everything cuter...it's like um...a law...or something. *nods* Doki, doki!
ShinseiKatai: uh...okay?
Piffle-Stix: You don't think diapers are kyoot? :(
What exactly did your horrible parents do to you?
ShinseiKatai: Uh no. My parents did nothing to me. I just don't think they're cute.
Piffle-Stix: Because they socially engineered you to feel dirty and ashamed by them. You likely automatically associate them with being "babyish" and likewise were engineered to associate babyishness with negative and shameful feelings. It's pretty typical, it's one of the primary causes of intolerance and negative attitudes towards adult babies in general. It's not your fault though, it's just the way you were raised is all. You simply weren't allowed to be babyish at all and were likely shamed and humiliated into perceiving it as a negative stigma.
ShinseiKatai: ...............

Miscellaneous[edit]

Onideus Win/Loss Tally[edit]

Onideus Win/Loss Tally
The Site Onideus Competitors Comments
Onideus Vs. Portal of Evil 0 2 Two points for repeated bitch-slapping.
Onideus Vs. Something Awful 0 2 Two points for SA for Onideus losing actual money
Onideus Vs. Something Awful Sycophant Squad 0 1 Claims to have taken the site down.
Onideus Vs. UseNet 0 3 Three points due to massive backfire on Onidifag.
Onideus Vs. Wikipedia 0 2 Two points due to Onideus losing money in an attempt to get revenge on the WMF.
Onideus Vs. Neopets 0 1
Onideus Vs. Sakuracon 0 1
Onideus Vs. Dramachan 0 1
Onideus Vs. FurAffinity 0 1
Onideus Vs. Susan Brenner 0 1
Onideus Vs. Spriter's Block 0 1
Onideus Vs. SelectButton 0 1
Onideus Vs. Fox Tale Times 0 1
Onideus Vs. DeviantART 0 3 Three points due to massive backfire on Onideus.
Onideus Vs. 888chan 0 1
Onideus Vs. HBGames 12 0 Half a point granted for hacking the admin's password but not being able to do anything anyway.
Onideus Vs. Encyclopedia Dramatica 0 Non-stop bitch slaps.
Final Score
Wins Losses
Final Score -100 12 +23 Minus 100½ more points for wasting his life and his money on this shit.

Onideus Bingo[edit]

Onibingo.png
Now when he comes to your site you can play a round of Onideus bingo of your very own!

Onidouche's Top Insults[edit]

The following words and phrases are what one can expect in nearly any conversation with our little diaper wearing buddy, which at first may seem to be mildly creative, until you read them pasted throughout every single post he ever makes.

  1. Sparkles (Possibly his favorite.)
  2. Tweenage Muppet Fuck (Seriously, what is that even supposed to mean?)
  3. I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT more "lulz" than you've managed to offer on up. (Also used gratuitously. Known variations: I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and SHIT better flames than you're using. )
  4. Your idiot parents aren't drugging you up with enough Ritalin. (Usually following claims of typing at 200 WPM to excuse numerous typos, misspelled words, and grammatical errors. Known variations: Ritalin deficient tweenage muppet. )
  5. Snit.
  6. Chromosomally Deficient (Used at least every other post sentence.)
  7. Kiddo: Onideus has been on the Internet longer than you, and makes sure that you know it.
  8. Doorknob: An idiot.

When these insults fail (as they invariably will) to gain him the upper hand in any exchange, he can be relied upon to BAWWWLEEET every piece of evidence that does not flatter his severely flawed perception of himself as a "master troll" while screaming UR BUTTMADD!!!!1!1!! in every direction to no one in particular. SRSLY, look at the history of this article or his talk page.

Quotes[edit]

   
 
The retards who run around pretending to have jobs making bazillions of dollars (while posting to the Interwebs 24/7) are trying to say that I'm stupid for making money off their idiocy in the form of ad banners on my sites. LOL


 


 
 

—Sad Fatter, utterly clueless

   
 
...if I had cancer I would simply create a means to deal with it myself, patent it, build it and obliterate the nuisance. To me, getting cancer would be more of an insignificant bother than anything. I also work best under pressure of deadlines, so it wouldn't take long to cure it.
 

 
 

Fatter, on easily-solved problems

   
 
I'm supposed to be some kind of a genius...least that's what people tell me.


 


 
 

Moultard, on the voices in his head

   
 
I've often said, my will is without any doubt *THE* most powerful force that exists within the universe. I have no proof of it per se...but I don't need proof, it is an unfaltering belief, as deeply rooted and ingrained as a preacher who believes in God, *I KNOW* it is true and it is within me at ALL times, it *IS* me. `, )


 


 
 

Baby Julie, on The Force

   
 
Come on down to Wal*Mart over in Walla Walla sometime, Kiddo, you'll see what it means to work if ya see me. Free cl00, I'll be the guy breakin a sweat and moving at break neck speed to put stuff on the shelves...of course even then you won't get to see REAL work, like when we get two trucks in and I go and help the stock men unload. Working 13+ hour shifts isn't unusual and my regular schedule hours are from 11 am to usually 9 pm...that's a 10 hour shift, Fruitcake. What the fuck do you work? Eight hours? LOL


 


 
 

—Haughty Hatty, proud wage slave

   
 
As far as a "career", Wal*Mart certainly is not a career for me, my *ART* is my career and working at Wal*Mart gives me the greatest level of creative freedom.


 


 
 

—Baby Matt, who has never made a profit of any sort from his "art"

   
 
Has anyone else besides me noticed that their forums (SA) look like the spastic crayon dribblings of a mildly retarded third grader strung the fuck out on pixie stix? I mean, I don't mean to nitpick or anything, but holy shit, if yer gonna charge yer drooling power ranger watching, pog collecting, pissy pants poser user base ten fuckin bucks for access the very LEAST you could do is put in the time and effort to molest Microsoft Frontpage for a cookie cutter design template that you can use to try and hide your inane deficiency in web design.


 


 
 

—Fatter, trying to be clever

   
 
Coincidentally child...I type around 20 to 30 pages worth of text per day...in fact, truth be told, I've probably written more than anyone else in the entire WHOLE of human history.


 


 
 

Hatter, proliferati of the ages

   
 
That is the true separating factor between OMH and your average lulz worthy user. OMH will not react over emotionally, he always plays it cool even in the most heated of situations, continually taunting his opponents efforts, talking down to them (referring to them as "cupcake", "sparkles", "sunshine", "dribbles", "downs", etc) and using his technical knowledge to goad people into debates, sometimes even purposefully arguing against himself (or what he's claimed in other posts in other communities). For example in one community he'll claim that On2 VP6 is the bestest codec evar, while in another community, at the exact same time, he'll claim that Xvid is the bestest codec evar.


 


 
 

Farfoos, frantically conducting damage control in the third person

   
 
OMH is quite the experienced web developer and over the past ten years has created dozens upon dozens of sites. His current web site model is largely Flash based often with a PHP back end. Unlike most Flash supporters OMH actually started out making pages using the model that would eventually become known as "AJAX" years before that acronym was ever coined (some of his older sites are still in that form). One of his favorite things to do online is to get people into a debate over Flash vs (insert web form of choice) and then he almost always soundly rips them a new asshole. In several cases I've seen he'll actually go so far as to completely rebuild a person's site and then throw it in their face and taunt them over how much better (faster loading, smaller size, etc) it is over their version.


 


 
 

Moultard, masturbating psychotically in the third person

   
 
I have been incontinent all my life and would like to talk to others who have to wear diapers and share experiences. I would also like any suggestions on which diapers have worked the best for you if you have ever worn them.


 


 
 

—Fatter on how he shits himself on a regular basis

   
 
Son, you don't even have a basic grasp of elementary level punctuation. And while I'm sure it takes someone of your..."height" a ~very~ long time to type out and even read several paragraphs...yeah...you really ought not to be using your own deficiencies as a basis of comparison when attempting to judge others you severely limited little nothing. Perhaps you should ask your parents to up your Ritalin dose. Or, if you like, you can provide me with your parents address and I'll be happy to send them a BILL for my "online babysitting services" since ~apparently~ you're operating under the delusional stupidity that *MY* FaceBook page was somehow created for ~your~ lackwitted entertainment.

PROTIP: It wasn't. So run along, Spergs, grownups are talking.

....

*epic face palm*

Good Christ, he's so fuckin stupid he INSULTS HIMSELF! o_O

You Doorknob, your Mr. Spergs. LOL


 


 
 

—Onideus; master of the grammar.

   
 
*pictures you stomping up and down with indignant frustration* LOL Your response is even funnier that way!  :D


 


 
 

—Onideus, defending a piece of My Little Pony fan art. Is anybody surprised that he's a closet brony?

Gallery[edit]

[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]

External links[edit]

Go ahead, Twitter-favicon.png drop him a line - he's not busy Archive today-ico.png (archived)

Failed Webs(h)ites[edit]

See Also[edit]

Related

People

  • Milwin, Onideus protégé.
  • Kthor, PoE moderator fatty thinks he trolled.
  • Lowtax, SA admin he thinks he trolled by giving him ten bucks.
  • Zaiger, ED admin he plans on sending to jail, just like what LifeInATent trying to do back in January 2013.
  • Weev, hero of ED that Onideus desperately tries to suck-up to while getting his ass handed to him.
  • Ickeriss69, another wannabe troll who, when his past was exposed, claimed it was a troll set up a decade ago.
  • MessyJessie, the other EDF2 lolcow he now befriended on facebook over their mutual butthurt over their respective exposure articles.
  • Mark Griffin, creator of Bob's Game who's forum he was trolled at.
  • David Gonterman, threatens to steal his better's fans with shitty comics like Matthew does with shitty sites. Also fat.
  • TGcomix, another retard who tried to make his own ED after getting b&
  • Chris Chan, presumably his long-lost brother.
  • LifeInATent and WeatherManKevin, fellow lolcows he got into a brawl with on Twitter and Facebook, who happens to all had an eerily similar fantasy life, act batshit insane when confronted, spend most of their time on the Internet instead of getting a genuine job, b& from multiple sites and then made frivolous threats against them. Lastly, they've all admitted to having autism and OCD.
  • Brett Keane, also a compulsive liar and plagiarist like him, not to mention being just as fat and reclusive.

Sites he lost to

Sites he won against

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