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Do not mix!
Mexico (mex as in "Mexs" to shout out at a Mexican - 卐 - jee as in HI pronounced "he" since it's Spanish -ko as in Cocaine) is a giant contaminated drug lab full of illegal immigrants, chili peppers, government oppression, massive fucking drug wars, dealers, whores, corruption, tequila, factories, jumping beans, blindingly quick mice, sombreros, tacos, and of course, the filthy Spics. The entire continent of Central and South America could actually be considered Mexican since they're all just fucking brown beaners amirite? Mexico is currently
in contention with Africa, Saudi Arabia, and the Balkans for the title of the Biggest Shithole on Earth. At present, what remains of Mexico is a failed state seized by world's one of most dangerous Mafias that governs (is suspected to be CIA).
- 1 History
- 2 Present
- 3 In the Wild
- 4 In Captivity
- 5 Mexican Intelligence
- 6 Language
- 7 Literature
- 8 A Mexican illegal alien's wet dream
- 9 Music
- 10 How to troll Mexicans
- 11 Avoiding being trolled by them
- 12 Beaner Creation Myth
- 13 E.Z.L.N.
- 14 Mexicans are a Fertile People
- 15 People named Jesús
- 16 Mexicans in America
- 17 Mexicans in America 2: The Movie
- 18 Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show
- 19 Mexican Weather
- 20 Roof Dwellers
- 21 How to Mexico
- 22 Absolut Lulz
- 23 Fact of the Day
- 24 Cinco de mayo
- 25 A Mexican's Career Options
- 26 Gallery
- 27 FUN FACT
- 28 Videos
- 29 See also
- 30 External links
The first civilizations in Mexico, the Mayans, were the result of sick fuck star-gods trolling the timber niggers by teaching them human sacrifice, up to and including self-cutting, acrotomophilia and cannibalism. The Injuns must continue to murderfuck each other in the most lulzy ways possible for the gods' entertainment, or else they will destroy the world in 2012 (which never happened). The Mayans invented football, but their original concept was that if somebody lost he would be flayed alive and tortured to death as a sacrifice to God. Then the Mayans were replaced by the Aztecs who were ten tines worse as they literally sacrificed thousands of their enslaved victims by cutting them open ala surgery without anaesthesia and then dragging their heart out to the Sun while alive and beating (even the most sick Japanese couldn't compete with Aztec religious practice) but their reign ended when in the 16th century Spain tested out their first prototype of Plague Inc by bombarding the Aztecs with the lethal bioweapon smallpox. They got replaced with free labor from Africa and the East Indies, hence the reason why some Mexicans appear blacker.
The Mayans kept their own land for the next 170 years (and live there still, kidnapping the odd tourist and gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans like to think of themselves as pretty cool guys, but really it was the Aztecs that had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was chocolate and a bunch of boring het slashfic about their chicken serpent god Quetzalcoatl, which by the way the god Xiuhcoatl would have pwned anyways. (cause it's got an 'X' in the name and everyone knows the letter 'X' makes everything cooler)
The term "Mexican" is also used by people who want to save time and effort memorizing worthless countries like Guatemala, Honduras, Colombia, Venezuela, and Nicaragua but not Brazil since its nigger/trap/aids population makes it undesirable for anyone. The origin of the name "Mexican" has been suggested to be derived from Mextli or Mēxihtli, a secret name for the god of war and patron of the Aztecs, Huitzilopitchli, in which case Mēxihco means "Place where Mēxihtli lives."
In the 19th century, Mexico's Government was pwned out of Texas by crazy rednecks who later gave it as a gift to the United States. It was during this period that the U.S. accidentally captured New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years.
Modern Mexicans are a strange race, a mix of mediterranean european, native Mexican tribes, random immigrants (people actually immigrate TO Mexico, SRSLY, and a drop of nigger. Hierarchically they fall somewhere between black folk and the wiggers in terms of cultural, social, political and technological sophistication. They are not skilled at very many things but in those things in which they are, include such vital activities as mowing your lawn, taking out your trash, cleaning your toilets and sweeping your streets. Hence their value to society must not be underestimated.
While there have been few examples of Mexican celebrities finding overseas success, prominent Mexican citizen Chupacabra enjoyed brief fame in 1991. And of course, there's always Ricardo Montalban. Other famed celebrity personalities include George Lopez, Che Guevara (actually "white" argentinian), Salma Hayek and The Most Interesting Man In The World. The main exports of Mexico include beer, firearms, drugs but mainly illegal immigrants.
Last Thursday, Mexico became the birth place of swine flu. This occurred when Mexicans unintentionally contracted the strain by partaking in their favorite weekly activity of pig fucking. And thus inadvertently further demonstrated how Mexico really is the shittiest filthy place in the world. 100 beaners died and lulz were had when the Mexican Government started closing fucking everything to prevent it from spreading, after which they infected over 9,000 eurofags, and a few Jews, and had it spread from Russia to Peru to Canada to Israel. Of course none of this would have happened if you had not gone to Mexico for Spring Break, dumbass.
Modern Mexico is
in a sad, lulz-less state. In the late 1990s, the ruling PRI government began distributing maps, first-aid kits, and fake IDs to select households to encourage the systematic immigration of the entire populace to the United States, an initiative dubbed "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí". In the interim, Mexico is used primarily as a storehouse for drugs, guns, and whores (especially whores). It is also where over 90% of Americans dump their shit, making Mexico the garbage dump of the world (just behind New Jersey).
Illegal immigrants that are apprehended by the man are invariably sent back to Mexico (or Meh-he-ko, as it is pronounced in their primitive tongue). While many favor this initiative, the resulting
labor slave shortage would force whitey to pay the Unions fair wages for all those jobs typically filled by the Mexican, or actually getting HIS hands dirty with work in the janitorial, landscaping or lunch-serving fields. As we all know that will never happen, U.S. officials currently have a "revolving door" border policy with Mexico, meaning that once deported, illegal immigrants are free to sneak back over when no one is looking (but not when noone is looking).
The major industries in Mexico have stepped up to deal with poverty in their land, though. Last year major drug cartels, bored with just running shit brick weed and trained professionals across the border, wanted to show they cared, so they decided to sponsor Mexican Idol, in which over 9,000 contestants have to chop off their competitor's heads and stick them in coolers leaving them by the side of the road to show how hardcore they are. The winnar who makes it to the end gets an 8ball of crack and a lifetime contract for making music with major government officials.
In the Wild
The wild Mexican is quite an inquisitive creature with an unmatched curiosity and mustache. If you are lucky enough to encounter one of these majestic beasts in the wild, there are certain precautions one must take to ensure their own personal safety.
- Cover up any exposed money or valuables as they WILL try to steal them
- Avoid looking directly into their mustache as it may cause temporary paralysis and a severe case of diarrhea
- Do not offer them any food, they have a very sensitive stomach that will only accept certain substances (see below)
If these precautions are met, watching these beautiful creatures in their wild habitat can be quite a rewarding hobby (see Borderguard)
When keeping Mexicans as a pet, one must consider if they can actually care for their newfound family member/moustachioed taco receptacle. Mexicans require daily care and attention, such as:
- Manual Labor
- Clean Bedding(yesterday's newspaper will do just fine, dont use anything of value as they will steal it)
- A large place to run about and dig with a high, barb-wired fence, at least 19 feet high. They will easily jump anything of lesser height and escape.
In the wild, Mexicans eat a wide variety of tortilla/bean/cheese/car part combinations and they often drink large quantities of bong water and gasoline (diesel only, btw). When keeping Mexicans, it is best to emulate their natural diet as closely as possible. Some recommended foods are:
- Motor oil
- Chain link fence
- and 'dee twenny eench speener reems' Translation: 20 inch spinner rims
This balanced diet, along with daily exercise (border jumping and ditch digging) will ensure that your sweaty little friend is around for many years of fun family entertainment.
"Mexican intelligence" is, in fact, an oxymoron, since the intellect of your average Crisco pumper falls somewhere between that of a dead goat and the lube of said dirty carcass used to insert into its butthole by his unwashed (and uncircumcised) schlong.
Scientists have speculated that the brain dead look on a Mexican's face (see picture) is due to a complete lack of the part of the human brain responsible for self-awareness and common sense. They all are also politically and socially behind.
Experimentation has revealed that the closest any other race can come to experiencing what the brain of a spic feels like is to be bludgeoned in the head with a lead pipe until delirious and on the fringe of going into a coma. This constant state of delirium is the reason why Mexico is a shit hole and nothing is or can be done right in cities where these members of the Mexican race are a majority.
—Wise words from The Donald
Mexicans speak a bastardised dialect of Spanish loaded with clucking and spattering. Due to their constant use of the sound 'oy' as in "oy con dios", there's big argument over, whether or not they were the ORGInal Jews, which could be easily be proven by the way they enter the USA.
It is said that learning English is important for every enterprising Mexican. Nothing could be further from the truth. As long as a Mexican's English is good enough to understand a few simple phrases, such as "mow lawn" and "leaf blower in garage" and "no money to pay you" and "go home or I call ICE", that is all the English they will ever need.
Mexican literature is one of the most prolific and influential of the Spanish language along with the literatures of Spain, Argentina and Cuba. It has internationally recognized authors such as Juan Rulfo, Octavio Paz, Carlos Fuentes, Amado Nervo and several others.
Perhaps the most famous and archetypal Mexican poem is the following one-verse work by Octavio Paz, describing the hardships endured by migrant laborers:
My name it is Pancho.
I work on the rancho.
I make-a fi pesos a day.
At night I see Lucy.
She gimme some poosey
And take my fi pesos away.
A Mexican illegal alien's wet dream
How to troll Mexicans
- Remind them that they're shorter, fuglier, and the overall laughing stock of Latin America.
- No, you can't have my aluminum cans
- Confuse them with Guatemalans
- Call them Spics
- Call them "Chicanos" (seriously, they get really angry).
- Throw tacos at their faces.
- Say that "El Santo" is gay and deserved to die (some Mexican pedo-wrestling).
- Tell them how good it is be legal in a country.
- Ask why their national soccer team is mostly made of Mexican citizens who are originally from Brazil.
- Call Go, Diego, Go! savage for owning a pet Jaguar.
- Refer to all Mexicans as spics.
- Remind them how Argentina kicked their ass during the 2010 World Cup.
- Remind them how until Spain won the World Cup.
- Tell them that their soccer team sucks for not getting a World Cup despite having two FIFA's in their shit country.
- Ask them for tips to cross illegally to other countries.
- Tell them to zerg rush another country.
- Say that El Zorro is a ripoff of masochistic supervillain Deathstroke.
- Blame them for the Swine Flu.
- Ask them why abortion isn't included in the Mexican lifestyle.
- Ask them why they dress like gangsta nigras (fucking cholos).
- Call Mayan noses unattractive.
- Tell them to go fold a taco.
- Tell them how great a hero Cortés was.
- Tell them Spanish dubs are better than theirs.
- (and consequently) Say that Spain can re-pwn them any day they want.
- Tell them that Cesar Chavez was against illegal immigration and any guest-worker program.
- Tell them that Che Guevara hated Mexicans.
- Insist that Olmecs were Blacks, Chinese, or Aliens.
- Insist that the few white people in Mexico are more Mexican than any wannabe-Mexican anchor beaners in the States.
- Ask why they are so obsessed with Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Praise Jacks Black's Mexican accent in Nacho Libre.
- Say that Adal Ramones is funnier than Brozo, Andres Bustamante or any other moderately good Mexican comedian. If you don't know who the hell Adal is, then do the same thing but instead mention George Lopez.
- Insist that Pancho Villa got owned by Americunts.
- Grow your own drugs and sue them for copyright.
- Tell them that China is (still) kicking their asses with the population stats (but not for long).
- Tell them Aztec sounds cooler than Mexica.
- Tell them Halloween is better than Day of the Dead.
- Tell them you support Donald Trump
- Cheer during the boat scene at the end of Apocalypto.
- Tell them to go back home and fix their dirt-poor third-world Nazi-communist hellhole country because there is no such thing as "Aztlan" and they'll only get arrested, deported, and/or killed for trespassing on American soil.
- Insult Snow Pea from Mucha Lucha.
- Inform them that 71 percent of Mexican women and 66 percent of Mexican men are overweight,
and that obesity in Mexico may exceed that of America by 2018. Wait a second, it already has! HOLY FUCK!
Avoiding being trolled by them
DO NOT fucking eat anything cooked by Mexicans, or you will regret it.
Beaner Creation Myth
Beaners (an honorific term for a Mexican, one that praises the healthy tint of his skin) believe that they are the children of Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec sky and creation god. The truth, however, is that they are the half-caste product of their parents fucking (and those Mexicans do a lot of fucking, amirite?).
Many of these so-called "light-skinned" or "mixed race indigenous Mexica Azteca" nurture socially unacceptable feelings regarding Spain's colonial past, believing that the Conquistadors destroyed their cultural heritage, but what they ultimately fail to realize is that they are the descendants of those sexually uninhibited ex-cons, not the people currently living on that faraway peninsula.
Mexicans are a Fertile People
Mexicans have a proven history of having kids - lots of them, and early. How early? Recently, one in Brazil gave birth at nine. (Link to Fox News, well known for its journalistic integrity.) The record, however, was set in 1939, when a five-year, seven-month-old girl gave birth, meaning she must've gotten bizzay when she was four. When entertaining a Mexican at home, it is always important to first inquire whether or not he or she intends to have sex with you or your children, as (much like the Japanese), fornication is simply a polite way of saying hello.
It is safe to assume that all Mexican women you meet are pregnant. For each child they shit out, the US government pays them an extra $250 in addition to their food coupons, which subsequently gets stolen by a lazy, welfare-leeching niggra.
People named Jesús
You may be surprised to find that in Mexico, there is Jesus. Not the Jew nailed to the 2x4, but "Jesús," a common male name. While the two names initially appear similar, note that the Mexican version places a mark above the "u" (the meaning of which continues to puzzle linguists), and that the pronunciation is similar to "HAY-zoos". Some believe this is actually a corruption of "Hey, Zeus" and that the name began as a plea to the thunderbolt-wielding serial rapist from Greek mythology. Others think "ú" is simply a typo.
Mexicans in America
There's no denying it: there's a whole bunch of corn-loving, crop circle-making aliens in the U.S. Srsly. Statistics indicate that Mexicans make up 22.3% of the population in the U.S.A., selling taco-flavored kisses to make their way in a country that seems to be turning increasingly browner...
A Day in the Life of a Typical Mexican-American
Mexicans are a crossbreed of inferior races, a.k.a. New World Monkeys. That's what happens when you BUTTFUCK Buffalo.
Mexicans in America 2: The Movie
Once in America, many Mexicans attempt to become more "American." This is variably accomplished by: buying Hollister clothes; celebrating Thanksgiving; listening to Metal, Rap, or Country music; always using the word "dude" going to Hot Topic; speaking comprehensible English; voting Republican; joining the military; and, most importantly, telling all the subsequent illegal Mexicans to "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí mojado." It is fact.
Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show
America's first choice of music is overwhelmingly (c)rap (thank you, niggers, wiggers and chiggers. Your mother would be proud). Mexicans often listen to rap to appear "bad ass" and even profess to love it. The problem of not actually understanding English, however, was something of a problem, until enterprising young Mex-Americans created Spanish (or Spanglish) rap. Unfortunately, this is even gayer than original rap. It is in fact so gay that the only thing gayer is French rap, which is humiliatingly gay.
As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being produced in factories across Mexico, the weather is usually hot and dry. However, the vast number of Taco Bells provide a cool shade, as well as a welcome darkness for half of Mexico's population to have sex and/or rape in privacy. The other half, of course, are the ones being raped.
The expensive (and motherfucking slow) tubes from Mexico are affordable only by the richest of ricos. They also have basement dwellers, but since the weather is hot as Hell (literally) and every top tier Mexican house has at least one abandoned room near the roof for domestic workers, Mexican "basement dwellers" move to the roof where they do the same crazy shit as their counterparts everywhere else.
How to Mexico
- Flee your gang-infested country because it is so dangerous.
- Do not assimilate into new country's culture and force them to adapt to your fat ass.
- Reproduce at the rate of cockroaches and burden social welfare system until it collapses.
- Purposefully mold your new community into a replica of the place that you fled!
- Eat beans and have more babies.
Recently, the Swedish vodka company "Absolut" ran a controversial magazine/billboard ad in which they displayed a map of the borders of the United States and Mexico in the early 1800s prior to Anglo-American conquest. On top of this map was the caption "In an Absolut World", with a bottle of vodka sitting in the corner. What this has to do with alcohol is beyond anyone's imagination, but it's not like commercials ever try to make sense, anyway. Like pussies, Absolut only ran the ad in Mexico, but enterprising Americans found out about it and immediately felt butthurt, demanding that the ad be pulled from circuit. Absolut, feeling both public pressure and troll's remorse, yanked the ad like the faggots they are. They did this mainly because they didn't want to lose their American market, which is much more important to them (silly Absolut - the Mexican's drink is Tequila.)
While the incident was soon forgotten, evidence of this long-ago, brutal skirmish remains on the Internets. On the one side of the Showdown of Stupidity were the fucktards who claimed the ad was disrespectful to Americans and that Absolut was run by a bunch of left-wing t'rrist supporters; on the other was the equally fucktarded opposition, composed mainly of hippies and beaners who like to yell about freedom of speech, stolen territory, and all that other shit that people just start to tune out after a while. Below are some links to Absolut-gate, replete with drama, lulz, and retardation.
Fact of the Day
Villain Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg, and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!", Khan (real name: Rodolfo Neri Vela ) is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut, who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and then tries to steal the Enterprise from Jew Captain Kirk after a three-century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene, Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act not repeated until Desperate Housewives. In actuality, there are no Mexicans on any of the Star Trek episodes because, as one could guess, Mexicans don't want to work in the future either.
Furthermore, there are no Mexican Olympic teams because any one of them whom are able to run, jump, or swim, are of course illegal immigrants in the United States.
Cinco de mayo
This is a holiday which was invented by the Alcohol industry as an excuse for Americans to get totally shitfaced while wearing a sombrero. It is loosely based on Mexican history when France, after realizing how pathetic Mexico is and that the water there is not safe for human consumption, called off its imperial pwning in favor of someplace more worthy of conquest. Actual Mexicans don't particularly give a shit about it, either.
A Mexican's Career Options
- Village idiot
- 4chan admin
- Aztec high priest
- Bassist for Metallica
- Burglar (males)
- Catholic priest
- Collector of aluminum, glass, & plastic for cash
- Day laborer
- Donkey show star
- Drug trafficker
- Farmer (beans, maize, rice, sugarcane, various fruit, wheat, and/or marijuana)
- Fruit vendor
- Garbage collector
- Gum salesman
- Graffiti "artist"
- Home Depot CEO
- Illegal immigrant
- Lazy assistant to white high school Spanish teacher
- Lion food.
- Low-budget cartoon character
- Man/woman who bitches about how great Mexico is and how horrible America is, even if living in America and only occasionally visiting Mexico. This job is taken seriously by the majority of Mexicans.
- Nigger's lackey
- Pancho villa's grave cleaner
- Parent of
eighty-three(swine flu) eighty-two children from one women
- Political campaigner for Pedro
- Professional job thief
- Roadside flower pusher
- Roadside windshield cleaner
- Soldier (dead)
- Tiger feeder
- Witch doctor (brujo)
- Whore (females and traps)
- Worker at Taco Bell
In the Coac-HELLA music fest, 100000 white kids show up and 99% of the town's population works for "Free". But the good side is Mexicans smoke weed and willing to give you a joint, "my friend".
Happy After Robbing a House
Sophisticated Mexican Dancing. Monday at two in the morning. Trust me you do NOT want this people as neighbors !
Typical Mexican Dancing Shoes. These are fucking retarded like every other fashion craze in the world.
- Political corruption
- WTF, the acronym you say when you first arrive in Mexico.
- Suicide, Mexicans' common practice in all areas.
- Reconquista Mexican idea that they can retake the South West United States.
- Troll, what their government is 100% made up of.
- Catholics, 10 babies per minute because they don't know hoe to put a fucking condom on.
- Albania, a country like Mexico only with white people instead of spics.
- Arizona, a place filled with old white people that "Mexicans" are trying to take over so they can rape all the old white women.
- California, notorious for its high Mexican population.
- Drug trafficking, what many Mexicans are engaged in as they go about their daily lives.
- El Blog del Narco, a pleasurable blog for eyes.
- Lazy, what many Mexicans are. No wonder they're so fat.
- Manuel Uribe
- Mexican AIDS
- Mini Daddy
- Pakis, the Britfag equivalent of Mexicans.
- Rape, Mexico's national sport.
- Roberto Madrazo's Berlin Marathon Cheat
- SaturnDOS - One of the most pathetic trolls in internet history.
- Spics, another word for dirty Mexicans.
- Adalia Rose
- Best video game ever.
- lol Mexicans
- Some Mexicans deserve to be shot.
- The First Lady welcomes Mexican Immigrants on the official Page of the White House.
- El Mariachi
- Once Upon a Time in Mexico
- You just fucked with the wrong Mexican
- Juan,Carlos,and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. Who wins? Society.
|Featured article August 22, 2006|
| Preceded by
|Mexico|| Succeeded by|
|Featured article December 16 & December 17, 2011|
| Preceded by
Dragon Ball Z
|Mexico|| Succeeded by|